“Oops I Didn’t Know We Couldn’t Talk About… Sex”
Breaking Free from Sexual Pressure
Brian A. Moon
How’s everybody doing tonight? I hope you are doing good and that you all had a great week because tonight we are going to talk about something that some of you might not have ever heard even mentioned in a church… Tonight we are going to talk about sex… “baby, lets talk about you and me, lets talk about all the good things and…” Ok enough singing!
Tonight we begin a brand new series called “Breaking Free” and I hope you will make a commitment right now to being at each week of this series because it will radically change your life. Some of you are like “Dude Brian my life is fine why would I want to change it?” Well let me ask you all a question… How many of you like to be trapped in or help down by something? You know like when you were a little kid and your big brother or sister held you down on the ground and tickled you until you couldn’t take it anymore. Or, maybe when your parents told you that you could not go out tonight and do that thing you wanted to do so badly. We hate that feeling of being trapped and held back, we are creatures of freedom, we like to be free! Well here is the deal, there are a lot of things in the world, that I am going to call junk for the rest of tonight, that try to hold us down and trap us in. Today more than any other time the pressures of sexual temptation, negative thinking, substance abuse, and bad associations are being forced down each of our throats. You flip on the TV or open a magazine down at the hair cut place and BOOM it is adds for dog food with some girl wearing a t-shirt made for a 4 year old and shorts that make Daisy Duke look like a Nun.
The other day I was sitting on my couch and I was watching a little TV before bed and all of a sudden “Da Da… What is sexy…” and the Victoria Secret models come strutting out in the latest lingerie.
You all know what I am talking about and you have experienced the same pressures to jump in head first and experience all the junk that world has to offer.
For some of us we have experienced these things and we are like “Hey I like drinking and I like sex” and you know those things can both give us a sense of pleasure but they also can trap you in and hold you down. We all have, or I promise you, will feel this felling of empty entrapment when this junk does not meet our needs. We try to stop, but the junk has us pinned to the ground like the school bully and it will not let you up no matter how hard you try!!!
But there is hope and that is why this series is going to be so awesome we will learn how to “Break Free” from the junk and tonight particularly how to break free from sexual pressure. As we have talked about there is intense pressure to be sexually active today before you are married and since most of us in the room are still single this applies to you guys so listen up! If you are not sexually active right now the world tells you that you are weird and missing out… “What are you waiting for?” Why should you wait before you mate? Well that is what we are going to talk about and the first place to begin to “Break Free” from the sexual pressure of the world is to understand that:
Sex is a gift
That’s right sex is a gift from God! Here is a statement that would really wake up a Sunday morning crowd at most churches… God loves sex!!! I can just see the old ladies blushing and the elders running to grab the speaker with duct tape for his mouth.
But seriously, God loves sex and he wants each of us to enjoy it to its fullest degree.
The Bible says, “Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose-- don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!” Proverbs 5:18-19 MSG
Don’t ever quit taking delight in her body!!! That sounds like a good thing to me! God loves sex, and he designed it for our enjoyment! God wants us to be able to share the passion, the connection, the desire, the pleasure, the total abandonment of time and space that comes from sex. The problem is that while we are growing up lets say in the church first, we hear don’t have sex, don’t have sex, don’t have sex or you are a terrible person… We hear those things and we are programmed to think that God must hate sex and that it is a disgustingly evil practice only intended for continuing the human race. Now let’s look at growing up outside of the church.
We see sex in the media and in the world as a tool for women to control men and something for men to use women for like any other service item. Add throw all of the STD’s and AIDS into this picture and sex does not seem like much of gift. We see the hurt, the pain and the sorrow that comes from sexual abuse and misuse and you either do one of two things with it.
Either you think it is not something very special and you give it to anybody and their brother or you use it as a tool to manipulate and control and fulfill your own desires. Not much of a gift to be enjoyed by two people huh? How special of a gift could it be if you give it to 20 different people? But God designed this thing to be something special and something powerful and even spiritual between two people that would only share it with one other person. But why? Why does God only want us to have sex with just one other person, why is it reserved for marriage, why wait to mate? We will look at that in just a second but bottom line realize that sex is good, heck it is great, and God intended it as a special gift for us to give and share with someone else. But just like with any gift we can use it for good or for not so good and that is why you must learn to:
Be wise with your gift
Recently I was driving around town and I saw this beautiful brand new red Ferrari. Just like this one…
All the guys are drooling right now. It was a beautiful car and I was dreaming of what it would be like to get behind the wheel and put the car through its paces. Now let me ask you all a question? If I told you that sitting right out side I had purchased enough of these amazing machines for each of you, you would be pretty stoked right? Lets say tomorrow when you are driving it around you stop and a bunch of your friends see you and start to crowd around the car. One of them now says, “Hey can I drive it?” What is your response going to be??? NO WAY!!! I mean you are not even going to let them touch the car let alone drive it!
I think you can get the idea from that little illustration… If you wouldn’t let just anyone drive or even touch your Ferrari then why would you let anyone drive or touch your gift of sex? How much more special is that awesome gift of sex from God then some car that will rust out in 20 years?
The Bible says, “You should be faithful to your wife, just as you take water from your own well. And don’t be like a stream from which just any woman may take a drink. Save yourself for your wife and don’t have sex with other women. Proverbs 5:15-17 CEV
Here is the deal most people think that sex is just a physical thing that you can maybe let a few close people test drive but it is so much more than just a physical thing. That is why this verse says to save your sex for one person for guys and for girls!
God is trying to save us from a lot of pain and trying to give us the most rewarding experience with the gift of sex he has given us. Did you know that the number one reason for teenage suicide among girls is having a break up with a guy that they had slept with? Number one reason!!! Why? Because sex is something that emotionally, physically, mentally, and even spiritually binds you with another person.
