INTRODUCTION
• Today we will continue with our Ten Commandments series. Thus far the commandments can be summarized by saying we are to honor God and we are to honor our parents. Today we are going to open up a subject that is a real problem in our society. This issue at hand today is the Seventh Commandment.
• Exodus 20:14 tells us, “You shall not commit adultery.”
• This commandment can be summarized by saying, “Honor your spouse.”
• Television and movies seem to glorify adultery. Watch the Soap Operas. Many movies we see glorify it.
• Just how prevalent is the problem today? According to an article by Kerby Anderson who is the president of Probe Ministries: (http://www.probe.org/docs/adultery.html)
• How prevalent is adultery? Two of the most reliable studies come to similar conclusions. The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior estimates that "More than one-third of men and one-quarter of women admit having had at least one extramarital sexual experience."{1} Samuel Janus and Cynthia Janus, The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior (New York: John Wiley and Sons, 1993), 169. A survey by the National Opinion Research Center (University of Chicago) found lower percentages: 25 percent of men had been unfaithful and 17 percent of women. Even when these lower ratios are applied to the current adult population, that means that some 19 million husbands and 12 million wives have had an affair.{2} Joannie Schrof, "Adultery in America," U.S. News and World Report, 31 Aug. 1998, 31.
• Perhaps you are thinking, "This is just a problem with non-Christians in society. It can’t be a problem in the church. Certainly the moral standards of Christians are higher." Well, there is growing evidence that adultery is also a problem in Christian circles. An article in a 1997 issue of Newsweek magazine noted that various surveys suggest that as many as 30 percent of male Protestant ministers have had sexual relationships with women other than their wives.{5} Kenneth Woodward, "Sex, Morality and the Protestant Minister," Newsweek (28 July 1997), 62.
• According to a 1994 University of Michigan study, “infidelity is indeed the primary cause of divorce.”
• Only about 35 percent of couples remain together after the discovery of an adulterous affair; the other 65 percent divorce. Perhaps nothing can destroy a marriage faster than marital infidelity.
• I would imagine all of us here today have either been personally affected or know a person who has been affected in some way by adultery. Today we are going to look at what the commandment means, then we will see that the grass is not greener on the other side and finally we will look at steps as to how we can protect ourselves from the sin of adultery.
SERMON
I. A LOOK AT THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT
• Once again God gives us a pretty simple command to follow, but as the statistics I shared with you show, many people do not see this as important.
• When God created man and woman, He also created marriage.
• In Genesis 2:24 we are told, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
• This is the reason that sex outside of marriage is not what God wanted. When a couple is joined together in marriage, they are no longer two, but one flesh, they have a special bond. God is the creator of sex and it was meant for the mutual satisfaction of the husband and wife. It was meant to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage. Man though has a way of messing up a good thing.
• In the Old Testament, adultery was sex between a man, married or unmarried and a married woman. You have to remember in the Old Testament we had polygamy laced throughout. If a man had sex with an unmarried woman, he HAD to marry her and he was NEVER allowed to divorce her. DEUTERONOMY 22:28-29 says, "If a man finds a girl who is a virgin, who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her and they are discovered, then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become his wife because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days.
• Adultery was punishable by death in the Old Testament, even if a person slept with a woman who was engaged. DEUTERONOMY 22:23-24 says, "If there is a girl who is a virgin engaged to a man, and another man finds her in the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city and you shall stone them to death; the girl, because she did not cry out in the city, and the man, because he has violated his neighbor’s wife. Thus you shall purge the evil from among you.
• LEVITICUS 20:10 says, ’If there is a man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
• There was more of an emphasis in the Old Testament with the marital status of the woman when it came to adultery. Jesus though expanded the scope of adultery.
• MAT 5:28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
• MAT 5:32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
• In 1 Corinthians 7:15 Paul releases a person who is abandoned from this bondage, “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
• Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 says, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.”
• God condemns all sex outside of marriage. Adultery covers having sex with a person other than your spouse where as fornication deals with sex between unmarried people. (New Unger Talking Bible Dictionary)
• He does this because of the destruction that sex outside of marriage can leave.
II. THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE
• How many times have people looked at other than their spouse and thought how nice it would be to be with them. If I could just have him or her, my life would be more exciting!
• It might bring your marriage more excitement, if you consider divorce court exciting. Remember that adultery results in divorce 65 percent of the time. "For most people and most marriages, infidelity is dangerous."(Frank Pittman, Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy (New York: Norton, 1989), 37)
• I am not happy and God would not want me to be unhappy would he? This other person would make me happy. How many men have run off with their pretty young secretary? So often we think the grass is always greener on the other side.
• In an article from Net News Now, (Washington, DC, January 22, 1997) quoted in Dr. Laura’s book on the Ten Commandments, “According to Dr. Lana Staneli, author of a book on marital triangles, “Of those who break up their marriages to marry someone else, 80% are sorry later. Of those who do marry their lover, which is only 10%, about 70% of them get another divorce. Of that 25%-30% that stay married, only 50% of them are happy. Having and affair is an invitation to an awful lot of pain and tragedy.”
• Many do not consider the affects adultery will cause with their families. They will have a spouse who will have a hard time ever trusting them again. Children have a hard time honoring an adulterous parent. The family stability is in jeopardy. Remember 65% of marriages in which adultery happens, end in divorce. Is it worth it?
• Your children will pay a high price for your sin when the marriage ends in divorce.
• Divorce has profoundly negative effects on children. Compared to children from intact homes, children of divorce are far more likely to struggle academically, engage in drug and alcohol use and other high-risk behaviors, commit suicide, experience psychiatric problems, and live in poverty. Patrick Fagan and Robert Rector, "The Effects of Divorce on America," Heritage Foundation Backgrounder No. 1373 (June 5, 2000). Thirty years of research now conclusively shows that divorce is harmful to children in virtually every measure.
• The impact on children of divorce is not short-lived but life-long. A recently released 25-year longitudinal study of children whose parents divorced in the 1970’s revealed that as adults, these children continued to struggle emotionally and relationally as a result of their parents’ divorce. 3Judith Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (New York : Hyperion, 2000). They consistently experience expectations of failure, fear of loss, fear of change, and fear of conflict. http://www.family.org/cforum/research/papers/a0016186.html
• Knowing this information can help the person who has been victimized by this that they have a difficult road ahead of them. Adultery is not some victimless sin that hurts no one. If is a selfish sin that can have long-term devastating affects on those left in its wake.
III. WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE
1. Take care of each others needs. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5
• READ 1 COR 7:1-5
• One way to protect your marriage from adultery is to take care of each others needs.
• According to Dr. Willard Harley author of the book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage. He believes that unmet needs, by either partner, are a primary cause of extramarital affairs. (http://www.probe.org/docs/adultery.html)
• Men, typically the number one need they have is affection. When we are affectionate towards our wives, we show them that we care for them and want to protect them. It shows concern for them. Women need conversation, openness and honesty. They also need us to be financially committed to them and they expect us to be committed to the family, being a good father and husband.
• Women, men are not quite as deep. A typical mans number one need is sexual fulfillment. Where wives need to know they are loved, men need to know they are respected by their wives.
• Take care of each others needs and you will have a great marriage!
2. Watch what you look at. Matthew 5:27-32
• READ MATTHEW 5:27-32
• EXPLAIN. Blind is better than burned!
3. Exercise some self-control. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7
• READ 1 THESSALONIANS 4:3-7
• CONTROL YOURSELF
4. Watch who you hang out with.
• 2TI 2:22 Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
• 1CO 15:33 Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."
5. Remember the vows you made before God.
CONCLUSION
• Don’t become another bad statistic! Don’t think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
• There is a lot of joy that can come out of a long-term faithful relationship.
• A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split their’s. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat and she replied, "Not yet. It’s his turn with the teeth."
• God expects you to be faithful to your spouse all the days of their life! To do anything else is a sin before God.
• God is not just there to keep you from having fun, He laid down this law because He knows all the bad things that comes from an adulterous situation. God loves you. If you have fallen prey to this sin, there is forgiveness in Jesus.
