Every so often, somebody calls to ask if we will marry them. We always say, “We’ll be glad to talk with you about it.” In some cases they are just thinking about marriage. In other cases they have already purchased their marriage license and have the date set. So, we get together to talk. And we ask them how they met and what makes them think they want to get married and why they want us to marry them instead of the justice of peace.
Then we explain our expectations. One of those expectations is that they commit to several sessions of pre-marital counseling. But another condition we have begun to make in recent years is that they attend several worship services before we agree to marry them. We do this for several reasons.
• First, if they are going to get married at our church, we think they should know something about the people who attend here and what goes on here.
• Second, we use this as a secret test. We want to see if they can keep a promise. If they say, “Oh, sure, no problem. We’ll be there,” and then don’t show up, we wonder what that means for promises they make to each other.
• But, third, and most important, we believe that marriage is meant to have a spiritual foundation. For a marriage to succeed, God must be at the center and this is one opportunity to help them get their marriage off to a good start. We set these conditions without apology. God must come first in the home.
I can think of two cases recently in which the couples agreed to the conditions but have not met them. In one case, they had the wedding date set several months in advance, but we finally had to tell them that we need to put the plans on hold.
Unfortunately, many couples want to get married in a church for a blessing from God, as though it comes automatically. But Deuteronomy tells us that God’s blessing on families comes as a result of obedience. That’s what we want to make clear to young couples and to all of us again during this series of messages. God ordained marriage and families and he also provides the guidelines for family living. As pastors, we have an obligation to make clear what His word teaches. We have a deep concern about helping families become God-honoring, wholesome, supportive units.
Psalm 127 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” Anyone who wants to establish a home through marriage needs to remember that family life begins with God.
For the past several years here at Elm Street, we have focused on family issues during the month of May and we do that in two ways. First, instead of our regular Sunday school classes, we bring adults and kids together for that hour, kind of like a big family that has young and old people in it, so we can talk together. Then during the worship service we try to understand what God’s Word might have to say to families today. So, we are glad that you are here this morning. If you have other members of your family who aren’t here, why not invite them to participate with us for this series?
As announced, we are going to be looking at the book of Deuteronomy this month, book number five on our journey through the Bible. Depending what you know about Deuteronomy, you may wonder if we have lost our marbles. But the more we studied Deuteronomy, the more we realized that there is a lot in this book that can guide Christian families in their life together.
Several things in Deuteronomy help us understand the importance of God first in the home.
1. Family. In Deuteronomy, I find it amazing how often family is mentioned: parents, children, grandchildren, ancestors. Notice in 1:31 how the writer describes what God did for his people. It says “You saw how the Lord God carried you, just as one carries a child.” And how will the next generation find out about the things God has done? Chapter 4 says you should “Make them known to your children and your grandchildren.” The home is the place where children should find out who God is and what he does. The home is God’s incubator for the Gospel.
2. Covenant. A covenant is a promise between two parties. Marriage is a covenant. It is a close relationship tied up with the promise that each person makes to be faithful to the other. We get the idea of that close relationship from God. Deuteronomy retells the story of God’s promise to his people and the people’s promise to God. Covenant is at the heart of family life.
3. God first. But at the heart of the home is the recognition that God comes first. Deuteronomy is made up of three long sermons and at the end of the first one, Moses makes very clear that God must come first. If you expect life to go well, then do what he says. Make sure God comes first.
So, what is it like to live with God first in the home? I’d like to answer that question in two ways. I’ve decided to invite you into some experiences from my own childhood and at the same time display some of the phrases and instructions from Deuteronomy 4 on the screen. If you get tired of hearing what I say, you can watch the screen. If you get tired of watching the screen, you can listen to me.
I grew up in Iowa. That may be why I tell so many corny jokes. If you had visited our house, you would have seen that we had lots of fun. My dad helped us make kites. He played ball with us. In fact, he helped us mount flood lights on the roof of a shed so we could play softball after dark. He was good at telling stories and he liked to play jokes on people. And we liked to play jokes, too. When my brother and I were old enough to figure out how to use an electric timer, we fixed up a record player up on the shelf of my parents’ bedroom closet so that it would start up at midnight. My mother still talks about hearing the song “Here comes Santa Claus” in the middle of the night.
But if you had visited our house, you would also have seen that my parents were serious about letting God be first in their home. When my parents decided to get married, they thought they would be going to India as missionaries. They lived with the conviction that God wanted them to serve Him in some special way. They knew some people who had become missionaries. They had spoken with the people at the mission board about that possibility. But just before they married, my mother needed an appendectomy and her recovery took time. And they also learned that they did not have the necessary education. Neither one had gone beyond 8th grade. So they prayed about other ways God could use them. And they settled down on a farm.
