Wisdom for the Family
British anthropologist John Unwin conducted an in-depth study of eighty civilizations that have come and gone over the last 4,000 years and has discovered that a common thread ran through all of them. In each instance, they started with strong moral values and a heavy emphasis on the family. Over a period of time, these values declined and the family began to fracture. As the home hemorrhaged, all 80 nations imploded and eventually collapsed (As quoted by Zig Zieglar, “Sermon Illustrations”).
The need for wisdom that works and sanctified speech that builds up is perhaps nowhere more needed than in the family today. The Bible teaches that God established just three human institutions: the family (Genesis 2:18-25), human government (Romans 13:1), and the local church (Acts 2). According to Warren Wiersbe, of the three, the most important is the home: “As goes the home, so go the church and the nation.” (Wiersbe, “Be Skillful,” page 98).
As we continue in our series on the Old Testament Book of Proverbs, our focus this morning will be on discovering some practical wisdom for the family. Two weeks ago we established that our supreme quest in life should be to develop the fear of the Lord so that we can grow in wisdom. Last week we learned that our words have the power to lacerate a life or to give grace to people. What comes out of mouth either assassinates or encourages.
The Book of Proverbs is both a marriage manual and a parenting primer. I want to give a brief synopsis for each of the key relational roles: husbands, wives, grandparents, parents, and children and then conclude by celebrating the sanctity and dignity of human life.
I recognize that this message may be difficult for some of you. Perhaps you’ve been deeply hurt by a spouse. Some of you are divorced or widowed, and others of you have never been married. Maybe your kids have gone astray, and in some cases, your parents did some pretty bad things to you. I understand and hurt with you. My intent this morning is not to pile you or make you feel guilty. I simply want to share what The Book of Proverbs teaches so that those who are currently married will treasure their spouses more, that grandparents and parents will take it up a notch, and that kids will develop greater respect and honor for those God has put in authority over them.
Wisdom For Husbands
Proverbs provides at least three key challenges for husbands:
1. Rejoice in your wife. One of the best ways to honor your bride is to find joy in your relationship with her. Proverbs 5:18: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Husbands, when was the last time you thanked God for your wife? Having a wife is not meant to be a drag, but should instead bring you great joy. Proverbs 18:22 says that divine delight is poured out on a husband who recognizes God’s goodness in the gift of a wife: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
2. Value your bride. Guys, does your wife know that she is more important than anything else in your life? That’s a challenge during the playoffs, isn’t it? Proverbs 31:10: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Don’t take your gift for granted. Value her by spending time with her. By the way, one of the most important things you can do for your children is to love their mother.
3. Pursue purity and faithfulness. The Book of Proverbs provides some pretty graphic warnings against adultery in Proverbs 5:22: “The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast.” If you’re starting to stray from your marriage, don’t be fooled by the allure of someone else. One of the best ways to maintain your faithfulness is to be captivated by your wife’s beauty as you rejoice in her and value her for who God has made her to be. Proverbs 5:15: “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.” There’s more bedroom banter in chapter 5 but I’ll let you read it on your own!
I mentioned this in a previous sermon, but it bears repeating. I first heard this concept at the Family Life Conference (which is coming up at the end of February). Guys, your wife needs to feel secure in her marriage relationship. When you rejoice in her, value her more than anything else, and remain faithful by practicing purity, you will give her the gift of security.
This week as I was driving in my car, I tuned into WGN and listened to the “Cathy and Judy Show.” A guy called in and they asked him who he thought the hottest female actor was. They suggested some names. Penelope Cruz? Julia Roberts? The guy paused and then said, “My wife.” Cathy and Judy allowed a few seconds of stunned silence to go by and then said, “Good answer. Good answer.” Guys, that’s always the right answer!
That man knows how to make his wife feel safe. The Family Life Conference taught me that a wife’s major need is to feel secure, and that a husband’s primary relational longing is to feel significant. Wives, God can use you to help meet this need as you implement the following nuggets of wisdom.
