Have you ever been disappointed? Really disappointed? Maybe you watched as your dreams crashed and burnt, or perhaps someone you loved and trusted let you down. My cousin’s 17 year old daughter has been planning her audition for Canadian Idol since it was first announced. She has an incredible voice; she got in line Monday night and waited with our Daughter in the rain, and then didn’t make the first cut. Why we don’t know, all we know is that she didn’t get the yellow slip needed to move on to the next level. She was devastated.
I’m sure that at this point in history the people of Israel were feeling a little disappointed. They had come out of Egypt, crossed the Red Sea, followed the cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night, were fed with manna and quail, they watched as Moses made water come out of the rock and not they weren’t going to be allowed to enter the Promised Land.
Now you know and I know that it was their own fault. It was their murmuring and complaining that kept them from seeing what could have been theirs. But if there is no sympathy for the group as a whole think about how Joshua and Caleb must have been feeling at this point. Remember the story from Numbers 14:7-8 They said to the community of Israel, “The land we explored is a wonderful land! And if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey, and he will give it to us! These two guys were so excited about what the future held in store for them and the nation of Israel. They had seen the Promised Land, walked across it lush plains and tasted it’s fruit.
When Angela and I were first married, late in the last century, we owned a couple of kittens. And one day the male, Mick, discovered a balloon on the floor of our living room and he started playing with it. He would bat it and then chase it across the carpet, he was having a ball. Now I knew what was going to happen, but having a slight nasty streak decided to let things progress on their own. Well eventually Mick cornered the illusive beast and pounced with every one of those needle sharp kitten claws extended. And with a bang his prey disappeared. The bang set him back a bit but the look of disappointment on his face when his plaything disappeared was so sad.
Joshua and Caleb had had their balloon burst, they were disappointed as they watched their dreams feel apart. You’ve been there you know what I’m talking about. At some time or another in your life you have had dreams come crashing down. Perhaps it was a job or promotion that didn’t materialize like you thought it would, or a dream that you’ve never seen fulfilled. Maybe it was just a delay or maybe it was a complete stop.
I am convinced the more vivid the vision the greater the disappointment should the vision fail to materialize. Author Eric Hoffer said “Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy -- the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.” bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation if you’ve felt it you know how apt that description is. I’m sure that there were others in Israel who were disappointed as well but because they hadn’t been so passionate about the dream the disappointment wasn’t as crushing.
We’ve all had disappointments, in our education, our careers, our marriages and our spiritual lives. But how we deal with our disappointments will determine whether they destroy us or make us stronger.
1) Disappointments Are Only Delays. Who says that every setback has to be final? Even though Joshua and Caleb could not enter the promised land right away they did eventually get there. And it was just as beautiful as they had remembered it.
Even though you may not be able to enjoy the taste of victory today doesn’t mean you won’t tomorrow. You may have to reshuffle your plans, you may have to rearrange your priorities, but disappointments don’t have to be final. The anticipation can be as much fun as the arrival. That delay may give you the extra time you need for more planning.
2) Disappointments are Educational Many times we can actually learn from our setbacks. I never make a mistake that I don’t try and learn something from it. And I am convinced that we never learn nearly as much from our successes as we do from our failures. Now I know that it’s a lot more fun to learn from out success, but we don’t learn as much.
As many mistakes as each one of us makes, as many disappointments as we experience in our lives it would be one of the greatest wastes of resources in the world if we failed to learn from those mistakes and disappointments that come our way. Sometimes the delays that we experience provide time for reflection and self examination and in that it provides us with a learning opportunity.
In 1990 we uprooted our family and moved from the booming metropolis of Truro to Brisbane Australia with a population of 1.75 million people who all drove on the wrong side of the road. Now not being one to shun a challenge we immediately made plans to drive into the centre of the city, actually the plans had already been made for us but we were game to try. So armed with our trust refer-dex, which was simply a fancy name for a book of street maps we ventured into the valley, as downtown Brisbane was called. And it was there that I discovered the benefits of stop signs and red lights. Although they did slow me down they allowed me to sneak a look in the book and find out where we were. Because with traffic going in all directions I needed the opportunity to stop and get my bearings. Sometimes the disappointments in our lives are stop signs that allow us to get our bearings. And sometime they prevent us from continuing in the wrong direction.
It is only when you can’t learn or are unwilling to learn from life’s disappointments that they become failures. And when we stop we need to look at what we have experienced and ask the big question; Why? What caused this to happen? Can I correct it? If it can be corrected then do it. Maybe the reason you didn’t get that job you wanted was that you showed up in ratty clothes needing a haircut and mouthwash, you can learn from that experience and change things for a more favourable outcome. Or perhaps you wanted to play basketball in the NBA but you’re only 5’2’’ then you might want to look for a different calling, because some things you can’t change.
3) Disappointments Are Times of Adjustment Too many times life becomes boring and routine. We are in a rut and we all know what a rut is right? Right, a rut is simply a grave with both ends kicked out.
Day after day we do the same thing. Day in and day out we are content to simply continue doing the familiar. And it’s only when disappointments come that we look at these experiences and re-evaluate the way we’ve been doing things. Some of our greatest moments happen because we are forced out of our pattern of repetition by a disappointment.
A couple of years ago we had a series of events that resulted in down turn in our attendance and revenue at BCC, it was a disappointment for me. In order for us to continue the we decided that the best option was for me to look for an outside source of income. That was a disappointment for me; I didn’t really relish the thoughts of having two jobs. However due to those circumstances I was approached by an editor to do some writing and I have written for five different magazines over the past year and a half and I’m presently in negotiations with a publisher over a possible book deal. I was also offered a position as adjunct faculty at our Bible College in New Brunswick and now I teach a course a year discovering that not only do I enjoy teaching, but I’m not bad at it either. I’ve been looking for a place to quote Red Green and this looks like the spot. Red Green says “You are not good at something just because you enjoy it. Karaoke has proved that. To my way of thinking, you are not good at something because you enjoy it; rather you enjoy something because you are good at it.”
