Honor Marriage!
Ephesians 5:21-33
Focus: Christians are called to submit to one another; to put the other’s will over & above your own out of reverence for Christ; especially in the marriage relationship.
Function: To honor the institution of Christian Marriage.
Open by recognizing folks in the congregation who’ve been married: +25 yrs; +35 yrs; +45 yrs; +55 yrs; +65 yrs ???? (Include widows/ widowers who were married)
Then recognize couples who are planning weddings in the next year.
{Prayer over these couples}
We need to honor marriage in our society & especially within the Church! With the divorce rate climbing to almost 50% of all new marriages ... we need to lift up and honor marriage in the church! With more and more of our kids growing up in homes with only one parent for a variety of circumstances ... we need (for their sake) to be lifting up Christian marriage before them!
Marriage is a wonderful thing and we need to honor those who have demonstrated successful Christian marriages to us! But, what makes a marriage successful? What’s the secret to a long and successful marriage? I once heard a man being interviewed on t.v. as he and his wife celebrated their
65th wedding anniversary. The reporter asked him just that: what’s the secret. The man’s face turned intensely serious and he said that the secret was two
simple words: “Yes, Dear.”
One of the largest television audiences in history gathered around their sets on July 29, 1981 to witness one of the most glamorous, storybook weddings
of all time! Britain’s Prince Charles of Wales and Lady Diana were married in an elaborate ceremony that was watched by an estimated 750 million people
worldwide. 75 technicians with 21 cameras allowed us to watch this fairy tale wedding; a royal prince weds a lovely lady in a grand cathedral surrounded by
hundreds of adoring subjects! What more could a woman want? They were the envy of millions; young, rich, handsome; a marriage made in heaven,
right? We know better now, don’t we? As may have happened to some of you, reality hit when the cameras were turned off and the guests went home.
Charles’ & Diana’s dream wedding soon became a nightmare marriage. Britain’s tabloids were filled with stories of unfaithfulness, of a royal couple
growing farther and farther apart. It takes more than a prince, a lovely lady and a storybook palace to make a happy marriage!
In our text that __________ just read, Paul gives us a picture of a Christian marriage and some tremendous advice. As we look at it again, let’s remember where Paul is coming from . . . Since Chpt. 4, he’s been discussing what it means to live worthy of our call as Christians. We’re to live worthy by preserving the unity of the Spirit thru the bond of peace among fellow
Christians. We’re to live worthy by being different from the world around us...
And part of that being different is avoiding ANY HINT of sexual immorality
among us! And WE made the observation last week that sexual immorality not only destroys the soul, but it destroys marriages by perverting God’s
intention for the way men & women are to live in relationship together.
Vs. 21 is another transitional statement, I believe.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Part of what it means to ‘walk worthy’; of what it means to live in Christian
community is to “submit to one another” ... WHY? “Out of reverence for
Christ.” I.e. b/c we ‘fear’ God; b/c we respect God!
We’re not extremely comfortable talking about ‘submission’ today, are we? What’s the dream in America? It’s to be your own boss! To answer to nobody but yourself! Like my sister used to tell me, “You’re not the boss of me!” We don’t like to be told what to do; to live in submission to another person ... but that’s just what the Bible is saying: We are to submit our will to the will of others.
Submission is a crucial ingredient in Christian living in general.
In 1 Cor. 16:16, Christians in Corinth were asked to submit to workers who had become servants to the church– they were to submit to servants! Jesus
himself repeatedly taught throughout his ministry : Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, but whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (Matt 23:12) That’s the same idea! Christians are to live in mutual submission! Notice, Paul is NOT saying that SOME Christians are to submit to other Christians . . . RATHER that ALL Christians are to submit to each other! I especially appreciated what _______ said to us the other night regarding our building program, for example. While there were only a few who indicated that they did not support the new building proposal on those surveys we filled outlast month, we understand that there were a few of you who don’t. Submission means that those who believe in the project respect you and your opinions; that they don’t think less of you for them. And submission also means that you who may not be ‘for it’ respect the decision of the rest to move forward, that you don’t think less of them for it and that you don’t work against them. And we all PRAY for God’s will to be done in the matter. That’s
submission; something we don’t talk about very often, but something I appreciated Gary bringing up. It was a good point, I thought.
And Submission is a crucial ingredient in Christian Marriages, specifically!
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,
his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their
husbands in everything.
Let’s stop here and acknowledge something that I’m afraid may keep us from hearing God’s Message in this text: This passage has been horribly twisted
and perverted by some over the years. The message in which Paul intended to convey an encouraging and counter-cultural message about Christian
marriage has been turned by some into a terrible club used against women. In extreme cases, this text has been used as justification for husbands to be
abusive to their wives. A judge in Canada was recently removed from the bench because he was sending women back into the home with their abusive
husbands after reading to them this text. Folks, that’s just plain wrong! That’s NOT what this passage is saying and to believe that is to believe a lie!
Husbands, abuse (physical OR mental) is absolutely a sin. If you are guilty of treating your wife in that manner, then God will not fail to hold you accountable
for that action. Wives, I’m convinced that if you’re in an abusive home, God wants you to get to safety, especially if there are children involved- for your
own sake as well as your children’s.
