A Walk that is Worthy
Part 13
His Needs Her Needs
Text: Eph 5:21-33
Intro:
Illus:
The Creation
God created the mule and told him: "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you will lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years." The mule answered: "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20."
And it was so.
Then God created the dog and told him: "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years." And the dog responded: "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 10 years."
And it was so.
God then created the monkey and told him: "You are the monkey. You will swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." And the monkey responded: Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years."
And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him: "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." And the man responded: "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected."
And it was so.
And God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then , he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating leftovers after they empty the pantry, then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a fool to amuse his grandchildren.
And it was so.
This morning we are going to continue on in our series in Ephesians. In light of the Valentine weekend I want to skip ahead just a bit in our text to chapter five. This morning I would like to take a few minutes to focus in on Marriages. I realize that not everyone here this morning falls into the category of a
married couple. But some of the things that I share will apply everyone here.
Illus A mature-looking lady had an appointment with a marriage counsellor, and told him flat out: "I would like to divorce my husband." To this, the counselor replied, "Well, do you have any grounds?" She answered, "Why yes. We have almost an acre." The puzzled counselor asked her, "You don’t understand. What I want to know is do you and your husband have a grudge?" The lady answered, "Actually, we don’t, but we do have a nice carport." At this, the counselor shook his head and said, "Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I just don’t see any reason why you should divorce your husband." The lady looked at the counselor and said to him, "It’s just that the man can’t carry on an intelligent conversation."
Our text this morning is a common marriage text, and even now there may be some palms that are starting to sweat in fear of what I am going to share. Don’t be afraid, I am going this won’t hurt…to bad.
What is it the dentist always says before when he is holding that 3 inch needle about ready to stab you in a place that was never meant to be stabbed…just a little bee sting.
Now most of your bibles have a heading that says “WIVES AND HUSBANDS” right before verse 22. I started with verse 21 because I think it is crucial that it be included in this discussion.
Many times when looking at this passage of scripture the word submission is reigned down upon the wife, and sacrifical love is reigned down upon the husband. We need to understand that verse 21 throws these two areas towards all of us, married or not.
1) Submit to one another.
2) Out of Reverence for Christ.
In light of what Christ has done for us. This eliminates any “Ya Buts” These two points can be boiled down into this phrase:
“Do what can to satisfy each others desires in light of the work Christ has done to meet your needs”
Dr. Larry Crabb in his book Marriage Builder had some real interesting comments on needs and desires. We must understand that marriage originated with God. He ordained it, and He set up the rules by which it should be used.
Illus
Now I can’t find this in the Bible, but perhaps you’ve heard the story that before Eve was created, God was talking with Adam. He said, “You really need a helper, don’t you?” And Adam answered, “Yeah, I really do.”
So God said, “What if I make a woman? She’ll be perfect for you. She’ll be beautiful. She’ll rub your back at night, & your feet in the morning. She’ll plop grapes into your mouth.
She’ll prepare all your favorite meals without fail. She’ll clean up the kitchen & take care of the kids. You’ll never have to do a thing, just sit around & be the king of your household.”
Adam said, “Boy, that sounds great, but how much is this going to cost?” God said, “Well, it’s pretty expensive. It will cost you an arm & a leg.” Adam thought for a moment & then asked, “How much can I get for a rib?”
Marriage originated with God. He ordained it, and He set up the rules by which it should be used. So any attempt outside of God falls short of what marriage was originally designed to be. Now I am not saying that unbelievers cannot have happy marriages. But I am saying when a personal relationship with God is included the marriage is enhanced exponentially. Thus a correct view of marriage is that of ministry to your spouse. When looked at from this angle, it changes our motivations for having our needs met.
Our text gives two direct statements:
1) Wives Submit to your husbands
2) Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.
Every one of us has needs and desires. When it all boils down we have two basic needs.
1) Security
2) Significance
These are the two most basic needs that each of us have. And interestingly enough it is these two things that Christ meets in salvation. He grants us security in knowing that he will provide for us physically,
emotionally, spiritually, and so forth. He grants us Significance in giving us identity in Him.
I think most of you would agree with me so far, RIGHT!
Now where we get into trouble is when we expect our spouse to meet these two basic needs.
Our mates were never designed to completely meet these things.When we place them in that position, we set our mates up for failure. Our needs are those things that only God can provide. Our desires are those things that we legitimately and fervently want, but cannot reach through our efforts alone. Here is where the aspect of ministry comes in…
What are we doing as individuals to help meet our spouses desires. Many times couples get into a nasty game of flinch at this point. They say when I have my desires met, then I will meet theirs. What they are actually saying is when you meet my needs, then I will
meet your desires. When we first come to God and allow Him to meet our needs, then we are free to meet the desires of our spouse.
Be so careful not to lay the responsible upon your spouse of meeting a need that only God can meet. The greatest need of men and women today is that of intimacy.
In the breakneck speed of the world in which we live, intimacy is hard to find. I said last Sunday that Satan’s counterfeit for intimacy is sensuality…it is a
cheap counterfeit at best, for in the end it leaves you empty and resentful. When we have intimacy with God, our total demand for intimacy does not rest
upon our spouse.
When we are receiving our security from God, our spouse does not have to provide complete security in an insecure world. And when we are receiving our significance from God, our spouse does not have
the complete burden of trying to make us feel like we are measuring up.
Now does this let the spouse off the hook? Does he or she have a responsibility in Intimacy, Security or Significance?
Absolutely, we must also do our share to touch those areas.
But when we are putting our trust in God first, it frees our spouse up to minister not only to those needs, but also our desires.
Ph 4:10-13
James C. Dobson once said…
Illus: A good marriage is not one where perfection reigns: it is a relationship where a healthy perspective overlooks a multitude of "unresolvables."
VOW RENEWAL CEREMONY
Couples stand, turn and face each other.
Husbands if you agree to the following statement… say I DO
“All the husbands here this morning will you renew your commitment to your wife? Will you love her, comfort and keep her, and forsaking all others remain true to her as long as you both shall live?” (“I will”)
Husbands if these are your wishes please repeat after me,
“I, HUSBAND renew my commitment to you WIFE, to be my wedded wife, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband; in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”
Wives if you agree to the following statement… say I DO
“All the wives here this morning will you renew your commitment to your husband? Will you love him, comfort and keep him, and forsaking all others remain true to him as long as you both shall live?” (“I will”)
WIVES if these are your wishes please repeat after me,
“I WIFE renew my commitment to you HUSBAND, to be my wedded husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife; in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”
May the Lord richly bless what has been sealed here today…What God has joined together let no man separate.
Husbands YOU MAY KISS YOUR BRIDE