The disappointment that lead to those offers wasn’t fun I did not enjoy it one little bit, but the adjustments that we made as a result have been a real bonus for Denn.
At the time of a disappointment it’s always wise to examine the events surrounding the disappointment and see if you need to make adjustments. Many churches and pastors have chosen to accept disappointment as the norm, rather then changing traditional behaviour. Anytime we begin to fail in evangelism, in seeing people won to Jesus Christ, in attracting people to our church we need to stop and ask: Why? Tradition is good as long as tradition is effective. And it doesn’t have to be old to be tradition. BCC has only been around for eight years but we already have our own traditions.
It is an unfortunate that many people through the years have gone to hell because ineffective church programs have become sacred cows. And there are times we need to discover that sacred cows make the best hamburgers.
Every program, every custom, every tradition and every facility must be examined from time to time to make sure they are still doing the primary function and objective and that has been, and should remain to be glorifying God and bringing a lost and dying world to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.
And sometimes it takes a disappointment in a program before we make a change. And sometimes it takes a disappointment in your job for you to evaluate your position and your performance. And sometimes it takes a disappointment with your children to adjust your child rearing techniques.
We have to be able to recognize those disappointments and instead of whining, adjust.
4) Disappointments are Pace Setters. Often after a professional athlete has injured their self they return to their sport too soon only to discover that the injury still hurts. Although the pain is a disappointment it is essential to se the proper pace for the athlete’s development and complete healing.
At first they are disappointed because their fastball isn’t as fast as it used to be, their slap shot isn’t a fast as it used to be and their jump shot isn’t as high as it used to be. But it will essentially through time and care eventually heal to pre-injury capabilities.
But sometimes there is a physical healing but not a mental healing. When I was a teenager I owned a horse, a fact of which my daughter constantly reminds me of usually with words like “How come I can’t have a horse you used to?” To which I remind her that my horse was a free horse, at least that was the initial cost, as my father is fond of reminding me. The reason Extra Time was a free horse was because he was a standard bred race horse who had been hurt. In 1972 his best time was 2 08 for a mile but during a race he stumbled and fell and pulled his chest muscles. The vets claimed that he was completely healed but he never got his speed back.
Sometimes we get hurt emotionally or spiritually and we never get over the disappointment and we don’t ever grow any further.
In the growth cycle of a church, they usually grow, plateau, grow, plateau and so on. Plateaus will always be disappointing and sometimes if not corrected will become a downward trend. But the reason that churches plateau is that it’s pace setting. If a church grows too fast for too long they get out of balance and become top heavy with new Christians. But after a church takes the time to disciple and assimilate those people they are ready to grow again. What was a disappointment actually helps in their growth.
Moncton Wesleyan is a prime example, in 1969 they were averaging 65 in the morning worship, in 1979 they were averaging 960, in 1980 they were averaging 929, within 4 years they were averaging 687. Not the type of movement you are looking for. And yet last year they averaged over 1400.
Had the pastor, Laurel Buckingham quit when things got disappointing or had the church quit him they probably wouldn’t be where they are today.
5) Disappointments are Necessary I love good weather, weather like we had yesterday and today is perfect as far as I’m concerned. The year we moved to Australia we had 93 days without seeing a cloud. I thought I was in Paradise. The result of that beautiful weather? The grass got brown, the flowers died, the water supply got low, the farmers of Queensland weren’t nearly as impressed with the weather as I was. Nature cannot survive as we know it without rain.
In the 1970’s there was a song out the lyrics were “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden, along with the sunshine there has to be a little rain sometimes.” And such is life. For total complete full development we need to have different types of experiences come our way. There is no way we can exhibit the fruit of maturity in our life without the rain of disappointment. A land without rain is called a desert.
Some of life’s greatest virtues: faith, hope, patience and perseverance only come our way through disappointment. Only then will you discover that every problem has a solution. Only when you have met with disappointment and overcome it will you develop the ingredients in your character to seek a solution instead of being perplexed by the problem.
6) Disappointments are Normal Don’t take disappointments personally. Our normal reaction is “Why?” or “How could this happen to me?” I’m sure that when Jackie didn’t move on to the next level of competition in Canadian Idol that she wonder how it could have happened to her. Well it also happened to over 800 other people, Jackie Guptill wasn’t the only person to go away disappointed this week.
When things go wrong it doesn’t mean that God’s out to get you. That’s life, disappointments happened. But disappointments do not have a negative or a positive impact in themselves. Instead it is our reaction to those disappointments that make them either negative or positive.
2 people can have exactly the same disappointment and end up with two completely different outcomes. It is how we handle our disappointments that will determine our success. Some people are motivated by Disappointments, others are destroyed by their disappointments. How you act and react to life and it’s many disappointments usually indicates who you are and what you can become. Henry Ward Beecher stated “Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments.” You don’t have to guess how he dealt with disappointments.
I wonder if Mario Andretti the race car driver ever had to face disappointments? I wonder if he ever lost a race? Listen to what he said “Circumstances may cause interruptions and delays, but never lose sight of your goal. Prepare yourself in every way you can by increasing your knowledge and adding to your experience, so that you can make the most of opportunity when it occurs.”
How do you view disappointments? As stepping stones or as stumbling blocks? Do they strengthen your faith or weaken your faith? Do they draw you nearer to God or push you farther away from God? The choice is yours and yours alone.
I don’t know what disappointments you are facing today but I’d like to pray for you.
Hope you enjoyed the message. PowerPoint may available for the message contact me at denn@bccnet.ca
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