Dealing with Perfectionitus
by
Randy Croft
How many of you like to make mistakes? When you mess up a recipe or business transaction, are you harder on yourself than you should be? Do you allow yourself to make mistakes? In some areas of our world, we must have 100% perfection. 99.9% accuracy is not enough. If our world operated on only 99.9% accuracy than
We would have to accept:
-2 millions documents lost by the IRS each year
-22,000 checks would be deducted from the wrong bank accounts each hour.
-12 babies would be given to the wrong parents every day
-268,000 defective tires would be shipped each day
-18 major plane crashes every day around the world.
- Doctors operating on the wrong patient 500 times a week.
-17,000 pieces of mail lost by the US Post Office every hour.
-Your heart skipping 864 beats a day.
In some areas of life, we expect 100% quality. When you go to the store, you expect that the bread you buy will not be moldy. You expect that the milk is not out of date. You expect that your new pre-washed jeans won’t keep shrinking. Yet even if we end up with moldy break, curdled milk, and cheap clothes-- how we respond to failures, and mistakes will determine how happy we are in life. Should we expect 100% perfection from ourselves. Perfectionism is a deadly illness that makes you a miserable person to live with. Perfectionists don’t make many friends, because nobody lives up to the checklist of the ideal friend. Yet we all have some standards in life. We allow mistakes in some areas, and want Zero Defects in others.
Tonight, We’ll tackle two tough but related issues:
(1) Is God a perfectionist? Does he require perfection from us?
(2) How do we live with our failures?
(1) Is God a perfectionist? Does God expect us to be perfect?
Do I have to be flawless and perfect to go to heaven? Yes...
Heb 12:14 Without holiness, no one will see the Lord.
Ps 24:3-5 "Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart..."
Who here can say "I have clean hands and a pure heart. Continually." I don’t have a chance. Neither do you. If you say that you are without sin, the bible calls you a liar. Word "Holy" is found over 600 times in the bible. It means wholly devoted and dedicated to God. How many of us are constantly, without fault, wholly devoted to God...in our walk, our talk, our entertainment, our minds. None of us here stands a chance.
However, most of us don’t compare ourselves with God, we compare ourselves with other people.
ILLUS: A Notre Dame football player, a starter, appeared in court as a witness to a civil suit. He walked calmly to the front and sat down in the witness cubicle. He judge wanted to ask him a couple of questions to get things started.
"Are you a member of this Year’s Notre Dame football team?"
"Yes, Your Honor. Varsity." The athlete replied.
"What position do you play?"
"I play center, Your Honor."
"How good of a center are you?" the judge continued.
"Sir. I’m the best center Notre Dame ever had. In fact, I’m the best starting center in the country."
The Notre Dame coach was in the court and was quite surprised by the reply. Though he was a good ball player, he wasn’t the best in Notre Dame history, or even the Midwest. Later the coach asked the player why he said what he did.
"I didn’t want to, coach, but there was no choice. I was under oath."
Likewise we try to compare ourselves to others. I’m not as bad as Hitler, the Unabomber, or Ted Bundy. I should slip into heaven- maybe go through the back door. Hey, you may even have better morals than the President of the United States, right? But God never asks you to compare yourself with your neighbor."
Eph 5:1 "Be imitators of God." I Peter 1:16 "You must be holy, for I am holy."
Who has a Chance, if God is concerned about perfection? Everyone. Because your ticket to heaven is not dependant on your white knuckling your way to heaven on your own goodness. You will never be good enough. But Jesus Christ was good enough. He was perfect, and he credits his perfect life to all who sincerely love and trust him.
2 Cor 5:21 "God made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
Romans 8:1 No condemnation to those in Christ Jesus.
HEB 10:10, 14 "We have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all... [14] because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
Does that mean we can live anyway we want? No...Your life will be motivated out of gratitude and a cheerful desire to please God.
EPH 5:8 For you were once living in darkness, but now you are in the light of the Lord. Live as children of the light [9] Light leads to goodness, right living, and truth.[10] Try to find out what pleases the Lord.
Romans 6:19 "Just as you used to be slaves to all kinds of sin, so now you must let yourselves be slaves to all that is right and holy.20 In those days when you were slaves of sin you didn’t bother much with goodness.21 And what was the result? Evidently not good, since you are ashamed now even to think about those things you used to do, for all of them end in eternal doom.22 But now you are free from the power of sin and are slaves of God, and his benefits to you include holiness and everlasting life.23
Your life will be different as a follower of Jesus Christ. You are considered perfect by God. He is making changes in you. Your motivations are different. Do you make mistakes and still have problems? Absolutely- but you’re not continually eaten up or beaten up by them, because you have trust that God is going to keep walking with you through life.
