Janey and her husband, Larry, waved goodbye to their fourteen year old daughter Shannon and her friends on the morning of May 14. "The sun was just coming up. The pink light of dawn shined through her hair, picking up auburn highlights and creating almost a halo around her head," said Janey. "She was so beautiful."
Shortly after the girls left, Larry went to Tennessee to visit his mother. But late that night, hours after the group was expected back, Janey received a disturbing phone call: there had been an "accident." The voice on the other end said.
The accident was one that affected an entire community. This was the community that I lived in at that time. On May 14, 1988, a school bus full of children, teens and chaperones traveled down Interstate 71 to Radcliff, Kentucky, on the way home from a church outing at a Cincinnati amusement park. But in the town of Carrollton, Kentucky, a drunk driver, heading the wrong way down the highway in a pickup truck, slammed into the bus head on. The bus burst into flames, killing 24 young people and three adults.
When Janey reached the church, she found a barrage of news media trucks in the parking lot; and she knew that whatever had happened was bad. Inside the church, she found her daughter Shannon’s name on a list of missing people from the bus. Janey recalls that moment: "The mother of one of Shannon’s close friends came up to me, panicked, saying they can’t find our babies. They can’t find our babies!"
Perhaps the greatest fear I have, is for something to happen to one of my babies. My greatest fear is that something would happen to someone close to me, someone I love. Comedian Jeff Foxworthy once made sport of rednecks describing a tornado, and he said of one being on TV saying, "It was awful, we could have been killed, or even worse!" People thought it was funny because what could be worse than dying. Well, there is something worse, and that is losing not your own life, but the life of someone you love. Alice Matthews, of Radio Bible Class, defines grief as "the price we pay for loving."
Grief, is a word all of us know, because death is universal. Even at a wedding, we still mention it, "until death do us part." Because eventually we know, each one of us must release the hand of one we love into the hand of One we have not yet seen. But even in the stern silence of grief and death, God still speaks to each and every one of us.
If you’ll celebrate a marriage anniversary alone this year, he speaks to you. If your child made it to heaven before making it to kindergarten, he speaks to you. If you lost a loved one in accident, if you learned more than you want to know about a certain disease, if your dreams were buried as they lowered the casket, then God speaks to you this morning.
He speaks to all of us who have stood or will stand in the soft dirt near an open grave. And to us He gives this confident word found in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 in the Living Bible: "I want you to know what happens to a Christian when he dies so that when it happens, you will not be full of sorrow, as those who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and then came back to life again, we can also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with Him all the Christians who have died"
This morning, I want us to take a look at a family who like many of you has experienced the grim reality of losing a loved one, but in the end will experience the life giving hope we know in Jesus Christ. My prayer today is that you will find not only hope and comfort through their story, and that this hope of everlasting life will not merely be just a topic of discussion for you, but an ever-present reality in your live. So let’s look at the story of Lazarus and his untimely passing.
John 11:1-3 reads, “Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."
This family was very dear to our Lord. He had a unique personal affection for them. We know from the other Gospels that our Lord liked being in their home. It was a place where He could slip off His sandals and relax. But now the home of Martha and Mary is in disarray because their brother, Lazarus, was sick. And when someone in your home is sick, you know that your entire life changes. Everything else takes a back seat. You will spend your entire life savings just to ease the pain of the one suffering. Your career that you worked so hard for takes the back seat when caring for your loved one becomes your prime responsibility.
Also at these times, your pride and self reliance fall away and you begin to recognize just how dependent you our upon God. If it was an outside attacker you could fight, but how do you fight a tumor. How do you fight a failing heart. At times like this you feel so helpless and all you can do is pray and plead.
While visiting my parents on Thanksgiving day in ’99, my Dad suffered a major heart attack. That night, my mother came running downstairs as my Dad was clutching his chest screaming in pain. I knew that I had to be strong so I called the 911 operator, and when she asked me what the problem was, the only thing I could say was, "Help my Daddy’s dying."
And one change in the household we can never forget is the impact the sickness has on the caregivers. Often we pray for those who are sick, but we must not forget how draining it is, both physically and emotionally for those who are taking care of the sick person. And they want nothing more than to just make it all go away.
