INTRODUCTION
A group of expectant fathers were in a waiting room, while their wives were in the process of delivering babies. A nurse came in and announced to one man that his wife had just given birth to twins. "That’s quite a coincidence" he responded, "I play for the Minnesota Twins!" A few minutes later another nurse came in and announced to another man that he was the father of triplets. "That’s amazing," he exclaimed, "I work for the 3M company." At that point, a third man slipped off his chair and laid down on the floor. Somebody asked him if he was feeling ill. "No," he responded, "I happen to work for the 7-Up company
• Those of you who have children graduating may feel a special sense of pride and accomplishment. Your young ones have grown up; they are well on their way to adulthood. This is a time when we get to see if we prepared them for the world they must face. It is also a great time of change for you and your children, life, as you know it with them will be different.
• Why do we have children, what does it take to prepare them for this life and the life to come. I want us to also look at a man who the bible says was “a man after God’s own heart.” This was a highly successful man in many ways, but when it came to his children he really did not have a clue.
• As we pick up with our Focus on the Family series, today I want us to consider our children. Today we are going to Focus on Time.
• As we look at David in the latter part of the message, I want us to see one thing that David did not give to his children.
• God gave us his example in the scriptures as a warning of what can happen when we neglect to understand why we have children and what it takes to prepare them for life.
• Let’s talk about our children for a few minutes.
SERMON
I. VIEWS ABOUT CHILDREN?
• I know there were times when my parents asked that question, what about you? There are many reasons to have children and not all of them are necessarily good.
1. We are supposed to have children.
• This can lead to resentment because we may or may not really want what we have been blessed with, we will see them as a burden instead of a blessing. We feel the social pressure to have children.
• I have heard men complain wondering why they had so many children.
2. Children are an accident.
• This is the reason for so many abortions; people don’t want any consequences for their actions. They will say that unwanted children are better off dead. This is weak!
• When we have children before we plan to, it can still work out for good.
3. Show pieces.
• We want children because we want something to show everyone else what we have. This is one of the scariest reasons to have children. We the bad things that can result from this when a parent starts to push their kids to live out the life we wanted for ourselves. This happens in sports, music, and a variety of other areas.
• You hear of these parents who from day one raise them to be something they may or may not want to be.
• Many of the reasons for having children end up with them being a burden if they do not perform the way we want them to.
4. Children are a blessing from God to us.
PSALM 127:3-5 Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate. (Matter of survival)
When we receive a blessing, we handle it in a different way than if something is a burden, we will invest ourselves into that blessing. We will love the blessing.
If our children are a blessing from God, we will do what we need to raise them up in the Lord. We will instruct them in God’s word. Deuteronomy 6. We will want to keep them on the right path. PRO 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
We will be glad to provide for our children.
1TI 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Newsweek magazine for April 3, 1989, reported the response of baseball’s great Pete Rose to an article in Gentleman’s Quarterly in which two of his children said Rose was not a good father. "I’m a great father," Rose said. "I bought my daughter a new Mercedes-Benz last week." If that’s the measure of fatherhood, most of us have failed miserably. Maybe the worst thing a father could do would be to buy a luxury automobile for his offspring. Maybe the best thing a father could do would be to teach them how to work for the good things in life.
Sometimes we get stuck on the provision of material things. This is not what our children really want or need.
We will learn a lot about life and love from our children; we will learn how to sacrifice and how to love unconditionally.
5. If we see our children as a blessing from God, we will invest our TIME in them.
The big difference between a burden and a blessing is the issue of time.
If our children are a blessing, we will invest our time in raising them, if they are a burden, we will focus our time on ourselves.
II. IT TAKES TIME TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN.
1. A Michigan State University study revealed that "when four- and five-year-olds were offered the choice between giving up television or their fathers, a third opted to give up daddy." According to another study, "the average five-year-old spends [only] 25 minutes a week in close interaction with his father [but] 25 hours a week in close interaction with the TV set."5 Robert S. Welch, "Making Your Family #1..." Focus On The Family Magazine (January 1987): p.4.
2. The average child between 2 and 11 years of age watches over 27 hours of TV per week.
3. Percentage of teenagers who spend less than 30 minutes a week talking with their fathers about things that really matter to them: 66 -- Barna Research Group (2/94). "To Verify," Leadership . THIS COMES OUT TO ABOUT 4.5 MINUTES PER DAY. I HAVE HEARD THAT THE STATS ARE EVEN LOWER IN SOME STUDIES.