Phil 1:6 "He who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
Your life will be a journey of growth and change. God will work in your heart and life and change your motives, attitudes, and direction. You’re perfect now, but you’ll still make mistakes, and have setbacks.
(2) How do we live with our failures?
Here’s where we have trouble. When we make our peace with God. He considers us perfect because we have Christ’s perfect life in our place. But we continue to be hard and overbearing on ourselves, never giving ourselves room to breath, grow, learn, stumble, look foolish, or make mistakes. We are harder on ourselves than God is. If we sin- go straight to God and he’ll forgive you and give you strength to follow him more closely. But don’t keep telling yourself how rotten you are, or constantly worrying about your failures. If you have accepted Christ, the bible calls you holy. A saint. Being a saint is not just for the Mother Theresa’s but for every one of you who has turned your steering wheel over to Jesus. Let him lead in your life-- you’re a saint. Why? Because being a saint is not dependant on your goodness, but on Jesus’ goodness. Your life is hidden in his.
Most of our failures-things that get us down, I wouldn’t categorize as blatent sin- just dumb decisions, or mistakes.
In the book "Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, and It’s all Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson, he addresses two principles that apply to tonight’s message. In chapter #2 Make peace with imperfections. #83 Lighten Up. This is so contrary to our culture. We’ve been taught since we’re young that if we have problems, we need to get tough, work harder, and get really serious.
As on writer put it "Our cultural obsession with success and winning really went through the roof in the 80s, when men and women everywhere strapped on their briefcases, put their shoulders to the wheel, wiped those stupid smiles off their faces, and got lean, mean, and serious. Dead serious. We set aside such frivolous indulgences as family, joy, and laughter, in favor of trying to outgun and outwork ever-increasing levels of change and stress. If we did play, we couldn’t feel good about it unless it was aerobic, honed our competitive skills, or allowed us to do business at the same time. Yes sir, we even learned to "play hard." Doesn’t that sound like fun? We couldn’t even allow ourselves to lighten up when we were covered with sweat in our goofy-looking jogging outfits." Metcalf (Lighten Up 8).
We must learn to lighten up and laugh at our mistakes more. Expect difficulties, but don’t be overwhelmed by them. Expect that others will let you down. If we quit demanding that our world be perfect, or that our preferences are met, then the business of being happy becomes easier. Well known psychologist, Scott Peck, wrote in his best seller, The Road Less Traveled, that we need to assume and expect that life is difficult. Once we come to grips with the fact that life is difficult, we won’t be so stunned and overwhelmed when bad things happen. In fact, when people and events make us happy, we’ll be that much more exhilarated.
How do you respond when you make mistakes or look foolish and embarrassed?
ILLUS: When the Mattel Cabbage Patch Dolls first appeared in the 80’s it was virtually impossible to find one. In one city, the local radio station announced that Mattell was going to make Cabbage Patch Kids available tot he townsfolk- but they had to go to the football field of the local university and wait. An airplane would fly overhead and the dolls would be dropped onto the field. People were supposed to hold their credit cards up so that a photographer with a telephoto lens in the airplane could get the numbers and charge the price of the dolls to the recipient’s accounts. People actually showed up, waving American Express cards in the breeze. Talk about gullible. Talk about embarassing, when they found out. How would you react if you were one of them.
Would you tighten up, or lighten up- learn to laugh at yourself and share your stupidity with all your friends and family. Most people tighten up, because we have our images to protect. But that is the worse thing we can do.
Last year a report came out by the American Heart Association in which studies showed that people who react to life’s difficulties with pessimism, anger, or depression have a 20% greater chance of getting atherosclerosis than people who have learned optimism. Atherosclerosis is the narrowing of arteries that leads to strokes and heart attacks. The study said this was about the same increased risk of heart attack that one sees in comparing a pack-a-day smoker to a nonsmoker.
Harvard University did a 40 year study on healthy men and discovered that healthy people were not those who had less stress in life, but were people who can laugh at the absurdities and troubles, draw support from friends, and help people. They didn’t focus their world on themselves or their mistakes.
