Character Counts! Forgiveness Matters
(1 John 3:16-18)
Theme: God?s character requires Him to forgive. Those seeking godly character must learn to forgive.
Purpose: What do I want to happen in the hearer when I preach this sermon?
A. Increased insight. After I preach this sermon, the hearer should be able to discern that forgiveness must be unconditional. We submit to the forgiveness process not for what it does for the offending party but for what it does for our own character.
B. Increased knowledge. After I preach this sermon, the hearer should be able to state that:
1. Forgiveness is a process?it takes times and involves a growth process.
2. The first step is to acknowledge that we have been hurt.
3. Pretending not to need others, or pretending that what others say and do to us does not hurt us is NOT forgiveness.
4. The process of forgiveness involves evaluating the hurt?did it really happen? Did it really happen the way I perceived it?
5. Perhaps the most difficult question, but the most productive to the process, is whether the anger caused is the result of a fresh wound or because the person has brushed up against an old, unhealed wound.
C. Changed attitude. After I preach this sermon, I want the hearer to determine to submit to the process of forgiveness for the sake of his or her own mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
Need to be
Surfaced: We all carry around the weight of unforgiven, unhealed wounds. These are embedded within us ready to erupt at the lightest touch. Unsuspecting brothers and sisters can set us off with little more than a normal, human foible. Such an unhealthy environment makes loving, redemptive, Christian relationships impossible.
Solution to
be Offered: God commands us to submit to the process of healing forgiveness. We must submit to it regardless of whether or not the offending person is ever reconciled to us, to the church, or to God. We submit because in so doing we are healed and we become a little more like the God we serve.
Introduction. (Get attention, surface need, make a contract to deliver a solution.)
A. Sally was bitten by a dog.
1. She went to the doctor and took the dog with her.
2. The doctor examined her and the dog.
3. ?Bad news Sally. The dog has rabies.?
4. Sally took out a piece of paper and began writing on it.
5. ?Oh no, Sally, we can treat rabies. You don?t have to make out your last will and testament.?
6. ?I?m not,? Sally replied. ?I?m making a list of all the people I?m going to bite!?
B. The burden of unresolved conflict.
1. Pain.
2. Hurt.
3. Anger.
a) Lead to deep-seated wounds.
b) Many times these remain unresolved (unhealed) for an entire lifetime.
c) These turn into bitterness, broken relationships, hatred, perhaps even murder.
C. Character Counts! - People of character must not harbor resentment, bitterness, or hatred against others.
1. People of character must submit to the process that leads to true forgiveness.
2. People of character must always allow God to be God.
I. We Must Enter the Process that Leads to True Forgiveness.
A. What true forgiveness is NOT.
1. Pretending that nothing happened.
2. Ignoring the fact that we?ve been hurt and hurt badly.
3. Learning to ?be civil? in pubic settings even though we really can?t stand to be around that certain person.
B. True forgiveness begins with honest acknowledgement.
1. ?I have been hurt.?
2. It takes humility to admit that. Why? Because we must acknowledge our own vulnerability.
a) We DO need people.
b) We DO want to be liked and accepted by others.
c) That is part of being human.
d) We cannot live our lives as islands after all!
C. The true test of character is how we handle the anger.
1. Anger is always reactive.
2. We must learn to listen to it and acknowledge it.
3. But we must never let it dictate our actions or our attitudes.
4. We must redirect it.
5. But first we must gain control over it and that takes divine intervention.
?To err is human, to forgive, divine.? Alexander Pope.
6. We must verify the hurt.
7. We must deal with the human reality that 75% of what we perceive to be direct, personal attacks on us are imaginary.
8. 75% of the baggage you are carrying around with you as unhealed wounds from past ?hurts? is based upon your own misperception of reality!
9. We must ask ourselves the hard questions:
a) Did it happen at all?
b) Did it happen the way I perceived it?
D. We must evaluate the hurt.
1. For that 25% that is based upon reality, we must ask ourselves, ?How significant is it anyway??
2. Is the hurt so important that it is worth sacrificing this relationship over?
3. Is the hurt so important that it is worth sacrificing my own well being over?
4. Here is the tough one:
a) Is the hurt I feel based on this real, fresh wound?
b) Or did this person merely brush up against an old, unhealed wound?
(1) We owe it to ourselves to make sure that we heal from the bumps and the bruises life sends our way.
(2) We owe it to others (the church) to make sure that we heal from the bumps and the bruises life sends our way.
(3) We owe it to God.
E. We must place the event in its proper context.
1. Human foibles are a part of life?you have them, I have them, we all have them.
2. Is it possible for us to try and understand why someone said what they said or did what they did?
3. Walk a mile or two in someone else?s shoes.
4. Seek to understand rather than to be understood.
5. Sometimes what appears on the outside to be abject arrogance turns out to be deep-seated insecurity. (We can all empathize with insecurity can?t we?)
6. Until you understand why a person hurt you (and the why may be nothing more than, ?He or she is HUMAN?) you will never be able to move toward forgiveness.
