(By Di Appleby)
’For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven’.
I think women know a lot about seasons. It’s tied up with our biology – we keep on experiencing changes.
When we first menstruate, we come to realise that we are part of a sisterhood that shares a common secret - perhaps not so secret now that so many ’it’s that time of the month’ jokes prevail. Nevertheless, in spite of the inconvenience or otherwise, of that time of the month, young girls come to realise that it is possible for a baby to grow inside their bodies. The result is that ’baby business’ is part of women’s thinking for a great deal of their lives. Consider the phrases we hear:
I’m too young to have a baby,
Why can’t I have a baby?
How can I fit in a baby?
It’s not the time to have a baby,
Not another baby!
I’ll have to have a baby soon; the biological clock is ticking,
I’ll never have a baby; I’ve never had a baby.
This touches every woman.
It’s stating the obvious to say that it takes two to make a baby, but it is the woman who brings the baby to birth and so in some primeval sense, woman imitate God’s creative character as they push their children out into the light. I can remember thinking we were so clever when Katherine was born! Yes, we were clever! I knew that we were in the baby business together and Chris has been a great father and he still is. But, while there may be examples of men who have the desire to nurture others, who think more often about children and family members, who fit their lives around their children and family, it seems that women are marked by the decisions they make regarding their families. That may involve the upbringing of a child, the mediator in family arguments, the sorting out of family property or the care of an aged parent Today, women have so many choices and so many opportunities to make poor choices.
I have begun by mentioning our biology because I think women can be so messed up by their relationship with their children and other family members, and especially Christian women. We want so much to be ’good girls’ or ’good mothers’, that we are easily swayed by the current ideas of what that might mean and the Christian community is not always supportive of the choices we make. So we need to remember that above everything else we are God’s children, his daughters, if indeed we have by grace accepted his offer of forgiveness through the sacrifice that Jesus made for us.
This has been a long introduction to what I really want to say about the credible Christian woman and it’s this: that regardless of what time or season we are presently facing, our being is more important than anything we might be doing. We can expect changes; we can expect to be faced with many decisions than will lead to action, but how are we before God? Whatever we do or say is first determined by who we are. God knows us and loves us as we are, but he loves us too much to leave us that way and he longs to change us to be more like Jesus. What can we learn from Ecclesiastes chapter 3 and the story of Mary and Martha that will impact on our being and lead us to live more Christ-centred lives? If we are to be credible Christian women, this is what we need to consider: nurturing our inner being.
The poetic list in Ecclesiastes of things people might do throughout their lives is concerned with beginnings and endings and the choices we have to make to maintain good relationships in life. It’s a difficult thing. Some actions and decisions come easily to us, but knowing when it is time to speak or time to keep silent for example, or when it is time to keep striving after some desire or time to leave it behind, is not so easy. If we want to have the wisdom of God, we need to be nurturing our inner being, looking after our soul. The psalms express this beautifully:
He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul (23)
For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him (62)
When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul (94)
Bless the Lord, o my soul, and all that is in me, bless his holy name (103)
We need to spend time in God’s presence, allowing him to renew our inner being, as we read his word, listen for his leading and praise him for the great God he is. In God, we’re promised restoration, hope and consolation. Isn’t this what everyone is seeking in their lives, just as Mary was seeking it when Jesus visited her home?
The third letter of John has something to say about our inner being that I have never noticed before. John writes that he has been praying that ’all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, just as it is well with your soul’. He knows that their souls are well because they ’walk in the truth’, living their lives according to Jesus’ command to love God with all that we have and all that we are. So this is the first step in being a credible woman – nurturing our inner being – so that we can do God’s will out of our inner nature, not just out of duty.
We need to take into our minds what God thinks about us. Indeed the Psalmist says (139:13) that even when we were being created, God was in control. He wanted us just the way we are, so being ourselves is the next thing I’d like us to consider. Some people strive to be something else all their lives, but as 1 John 3:1 says, See what love the Father has given us that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. This verse tells us that God chose us. He wants each one of us to be his child as much as those of us with children want them as our children. If you have been a Christian for a long time, it is easy to forget that it is actually you, individually and specifically, that God chose and Jesus died for. We ought to have great self-esteem!
There seem to be four ingredients of good self-esteem.
Your pedigree. Having a sense of where you come from, of your family, is an important factor in how people see themselves. As Christians we are part of God’s royal family, heirs along with Jesus. If our biological families leave something to be desired, make it a prayer that God will deepen our sense of being a member of his family.
Performance roles. As Christians there are no roles to perform except to enjoy God and be his children. What a huge release of stress about what we ought to be or ought to do! Our personalities, our interests, our abilities, and our tastes make us who we are, so there is no set way of behaving. Of course, as members of the body of Christ we are called to use our gifts for the building up of each other and to live lives that don’t cause others to stumble, but that actually gives us great freedom to be ourselves.
Believe it or not, psychologists also see eternal significance as very important. People need a sense of where they fit into life and the universe. As Christians we know we have eternal significance because God chose us before the beginning of the world to be with Him for all time.
Last, the love of another is very important. Relationships are great but they are difficult as well. They will always be flawed, they’re never going to totally satisfy us, and we’re never going to totally satisfy somebody else, even in loving Christian community. But there is one relationship that does satisfy, and that is the love of Jesus.
We need to pray about these issues, asking God to help us grasp hold of these concepts. We can ask God to help us to be happier with the way we are and to help us feel more comfortable with the people we are, so we can confidently express our personalities.
Did you notice that the Ecclesiastes reading contained the following: it is God’s gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil? (v 13) So what do you think we can draw from that? - being pleased or satisfied with our occupation.