Wisdom for Wives
1. Focus on faithfulness. Not surprisingly, wives are to work at maintaining faithfulness as well. Proverbs 2:17-18 describe the woman “Who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant of her youth. Her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirit of the dead.” God’s plan is for monogamous marathon marriages that last a lifetime.
2. Cultivate your character. Proverbs 12:4: “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” One of the best things you can do for your marriage is to cultivate your character by giving attention to your spiritual development. You certainly don’t want to drive your husband away by constant quarreling, or even nagging. Proverbs 21:9 in the Living Bible paints a pretty vivid picture: “It is better to live in the corner of an attic than with a crabby woman in a lovely home.” As you focus on your heart relationship with God, you will become the woman God wants you to be, and in the process, become a joy to your husband.
3. Bring good to your husband. The third way to reinforce your husband’s significance is by following the example found in Proverbs 31. We don’t have time to study this chapter in-depth, but verse 12 provides a good summary of a godly wife’s desire: “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Do you think the best of your man by encouraging and building him up? Or, are you more like the woman in 27:15: “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.”
Wisdom for Grandparents
One grandparent told me, “If I had known how wonderful grandchildren can be, I would have had them before I had kids!” The impact of grandpas and grandmas in history is beyond calculation. Every person in the bloodline from Adam to Christ was a grandparent and many made a lasting difference. Hezekiah was one of the best kings God’s people ever had, but his father was Ahaz, who was very wicked. Fortunately, he had a grandpa named Jotham who walked with the Lord. Hezekiah took after his grandfather rather than his father, with wonderful results both personally and for the kingdom he ruled.
Proverbs 17:6: “Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” Your children may have kept you poor, but their children will make you rich. You have a wonderful opportunity to make a difference in the lives of the next generation. Live your life now in order to leave a legacy of love and faithfulness that will continue long after you die.
Grandparents can make a very powerful impact. In fact, even if one generation goes astray, the next generation can be brought back through the influence of a grandparent. Some of you are bridging the gap between parents and children and God is using you mightily. You may have an opportunity for a short period of time while they’re young, or God may give you a window of ministry during their teenage years. You are “grand” in my eyes! Keep it up.
A recent study shows that the bond between grandparents and grandchildren is second in emotional power and influence only to the relationship between parents and children. Unfortunately, of the children studied, only five percent reported close, regular contact with at least one grandparent (from a sermon by Joe Bedy, “SermonCentral.com”). The vast majority see their grandparents only infrequently, not because they live too far away, but because the grandparents have chosen to remain emotionally distant.
Dale Evans has written a lot about her 16 grandchildren, and her advice is, if you want to establish a warm bond with your grandchildren, get rid of the parents. In other words, look for ways to be alone with your grandkids. The kids of your kids are not only heirs to your possessions; they will inherit your values, your character, and in many cases, even your faith, so spend time with them.
Wisdom For Parents
Proverbs gives several admonitions for parents. I want to focus on just three.
1. Revere God. Fearing God is not only the way to wisdom, it’s the prerequisite for parenting. Proverbs 14:26: “He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” When God is our number one priority, we will be blessed and our kids will find our parenting to be a place of safety. That makes sense, doesn’t it? When I’m walking with God, then I’m able to spiritually shepherd our daughters. They’ll then sense that home is a safe place where they can always find refuge from the battles of life.
Mothers who revere God are praised by both their husbands and their kids in Proverbs 31:28: “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” Abraham Lincoln once said, “No one is poor who has had a godly mother.” The wise woman recognizes that her outward beauty will pass away, “But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).
2. Provide instruction. One of the most significant parenting jobs is to teach and train our kids. Proverbs 1:8: “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” Perhaps the best-known proverb on parenting is found in Proverbs 22:6: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” As we learned last week, our words have a tremendous impact on people, especially those in our family. Proverbs 16:21: “Pleasant words promote instruction.” If we want our children to learn, we must use words of life with them.
