1 Corinthians
God’s Word About Sex, Divorce, & Singleness
1 Corinthians 7
March 9, 2003
Intro:
A. [Citation: Ben Merold, Pastor of Harvester Christian Church, in St. Charles, MO.}
Ben Merold, Pastor of Harvester Christian Church in St. Louis, Mo., tells of two Christians, a man and a woman, who came to him with a problem.
They were “living together” but each was married to someone else.
They tried to impress him with the fact that they would marry each other when their divorces were final.
They also stated that their relationship was led by God.
Pastor Merold had to remind them that God does not work contrary to His Word and that the Word of God stated that they were living in adultery.
They scoffed at his viewpoint and left.
And Merold summarizes this story with this statement: It is always this way with those who put feelings and emotions ahead of Scripture.
B. Last week we studied in chapter 6 where the apostle Paul implored the Corinthians with a barrage of questions to get them to understand that they should view everything in life and in the world differently than unbelievers.
1. Today in the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians, we see the apostle Paul telling them (and us) that we should view sex, marriage, divorce, and singleness differently than the world does.
2. This is the first of several topics that the Corinthians had asked Paul some questions about in a previous letter.
3. There will be some who are shocked to hear that this kind of stuff is in the Bible and some who are surprised that I would preach it—but I’ve always said if its in the Word it should be preached!
4. There will be some that will be very happy about having the preacher say some of this stuff J!
5. If you have children, you may choose to have them go to Jr. Church—but I believe that it will be good for them to hear it from me and then you discuss it with them at home.
3. Today we want to see what God’s Word is about sex, marriage, and singleness…
I. God’s Word About Sex (1-9)
A. Paul begins by saying that singleness is not a bad thing.
1 Corinthians 7:1 (NIV), Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
1. We put a lot of emphasis on growing up and getting married today just as they did back then, but Paul begins by saying that you don’t have to get married.
2. You don’t have to get married in order to be happy in life.
3. There are advantages to being single and Paul will list some later in this chapter.
B. But in verse two, Paul says that if a person cannot control their sexual desires, it is better to get married than to get involved in sexual immorality.
1 Corinthians 7:2 (NIV), But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
1. Sex before marriage is wrong; I don’t care if people think they’re in love or they are going to get married some day or what.
2. There is no situation that excludes a person from the Bible’s teachings against having sex outside of marriage.
3. If you are tempted to get involved in some sexual immorality, then it is better to get married in order to control yourself.
4. Verse two also stipulates that marriage is reserved for a man and a woman.
5. “It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.”
6. Marriage is a gift from God designed by Almighty God to bring a man and a woman the joy of love and companionship throughout this life.
7. A person should marry who desires this and cannot control their sexual desires.
E. Now notice verses 3-5.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NIV), The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1. Now the Church has historically had some pretty strange views about sex.
2. There was a time when people who had partaken in the “beastial” act could not partake of communion the following Sunday.
3. There was a time when it was taught that the HS left the room when couples engaged in intercourse.
4. There was a time when it was taught in the church that couples should not have sex, unless it was for the purpose of reproduction.
5. None of these teachings could be farther than the truth of what the Bible teaches!
6. It is clear that Paul says couples should always be having sex unless they both consent to stop for a while in order to devote themselves to prayer.
a. But notice in that circumstance, both partners have to agree to it.
b. They have to set a specific time when their abstinence will end.
c. And then they must come back together “so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
d. Let it never be said that the Bible is anti-sex!
e. Proverbs 5:18 & 19 says, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.”
f. There are other passages that talk about abstaining for physical reasons.
g. But other than physical reasons, a time of prayer is the only reason for abstinence.
h. Married couples should enjoy the pleasures of sex!
i. God created us male and female in the Garden of Eden and I, for one, am glad He did!
j. The Bible is pro-sex—within marriage.
F. Then in verses 6 & 7, Paul says that celibacy is a gift.
1 Corinthians 7:6-7 (NIV), I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
1. Paul says that he is giving this instruction about fulfilling marital duties as a concession because he really thinks people are better off single.