Now notice how in Vs. 3 it says that Jesus loved Lazarus. The one whom You love is sick. Jesus loved Lazarus but Lazarus still got sick. Being loved by Jesus did not make him immune from the harsh realities of living in this world. One person said, "God’s love for His own is not a pampering love; it is a perfecting love. The fact that He loves us, and we love Him is no guarantee that we will be sheltered from the problems and pains of life. After all, the Father loves His Son: and yet the Father permitted His beloved Son to drink the cup of sorrow and experience the shame and pain of the Cross. We must never think that love and suffering are incompatible.
Even great Christians experience grief. C.S. Lewis, the brilliant Christian author, was a bachelor until the middle of his life. Then he found what he described as near ecstatic happiness and a feeling of completion in his brief marriage to a woman who died of cancer a few years later. In his book, A Grief Observed, he poured our his anguish over her death and asked why God had given her to him, only to take her away so quickly. Grief is a trial even for a mature Christian like C.S. Lewis. And we shouldn’t think, that just because we are Christians we are immune from these trials.
Now in Vs 4-6, Jesus receives the news that Lazarus is sick. Vs 4: “When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it." Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.”
Now let’s get a time line of events here. Jesus was at Bethabara, about twenty miles from Bethany on the day when the messenger arrived with the sad news that our Lord’s dear friend Lazarus was sick. If the man had traveled quickly, without any delay, he could have made the trip in one day. Jesus sent him back the next day with the encouraging message recorded in John 11:4. Then Jesus waited two more days before He left for Bethany; and by the time He and His disciples arrived, Lazarus had been dead for four days. This means that Lazarus had died the very day the messenger left to contact Jesus!
Now you would have thought that if Jesus really loved Lazarus than He would’ve rushed to his bedside…but it says here that He waited two additional days before leaving to go to Lazarus. When my grandfather had his heart attack, I was out to sea when I heard the news. And I wanted to get back home as quick as I could, but I had to wait 3 days until our ship pulled into port before I could go. Now that about killed me, so why did Jesus wait 2 additional days?
It’s because Jesus had something bigger planned. In your life you will realize that God’s timetable and your timetable doesn’t always coincide. Have you ever experienced this? You pray for healing, but its months before you feel even the slightest bit better. You sit by your loved ones bed side and pray that God would spare him, that God would allow him to get better…but sometimes the answer is years away, and sometimes…the answer never comes. Look at Vs 11: After he had said this, he went on to tell them, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up." His disciples replied, "Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better." Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep. So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead,”
Now death is difficult. It’s never easy to lose a loved one. Whether it’s through a prolonged illness or a tragic accident, either way death is always hard to accept. That’s because death removes a significant portion of our life. Because you buried more than a person. You buried some of yourself. In 1994, CBC Radio host Peter Gzowski, at the conclusion of his lament on the untimely death of colleague and journalist Barbara Frum said, "and so we return now to a real but diminished world." Death creates a diminished world. A part of you is taken away.
And the closer the relationship was, the more profound the exit will be. When someone you love dies, it affects you. It affects your dreams. Why does grief linger? Because you are dealing with more than memories-you are dealing with unlived tomorrows. And you just don’t get over it. Miss Cricket Riley once told me after her husband D.T. had passed away 2 years prior, how some of her friends were saying just get over it! It was two years ago. She said, ’But preacher, when you’ve been married to someone for over 40 years, you just don’t get over it."
Those who have studied the grief cycle will tell you that there are 5 stages in the grief process. The first stage is one of Shock. The reality of the loss hasn’t sunk in. That’s why often times when I go to the funeral home, the spouse will appear to everybody else to be doing just fine, handling it so well, but the truth is the reality of the loss just hasn’t sunk in yet.
The next stage is that of Denial. You don’t believe it. Often you’ll hear people say, "It’s like a nightmare. I keep thinking he’s going to walk through that door any minute now and ask me if supper is ready yet. I just can’t believe he’s gone!"
The next stage is one of anger. You become angry at the doctors. If they would have only done more, than your loved one would still be with you today. If there was an accident, you are angry at the person who you hold responsible. In the movie Steel Magnolias, After Sally Fields character’s daughter dies, Sally Field says, “I don’t think I can take this, I don’t think I can handle this. I just want to hit something and I want to hit it hard. I want to make it hurt as bad as I do. I don’t think I can take this.” At times, a person can even become angry at God. Why did God let this happen! If God was so loving than why did He let my wife die! We go so far to blame God. Vs 21 says, "Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
When the anger subsides, depression takes its place. This grief may not be as intense as before, but its there. It may not be a constant depression. You may have great days, but then there are those days when you don’t want to get out of bed. C. S. Lewis said after his wife died, "And no one ever told me about the laziness of grief. Not only writing but even reading a letter is too much. Even shaving. What does it matter now whether my cheek is rough or smooth." Life seems empty and not worth living.