One day a teacher asked her class what they wanted to be when they grew up. The names of several occupations filled the room: “President.” “Fireman.” “Teacher.” One by one they all gave their answer until it was Billy’s turn. The teacher asked, “Billy, what do you want to be when you grow up?” Billy immediately responded, “Possible.” “Possible?” asked the teacher. Billy replied, “Yeah, that’s what I want to be. My mom always tells me that I’m impossible. When I grow up I want to become possible.”
3. Deliver discipline. Chuck Swindoll refers to children as having the “bents.” What he means is that our kids are really children of Adam and Eve, and as such have a bent toward self-will and sin, just like we do. God has positioned parents strategically in order to provide discipline and correction for children. Proverbs 29:15: “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.”
Leonardo da Vinci once put it this way: “He who does not punish evil, commands it to be done.” Proverbs 22:15: “A youngster’s heart is filled with rebellion, but punishment will drive it out of him.”
When we correct our children, it’s important to do it out of love. Proverbs 3:12: “Because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” If you delight in your kids, you will discipline them. Another famous proverb puts it this way: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Proverbs 6:23 helps us see the long-term effects: “The corrections of discipline are the way to life.” We don’t discipline for our sake, but for the well being of our children. If we want them to live life to its fullest, then we must do our job of correcting them when they need it.
In other words, we’re really doing our kids a favor when we discipline them. Someone has said, “The parent who is afraid to put his foot down will have children who step on their toes.” Proverbs 29:17: “Discipline your son and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” I love how the Living Bible translates 19:18: “Discipline your son in his early years while there is hope. If you don’t you will ruin his life.”
When we instruct and discipline our children, it’s important that we provide a good example for them. That’s why revering God is so critical. I can tell but never teach until I practice what I preach. That was made very clear to me this week. I went home for lunch on Thursday and as I was eating, our two-year-old (Megan) looked at me and said, “Daddy, you’re a smarty pants.” I immediately corrected her and told her that that was not very nice to say. I then asked her where she heard that. She smiled and pointed her little finger directly at me, “From you, daddy, from you.” Ouch.
Wisdom for Children
Proverbs also provides some helpful principles for children and teenagers.
1. Grow in wisdom. Much of the Book of Proverbs is arranged as words of wisdom from a father to his growing son. Proverbs 2 challenges children to accept wisdom and apply understanding. Children are not only to strive to get good grades in the classroom, but to do well in the school of wisdom. Proverbs 10:1: “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.”
2. Choose friends wisely. We’ll talk more about this next week but let me just say that some of you are struggling spiritually because of the friends you hang out with. Listen to Proverbs 28:7 in the Amplified Bible: “Whoever keeps the law of God and man is a wise son, but he who is a companion of gluttons and the carousing, self-indulgent and extravagant, shames his father.”
3. Listen to instruction. When I was younger I often just blew off what my parents told me. Can I encourage you to listen to what your mom or dad are trying to tell you? 19:27: “Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.” I know many of you don’t believe this, but even the discipline you receive when you mess up is a good thing. Your parents are actually doing you a favor, so try to not become bitter toward them. Proverbs 15:5: “A fool spurns his father’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.”
4. Respect your parents. Some of you may feel like your parents are out to lunch, and sometimes we are, but it’s important to respect them. The command to honor parents comes with a promise. That promise, according to Ephesians 6:3 is that life will go well for you and that you may live long. That sure beats the alternative that is graphically presented in Proverbs 30:17: “The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, and will be eaten by the vultures.”
Let me summarize.
Husbands, work at affirming your wife’s need for security.
Wives, strive to make your husband feel significant.
Grandparents, focus on making your grandkids feel special.
Parents, provide an atmosphere in the home where your children feel supported.
And children, follow God’s ways in order to be successful.
Wisdom Related to the Preborn
I feel compelled this morning to include millions of often forgotten family members the preborn children. On this Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, we affirm, along with thousands of other churches, that every family member, from conception on, is an image bearer of God, stamped with divine dignity and worthy of protection. Proverbs 31:8-9 challenges us to speak for those who have no voice: “Speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” We’re called to reach out with care, courage and compassion to those who are needy.
