Theme: A cord of three strands
Text: Ecclesiastics 4:9-12; Matthew 19:1-9
Marriage should follow the same pattern that God Himself established at the dawn of human history at the marriage of Adam and Eve. In that marriage we can almost picture Eve coming to Adam on the arm of the Lord Himself. I do not believe that any human heart can ever imagine the depth of love and joy that filled God’s heart as He united the man and woman in this first marriage ceremony. It must have been a scene of such amazing intimacy - Intimacy first, between God and the couple, and second, intimacy between the man and the woman. This is the pattern that God has ordained to stand unchanged until human history reaches its consummation.
A successful marriage is not a matter of chance. There is a secret that ensures a successful marriage and Paul refers to this secret in Ephesians as a mystery. Paul’s use of the word ‘mystery’ to describe the marriage relationship suggests two things. First, that there is a form of knowledge which can make marriage what it ought to be and second, that a person can only acquire this knowledge by undergoing certain tests and meeting certain conditions. It is involving God in every aspect of the marriage and meeting His conditions. This is the secret that alone ensures the success of the marriage relationship. Once this secret is forgotten or ignored, marriage inevitably loses its sanctity and thereby its strength and stability. Jesus, in a conversation with the Pharisees in Matthew 19, stated that the form of marriage that had become accepted in Israel under Judaism was below the level of God’s standard. Under Judaism, the marriage relationship was viewed as being merely horizontal – between the man and the woman. But the marriage relationship established in the beginning had two dimensions – the horizontal and the vertical. Horizontally it related Adam and Eve to each other, and vertically it related the two of them together to God. In Ecclesiastics Solomon expresses in symbolic terms the difference between these two levels of marriage. Two are better than one, he states, and this agrees with the reason God gave for providing a mate for Adam, “it is not good for the man to be alone”. When two are together and one falls, the other can help him up. If two are together, they keep each other warm and if two are attacked, together they have a better chance of driving off the attacker. But better than two, according to Solomon, is a “cord of three strands”. In this case the strength of three together is far greater than two together.
Solomon’s first three examples of ‘two together’ illustrates the concept of marriage on the human plane. It relates to a horizontal relationship that is merely a relationship between the man and the woman. But Solomon’s fourth picture, the ‘cord of three strands’ illustrates marriage as it was conceived at creation. It is a binding together of three persons – the man, the woman and God. The relationship between the man and the woman alone is not enough to ensure a successful marriage. This relationship is still on the human plane. Adding God to the relationship introduces a completely new dimension to the relationship. God then becomes an integral part of the marriage relationship. The picture of ‘a cord of three strands’ does not merely illustrate the pattern of marriage established at creation; it also illustrates just as accurately the pattern of marriage for believers today – those who are united through their faith in Christ. The principle that binds them inseparably together is the marriage covenant, a covenant that you have entered into today. The Christian marriage as a threefold one can stand any strain. The strain may be so great that two of its strands begin to fray. But the third strand will always remain strong and hold out until the strain is eased and the two frayed strands bound up. When times of strain come up and both husband and wife begin to weaken and feel unable to hold out, God Himself, the third strand, holds on until the strain is eased and both husband and wife can be healed and restored. In the cord of three strands the principle that intertwines the strands and holds them together is the covenant. Clearly this makes the covenant an essential element of a successful marriage. Jesus Christ consistently upheld the plan of marriage initiated at creation by the Father. He refused to settle for anything less than the original purpose of God. Neither should we.
Beloved, you have just entered into a covenant that gives to marriage strength and stability not otherwise possible. It is a covenant initiated by God Himself, who defines the terms on which He is prepared to enter into this relationship. In God’s sight this act of making a covenant is no empty ritual. It is a solemn and sacred commitment. There is only one basis on which God makes a covenant – it is on the basis of a sacrifice. Without a sacrifice there can be no covenant and wherever there is a covenant there must be the shedding of blood. To enter into a permanent relationship with God, a covenant and a sacrifice is necessary. This is because the sacrifice symbolises the death of each party to the covenant. Each party is saying in effect that they have died with the sacrifice, which died in their place. Today you have entered into a marriage covenant. In this covenant you have renounced all rights to live for yourselves. Each one of you in effect has declared that the interests of the other party take precedence over your own interests. You can therefore no longer live for yourselves but for the other person.
