Character Counts! Family Matters
(Ephesians 6:1-4)
Theme: God created the family to reflect His character.
Purpose: What do I want to happen in the hearer when I preach this sermon?
A. Increased insight. After I preach this sermon, the hearer should be able to see that the American family is under intense attack and is crumbling all around us.
B. Increased knowledge. After I preach this sermon, the hearer should be able to state that:
1. The role of children is to be under the authority of their parents. This requires submission and obedience.
2. The role of parents is to nurture, admonish, and encourage a child to adulthood rather than provoking them to wrath by discouraging them.
C. Changed attitude. After I preach this sermon, I want the hearer to determine to recommit to nurturing a godly family.
Need to be
Surfaced: The breakdown of the family threatens to destroy us as a culture.
Solution to
be Offered: God?s solution is simple: children humbly submit and parents mentor into Christian discipleship so that each generation grows up into adults that are in favor with both God and with others.
Introduction. (Get attention, surface need, make a contract to deliver a solution.)
A. Little Johnny says that his dad is a bum!
1. Little Johnny is 8 years old and the only child of divorced parents.
2. He lives with his mom, whom he adores, and visits his dad (and his dad?s latest girlfriend) twice a month.
3. Johnny?s dad never could be satisfied to derive his status and significance from his role as husband and father.
4. He fell into the modern trap that began to develop in the late 19th century and became the norm in the 20th:
a) A man?s value and status is derived from the world outside the home.
b) His occupational standing and his economic power determine his worth as a person.
c) These things also determine his authority in the home and his worthiness as a father and as a husband.
5. What Johnny?s dad has experienced is a shift in our culture:
a) Being a parent used to carry with it an ascribed value ? you were respected and honored because of the role you filled.
b) Now parenthood, as with almost everything else in our culture, carries with it only an achieved value ? you are respected and honored only to the extent that you earn it.
6. What is so confusing about all of this is determining how and when a parent has done enough to earn the honor and respect of their family.
a) Little Johnny thinks his dad?s a bum because daddy never shows up at his birthday parties. (The extravagant gifts, although certainly enjoyed, ultimately do not make up for daddy?s absence).
b) Johnny?s mom is in a quandary because, although she does not like hearing Johnny call his father a bum, she really can?t begrudge the little guy?s judge of character.
B. The result?
1. Confusion within the family.
2. Confusion within the culture.
3. A crisis that threatens to destroy us as a people.
4. But, as always, God gives us the answer. It is simple and yet it is comprehensive.
C. Outline:
1. Children must obey and honor your parents.
2. Parents must not provoke but nurture your children.
I. Children ? Obey and Honor Your Parents, Ephesians 6:1-3.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honor thy father and mother (which is the first commandment with promise), 3 that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
A. Obey.
1. u`pakou,ete:
a) To listen, to hearken, to answer.
b) The duty of the porter to identify the person who has knocked on the door, Acts 12:13.
c) To be submissive to the command of or to the authority of another.
2. Children are under authority:
a) Therefore, you must be in submission.
b) This is the defining characteristic of childhood.
c) The pendulum is always swinging from one extreme to the other:
(1) Children are second-class citizens ? better seen and not heard.
(2) Children are the center of the universe.
d) Neither of these extremes are godly.
e) Children are extremely important but because of their inexperience in life God has placed them under the authority of their parents and expects them to live in submission to their parents ? to obey.
B. Honor.
1. ti,ma:
a) To estimate.
b) To fix the value.
c) To reverence.
d) To venerate.
2. To listen respectfully.
3. You don’t have to agree.
4. But, you must humbly listen so as to discern those things that are of value.
a) Some cultures still honor the aged.
b) Unfortunately, ours is not one of them.
c) My experience in Mexico:
(1) I could speak better Spanish but the person with whom I was speaking would always address Doug Holcomb when answering my question!
(2) The use of Usted to show respect.
(3) Addressing adults as Sir and Ma?am.
C. Some suggestions for Christians seeking to develop godly character ? how can you practice honoring your parents?
1. Learn to respect their role.
a) God has appointed them to be your teachers and guides.
He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, 6 so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. 7 Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. Psalm 78:5-7.
b) A parent?s honor is based upon his or her position as spokesperson for God within the family setting.
c) They are to be the initiators of faith within that family.
d) According to God, that role is to be respected, honored, and obeyed.
2. Learn to value their advice.
a) You may be smarter, faster, and think that you know it all.
b) But, you don?t know it all and you can always learn something from your parents if you?ll take the time, and exercise the self-discipline, to listen carefully.
