How to be the parent God wants me to be.
Luke 15:11-32 9/15/02
Remember the story of the little boy that went into the store and told the grocer that he needed a box of tide. What do you need a box of tide for, and the little boy said I’m gonna wash my cat. Son, he said, I think tide is a little strong for a cat. But the boy was insistent so he sold it to him. A week later the boy was back in the store. The grocer saw him and said, "Son, how’s your cat doing." My cat’s dead, he said. Well, the grocer replied, I told you tide was too strong for him." Oh I don’t think it was the tide, said the little boy, I think it was the spin cycle that did him in.
Well, kids can put you through the spin cycle sometimes and we want to talk this morning about the greatest challenge in the world - and that’s effective parenting. And we need the help. I mean think about it. The Perfect God of the Universe had two children, Adam and Eve and they couldn’t obey? So I don’t think I can’t expect an easy job of it either.
I remember a couple years ago putting my daughter Kelsey to bed. She was five year old at the time and Kelsey hadn’t had the greatest day obedience wise, and I loved her prayer that night. She said, dear God thank you for helping me be good today. and then she paused and said, “Except that naughty part”
Well, if it wasn’t for that naughty part, parenting would be a breeze. But the naughty part is there isn’t it and I’ve seen it in all three of my children.
A couple years ago my three year old Bubby was absolutely adamant that he did not want to sleep in his crib…every night he ended up in our bed. And I was getting tired. I finally had enough of it and I told Lara, we’ve got to get tough with this kid. No matter what he does, he is not coming in our bed tonight.
I put him in his crib and go back to my bed. A few seconds later I hear,
“Daddy, hold you” Go to sleep Bubby.
“Bubby sleep daddy’s bed” Go to sleep Bubby
Bubby sleep daddy’s pillow. Go to sleep Bubby
Daddy, my diaper’s wet. (I’m not falling for it)
Silent for a minute and then I hear, “Daddy I’m chokin’” –I got up and got him….
But I love my children. And when I think of my kids, I think of kids that believe their daddy can take away all the hurts and scrapes and scares and difficulties life will bring, Kids who think more of their daddy than he’ll ever be able to be. And parenting is one of those responsibilities and privileges we never can quite live up to, but we never stop trying.
John Wilmot said, “Before I was married I had three theories about raising children. Now I have three children and no theories. And buddy it can change you. But the good news is that the Bible offers real and practical help for all of us as we deal with our children or grandchildren or kids in the church and community.
Now our text was in Luke 15:11-31 and I’m not going to take the time to read all of that this morning. You can reference that and read the story later, but it’s a very well known parable about the prodigal son. (RECAP)
Now that’s a beautiful story with dual applications. The main lesson in that story is that the Father is God, we are the prodigals that have wandered, but we have a heavenly Father that will always receive us back if we are only willing to return to him.
But that’s not the only lesson in the story, and while the emphasis is usually placed on the son I want us to think about the dad for a minute and find what his story tells us about parenting.
One of the first things we see is that he was a loving father and wanted the best for his son. And that means that he had to make some difficult decisions.
And I think we see this in two areas – first he obviously had set down some rules. Why did the boy want to leave home in the first place? And it had to be because he felt restricted in what he was allowed to do. That means there were ground rules. This is something you can or can’t do. And the boy didn’t like that.
But an essential to a Godly home is that there be order and guidelines so as to produce Godly and disciplines children.
I want you to hear something right off that I will say many times in the years ahead. Our goal as parents, our primary function is not to produce children that are intelligent, or have good jobs or make the ball team, or go to college or even develop independence. Our primary goal as parents is to produce children that love the Lord and follow his will for their lives.
Christian parents who raise Christian kids who in turn will be Christian parents who will raise Christian kids.
And if a child doesn’t learn submission and order and guidance in the home, they’re gonna have a hard time finding that in their relationship with God. It’s not impossible, I’m a testimony of that, but it’s much more difficult.
And a loving parent makes the hard decision that are needed in the home. Isaiah the prophet realized this when he went to Hezekiah the king and said, “Set your house in order.”
Now is it easy? NO.
I absolutely love the story about mother with three unruly sons, smart mouths - she was sick of it. They came down for breakfast - she asked the oldest, "what do you want for breakfast?" he said, "Give me some stinking pancakes woman" - She just smacks him to the ground. She then turns to the second kid - "what do you want?" "Give me some stinking pancakes woman." Again she just smacks him down. Turns to the third kid and asks, "And what do you want for breakfast?" And the boy says, "Well, I’ll tell you one thing woman, I don’t want none of them stinking pancakes."
