MAKING UP
Song of Solomon 5:9-6:3
In our last study we found Solomon and his wife having a fight. Solomon left and his wife went looking for him. We now find the Shulamite woman talking to the women of the harem about Solomon. The women of the harem talked pretty bad about Solomon. You can see Satan trying to get into this marriage. As with anything else, if Satan can ever get a foothold he can them do some real damage. We will look at the two questions asked by the harem and the two responses given by the Shulamite woman.
Question #1
Song of Solomon 5:9
Remember, this is the same women that the Shulamite woman was in competition with. The Shulamite woman asked these women for help in finding Solomon. Notice their question to the Shulamite. They were trying to “turn her” on her husband. They were saying, “Who does Solomon think he is? What is so important about Solomon? Why go find Solomon, is he really worth finding?”
We need to see what happens when we involve people into our marital problems. Now there is nothing wrong with seeking counsel, but we need to be very cautious about whom we involve. I do not recommend getting family or close friends involved because they will be forced to side up. I also do not recommend sharing your problems at work or church in groups of people. People tend to tell you what you want to hear to your face but then it becomes a source of gossip. Understand that when you tell someone something about your spouse that is negative and retaliatory and it gets back to them; it is harmful to the trust in your marriage.
The Shulamite woman had to decide if she was going to continue in the Solomon “bashing” session or say something good about her husband.
Just A Thought
How do you react when someone says negative things about your spouse, even if you are mad about them at the time?
Answer #1
Song of Solomon 5:10-16
The Shulamite woman does not seem angry with her husband anymore. Now it was o.k. for her to be mad at Solomon, but how dare these women say something bad about him. Isn’t it funny how we can mistreat the ones we love; yet if someone else does, they better watch out.
It is interesting to notice that the Shulamite woman spent most of her time discussing the physical appearance of Solomon. The reason for this is simple, dating is usually initiated because of physical attraction. The longer a couple is married, the less physical attraction seems to matter.
Question #2
Song of Solomon 6:1
The women of the harem are still trying to create problems. They are now asking the Shulamite woman, “O.k. where is this great man? If he is so wonderful, why can you not find him anywhere? If he was so wonderful wouldn’t he at least have the decency to tell you where he is so you won’t worry?” They even offered to go with her to help find Solomon. At this point they only wanted to be a part of the search so they could continue on in this little game they were playing. These women are simply trying to place doubts in the Shulamite woman’s mind.
Again we must learn who we can trust with our marital difficulties. By the way, all of this fighting and running; talking and jeering; and “wishy washy” behavior is normal. It is especially normal in young marriages. It just takes time and learning more and more about your spouse to learn how to solve problems in your marriage. You also learn that it is much easier on the marriage to involve as few people in the problems as possible.
Answer #2
Song of Solomon 6:2-3
Although it seems as the Shulamite woman is discussing her sex life because she says Solomon has went to the gardens; most scholars believe this garden is referring to another love that he had; his work.
Men are to work hard for their family in order to support them. If that means doing something you hate, so be it; but it sure is great when you enjoy what you do. Solomon loved being the king and doing all of the things his job required. The danger for most men is they get their priorities out of balance. They forget that the job is there to support the family, not be more important than the family. Most men desperately want to do a good job at work. Men pride themselves upon being good workers. Sometimes while in pursuit of being “Super Employee”, men become “sorry” husbands and fathers.
On the other end of this is the woman. Women you do need to understand that in order for a man to have a good self-esteem that they have to do as good as possible at their job. That means that you do need to allow them to earn their keep. You do need to be understanding of the fact that almost any job takes many hours of the day. If you are looking for your husband to get paid this huge salary and work 3 hours a day, you are going to be disappointed. Wives, also allow your husband to work. As a former manager and supervisor of restaurants, it is extremely frustrating for a business when an employee is constantly being bombarded by calls and visits.
We must also cover the fact that in our society today, over 70% of women work outside of the home. This means that things such as house work and taking care of the children must be shared amongst both spouses. Men sometimes have the tendency to want to come home, kick off their “stinky” shoes, put their feet up, and watch T.V. After all they have been working hard all day! The problem is if the spouse has been working all day also, they too are tired and would like a break.
Let me finish with some very practical advice and suggestions that I have learned over the last 12 years of marriage.