In the Bible it talks about when a man and a woman have sex they become “one flesh” it is the act of becoming one.
And when you rip that apart through a break up or something else it rips more than just that physical oneness apart it rips your emotional, mental, and spiritual oneness apart too! It is kind of like this. I have in my hand two piece’s of duct tape I have taken and placed together.
Now (Invite someone up) come up here and try to tear them apart… You can’t do it can you they have become one right?
Now I am going to take this new piece and put it with you, and you, and you, and you… (put on several peoples clothes and then rip it off)
Now I am going to put this piece with another. Now (volunteer) try to rip these apart… wow you can do it, they just rip right apart.
When you give it to that first person it is a tight bond that is excruciatingly painful to rip apart but then as you give that gift away over and over again this is what happens by the time you get married and give your gift of sex to your husband or wife… it is not a tight bond anymore. The Bible is very clear that the best way for sex to be enjoyed is within the marriage covenant where you make a commitment to God and others that I am not going anywhere, this is for life. In recent studies it has been shown that the people that have the most satisfying sex lives are not the guys and girls who have many partners, but the married couples that have only given their gift of sex to one person!!!
The Bible says, “God wants you to be holy and to stay away from sexual sins. He wants each of you to learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable. Don’t use your body for sexual sin like the people who do not know God.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NCV
God wants you and I to be very careful with our gift of sex because he knows just how powerful it really it. That is why he wants us to wait before we mate.
But there is still the pressure to be sexually active especially if you are dating and you are supposedly “in love” and you think this is the guy or girl for me. Girls let me let you in on a little secret… guys think that every girl is the one when the girl is putting out! Don’t get fooled into thinking this guy is different if you are giving him the keys to your Ferrari to drive whenever he wants!
The final thing I want us to look at is how to:
Break free from the pressure
How do we really “Break Free” from the pressure if you are dating or if you are even thinking about dating? The first thing is something we are going to look at later in this series when we talk about “Choosing Your Peeps Wisely” but the same principle applies.
The Bible says, “Do not try to work together as equals with unbelievers, for it cannot be done. How can right and wrong be partners? How can light and darkness live together?” 2 Corinthians 6:14 TEV
Circle “As Equals” in that verse.
God makes very clear that we are not be closely connected like in a dating relationship with outsiders, with those that are not yet Christ Followers. Your priorities, your values, your morals, your world view is so radically different from an outsider that the two are incapable of a close relationship. Girls again… Missionary dating does NOT work and if you are trying to right now STOP!
Now listen carefully to me that verse does not say to ignore and look down upon outsiders it just says to not work as equals because it is impossible so don’t try. That is the first way to “Break Free” from the pressure to be sexually active to make sure that the person is an insider, make sure they are a Christ Follower. Now just because you are dating of follower of Christ does not mean that the pressure is gone so the second thing we must do to “Break Free” is set boundaries. Somebody’s once told me that it is better to build a fence at the top of the mountain then it is to scrap up the remains at the bottom. The same is true with your dating boundaries. It is better to put some fences up than to fall off the sexual temptation mountain and face the painful consequences.
The Bible says, “Losing self-control leaves you as helpless as a city without a wall.” Proverbs 25:28 CEV
Keep your walls up have some self control and put up some boundaries in your dating that will keep you from sexual invasion.
Here are some of my suggestions: (1) Keep the “Vertical Rule” – If you make a commitment that you will not be in a horizontal position with each other you will protect against a lot of temptation. (2) Have some accountability – if you are going to spend time alone with each other then make sure people know where you are and have them check in with you. (3) Keep your hands to yourself – Keep your contact to hugging and kissing and reserve the rest for marriage!!!
If you will set some boundaries up like these you will “Break Free” from the sexual pressure that is so strong today. Sex is an amazing gift that I hope each of you looks forward to sharing with your husband or wife someday. There is nothing better than looking into the eyes of the one you are about to marry and know that you have a special gift from God to give them. Now as we close I am smart enough to know that in a group this big there are many of you that maybe have given the keys to your Ferrari away already.
And for others you might have already been in a crash because of it… But there is good news tonight.
Our wonderful God is so gracious, he is ready to give you a second chance, he is ready to come and heal the pain that you feel and ready to wipe away the guilt and shame with his forgiveness and love.
The Bible says, “Our God, you bless everyone whose sins you forgive and wipe away.” Psalm 31:1 CEV
Tonight God is ready to take your sexual sin and turn it into a freedom like you have never known. Jesus came to die for every sin you have done, are doing, and will do. You are forgiven! Tonight as we pray tell God you are sorry for your mistakes and let him come and pour out his forgiveness on you. Let him make you pure and whole again.
Prayer Time ----------
God tonight some of us are hurting because we have messed up sexually, but as of right now we want to “Break Free” from all of this baggage. If that is you then in your heart tell God you’re sorry and that you want be free from your past sins… Let God come and pour his forgiveness out on you. Thank you God!
For some of you tonight you have never heard good news like the kind you have heard tonight. You have never heard that God loves you enough to forgive you for your mistakes and sins. If you want to accept this forgiveness and have never started a relationship with God through his Son Jesus then right now silently in your heart cry this out to God.
God I need you. I need your forgiveness in my life I need to be free, I need a Savior. Come and give me a new life and make me one your children. Thank you for sending Jesus to die for me. I give the control of my life over to you.
If that was you then the Bible says God will give you the power to be saved and that one day you will spend forever with him in heaven. I encourage you to mark your decision on the back of your response card now.
God we love you and we thank you for giving Jesus so that we can “Break Free” Amen.