The last stage of grief is the stage of acceptance. Some say this can take as long as two years if not longer. Now this final stage will come when you slowly and painfully begin to accept the loss as a part of your life and you return to a somewhat normal existence. Life will never be as it was before. You’ll never be the same. The loss will always be there and you will have to make changes and adjustments to your life. As Miss Cricket said, you don’t get over it, but you do learn to accept it.
Now Martha and Mary had some comfort from their friends. Vs 19 says that, “many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother.” But friends can only do so much. Eventually they will go home. It has been said that a joy shared is doubled and a burden shared is halved. Friends can be comforting at a time of a great loss like this, and I am proud of how this church has aided those who have experienced loss but the help a friend can give is limited. Eventually they will go home, and you will have to face the empty house alone. After his wife died, C.S. Lewis wrote in his journal, “I need Christ. I don’t need somebody who resembles Christ, I need Christ Himself.”
Martha and Mary needed Jesus, and after 4 days He arrived. And when He does a miracle happens. John 11:38 “Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. "Take away the stone," he said. "But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days." Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me." When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."
Someone has said don’t invite Jesus to your funeral because He broke up every funeral He ever attended. But I believe this scene is a picture of what will take place one day on a greater scale when all will here His voice. 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 says “For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.”
Now for the next few moments I want to give you some practical applications that will help you to overcome your fear of losing your loved ones and that will help you when you do experience a loss.
First, make the most of the time you have with your loved ones today. Our lives are often so busy nowadays that we don’t take the time to spend time with those we care about. Garth Brooks had a hit song many years ago that went, "If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I love her. " There is truth in that. Our loved ones may not be here tomorrow, so we need to let them know how much we care now. Don’t put it off.
Second, realize that it’s okay to grieve. Vs 35 of our text says that when Jesus arrived at the tomb, He wept. It’s okay to cry. I’ll never forget the first time I saw my Dad cry. It was when his brother, my uncle Ronald died while in his early 50’s,and my dad was so tough yet he wept. And when you hurt, it’s okay to grieve. And as a Christian it’s okay to grieve. You don’t have to go around with a smile saying, "I know he’s in Heaven!" If you hurt, then be honest about it. That’s what makes C.S. Lewis such a great example, and if you know of anyone who is hurting I recommend that you get them the book "A Grief Observed" because in it you see honest emotions of a giant in the Christian faith dealing with grief.
Now it’s okay to grieve, but we are told in scripture not to grieve as those who have no hope. Because as Christians we have hope. God transforms our hopeless grief into hope-filled grief. How? By telling us that we will see our loved ones again. By the promise of the resurrection and of everlasting life. We don’t like to say good-bye to those we love. But if what the Bible says about heaven is true, and I believe it is, then the ultimate prayer, the ultimate answered prayer, is heaven.
It is right for us to weep, but there is no need for us to despair. They had pain here. They have no pain there. They struggled here. They have no struggles there. You and I might wonder why God took them home. But they don’t. They understand. They are, at this very moment, at peace in the presence of God
What a promise. One 92-year-old lady quipped, "I hope I die pretty soon or my friends are going to think that I didn’t make it." People often ask, "Do you think that we will really know each other in Heaven? Will I recognize my family and friends?" I think so. Moses and Elijah appeared with Jesus on the Mount of Transfiguration and the disciples recognized them immediately, even though Moses and Elijah had died hundreds of years before the disciples were born.
I love to read the story of David when he lost his infant child. While the child was sick, he pleaded to God, but when the child died, he cleaned himself up and worshipped God. When asked why, he said, "He cannot come to me, but I will go to him." There was a country song a while back that said, "If you get there before I do, don’t give up on me." One day, we will see our loved ones again.
And finally, recognize that you are never alone. Just as Jesus grieved with Martha and Mary so He grieves with you as well. God is the God of all comfort, He knows what you are going through and in His word He has promised to never leave you nor forsake you. God will be with you in sickness and in health, in life and in death, and in life everlasting.
In the hymn “We Shall See His Lovely Face”, the third verse reads, “We shall meet to part no more, Some bright, golden morning. At the gates of glory where our loved ones stand; songs of victory fill the skies. In the hour of greeting, Endless days, endless praise, When we see His face.”