Don’t allow the housework to “pile up”. It is much easier and less stressful to keep up with that. This means that even if you are tired when you come home that you need to be disciplined. This also means that if you have children that they are going to have to learn to “pitch in”. Even small children (2 years+) can keep their room semi-clean. (Don’t expect it to be spotless, but it does need to be kept picked up and things put in their places.) Parents there is nothing wrong with children having chores. It is also o.k. to reward them, but reward them wisely. For example, I don’t think a child should be given $50 because they kept their room clean for a week. Parents also remember that you don’t always have to reward your kids with “things”. Sometimes a “pat on the back” is just as important and rewarding as “things”.
Spouses that are both working, try to take on those responsibilities that you know your spouse “hates”. For example, I would rather watch all of the children in the neighborhood while their mothers go shopping than to have to go shopping. (This is a good example because the moms in my neighborhood take great advantage of the fact that I hate to shop.)
Spouses, if you have children in the home, I know how much time they take; but you must find “alone” time with your spouse. If you have small children this can become very difficult to arrange, but hopefully you have some friends, family, or church family that could help you out for a couple of hours once a month.
My last and most practical statement of this study: Wives, if your husband is taking you for granted, a “wake-up call” may be necessary. My wife is a school teacher and is on her way to a workshop 300 miles away as I am typing this study. She does not have to go very often usually, but just 2 weeks ago she had to go on a different trip. My wife was gone for 3 days, 11 hours, 31 minutes, and 12 ½ seconds on her last trip and will be gone for a similar amount of time on this trip. It is amazing how much more I appreciate my wife. Now understand that I didn’t get the jobs that she does done at the same level of quality. For example, there were not many dishes to wash, because when you eat out every day or eat “Pop Tarts” for every other meal; there just isn’t a lot of dishes. Although we ate many “Pop Tarts” and “Fast-Food”; I still had to keep up with the laundry for myself, a 10 year-old boy, 8 year-old boy, and a 5 year-old girl. Now my 8 year-old made it easier on me the first time my wife was gone, because on that Saturday I realized that he had worn the same clothes the whole time. (My wife had left on Wednesday.) I was also faced with the task of getting my children to school on time. On that Thursday I did well, but on Friday I woke up to my 8 year-old saying, “Dad are you getting up? We are supposed to be at school in 10 minutes.” Fortunately my 8 year-old dressed his 5 year-old sister, so we were not late. That Saturday was probably my biggest “wake-up call”. My 8 year-old (which you are finding can be a bit of a character), counseled me on the fact that we had eaten 4 boxes of “Pop Tarts” in those few days and mom was going to be really upset. What we needed to do was to go replace those boxes of “Pop Tarts” and he knew just where to go. Our city has a new “Super Wal-Mart” and that is where we ended up. Understand that I have never been shopping with all 3 of my children by myself ever and they figured that out quickly. Imagine my surprise as we stood in the check out line with a new fish aquarium, 14 fish (I am not exaggerating), a Barbie Doll (because my 5 year-old said it was on sale), a Megabot, a Star Wars Lego set, and 2 bags of candy. I could not believe that 3 small children could manipulate a 33 year-old, college educated man; but they did. What’s my point? I believe for a marriage to grow stronger that each spouse needs to be reminded of how blessed they are by God to have that person in their life and when we begin to take one another for granted, “walking a mile” in the other person’s shoes always seems to bring us back to reality.
It is like my boys. My boys are on a Swimming Team. As a parent, I tend to push them very hard. I want them to swim faster and better everyday. There are several drills that my boys do everyday in the water that to me it seemed like they were just “goofing around” and not really trying. 2 months ago, I began lap swimming after the boys practice is over. My boys stay in the water and continue to swim, which means they have already been swimming for over an hour when I get in the water. You know I have tried some of those swimming drills and they are hard. I consider myself to be a good swimmer, but there has been a few times that I thought I was going to drowned before I reached the other end of that 25 meter pool. See I have learned to appreciate their accomplishments and notice how hard they are working once I experienced what they have been experiencing.
Just A Thought
Do you take your spouse for granted? Are you willing to “walk a mile” in their shoes? Are you willing to do your part? If you believe your marriage is balanced in this area, what have you done to get it to this place?
Wednesday Evening Bible Study
Series: Intimacy (Study In Song of Solomon) #7
March 19, 2003
Bel Aire Baptist Church Marriage Class
Pastor Shawn Drake