Well, that’s probably not the way to do it but we need to be willing to discipline and in doing so we are not just punishing but teaching.
We need to teach them that there are lines that they don’t cross and they don’t cross them not because they might get caught or because there will be consequences but because it would be the wrong thing to do.
In the Old Testament it says that Daniel purposed in his heart not to disobey. He set down those lines.
In the book of Genesis Joseph was tempted to sleep with Potipher’s wife and what did he say, “I can’t do this because I might get caught.” NO. I can’t do this because she might get pregnant. NO. I can’t do this because I might get a disease. NO. He said I can’t do this because it’s wrong. I would be sinning against God.
That is so important to set down guidelines and rules and explain them so as to teach them integrity and purity. The word pure means something that is unmixed, it consists of just one thing. And so a pure heart is when our decisions are all consumed with just one thing, and that thing is Jesus Christ.
And why is it so important, because when it comes down to it, a pure heart is the only thing that always, consistently will be there to keep us from temptations. Every other reason will be broken down through excuses, peer pressure, opportunities. but you cannot compromise with a pure heart.
Did you ever hear of the study, true study, in which they took 40 high school student. They divided them into groups of ten and put them in separate rooms. What they did was show each group of ten three lines and ask them to raise their hands when the instructor pointed to the line which is the longest. One of them was clearly longer. However, previously they had instructed nine out of the ten in each group to raise their hand when the instructor pointed to the second longest line.
You know what happened. In three of the four groups, when the majority raised their hands, that tenth person would look around, look at the lines, and then raise their hand as well. 75% would rather be wrong than be different. Why, because were so anxious to please everybody.
Teach them and model for them that purity is first and foremost concerned with this question, will it please God. And we set those boundaries and guidelines based on whether or not this will please God.
And contrary to the thinking of some people, children like to know what is expected of them. It gives them a sense of belonging as well as a sense of security. And we do our children a great injustice when we do not set firm rules and enforce them. Now, of course in that discipline we must always leave the child knowing that we love them.
I read the following story last week. I never did find the author’s name. But he said,
I REMEMBER STEALING six softballs when I was working as a stock boy in a five-and-dime store in my early years in high school. And I remember trying to find a place to hide them when I got home. I don’t know what in the world I planned to do with six softballs. To this day it just baffles me, the logic of it. But I stuck them in the back of my drawer and my mother found them. My father came to me and told me that we were going to make a trip back to the store where I was going to talk to the owner and I was going to confess.
I will never forget his instruction on the way. I mean, I was sitting there just dying thinking about standing in front of my employer. Well, I stood there and told him what I had done. My dad was waiting in the car. He didn’t go in with me. And I heard my boss say, “You’re fired.”
I stumbled back out to the car and sat down. I was as low as I could remember ever being. On the way, I remember my dad beginning to rebuild my emotions. I had done wrong, and I had learned an incredible lesson. He didn’t overdo it, but he drilled into me that when you steal, you get fired. And if you don’t get fired at the moment, you lose something that can’t be bought with any price, and that’s your self–respect. I remember, too, we got on the subject of what in the world I was gonna do with six softballs.
But he goes on to say this, “There was an ornament of grace that came around my neck from my father who before we went in the house took the time to put his arms around me and to pray with me and to understand that this teenage kid was most concerned about my father’s not telling my friends. And as far as I know, he took that story to his grave and never told on me.
It’s called discipline mixed with grace.
“Set your house in order,” said the prophet. Take the time, trouble and effort. And also set the example. This is so important.
What did Paul say to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for them in speech, in life, in love in faith, and in purity.”
Set an example. They won’t believe what you say if you don’t live it in your own life. Model consistency for them.
There’s a story about a college student who applied at the zoo for a job. the zoo keeper said, "I’ll tell you what. Our gorilla just died, we won’t get another one for a month. Until then you dress up like a gorilla and just walk around in the cage and act like a gorilla would act. So he said okay. First day on the job. He’s in suit and he’s jumping about, really gets into it. he begins shaking the bars, and suddenly he shook too hard and the gate separating the gorilla and the lion cage opened up. he sat there horrified as the lion begin walking towards him, and he shouted help, help, I’m not a gorilla, I’m just a man in a monkey suit. And a voice came from the lion, be quiet or we’ll both get fired."