In his call to work in the garden and take care of it, Adam was imitating his maker. Bringing order to the world is what God does. Because we are in the image of God, we do as He does – shaping and moulding the world in different ways. Our relationship with God’s creation is a mixed bag. It starts well, full of mutual blessing, but creation has been affected by the rebellion of humanity against God, and so being responsible for the earth is now a matter of hard work.
We can expect our work to be painful, perhaps not physically, but in other ways. It may not always be interesting, it may be tiring, it may be repetitive, it may not be valued or it may keep us away from other things we love. We may try to take one day at a time, but sometimes we feel like several days attack us at once. So, teaching adolescent boys, managing a home and family, nursing or filling a PR position are inherently worthwhile because, directly or indirectly, people are contributing to God’s work of bringing order to our world. But work is a funny thing. It inspires and drains us. It might give us satisfaction and exhaust us at the same time. Some people are not entirely ’occupied’ by their current jobs, or by family life, or the restrictions of poor health or old age.
Women frequently face changes in their occupations throughout their lives. A baby to look after, a relative to care for, taking time out of the work pattern we know, to support another person through a difficult time, are just a few examples. How will we be satisfied with our lot in life? How can we see change as an opportunity rather than the cause of resentment? We need to search for some sort of satisfying disposal of our time and energy, without being concerned with what the world rates as important achievements. Are we filling up our time with projects we can list or show others or talk about? Are we filling our time with activities that keep us from thinking about things of eternal significance or from spending time with God?
I am reminded of the story of a mother with three young children who, when she needed some time to think, or read, or pray, would sit at the kitchen table with a tea towel over her head. It wasn’t for long, but her children were NOT to interrupt her. On the other hand I know someone who spends most of her free-choice time shopping, reading at the beach or watching videos as though she is trying to divert her mind from thinking.
At the Wednesday evening prayer service this year, we discovered an amazing thing. After an hour spent with quiet background music, some praying aloud, listening to some readings and lots of silence and personal prayer and thinking, we were energised! Better than a cup of tea and a comfy chair.
Some mothers would say that a few simple hours in an office is rejuvenating to one’s enthusiasm for Lego! This is what occupation is for; keeping our mental state in balance so that we can fulfil our responsibilities in other areas. A woman I know who looks after her invalid husband, loves her 3 mornings a week working in an op shop. Before my granddaughter Emily was born in August, my daughter worked a day and a half a week, leaving her father in-law and me to look after Joshua. Everyone was satisfied with that outcome! Achieving balance in our lives is always difficult and we need to be creative about how we accomplish it. For some women especially, they have to learn not to volunteer, or they might need to say ’no’ when they sense that their lives are out of balance.
Let’s get back to the question of our work. However we choose to spend our time, our work reflects our relationship with God and people. We work to his glory and work in his strength. In Ephesians, Paul reminds the people to work with all their heart, whatever they do, as if they were working for the Lord and not for anyone else. But how will our work affect our relationship with others?
By not swearing, not losing our temper, and building relationships rather than gossiping, we are valuing relationships. By meeting deadlines, working honestly, setting limits on what we are prepared to do, we are honouring our bosses and valuing ourselves. If the nature of our job leads us to exploiting or undermining others, or leaves us too hassled to use our gifts for God in other ways, maybe we need to look for other work, or at least change the way we approach our work.
Sometimes we struggle with the occupations we have chosen. We may have to bring our dissatisfaction to God or we may have to look at work’s counterpart: rest. We need to consciously set aside time that is not for work, so that we can honour the God who made us for a relationship with Him and with those around us. As seen in the Victoria Bitter ad we might need to stand back from time to time and consider the fruit of our labour, enjoying a long cold drink as we do!
Finally, it is generally acknowledged that women are really good at sharing together with one another. "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends." Sometimes this is only talking, so because we value relationships, we need to practise being present with others. We see this so clearly in the story of Mary and Martha.
Some people look at this biblical account and decide there are two personality types, the active and the passive, the worker and the listener. Others might see a picture of a person who works in the home and another who studies the words of Jesus. We certainly need people who plan ahead, who are organised, who practise hospitality. We need people who take care of the needs of others, so there is a place for the work Martha was doing. However, Jesus praised Mary for spending time with him and for listening to his teaching, rather than becoming upset and worried about chores needing to be done.
I don’t want to dwell on spending time with Jesus as we learn from the story of Mary and Martha, rather I want to address the temptation that some women have of losing themselves in busyness, rather than being present with people when they have something to say. It’s easy to be so driven by our own agendas or viewpoints, that we don’t see that other people may have other priorities and sometimes, very real needs.
As busy 21st century people we know that the best gift we can give anyone is our time. To stop and have a coffee with another person, to take a walk with someone who needs to talk, to spend an evening at someone else’s disposal, is a real gift of love. We need to learn to read people better and to know when it is time to listen. We don’t have to have wise advise, we don’t need to compete and share an even more emotional anecdote, we just need to listen and allow others the space to tell their story. I am sometimes amazed at work during a social function, to find myself listening to someone, who is not suffering a trauma, but just talking about her life, and she doesn’t even ask me one question about myself! Even more irritating is the person who is talking to you, but looking over your shoulder to seek out someone who might be more interesting, or someone more important to be connecting with. It’s politely called ’networking’, but it’s not being present to the one with whom you are talking. While women are often praised for getting things off their chests, for sharing their worries with each other, it is important that someone is doing the listening.
Let me conclude by reminding you where we have been today in our search for the credible Christian woman. She will be found if she nurtures her inner being, if she is being herself, if she is being satisfied with the occupation in which she is engaged and if she will be present to others. Above all, as we read in Acts 17, people, both men and women need to continue to search for ’the God who made the world and everything in it … and perhaps even grope for him and find him – though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being.’
Many thanks to the contributors to ’Canvas,
For more sermons from this source go to www.sttheos.org.au