But that’s NOT the intent of this text! Quite the opposite! The message is, WIVES, YOU have a role to play in your marriage. Back in Genesis, the Bible tells us that after God had created man he saw that it
wasn’t good for him to be alone and so he created a “helper”; “help meet”, “suitable for him.” Not a helper in the sense of a ‘lower level assistant’, but a
helper in the sense of a companion, a supporter who would complement him. And Eve was created to complement the man, to help him, to support him; to
complete him. Wives, this means that you actively support the leadership of your husband in the home, not balking at or undermining him. Why? ‘As to
the Lord.’ This doesn’t mean that your husbands is a god - I know that comes as quite a surprise. Rather, you submit to his leadership out of respect for the Lord. It isn’t a ‘forced’ submission . . . where your husband says, “I will make you submit to me.” It is a ‘voluntary’ submission where you willingly choose to put your husbands needs ahead of your own needs. You allow him to lead in the home and you support him by your words and actions. That’s Bible submission! ‘Submission’ isn’t a bad word.
Notice what Paul says to Husbands next . . .
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself
up for her
26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or
any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just
as Christ does the church--
30 for we are members of his body.
We usually don’t understand that this is an extremely counter-cultural message today! We tend to get too hung up on the word ‘submit’ because that pushes a lot of buttons in our ‘politically correct’ culture of 21st century America, but this was an extremely liberating message for women in the first
century! Remember, women were viewed as inferior and had relatively little freedom. In most places, women were minimally educated, could not be
witnesses in a court of law, could not adopt children or make a contract, could not own property or inherit property. (NIV Application Commentary, 303)
Respectable women didn’t go out in public very much. They walked behind their husbands without speaking. While women were expected to be faithful
to their husbands, there existed a fairly accepted double standard when it came to men. But for Christians, it was to be DIFFERENT! God has a very
high view of women! For Paul to exhort Christian men to love their wives as Christ loved the church was a profoundly counter-cultural message. He’s saying essentially, “be willing to lay down your life for your wife. Put her needs above your own. Live your life sacrificially FOR her.” Love her, like
your own body! We take care of our bodies, we protect it, we care for it. We try not to take our health for granted. Take care of your wife and don’t take
her for granted either! She is a part of you!
31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his
wife, and the two will become one flesh."
I love to read this text at weddings! What does it mean for the two to become
one? What a profound mystery! I can remember the challenge of learning to
think in terms of ‘us’ and ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ and ‘me.’ In marriage, what was
formerly two separate lives, when united in marriage becomes one life! Two partners sharing a lifetime together! What an amazing and wonderful thing! God really knew what he was doing, didn’t he?
32 This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and
the wife must respect her husband. (NIV)
Again, Paul reminds us that the basis for this ‘Submission’ is found in what Christ did for us! Wives, he says the way you submit to your husband is
patterned after how the church submits to Christ. If your relationship with your husband was the only indicator to someone else of how the church should
follow Christ, what would they think? What are you teaching? Husbands, the Bible is saying that the way you love your wife is to be patterned after how
Christ loved the church. If your relationship with your wife was the only picture someone had of how much Jesus loves the church, what would they see?
While many of you grew up in a time when traditional marriage was very much the norm in our culture; when you saw very few divorces and children were taught God’s will for a Christian marriage . . . BUT, I’m afraid that more and more this message is becoming a counter-cultural one. Who could ever
imagine Jesus proclaiming his love for the church (i.e. me & you), and then giving it all up when the going got tough? Who could ever imagine Jesus
before Pilate and when asked if he was the Messiah thinking ‘you know what,this is just too hard. I know God wants me to be happy, so I’m just not going
to do this. I’m not going to the cross. I just don’t feel like loving these people that much.’ Could you imagine Jesus doing that? He certainly would have
reason to, wouldn’t he? God’s people weren’t exactly faithful to him always, were they?
There may be some husbands and wives here this morning who are struggling in your marriage. I hope this message is an encouraging one to you! I hope you’ve heard God this morning say to you, “Hang in there! Keep working on your marriage! Don’t give up!” Maybe you need to make a commitment that you’re going to work on your relationship. Say to your spouse that your marriage is too important for you to give up on it! Maybe one of you needs to swallow your pride and say, “I’m sorry.” What is it going to take? You’ve got to be willing to do WHATEVER it takes! God wants to restore your marriage! And he wants to strengthen ALL of our marriages!
If you’re one of those whose life has been affected by divorce, (whether it was your own or your parents) then you know firsthand how hurtful and destructive
‘missing the mark’ in our marriages can be. I hope the message for you this morning has been an encouraging one as well- a confirming one for you. I
know many of you would heartily ‘amen’ what Paul has said about Christian marriage. I say to you, continue to seek the Lord’s will for your life. Find peace and comfort in Him and healing for those wounds of the past. God is still there for you, regardless of what has happened!
By the way, I believe God is a forgiving God and that any of us can find forgiveness for what we’ve done to contribute to problems in our marriages.
Maybe you’re a young person, single and wonder what this has to say to you. You’ve not even thought about marriage! I hope to you this message will emphasize to you the importance of building ANY relationship you have on the foundation of Jesus Christ. If you’re dating someone right now who is NOT a Christian; who has no inclination to pattern their life after Jesus Christ- this should stand as a huge red flag to you! What are you doing? Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who won’t put the Lord in his/ her life? This message should encourage you to make sure that the person you decide to marry, is already first and foremost ‘married’ to Jesus
Christ! This world is a harsh place and I’m just not convinced that you have much hope for a strong marriage if you both aren’t committed to God FIRST!
How can we encourage you in your marriage this morning? This church offers a fantastic ministry through our family counselor, Dr. Mike, also one of
our Shepherds.
If you need the prayers and encouragement of your church family, we’d love to pray with you . . .
If you’ve never accepted Christ as your Lord & Savior . . . won’t you do so as we stand and sing this invitation song?