Optimism is a learned skill. By reading books and tapes, and taking courses, we can actually re-direct our thinking if we have tendencies to be critical, negative, and perfectionistic, and pessimistic. If you consider yourself a pessimist, you can learn how to view the cup half full instead of half empty. It is a skill worth learning, because most research suggests that being uptight and pessimistic is extremely dangerous to long-term health and happiness. One study, I found interesting, analyzed dozens of Baseball Hall of Fame players- the best in baseball. They examined the quotes and interviews of these players and could determine whether they were pessimists or optimists. The pessimists would pooh-pooh their victories "We were just lucky", or "we won’t be able to win another world series next year" The optimists would find humorous and funny things even during their slumps and losing streaks. The results: Pessemists lived significantly shorter lives than optimists. Other studies validate this. If you knew that you could add years to your life and enjoy your life more, and be more positive about the world around you- would you invest time to learn how?
ILLUS: I took a month off in January because I was facing some personal burn-out along with my mother’s cancer. For the first time in years, I was becoming critical and pessimistic about things that I would ordinarily laugh at. I wanted to take time out and restore that framework and outlook of life, with God’s help. While I do consider myself an optimist and laid back, I used to be much more uptight and critical of myself.
ILLUS: I sang in high school. I practiced with a friend for months. We sang different keys and blended the harmony...sounded sweet. But the night we began to sing, I forgot that human beings do not always have total control over their body. My mind was ready to go, my legs were knocking, and my voice sounded like two cats fighting. I couldn’t stay on tune. I was short of breath. My mind was going, "This is outrageous. Vocal chords, get in line. Kick in." Didn’t happen. I turned flushed red with embarrassment. After the first song, I wanted to hide and slip out, but we had another song scheduled. Krista, my girlfriend to be (and future wife), was in the crowd, and I was trying to win her over, and I was sure that she was going to check me off of her list. Boy was I red faced, high strung, and nervous. My voice was horrible. I probably broke some local statutes or a noise ordinance when I started singing. The inner voice kept telling me, though, "You can do this. Don’t give up!" Right. Didn’t help the voice. Helped the confidence, but not the voice. I would have slipped out and driven home, but I had one more song to sing...It was even worse. I was sure that Krista would forever check me off her list... Yes it was an embarrassing moment in my life.
Yet, it didn’t make me crawl into a hole. I didn’t quit school. I didn’t stop trying to get Krista’s attention (in other non-musical ways). Yet I didn’t sing up front again (except in groups) for about 8 years. It did affect me somewhat. I had to learn not to let it bother me...to lighten up at my embarrassments and crisis. I had to learn how to quit taking myself so hard and try to have a sense of humor about things.
The word humor comes from the Latin "umor" (Latin is easy, just drop off the first letter of every word). Umor means fluid, like water. A sense of humor is not about telling jokes, but it’s the ability to be fluid and flexible in crisis. It allows us to flow through difficulties instead of being broken by them. The more rigid and uptight we are, the more likely we are to snap.
How we respond to tragedy, embarassment, and misfortune is key. If we tighten up instead of lighten up-- we complicate and deepen the problems.
ILLUS: Think of the lady who was giving a lecture when, with a perfectly nonchalant flick of the write, she sent the water pitcher flying from the podium in a perfect, drenching arc over the entire front row of the audience. She tried not to tighten up and it saved her hours of stress and anxiety. The people could laugh about it too.
ILLUS: Or the foreman of a nuclear power plant told how he rushed to work to take charge in a crisis, and of course the television crews were there waiting for him. After things calmed down he want back to his apartment just in time to see himself on the evening news. Was he ever horrified. He’d been in such a hurry to get to the plant, that he put his toupee on backwards...it looked like a possum had died on top of his head. The worst thing, was that he knew the crew noticed, but nobody mentioned it to him.
Talk about crawl under the rug and die. We laugh about it when it happens to someone else, but if it happened to you- it’s tragic. Yet by responding in a positive way- being able to lighten up and laugh, these people could avoid the benefits of a healthier and happier life.
If we’re committed to making peace with God and making peace with ourselves, we will even live life with more depth.
Remember the text we looked at earlier...
Phil 1:6 "He who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
So don’t sweat the small stuff. There are bigger issues at stake worth banking your life on. Trust in Jesus Christ, commit your ways to him, and He will help you sort out the essential from the peripheral...the eternal from the temporary, and give you peace...