How many of us are like that. Walking around with one suit on, but on the inside we know it’s only an imitation only a charade.
The Word of God in 1 Tim. 3:4 praises the man who manages his house and whose children obey him with proper respect.
And I’ve got to tell you, that’s not gonna happen if you don’t live it yourself. We scold our children when they say bad words, but are we careful with our language? We lecture them harshly for bad table manners, but do we keep those same rules. We tell them that they should be unselfish, but do they see that demonstrated in our lives? We tell them that they should be honest, and then when the phone rings we tell them to tell the person we’re not home.
We tell them that God answers prayer, but do they ever see us on our knees? We tell them that the Bible is the Word of God, but do they ever see us reading it, and sharing its truths with them?
We tell them God will take care of us and then they see us worry about every trivial matter. Are we living the example.
A Sunday School teacher asker her class of children, “Why do you love God?” She got a variety of answers, but the one she liked best was from a boy who said, “I guess it just runs in our family.” I like that. Are we living the example? Does the love of God run in our family?
Well the father in our story loved his son. He wanted the best for his son and so he set down the rules of the house. And when the boy didn’t want to live by them the Father let him go.
And that is incredibly difficult. But there comes a time when you have to. And maybe he knew that his son would do exactly what he did. But I think he knew that while he had a good deal of wealth, he only had two sons, and if it took half his wealth to teach the boy and bring his spirit to the place it needed to be, than it was worth it to him.
I think of the story of the mom who just had a terrible son. And a friend said to her, "I don’t know how you put up with him, if he was my son I wouldn’t have anything to do with him." And the mom said, "Yes, I would too, if he was your son, but you see he’s my son, and I’ll hold onto him and love him, and hope and pray that someday he’ll come back to his senses.
And the father in our story loved his child more then anything he owned. Now the second thing we see in this story is not just a loving parent, but also a patient parent.
Now there’s not a person here that doesn’t know that parenting requires patience. This is nothing new, but it is a reminder.
I heard one preacher tell about growing up in a farming family. He said when he was a young boy his dad gave him a plot of land to have for a garden. And so he tilled his soil, made his rows and then planted the seeds. He said he waited all of two or three days and nothing happened so he went out and dug em up to see what was wrong. He said it was then that his father started praying that he would be a minister and not a farmer.
Well, growing a garden is not an overnight occasion neither is growing a child. It takes time to grow a garden and it takes time to grow Godly Children and we need to have a plan and patience to carry out that plan for their Spiritual growth.
If you love your kids you’ll be patient with them. The first emphasis of 1 Cor. 13 is that love is patient. A loving father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, “If you pretend you’re asleep, he stops.”
Well, patience is required for child and parent both, and obviously the father in our story showed an infinite amount of patience. And don’t miss that this good father has a rebellious son, and that can happen. But the father did not give up, and he waited, and eventually the son returned.
Prov. 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Doesn’t mean he’ll always be there, but it does say he will return. And in between requires patience.
How long do you wait for them, I can’t tell you that, I don’t know. And I can’t tell you all that it will take, but I know it will take patience and it will take forgiveness. And I’m thankful for a heavenly father who waited for me, even if it took 18 years in my case. And maybe God’s waiting on you still. Saying, when are you going to wake up? When are you going to come to your senses and come home.
Were going to wrap this up. And as we go into the invitation I want us to think about two things. First of all is the example we are setting for our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. For the young people that we are influencing with our lives. Are we modeling discipline and love and patience and forgiveness. Or is that something that I need to reevaluate?
But second and most important I want you to think about your own personal relationship with God. We can talk about all the parenting skills we want and all the qualities that we are to develop in our lives, but you know what, none of those will matter if I haven’t got my life right with God first.
And so I need to answer the question, “Do I know God as my heavenly father.” Am I Christian? Have I been saved?
And maybe you’re saying ‘how do I do that’. And it starts by believing in your heart that you are a sinner in need of a Savior. The prodigal son didn’t return until he knew in his heart that he was wrong and needed help.
We need to realize that we have disobeyed God. That we have fallen short of his standard and we need to realize that and believe that Jesus can and will save us from our sins. And we believe that in our hearts and then we walk down this isle and we confess before people that we believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of God. And then we are baptized for the forgiveness of our sins and the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Have you done that? Believed, repented, confessed and been baptized. We want to give you that opportunity this morning. Is there one here that’s ready to make that decision. If you are, then why don’t you come as we stand and sing.
