Title: Making the Most of Our Relationships 4 “The Safest Place On Earth”
Text: Matthew 18:1-21
The church is a wonderfully weird place because people are a part of it!
HERE ARE THE TOP 10 THINGS YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH
10.Hey! It’s MY turn to sit in the front pew!
9. Sign me up for nursery duty for a whole quarter!
8. Preacher, I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went overtime 25 minutes.
7. Personally, I find visitation night much more enjoyable than golf.
6.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the teenage Sunday School class.
4. I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!
3. Could you please preach more about money!
2. Preacher, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
. . . And the number one thing you’ll probably never hear in church and certainly not with us:
1. Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.
Introduction: We are in a series of lessons entitled “Making the Most of Our Relationships” This is lesson 3 entitled “The Safest Place on Earth.”
‒ We are the church of our Lord!
‒ We are His family!
‒ Sons and daughters of God!
‒ Brothers and sisters in Christ!
‒ We are a diverse people with many opinions and backgrounds.
‒ An with all this being true, we can take to heart a truth that is very clear.
‒ It is not a matter of “if” conflicts are going to occur but “when” are they going to occur.
Conflicts are a part of our every day life.
‒ There are sports conflicts like the one tonight. The Super Bowl
‒ There are conflicts in the work world.
‒ Strikes, grievances,
‒ Kids are bombarded with conflicts at school.
‒ Dating
‒ Friendships
‒ Family
Conflicts are also a part of church life. Where there are people there will be conflicts.
‒ The Church, however, ought to be the safest place in the world to have a conflict.
‒ Larry Crab said in his book, The Safest Place on Earth, “The difference between the spiritual and unspiritual community is not whether conflict exists, but is rather in our attitude toward it and our approach to handling it. When conflict is seen as an opportunity to draw more fully on spiritual resources, we have the makings of spiritual community.”
‒ How true that is. We ought to see conflict as a time of spiritual growth and maturity. If we do not, there is a problem somewhere.
‒ As we grow let us use the wisdom of God that comes from His word to learn how to deal with one another in a loving, Christian way!
**Conflicts will do one of two things, depending on how we handle it.
‒ Draw us closer to one another and to God.
‒ Push away from one another and to God.
‒ One thing we must understand is that we cannot have God without each other.
‒ (1 John 4:20-21 NCV) "If people say, "I love God," but hate their brothers or sisters, they are liars. Those who do not love their brothers and sisters, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have never seen. {21} And God gave us this command: Those who love God must also love their brothers and sisters."
Let’s look at Matthew 18 to discover how we are to handle one another in conflict in a way that will draw us closer together.
TRANSITION: First, if conflict becomes an occasion for us to draw more deeply on spiritual resources, then…
1. We Must Have The Right Attitude (Matthew 18:1-5 NCV) "At that time the followers came to Jesus and asked, "Who is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" {2} Jesus called a little child to him and stood the child before his followers. {3} Then he said, "I tell you the truth, you must change and become like little children. Otherwise, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. {4} The greatest person in the kingdom of heaven is the one who makes himself humble like this child. {5} "Whoever accepts a child in my name accepts me."
A. The Right Attitude is HUMILITY
1. In the Christian walk there are some things that we all have in common. One of those is that not one of us can stand and say we are better than the other when it comes to the “sin department.”
1. “Admitting brokenness is the key. Because each of us is an imperfect, sinful human being, at times we do act in an unloving fashion. So, when approached in conflict, or doing the approaching, humility is the prevailing attitude.” (Matthew Rogers)
2. In Humility there ought to be some ground rules for dealing with one another. Marshall Shelly suggests what he calls “The Three P’s.”
1. Permission: It is OK to disagree.
2. Potency: Each is allowed to state their position with clarity and strength
3. Protection: No one gets intentionally hurt by someone else –– no one is allowed to inflict needless hurt. (Ephesians 4:2-3 NCV) "Always be humble, gentle, and patient, accepting each other in love. {3} You are joined together with peace through the Spirit, so make every effort to continue together in this way."
TRANSITION: Second, to grow through conflict…
2. We Must Abide By The Recommended Approach (Matthew 18:15-17 NCV) ""If your fellow believer sins against you, go and tell him in private what he did wrong. If he listens to you, you have helped that person to be your brother or sister again. {16} But if he refuses to listen, go to him again and take one or two other people with you. ’Every case may be proved by two or three witnesses.’ {17} If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, then treat him like a person who does not believe in God or like a tax collector."