II. We Must Allow God to be God.
A. Human beings cannot be objective when emotionally invested.
1. Anger is perhaps the most powerful human emotion.
2. Bumper sticker, ?Go ahead and hit me. My daughter is a lawyer!?
3. In other words, ?Hit me and I?ll hit you right back only twice as hard!?
4. Many times the old adage is true, ?We don?t get mad we simply get even.?
B. We must resign the role of judge and jury.
1. We must quit being the prosecuting attorney.
2. Try being the defense attorney for a change.
a) Jesus did! ?Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.? Luke 23:34.
b) Stephen did! ?Lord, do not hold this sin against them.? Acts 7:60.
3. We must force ourselves to relinquish the powerful emotions that accompany our wounds.
4. We must force ourselves to quit nurturing the anger, resentment, and hatred toward those who have wronged us.
5. We must turn the whole process over to God.
NIV Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
6. People of character allow God to be God.
7. People of character petition God for a renovated heart so that His character can blossom and thrive within.
C. We must confirm that healing is taking place within us.
1. God is at work on us and in us (and in spite of us).
2. Many times Satan wants you to believe that you have forgiven the person when you have not!
a) There is nothing more fruitful to Satan and his demons than a group of deeply wounded people in abject denial!
b) Pretending nothing has happened.
c) Denying that there is real hurt right below the surface.
d) Being quite civil in public.
e) Yet reeling with anger, resentment, bitterness, and hatred within.
f) This is the root of so much interpersonal sin within the family of God.
g) Jesus made it clear that this is the basis of murder:
?You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ?Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.? 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ?Raca,? is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ?You fool!? will be in danger of the fire of hell.? NIV Matthew 5:21-22.
3. Confirm that healing is taking place (even though it is a slow process sometimes):
a) Can you see anything good in the person?
b) Can you genuinely return good things to the person?
c) Can you feel a momentum toward reconciliation?
D. We must offer reconciliation.
1. If we are to be people of godly character we must submit to the process of forgiveness and healing?regardless of what the offending party does or does not do!
a) We must humble ourselves.
b) We must admit that we need people?that we need to be accepted and liked by people.
c) We must admit that we are human after all!
d) We must verify that the hurt we are perceiving is real and not the figment of our overactive imagination.
e) We must try and put the hurt in its context?human foibles are a part of our fallen condition.
f) We must resign our self-appointed role of prosecutor, judge and jury?we must allow God to be God.
g) We must confirm that true healing is taking place within us?we are moving toward wholeness.
2. But folks, when it comes to reconciliation, we only have control over one half of the equation!
a) Someone says, ?But the Bible says that I only have to forgive someone if they repent.?
b) Oh, I see. So you can carry around hatred, resentment, bitterness, and animosity toward others as long as they are unrepentant?
c) Such a conclusion is as preposterous as it is unbiblical.
d) There is a huge difference between forgiveness and reconciliation:
(1) Forgiveness happens unilaterally within people of character. (We must enter into the process of healing for the sake of our own heart and character).
(2) Just as it happens unilaterally within God.
(3) Reconciliation, on the other hand, is conditional:
(a) God cannot reconcile Himself with unrepentant sinners.
(b) And He does not expect His children to do so either.
(c) However, God does not hold grudges against anyone?His character does not allow for hatred, resentment, or bitterness.
(d) His perfection does not allow these things to reside within His children either.
(e) And so He requires that we forgive, heal, and then offer reconciliation to the offending party.
(f) If that person refuses to repent and accept reconciliation then it is out of our hands.
(g) But we are right with God?our hearts are clean, our character intact.
NIV Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
NIV 1 John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
Conclusion.
A. Many of us find ourselves feeling as Sally felt:
1. I?m not filling out my will?I?m making my list.
2. Well, those lists become heavy burdens my friends.
3. Wounds become imbedded deep within us.
4. We become extremely unhealthy.
5. Joyous, redemptive, forgiving Christian relationships can become impossible.
6. We can become walking volcanoes?erupting on unsuspecting brothers and sisters whose crime is nothing more than sharing in the foibles that plague the human species.
B. People of Character submit to the divine process of forgiveness:
1. Acknowledge, evaluate, contextualize the hurts of everyday living.
2. For those that are based upon reality, submit to God for renovation.
3. Let go of the emotion, the anger, the bitterness?turn it all over to God.
4. Resign today?right here and right now?from the role of judge and jury.
C. People of Character?people of God?stand ready, willing and open to reconciliation at all times.
1. Whether the offending party repents and is reconciled to us, to the church, or to God is beyond our control.
a) In other words, reconciliation is conditional.
b) But, it is based upon God?s conditions?not ours!
2. Forgiveness is unconditional:
a) We value our own mental, spiritual, and emotional health.
b) We obey our Master who commands us and shows us how to forgive.
c) In short, we learn to forgive (submit to the process of forgiveness) because we are people seeking to be like God!
