James Walker, in his book “Husbands Who Won’t Lead & Wives Who Won’t Follow”, wrote: “Deep within each man and women is a common longing: the desire to find comfort, companionship, and fulfillment.” I concur with that statement. For all of us, regardless of sex or age, want to be loved, accepted and affirmed. For the most part, most of us at some point in our pilgrimage here on planet Earth have/shall experienced the awful ache of not being wanted in various ways. As a matter of fact, it affects us all.
We hunger for an unconditional love-affair not based on lust but on love; we long for an unqualified acceptance not based on our perfect performance nor on what has been done lately for the other party; and we crave an unreserved affirmation not based on merit but on mercy. We all desire to find comfort, companionship and fulfillment.
But the scary part about reality is that there are scores of human personalities who are just not wanted. None wants to offer them, comfort, companionship or fulfillment. None offers them an unconditional love affair, an unqualified acceptance or an unreserved affirmation. The sad and scary truth is that there are people whom no one wants.
And I really don’t have to labor this fact long because you know people who live a lonely, isolated existence. You have heard of, seen or known children whom no couple wanted to adopt, and so they spent their entire childhood in the foster care system. You’ve observed scores of homeless individuals whom no one wants to help; many in prison who have been written off an unredeemable. So I need not argue that fact. You will concede that fact with me.
And so our Text forces us to face this fact again. It introduces us to a woman whom no man wanted. Her name is Leah: WEARIED, TIRED, EXHAUSTED. Leah is a type of woman which no man seems to wants. She was able to overcome the debilitating reputation of not being wanted. I want us to take a good look at her because clearly here was a woman who was able to live thru the degrading experience of being not wanted by any man. Although she was often tempted to retreat into pity-parties and isolationism, yet she remained true to who she was and had the inner strength of expectation to wait on God.
What then are some of the Characteristics of the Woman whom most men do not want? This Text give Three Clear Characteristics of the kind of Woman most men do not want, and I will share them with you.
I. The First Characteristic here revealed about THE WOMAN MOST MEN DO NOT WANT IS THAT OF BEING BEAUTY CHALLENGED.
Verse 17 says: “Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favored.” The word tender eyed in Hebrew means weak eyed, a turning eye, even crossed eyed. So Leah had a problem with her sight; the disfigurement of her eyes made her face unappealing. And this is high lighted by the contrasting fact that Rachel was beautiful and well favored. And so the suggestion is Rachel was beautiful and shapely but Leah was Beauty Challenged, Unattractive, Not Pleasant to Look Upon. We would say that she was Ugly.
You need to understand that Leah’s Self-Image was rooted in Her Status, Not Her Own Qualities. Historically, a woman in Leah’s day was not highly esteemed. Her birth was lightly regarded. Being the oldest daughter meant she was the head household servant. And being a servant meant her father was expected to pay a dowry to someone, anyone, who would take her off his hands. She had little choice in most instances and could only hope for the best and grit her teeth while the deal for her husband was settled. And being beauty-challenged meant that Leah was often overlooked in favor of the younger more attractive Rachel.
Not knowing Leah’s childhood background, we can assume that she may have had the seeds of inferiority sown in her in many ways. She might have been called ‘cock-eyed Leah,’ or ‘the ugly daughter of Laban.’ We can assume that she was the object of scorn and the butt of jokes which would have caused her to be withdrawn and hiding her face and figure behind a veil. She Leah was a working woman; she focused more on work than personal appearance. To compensate for not having beauty and a knock-out figure, she made up for it with work.
For most women, beauty, not brains, retains its number-one position throughout life, even into middle age and beyond. And I believe the reason the average woman would rather have beauty than brains is that she knows the average man can see better than he can think. There was a hostile husband who mouthed off to his wife. He asked, "How can you be so pretty, yet so dumb?" She appropriately replied, "I’m pretty so that you will love me. I’m dumb so that I will love you." The average woman would rather have beauty rather than brains because she knows the average man can see better than he can think!
Many women today, who carry about a negative self-image, think they have little outwardly to point to. They are attractive and competent in many respects. But because of this perfect 10 society in which they live, its as if they have never looked in a mirror, or seen one of their report cards. We read in verse 17 that “Leah was tender eyed …” Her self-image had little to do with her looks; it was based on her God-given qualities.
A negative view of yourself, based on beauty rather than brains, can launch you into a lifetime crusade to prove something: that you are of unlimited worth. Most women carry from childhood a profoundly negative view of themselves. Because children begin quite early to interpret their elders’ actions or lack of action from one point of view and its this: “What my parents say or do must somehow pivot on me and how they feel about me.” A child’s view of life revolves around his/her own feelings. Their practice at seeing the hurts of others is not sufficiently developed to allow them to understand that people are often locked in by their own problems, problems that were not in any way created by the child.