4. What are we saying to our children when we do say something to them? Family-life specialists Delmer W. Holbrook and his wife have been lecturing and conducting surveys across America. In a survey of hundreds of children, the Holbrooks came up with the three things fathers say most in responding to their kids. "I’m too tired" took first place. "We don’t have enough money" was second. "Keep quiet" was third. -- Cited in Christianity Today
5. According to a May 6, 2003 study from Barna Research, a study found that close to nine out of ten parents of children under age 13 (85%) believe they have the primary responsibility for teaching their children about religious beliefs and spiritual matters. Just 11% said their church is primarily responsible, and 1% said it is mostly the domain of their child’s school. Few parents assigned such responsibility to friends, society or the media. Nearly all parents of children under the age of 13 – 96% – contend that they have the primary responsibility for teaching their children values. Just 1% said their church has that task and 1% assigned that role to the child’s school. Related research, however, revealed that a majority of parents do not spend any time during a typical week discussing religious matters or studying religious materials with their children. However, about two out of three parents of children 12 or younger attend religious services at least once a month and generally take their children with them. Most of those parents are willing to let their church or religious center provide all of the direct religious teaching and related religious experiences that their children receive.
6. My major effort must be devoted to my children. If Caroline and John turn out badly, nothing I could do in the public eye would have any meaning. -- Jacqueline Kennedy shortly after she entered the White House in 1960. Leadership, Vol. 16, no. 1.
III. DAVID DID NOT HAVE TIME FOR HIS FAMILY.
1. READ 2 SAMUEL 13:1-20
David was never around to see that one of his sons loved one of his daughters.
In verse 13, she told him to ask the king for her hand; David most likely would not have denied his son anything.
Families can suffer from problems from within and or problems from the outside. Outside problems usually strengthen the family, but internal problems destroy the family.
David’s problems with his family spring from his affair with Bathsheba, and his having her husband put on the front lines to die. 2 Samuel 12:10. David had more to consider than himself when he committed adultery. Most people think that adultery doesn’t hurt others, well it does and in David’s case, it ruined his family.
57% of teenagers say they are emotionally "very close" to their mother; just 3% say they are "not at all close" to their mother
39% say they are emotionally "very close" to their father; 9% say they are "not at all close" Barna 1997
47% say their parents have the greatest influence on their spiritual development; 16% listed their church; 8% named peers; 4% said relatives
David was never there to influence his own children.
Teenagers are influenced by many people, but most consistently by their parents. When asked to evaluate the impact of fourteen different individuals, groups and other influences upon their lives, nothing came close to the influence of parents. Three-fourths of teenagers said their parents influence their lives "a lot". In a distant second place on the influence scale were friends: half said their friends have "a lot" of influence over them.
2. READ 2 SAMUEL 13:21-29.
For two years Absalom boiled with anger toward Amnon for what he did to his sister. Why did he wait, maybe to see if dad would do anything?
David never noticed any problems, but other people knew. This is why Jonadab knew that Absalom did not kill anyone except Amnon.
Later we find that Absalom is a constant thorn in David’s side until in Chapter 18, David’s army kills Absalom.
David did not know what to do with his children. In 2 Samuel 14:28 after the Absalom has Amnon killed, David brings him back to Jerusalem, but does not see him for two years (2 Samuel 14:28). David is VERY upset that Absalom was killed.
David just did not have time for the family. If he had spent some time with them, maybe he would not have committed adultery.
If David had spent time with his children teaching them about God, maybe they would not have failed so miserably.
Do you remember back in 1999 the Columbine tragedy? You still have to wonder how two kids could be making bombs and storing weapons in the house and threatening people on their web page without their parents having a clue to what was happening.
Those boys were hoping they would get caught, screaming out for attention, well they got it.
David’s children were doing the same thing in a way. They were crying out for attention.
CONCLUSION
• Your children need you; they do not need all your stuff at the expense of you! Make sure you are investing your time into your children, they need it!
• These young people that we recognized today are the product of time, time that their families invested into them, time that the school invested in them, and time that the church has invested in them.
• To the parents of the younger children, your kids will be a product of the time that you do or do not spend with them.
• Your children are a blessing from God, precious in His sight, treat them that way, give them your full attention; they are more than just furniture in your house.