And they found ways to put God first in their home. Sometimes they gave the price of a cow or a pig for mission work, when they didn’t have cash. They often invited missionaries into our home. My dad sometimes went with a team of people to cities to help share the Gospel. For example, I recall that he told stories of alcoholics and homeless people he met in Chicago on Skid Row as he talked with them.
Money was not plentiful in our home, but we never went hungry and we always had enough clothes. And I recall that my parents always set their tithe aside. I knew that the money in the jar in the cupboard was God’s money. On the farm my dad always rotated the crops so he could be a good steward of the land. He farmed the fields so they would not erode. We learned that God wants us to take care of his creation, not to waste it or misuse it. It was another way to put God first in the home.
If you had visited our home you would have noticed some things about our schedule. I had to get up early to help take care of the animals. We all had jobs to do. I fed the chickens and when I got older I helped milk the cows. Then we came in for breakfast and after breakfast, my dad got out the Bible and read a passage from it. Then we all pushed back our chairs and got down on our knees to pray. We had family devotions every day.
We usually ended the day in the dining room. Sometimes my dad told a Bible story, sometimes we sang around the piano, but we always got down on our knees to pray before going to bed. And before my parents went to bed, they knelt down beside their bed to pray. I know because I saw them.
My family attended a large Mennonite church 2 or 3 miles from where we lived. My wife’s family attended there, too. That is where we went to Sunday school and Vacation Bible School. That is where we were baptized. That is where we went to prayer meeting on Wed. evenings. And that is where we began teaching Sunday school and VBS. Several years ago that building was replaced with a new one. You may have noticed on the west side of our house a stained glass window that lights up at night. The glass in that window came from that church and it reminds us about putting God first.
For awhile, my dad taught the teenage boys’ Sunday school class. There is one thing I remember about that. Many of those young men said they wanted to be conscientious objectors, but our local draft board was very strict. They wanted to know that these young men who said they followed Jesus acted like Jesus in the way they lived. I still remember big, black cars coming to our house and their drivers talking with my dad. The cars belonged to the FBI and those officers came to find out from my dad if these teenagers were living up to what they said.
The big project my parents threw themselves into was to help re-open small, country churches that had been abandoned. And I remember going with them in the car 10 miles north to hold services at one church. Later, we traveled 15 miles south to another one. I remember going there on cold, snowy Sundays in a wool suit that itched and helping to light the potbellied stove there. And still later, they found a small, abandoned church building in a town 20 miles away where they began a VBS, then Sunday school, and eventually a church. On this project my wife’s parents also helped and, eventually, this became a new congregation and my dad was ordained as pastor at 40 years of age. And he served as pastor until he retired.
My parents met lots of people as they put their energy into this church and they often invited them to our home, even though it was 20 miles away. There is one incident that I have never forgotten. They had invited an older woman to our house. She was poor. She had no car, but she had decided to follow Jesus. And my dad met with her in the living room to study the Bible. I remember looking into that room while my dad was helping her understand the Bible and my dad’s face was glowing as though a bright light was shining on it. I knew it was the presence of God.
My parents sensed that God was leading them to sell their farm to move closer to the church. It was a hard decision. It would mean a financial loss for them, so they struggled with it. During this time, my younger brother started having convulsions occasionally. My parents prayed about that often. Finally, my dad prayed that God would provide a sign and during that time one his cows had a seizure and had to be destroyed. My brother never had another seizure. And they knew God wanted them to move.
There was no doubt in my mind that my parents put God first. With such godly parents, did I do everything right? I’m afraid not.
When I was quite small, I remember that we visited one of our neighbors about a mile away. In their toy box I found the neatest little brass hook. I stuck it in my pocket. My parents noticed it when I got home and I had to trudge across the fields to return it.
Then there was the time when I rode my new bicycle instead of doing my chores. As punishment, my dad took a rope and hung it up in a shed for a week. I learned my lesson.
Last week, I spoke with a neighbor lady close by the church here. Someone had used five or six dozen eggs to egg her car while she had it parked on the church lot. She was out here cleaning it up. I went to talk with her. She is a Christian and in the course of our conversation she said, “My teenagers probably hate me for limiting their activities. I keep a tight reign on them and want to know where they are.” She has recognized how important it is to have God first in the home.
CONCLUSION
Putting God first in your home requires attention to the way you live.
It may require adjusting your schedule. How will you have time for God if you don’t make God a priority?
Putting God first in your home may mean doing things to obey God you never thought you would be able to do. But He will give you strength.
Putting God first may require making hard decisions, but you will never regret following through.
“Know this well, then. God is in heaven above. God is on earth below
He is the only God there is. Obediently live by his rules and commands so that you’ll live well and your children after you.” (From The Message)
May God help us to always let Him be first in our homes.