2. But he acknowledges that celibacy is a gift that God only gives to some people and if someone doesn’t have that gift, then they should get married.
G. Then Paul says to the unmarried and the widows that it is good for them to stay unmarried.
1 Corinthians 7:8 (NIV), Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
1. Just as Paul said at the beginning of this chapter…
2. It is OK to remain single; there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single.
4. It is not a requirement of heaven to have been married.
5. There are some good things about being single.
H. But to the unmarried and widows, Paul says again, that if they cannot control their sexual desires, they should marry.
1 Corinthians 7:9 (NIV), But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1. “…it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
2. Jesus said that even thinking about adultery is sin.
3. And if singles are going to have problems with that, then they should get married.
4. Because sex is a good and necessary within the confines of marriage.
II. God’s Word About Divorce (10-24)
A. These next verses are concerning Christian couples considering divorce.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NIV), To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
1. This is when both of the partners are Christians.
2. Christian couples should not get divorced; Biblical marriages are “till death do us part.”
3. There is only one “out” for Christian couples and that is adultery.
4. If neither couple committed adultery, then it is “until death do us part.”
5. Christian couples should stay married; Christian couples should work things out.
6. Christian couples that have been to the foot of the cross and have been forgiven of their sins have no grounds for divorce.
7. Even in the case of adultery, many Christian marriages can be saved!
8. If a person has been to Calvary there is no reason (outside of adultery) that a person cannot learn to love and forgive their spouse.
9. I know the world has a different view of this and I’m here to tell you that it is OBVIOUS that their views of this aren’t working and they are destroying our children and our country!
10. In nearly every instance, children who have grown up in broken homes grow up with real problems and usually wind up with their own broken homes!
11. Only God’s way of “until death do us part” works!
12. Christian marriages are “until death do us part”
B. Next Paul says, “to the rest;” he is clearly making a distinction from the last group he discussed.
1 Corinthians 7:12 (NIV), To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
1. First, we know that Paul is writing this to believers in the city of Corinth, Greece.
2. And the previous group was a marriage consisting of two believing partners.
3. Verses 12-16 are therefore addressed to a married couple consisting of one believing Christian and one unbeliever.
4. This is what I call mixed marriages.
5. There, by the way, has never been any distinction in the Bible about people marrying people of different races.
6. I know that when the term mixed marriages is used, people think of marriages between races.
7. Christians are never commanded not to marry someone of another race, but we are commanded not to marry unbelievers.
8. 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.’”
9. Christians are not to be married to unbelievers.
10. That is what I mean by mixed couples, and that is whom Paul is addressing in verses 12-16 of our text.
11. Paul is addressing Christians who disobeyed that command.
12. Paul is addressing Christians who have married unbelievers.
13. They did what they shouldn’t have done when they got married, so what should they do now?
14. Should they divorce their spouse to make up for their mistake?
15. What should they do?
C. In verses 13 & 14 Paul says that if the unbeliever wants to stay married, then the believer should not get a divorce.
1 Corinthians 7:13-14 (NIV), And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
1. Why should they stay together, since they should have never been married in the first place?
2. One reason is because of what God intended marriage to be.
a. God intended marriage to be for life.
b. Paul has mentioned this already in this chapter and will mention it again.
3. Another reason is that God will sanctify the marriage for the sake of the children.
a. Paul said otherwise the children would be unholy.
b. They may still turn out unholy, but they get a fair chance when they are born.
4. Another reason is the one that Paul mentions in the next verses.
a. That being the possibility of the unbelieving spouse becoming a believer.
b. How do you know whether you will save your spouse?
5. If believers find themselves in a mixed marriage that never should have been, they should not seek a divorce.
D. But then in 15 & 16, Paul says that if the unbeliever leaves, the believer should let them do so.
1 Corinthians 7:15-16 (NIV), But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
1. First he said that if it is a mixed marriage, don’t seek a divorce.
2. But now he says that if the unbeliever wants a divorce it should be given.
3. Paul says that as long as the believer is not the one seeking the divorce, God does not bind them to that marriage.
E. The principle to take away here is that if you have sinned in the past, the answer is not divorce.
1 Corinthians 7:17-24 (NIV), Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18 Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. 20 Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. 21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you--although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord’s freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24 Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.
1. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
2. The principle here is that if you have done something wrong in the past, you stay in the condition that you are in and make the best of it.
3. However, if the unbelieving spouse leaves, let the spouse go.
4. The believer shouldn’t initiate the divorce, but if the unbeliever does, it is OK for the believer to divorce and remarry.
5. Even if you married or divorced unbiblically, the solution today is not another divorce.
6. The appropriate thing to do is stay in the married relationship you are in today.
7. However, if it is a live-in situation-that is adultery and must be ended.
8. But hear me when I say that if you have married or divorced unbiblically and you are currently remarried, you should not seek to correct the past by divorcing.
9. “each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him…”
10. We should not seek to correct the past by changing our current circumstances.
11. We should remain in the state that we are in.
12. Paul is speaking about the permanence of marriage. “till death do us part…”
13. I’ll remind you of Jesus’ words on this subject, “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Mark 10:6-9)
14. No matter what public opinion may currently be, marriage is permanent!
III. God’s Word About Singleness (25-40)
A. Again Paul says there is absolutely nothing wrong with staying single, in fact there are some good things about staying single.
1 Corinthians 7:25-35 (NIV), Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27 Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29 What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. 32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs--how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
1. Paul says that a married person has to spend quite a bit of time worrying about how to please their spouse.
2. A single person doesn’t have to worry about that stuff and will therefore have more time to be concerned with pleasing God.
3. Paul says that a single person is free from the concerns of pleasing their spouse.
4. And Paul says he is not saying this to restrict anyone.
5. There are people that should get married and Paul acknowledged that at the beginning of this chapter.
6. Paul is reassuring people who are being pressured into being married and they are not sure they want to.
7. You know that there are some people who don’t have any desire to get married and other people say things to try to get them to date or look for a spouse.
8. Paul is saying that we shouldn’t do that.
9. There is absolutely no reason for a person like that to ever get married.
10. Paul says that a person like that is better off staying single.
11. Paul speaks to young women and young men.
13. Then he speaks the Word of God to widows.
a. Paul restates to the widows what he said to the other groups: marriage is for life.
b. But if the spouse dies, the widow or widower is free to remarry.
c. They are free to remarry as long as, the new spouse is a believer.
d. But Paul also says that it is perfectly OK to stay single after a spouse dies, if you want to.
Conclusion:
A. A former Pastor in Seattle, WA wrote a power statement about marriage…
I am standing for the healing of my marriage!
I won’t give up, give in, give out, or give over till that healing takes place.
I made a vow; I said the words; I gave the pledge; I gave a ring; I took a ring; I gave myself; I trusted God; and said the words and meant the words…in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad; so I’m standing now, and won’t sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down, or be down till the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances; or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what’s trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous.
Nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing.
Nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s Word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what god hates, namely divorce.
In a world of filth, I will stay pure.
Surrounded by lies, I will speak the truth.
Where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God.
Where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse, and when the odds are stacked against me, I’ll trust in God’s faithfulness.
I’m a stander, and I won’t acquiesce, compromise, quarrel, or quit.
I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor the economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up till my marriage is healed up. AMEN!”
B. Today, we all need to recommit ourselves to the position we are now in.
1. Perhaps you realize that there are some things in your past that weren’t right and you need to come and repent of them today.
2. Perhaps you are single and you need to give God your singleness.
a. Perhaps you need to commit to finding your fulfillment in Christ.
b. Perhaps you need to commit your singleness to Him today.
3. Perhaps your married and you need to give that to God.
a. Perhaps there is some division in your marriage that needs to be dealt with.
b. Perhaps there is not enough sex in your marriage that needs to be addressed.
c. Perhaps the relationship itself is in trouble and you need to recommit it to God.
4. How do you need to respond to God today?