When God entered into a covenant with Abram, He ordained the sacrificial objects but it was Abram’s responsibility to keep them intact by driving away the birds of prey. God has under the New Covenant provided the sacrifice in Christ but it is our duty to keep it intact and not be robbed of the blessings of the covenant. Just as Abram underwent a profound spiritual experience when terror and deep darkness fell upon him, so you also will be tested in your marriage and how you deal with it will determine the success of your marriage. One of the things that can rob us of the blessings of marriage is failing to honour one another. In the marriage covenant you have covenanted to love, comfort, honour and keep each other in sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live. This means that you should value and respect each other and see and treat your partner the way God sees and treats them. When you value someone, you treat that person with special care and your marriage relationship should be a reflection of your relationship with God. Beloved no matter how many times doubt, unbelief or fear may attack you; it is your responsibility to keep the sacrifice intact. The sacrifice is not to be desecrated by the satanic birds of prey that want to feed on it and take away from your inheritance.
The sacrifice upon which the covenant of Christian marriage is based is the death of Jesus Christ. He is the sacrifice through which, by faith, a man and a woman can pass into the relationship of marriage as God Himself ordained that it should be. Just as the Lord and Abram passed between the pieces of slain animals, so in marriage, a man and woman pass through the death of Jesus Christ on their behalf into a totally new life and a totally new relationship. This would have been impossible without the death of Jesus Christ. The covenant of Christian marriage is made at the foot of the cross. It begins with a life laid down. Each person lays down his or her life for the other person. Each one looks at the cross and identifies with Christ’s death and therefore no longer lives for him or herself. The result is that each holds nothing from the other. Everything the husband has is for the wife and everything the wife has is for the husband. Christian marriage is a merger and not a partnership. No one should enter marriage with the attitude of what can be got out of it but with the attitude of what can be given to it. You give your life. You lay it down for the other and then find your new life in your partner. To the natural mind this sounds ridiculous yet this is the secret of real life, real happiness and real love. In this new relationship of marriage, each party has a special contribution to make. It is noteworthy that in every passage of the New Testament dealing with the mutual obligations of marriage, the writer always begins with the woman. It appears that the woman is the pivot upon which the whole relationship turns. Unless she plays her part, there is no way that the husband can make the relationship work on his own. When Solomon describes the contribution of the woman in proverbs everything is focused on her husband. The supreme achievement of an excellent wife is her husband. Everything else she achieves apart from that is of secondary value. A wife should see her success in her husband and rejoice in his achievements more than in her own. She should uphold and encourage him. Likewise a husband should see his success in his wife. Paul tells us that the wife is the evidence of the husband’s success. She is his glory, his greatest achievement.
When Jesus came to earth to make God known to man, His attitude to marriage harmonized perfectly with that of His Father. Just as the Father opened human history with a marriage, so Jesus opened His public ministry at the marriage in Cana. At this marriage, when the wine run out at the height of the celebration, Mary turned to Jesus for help and He responded by converting many gallons of water into wine – no ordinary wine either. Jesus’ miracle demonstrated that He cared about the success of the marriage. Had the wine run out, the bridegroom and the bride would have been publicly humiliated and the wedding would have ended in gloom. To forestall such a disaster, Jesus granted the first release on earth of His miracle working power. Marriage is very important to God. The responsibilities of marriage can never be achieved by human effort. It takes the supernatural, all sufficient grace of God. This kind of grace comes only as husband and wife together commit themselves to God and to one another in the covenant relationship. It is this act of commitment that releases God’s grace.
The pattern of marriage in Genesis is still the pattern valid for today - in that marriage, God was directly and personally involved. The concept of marriage originated entirely with God. Adam had no part in it. It was God and not Adam who decided that Adam needed a wife. Adam was not even aware of his own need. It was God who formed Eve for Adam. He alone knew the kind of mate Adam needed. One needs to trust God both to choose and to prepare the partner one needs. And God was the one who determined the way Adam and Eve were to relate to each other. The end purpose of their relationship was perfect unity. “For this purpose a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh”. What is your commitment to the covenant you have made? When God demanded his only son, the most precious thing he had, Abraham did not hesitate. He was willing to offer up Isaac. Isaac was no longer his because of the covenant. Only at the last moment did God intervene directly from heaven and stop him from actually killing his son. God however had also committed Himself to Abraham and He fulfilled the terms of the covenant when He offered up His only Son for the redemption of Abraham and all his descendants. Marriage is a covenant and today you have covenanted to live with one another and to involve Christ in everything you do. When you are committed to this covenant you will have a very successful marriage and enjoy your marriage as God has intended it to be. Be obedient to Christ and His word and enjoy your marriage in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen!