I love what President George W. Bush has said about this topic: “The promises of our Declaration of Independence are not just for the strong, the independent, or the healthy. They are for everyone, including unborn children. We share a great goal, to work toward a day when every child is welcomed in life and protected in law…to build a culture of life, affirming that every person at every stage and season of life, is created equal in God’s image” (Sandra Sobieraj, Associated Press, as quoted by Troy Borst, SermonCentral.com).
Martin Luther once said, “If I profess with the loudest and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that point which the world and the devil are at that moment attacking, I am not confessing Christ.” Friends, the topic of abortion is a battleground today. For three days in a row this past week, three different campaign ads appeared on TV related to the politically charged issue of abortion.
I want to submit to you this morning that while abortion is, and should be debated politically, discussed emotionally, and described medically, at its primary roots, abortion is a moral issue, and as such, must be defined biblically.
Before I go much further, I recognize that some of you are still struggling with the after effects of abortion. I hurt with you and want you to know that no one is cut off from the cleansing power of the Cross. No sin is too big to be forgiven by the grace of God.
Rescue the Staggering
Please turn in your Bibles to Proverbs 24:11: “Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.” I recognize that this passage says nothing specifically about abortion. Solomon could be referring to conquered soldiers, victims of vigilante justice, or even an innocent person wrongly accused in court. This is typical of the Book of Proverbs. Rightly understood, proverbs provide general guidelines for how the fear of the Lord works itself out in day-to-day life.
We could state verse 11 this way: “If a group of humans is being taken away to death, as people who are stumbling (literally, “slipping”) to the slaughter, the people who fear God ought to try to hold them back from being killed.” This verse is urging us to attempt some kind of intervention on behalf of those who are unable to help themselves.
Verse 12 anticipates an objection that some people could raise: “If you say, ‘But we knew nothing about this,’ does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?” Solomon has in mind the possibility that the slaughter may be done in secret, that it would be concealed for what it really is. As a result, some may plead that they didn’t really know what was going on.
This verse makes it clear that this does not hold any water with God. The excuse of ignorance does not stand up in the courtroom of God. God weighs our hearts and knows what’s inside. He knows all about our life and knows perfectly when we have neglected a duty out of ignorance or laziness or fear or apathy.
In his sermon on this passage, John Piper draws three conclusions (“Rescuing Unborn Children,” 1/15/89):
The Bible makes it’s clear that when a group of humans are being killed who ought not to be killed, it’s our biblical duty to intervene and to try and rescue them.
Sometimes slaughter can be done with enough camouflage that people can try to make an excuse that they didn’t really know what was going on.
The excuse of ignorance does not stand up with God.
In an amazing article, Kathleen Parker, a syndicated columnist, who confesses that she has always been ambivalent toward the abortion issue, recently wrote about Jane Roe, the “Roe” of Roe v. Wade. The woman’s name is Norma McCorvey, and she has since become a born again believer who now loves to tell the truth about abortion. In fact, she’s started an organization called, “Roe No More Ministry.”
Columnist Kathleen Parker was greatly moved as she researched the facts about Norma McCorvey. Listen to her conclusions, as they appeared in the Chicago Tribune this past summer: “I hope young people, especially, are listening. For the abortion-as-choice story has always been half-told. It’s been a tale of medical procedures and secular choices, bereft of any hint that there’s a spiritual side to abortion” (Chicago Tribune, 6/20/01).
She’s exactly right. There is a spiritual side to abortion. In fact, abortion is a spiritual and moral issue. Let me give a brief summary of what the Bible teaches about the preborn. I’ve shared this list on Sanctity of Human Life Sunday the last two years so it may look familiar to you. It bears repeating this morning. For the sake of time I’ll just list the argument and give the reference and you can look up the verses later.
Biblical Arguments for Viewing the Fetus as Fully Human
Preborn babies are called “children.” “When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb…blessed is the child you will bear…as soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped with joy.” (Luke 1:41-44).
The life of the preborn is protected by the same punishment for injury or death as that of an adult. “If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely…if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life.” (Exodus 21:22-23).