Therefore, if a child does not get attention and affection, he/she assumes there is a good reason: “There must be something wrong with me.” And because of that view scores of women have set themselves up to accept abusive treatment from their partners.
And ladies, you’ve got to get to the place where you self-image is not predicated on commercials or models or movie stars and the fashion fads; but on what God says about you. And God says you are beautiful and valuable. And you must realize that your beauty and value is not predicated on how you look on the outside, but how you look on the inside. It is not the
hair-weaving or the wearing of gold and putting on designer clothes; but it’s the hidden man of the heart who is adorned with a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
And so, the first characteristic of the woman most men don’t want is that of Being beauty Challenged.
II. The Second Characteristic her revealed about the Woman Most Men Do Not Want Is That of Being Patient.
Let me here suggest to us that Leah was a very patient lady. She waited and waited and waited for her time to come. And perhaps oftentimes it seemed as if her time had come and gone. Perhaps she watched as the men eyed Rachel with stares. Perhaps she overheard conversations discussing Rachel’s beauty and shapely figure; but no one stopped to stare at her or cast a wishful eye in her direction. And yet, SHE WAITED ON GOD! Verse 23 says: “And it came to pass in the evening, that he (Laban) took his daughter, and brought her to him (Jacob); and he went in unto her.”
You’ve got to get to the place where you know that all things do indeed work together for good to them that love God.
For God has a way of turning things around.
He has a way of reversing the tide and overturning the tables.
He has a way of turning a curse into a blessing and a blotch into beauty;
He has a way of a stumbling block into a stepping stone; a blemish into a blessing; a weakness into strength.
Even those things that seem to be against, God can make them work in our favor.
God has a way of granting you your heart’s desire even when it looks like no one wants you!
Ask Leah! She waited and waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined unto her, and heard her cry. For you must bear in mind that Leah wasn’t in the streets looking for man! She didn’t go clubbing or partying or cruising the streets or using the chat room on the internet. LEAH STAYED AT HOME AND GOD BROUGHT THE MAN TO HER!!! Look at verse 23 again: “And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.”
And that is significant, because it is a man’s nature to hunt. It is man’s nature to be the aggressor. One of my friends reminded me the other day that no rabbit jumps up from hiding, show his white tail and whistles at the hunter and says ‘Here I am.’ Man, by nature, is a hunter. He likes to hunt and find. Perhaps that’s why Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord.”
And what that’s says is: It is not your job to Find a Man! The Man is to Find You! Ladies, you don’t have to go looking. God has made you to be the Looked After, the Sought After. And perhaps that’s why some women find themselves in destructive relationships; because they went looking and found. Perhaps you did find a man but not the right man! The right man is not found in clubs, bars, joints and honky-tonks, or hanging out in the streets, or standing idle in the mall, or on-line in the singles’ chat room. You need to stop searching and wait on God!
God will cause the right man to Find You! And in order for him to find you, you must be at the RIGHT PLACE. Your right place first of all, is at HOME. If he can’t come to your house but suggests that you meet him somewhere else; then, I suggest that’s not the right man! If you have to slip and hide to meet a man; then I’d suggest you’re not in the right place nor with the right man! You need to be at home, for God knows where you live. Your house is a safe place for you; you’re comfortable at home; you know your way around; you need a safe place! The man needs to get an idea of who you are and what you expect; and that’s discovered at your house.
Secondly, your right place is at WORK. If he can’t find you at home, then he should be able to find you at work. By working you are telling him that you prize the stewardship of work and that you depend on God to supply all your needs. You are telling him that you have some skills; that you have a mind and know how to use it. You are telling him that while you are waiting on God to move that you are not just sitting with folded arms standing by the window.
Thirdly, if he can’t find you at Home and at Work, then he should be able to find you at CHURCH. For if he is the right man, he will be found in church! He ought to find you in the house of God lifting up holy hands and blessing that wonderful name of Jesus. He ought to find you in the courts of praise. You ought to be at church getting instructions for your journey and strength to endure temptations and power to run and not be weary and power to walk and not faint. He ought to find you in the Lord’s house on the Lord’s Day. He ought to find you at church on Wednesday evenings for Prayer, praise and Bible Study.
And if you are at the right place, GOD WILL BRING YOU AND THE RIGHT MAN TOGETHER! Genesis 29:23 says: “and it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.” That underscores the fact that GOD WILL BRING YOU TOGETHER!
It might be the right man and you both might be in the right place, but you might not know each other and that you were destined to be together; but GOD WILL BRING YOU TOGETHER! He’ll cause you to meet. GOD WILL HOOK YOU UP! And who God Hooks Up Cannot Be Broken Up! For what God joins together, no man can put asunder!!!