A. STEP 1: Go to that person!
1. The purpose is TO WIN A BROTHER BACK. (SAY IT WITH ME)
2. Here are six ways to best achieve the goal of winning a brother back.
1. Go Quickly: (Matthew 5:23-24 NCV) ""So when you offer your gift to God at the altar, and you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, {24} leave your gift there at the altar. Go and make peace with that person, and then come and offer your gift."
1. Jesus indicates that our relationship with him is greatly determined by our relationship with one another.
2. Go Face To Face:
1. There is much communication lost when we try and handle things over the phone and especially over the internet.
3. Affirm The Relationship:
1. Never forget the relationship you have with one another is in Jesus.
2. Say things like “Remember that we are brothers.”
4. Make Observations, Not Accusations:
1. There is a big difference in the next two statements
1. “Now, Fred, I’ve asked for that report three times and each time you promised that you would give it to me the ‘‘next day.’ As I understand the situation, this is a broken promise and a lack of commitment to the work we need to get done. I feel like you don’t respect me or my request, and we need to resolve this right away.”
2. “Fred, you’re a liar! Three times you told me you would do this and you haven’t. You liar!”
5. Get The Facts:
1. Make sure that you are talking about the same thing as the other person.
6. Promote Resolution:
1. The point is not to fight, win or prove someone wrong. The point is reconciliation –– restoring relationships that are valuable to us and important to God.
1. Decide what steps need to be taken to restore trust and recreate some sense of harmony.
B. STEP 2: Take witnesses
1. The purpose is the same. TO WIN A BROTHER BACK. (SAY IT WITH ME)
2. This is not a “gang tackle” kind of thing. It is the second resort to handling it one on one.
3. The temptation is usually to involve others from the beginning instead of first meeting privately.
1. When people try and involve others in a conflict before handling things privately, we need to do the Barney Fife thing here and nip it in the bud!
1. The conversation ought go something like this: “You know what Eugene did to me? That crazy man has a real problem. You need to talk to him.”
2. And the response we ought to give is, “That sounds like a difficult situation. But really, you need to talk to him. If he refuses to discuss it with you, then let’s consider the both of us getting together with him to talk it through.”
2. This kind of thing is tough but if we are committed to handle conflict in the right way we’ll only grow when each of us makes a firm commitment to rely on the Holy Spirit for courage to handle our conflicts one on one rather than complaining to someone else.
C. STEP 3: Take it before the church.
1. Again, the purpose is the same. TO WIN A BROTHER BACK. (SAY IT WITH ME)
2. When a person is in blatant rebellion before God and the church, this is the almost the last resort to win him back.
3. It is not the last resort, however.
D. STEP 4: Consider him an outsider. An unbeliever.
1. Finally, we can get rid of this trouble maker!! RIGHT? WRONG.
2. The purpose is still the same. TO WIN A BROTHER BACK.
3. How do we treat unbelievers? We start at square one!
1. Love.
2. With the gospel.
3. Teach in order to bring to Jesus.
3. Questions to ask ourselves if someone refuses to be reconciled to us:
A. Does my heart long for reconciliation?
B. Have I honestly done all I can?
C. Do I still act lovingly toward the person?
D. Do I mourn for the harm the person is doing to toward their soul, to me and to others?
1. If so we are displaying the kind of heart that has no desire to live at odds with someone.
Conclusion: God hates it when we quarrel and fight with one another. Satan loves it so much.
God wants to be a part of the solution so much that He wrote at the end of this text in (Matthew 18:19-20 NCV) ""Also, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about something and pray for it, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. {20} This is true because if two or three people come together in my name, I am there with them.""
‒ God’s goal is always to be brought back together.
‒ He blesses unity of the believers.
‒ In the 1980’s a retired couple was alarmed by the threat of nuclear war so they undertook a serious study of all the inhabited places on the globe. Their goal was to determine where in the world would be the least likely place affected by a nuclear war -- a place of ultimate peace and security. They studied and traveled, traveled and studied. Finally they found the place. And on Christmas they sent their preacher a card from their new home -- in the Falkland Islands. However, their "paradise" was soon turned into a war zone by Great Britain and Argentina in the conflict now recorded in history books as the Falkland War.
‒ As we grow, we will encounter conflict.
‒ Let us strive to love one another more each day and handle the problem as God wanted us to.
‒ Let’s make this place The Safest Place in the World!