Christ was fully human from the point of conception. “…Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son…” (Matthew 1:20-21).
Preborn children have a propensity to sin. “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” (Psalm 51:5).
Personal pronouns are used to describe preborn children. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…” (Jeremiah 1:5).
The preborn are called by God before birth. “Before I was born the Lord called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name.” (Isaiah 49:1).
The preborn are created by God. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13).
God knows the preborn intimately and personally. “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body…” (Psalm 139:15-16)
I entitled the first sermon I ever preached on this topic, “A Womb With A View.” One of the best ways to express the biblical value of life and the truth about abortion is to take a look at what is happening inside the womb.
(Picture to come)
The fact that life in the womb is not only viable, but also valuable was demonstrated even more graphically about two years ago when a surgeon performed fetal surgery on a 21-week old preborn baby. At the end of the operation, as the doctor was preparing to close up the opening in the mother’s uterus, the baby’s hand slipped out. The doctor reached down with his finger and held Samuel’s little hand. Let me show you the picture (I showed this last year but I want to show it again)…
(Picture to come)
I wish this image could be presented on every newscast and run in every newspaper in America. Every teenager should see it. Why? Because it is an unmistakable reminder that a baby is growing and developing in the womb. It’s not a “blob of tissue,” or “fetal material.” A preborn baby is fully human from the moment of conception.
Ultrasound is a wonderful tool to help display the beauty of a baby as it grows and develops. Chuck Colson, in a recent Breakpoint commentary, reported that doctors in St. George’s hospital in London have developed a new device that goes beyond ultrasound to show what is happening in vivid detail. They’re now able to see the baby’s face, complete with all its human emotions in full color.
Colson described an ABC News report that aired this summer called, “A Womb With a View” (I feel honored that they borrowed my sermon title), in which they showed a baby in the seventh month of gestation. The reporter described what he saw this way: “Waving arms, kicking feet, and…you can see a seven-month fetus yawning and smiling.” The report concluded by saying, “This technology provides a window parents have never had, and an early opportunity to bond.” (BreakPoint, 7/23/01)
Ways to Respond
Let me close this morning by listing some ways that you can get involved in helping to “rescue those being led away to death.” It may be more comfortable to adopt a passive stance with regard to the abortion issue. It certainly would be the least offensive response. But who, with a clear conscience, can sit back, say little, and do nothing while babies continue to be killed?
One way to do that is to see yourself as a “survivor” of abortion. Everyone born after January 22, 1973 is a survivor. Historically, those who have endured an atrocity have always labored in earnest to end acts of violence.
Volunteer at the Caring Pregnancy Center.
Support the CPC financially and with other gifts like diapers, formula, etc. Pontiac Bible Church was instrumental in starting the CPC twenty years ago and we continue to support it through our mission budget.
Work with The Rage or 24-7, our student ministries.
Consider adopting a baby.
Write letters to your legislative representative.
Offer to baby-sit for a single parent.
Invite a pro-life speaker to your school.
Start a support group for women who have had abortions. By the way, if you’ve had an abortion, or know someone who has, we have some information in the hallway and in the women’s restroom that you may find helpful.
Be an extended family to a young woman in need.
Talk to your children about sexual purity.
On Thursday when I was at the gym, I walked by a little girl who was playing on the floor. I smiled at her and she said, “Mister, help me!” I didn’t want to be bothered, and I didn’t know who this girl was, so I just ignored her and kept walking. She didn’t like that so she increased her volume and yelled, “I said, help me!” I didn’t really care for her tone of voice so I stopped and got a drink at the drinking fountain. She persisted and this time begged me, “Mister, please help me.” I walked back to her and realized that she was having a hard time turning on a toy.
Friends, there are little boys and girls all around us calling out, “Help me! Help me! Mister, help me! M’am, help me!” It’s easy to ignore them because we can’t see them. They’re the preborn. They’re stamped with the creative beauty of God’s indelible image and they’re crying for help. Will you help them? Will I?