But I need to remind you that most men do not want a woman who has the inner strength of expectation to Wait On God! They want her to act on impulse and emotion. They want her to follow the flow of the moment. They want her to be lead by the lust of the flesh and the passion of the moment. They don’t want you to Wait on God!
But you’ve got to get to the place where you can Mix Pain with Your Hope. I know that oftentimes it’s hard to praise God when no one wants you. But the powerful thing about Hope in the midst of Pain is, as long as you have Expectation, You will Trouble Your Circumstances! Because nothing shakes up the way things are like the Expectation of thing being better! Mingle Pain with Joy; mix Weeping with Rejoicing; mix the Evening with the Morning; because your Expectation of the Morning will trouble your Circumstances in the Night!
And that’s where you’ve got to go. You’ve got to get to the point where in the middle of your experience, you can rejoice because of Your Expectation. You’ve got to get to the point where you know that what’s going on in your life will not always be; but that God is going is going to make a move. And that takes PATIENCE!!!
And so, the Woman most men do not want Has the Beauty of Inner Character and the Strength to Wait on God. But there is one more characteristic of the kind of woman most men don’t want.
III. The Third and Final Characteristic here revealed about the Woman Most Men Do Not Want Is That Of Being HATED YET LOVED.
I think I need to remind you Women of Worth that the woman who knows her true beauty is her inner character and not her outward looks and has the intelligence to wait patiently on God to make a move on her behalf is a HATED WOMAN! Most men feel intimidated by that kind of woman.
And let me back up for just a moment to verse 25, because in that verse is housed a very important principle and a mind altering truth. For that verse makes the claim that the truest and most purest love-affairs take place in the EVENING! For at verse 23, Jacob and Leah had spent the night together. In the darkness of night, there was a love-affair and it lasted until the morning. And all that night, Jacob did not complain. But when the morning came when he could see with his eyes, he was offended.
And that is to suggest that its in the darkness where sight gives way to what is sensed with the mind and spirit which is ultimate reality. When one is blinded to what is seen with the eyes and has to see with the spirit and the soul is when accurate judgments are made. For a person’s true self is not measured by looks or the shape of one’s body or the color of one’s skin, but by the content of one’s character.
And so I contend that Jacob had an affair with the essence of Leah all night long. He fell in love with the personality of a woman of worth. But in the morning he discovered that the image of the woman he thought he was with did not square with what he saw in the light. And so, he tried to deny reality. Reality was it was Leah and not Rachel. Reality was sight was overshadowed by the night of true sight. And so, because reality stared him in the face in the morning, in that he had a true love affair with the essence of a woman and not the appearance of a woman, he then developed a HATRED for Leah.
Which is to suggest to us that we must get beyond the flesh and the seen and have communion with the spirit of a person. Let your love affair be based on the intercourse of personality, mind, soul. Get to know the person’s intimate thoughts, hopes, desires; have a love affair with their character. Close your eyes and romance their souls. Close your eyes and embrace their spirits. Hug their hopes. Kiss their hearts. Stroke their being. And that happens in the Evening when the eyes are overshadowed by the soul. Fall in love with the essence of the person.
The woman who knows her true beauty is her inner character and not her outward looks and has the intelligence to wait patiently on God to make a move on her behalf is a HATED WOMAN! Most men feel intimidated by that kind of woman.
When you are confident in knowing who you really are in God and that your beauty is not predicated on outward looks but on inner character, you can turn down the advances of the best looking man! Whereas he thinks he is doing you a favor by paying you some attention and that you ought to be grateful, you can turn him down; you don’t have to settle for anybody. And when you refuse the advances of the good looking man; you going to be HATED!
When you have the inner strength to confidently wait on God to make a move, you’ll not give in the lust of the flesh and the pleasures of sin for a season. And you’ll be HATED!!!
They will brand you with being stuck up. They’ll say that you think you are all that. They will make fun of you, just because they cannot get next to you! But you’ve waiting on God to make His move! And when He moves, He can make the same man who hates you to fall in love with you!!
But you Women of Worth Must Know that You are Loved, even when most men don’t want you! In I John 4:7-8, we are told: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God, and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”
There is a tremendous relief in knowing that God’s love to you is utterly realistic. It is based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about you, so that no discovery can now disillusion Him about you and quench His determination to bless you. He sees all the twisted things about you that others do not see; He sees more corruption in you than you see in yourself; and yet He wants you as His friend and desires to be your friend; and has given His Son to die for you in order to realize this purpose.
GOD WILL BLESS YOU!!! HE WILL MAKE YOU FRUITFUL.
HE WILL LOOK ON YOUR AFFLICTION AND MAKE MEN LOVE YOU!
HE WILL HEAR AND ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS!
HE WILL CAUSE YOU TO PRAISE
HE WILL OPEN THE WOMB OF YOUR ESSENCE AND BLESS YOU!!!