3. Take care of their needs.
a) NIV Proverbs 19:26 He who robs his father and drives out his mother is a son who brings shame and disgrace.
b) NIV 1 Timothy 5:4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.
c) We?re not saying that social programs and special facilities have no place in our world.
d) What we are saying is this: when all is said and done God intends for children to look after the needs of their parents as they grow older.
4. Affirm their efforts.
a) Pop psychology teaches us that our character defects must be the result of the defects of our parents.
b) The Bible nowhere says that parents are perfect or that we should overlook the blatant sins of our parents; however, learning to forgive the humanness of our parents is required of people of character.
c) We must honor the job they tried to do ? or are trying to do ? rather than condemn them for the mistakes we perceive them to be making.
5. Forgive their failings.
a) Again, there is a huge difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.
b) See the sermon outline from last week for the process of forgiveness (Character Counts! Forgiveness Matters, Preached Sunday AM, May 4, 2003).
c) Some parents sin against their children in terrible ways and never repent.
d) This makes reconciliation impossible.
e) But, it does not make forgiveness impossible.
II. Parents ? Do Not Provoke but Nurture, Ephesians 6:4.
4 And, ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath: but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord.
A. Do Not Provoke to Wrath.
1. parorgi,zete
a) To exasperate.
b) To stir up to wrath.
c) To discourage.
2. Remove all obstacles that block growth.
a) Don’t insist on preferences - insist on principles.
b) Don’t expect him to listen when you’re shouting.
3. Expect responses that are age appropriate ? the stages of child development:
a) Years 0-5: Attitudes.
(1) About self: worth, value.
(2) Others: who loves me, who can I trust.
(3) God: prayer life, evangelistic.
(4) Things: responsible, sharing.
b) Years 5-10: Values.
(1) Integrity, honesty, etc.
(2) The children will adopt the attitude of the mother and the values of the father.
c) Years 10-15: Models (moving from academics to application).
(1) Children acquire heroes.
(2) Bring friends over that you want your children to pattern their life after.
d) Years 15-20: Testing.
(1) Allow them to have room to make mistakes.
(2) Develop responsibility.
(3) Most kids are not rebelling or being ungrateful - they are trying to become adults.
4. Don?t exasperate them by expecting a response that is not age appropriate.
B. Nurture.
1. evktre,fete
a) To nourish up to maturity.
b) To feed appropriately at each stage of their development.
2. In the chastening of the Lord.
a) paidei,a| - training the whole child.
b) This relates to the cultivation of mind and morals.
c) This employs commands, admonitions, reproof, and punishment.
d) It includes also the care and training of the body.
e) We must correct mistakes and curb passions.
(1) We are teaching them how to be disciples.
(2) As we ourselves are disciples.
3. In the admonition of the Lord.
a) nouqesi,a ? instruction, exhortation.
b) It also involves warning!
(1) There are consequences for choices.
(2) Sometimes we try and keep them from the choices rather than teaching them to make wise decisions in their lives.
(3) Friend who kept a 5th of whiskey and a box of cheap cigars on hand at all times.
4. The Goals of Parenting
And they understood not the saying which he spake unto them. 51 And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth; and he was subject unto them: and his mother kept all (these) sayings in her heart. 52 And Jesus advanced in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men, Luke 2:50-52.
a) The role of childhood: respect for authority.
b) Mental development: Wisdom.
(1) Dads must model learning to the child.
(2) Don?t criticize them as they attempt to put into practice the things they are learning.
c) Physical development: body.
d) Spiritual development: favor with God.
e) Social development: favor with others.
5. Bringing children to mature adulthood requires a double-image imprint.
a) Tenderness - (Mom) safety, endearment, nurturance, attachment, belonging.
b) Strength - (Dad) growth, risk, autonomy.
6. A child needs a father.
a) Who is actively present in the child?s life.
b) Who affirms the child.
c) Who models affection and regard for the mother.
d) Who honors his single imprint role: Sees value in his contribution.
7. A child needs a mother:
a) Who is near, attached and committed.
b) Who supports the growing identity of the child.
c) Who models dependence, pride and belief in the child?s father.
d) Who honors her single imprint role.
Conclusion.
A. Characteristics of a close-knit family.
1. Unconditional love - much expressed appreciation and affection.
2. Honor given to each unique member.
3. Time spent together.
4. Pray together.
B. Some Suggestions for Family Life Together.
1. Guard scheduled family times.
2. Discover each other’s most meaningful activity and do it together.
3. Weave God into all activities.
C. The glue that holds it together:
1. Laughter, memories, friends.
2. Parents guard the child from harmful influences ? help them choose friends and television programs wisely.
D. Let?s commit to doing family God?s way!
1. Children humbly submit to the authority of your parents.
2. Parents humbly lead your children into the presence and character of God!
