Ecc. 4:9-12
Popular TV theme songs through the years such as "Friends", "Cheers", and "All in the Family" reflect the need in our society to find a place of togetherness and belonging. God’s Word has always known and revealed this deep need within people as well as the Church’s responsibility to help meet this need.
Play audio clips from the TV shows: Friends, All in the Family, and Cheers.
As we listened to the theme songs from three of the most popular shows over the last 20 years or so, I hope you picked up on the common thread running through them. And that common thread is the sense of belonging. A sense of togetherness. They were a group, a community,
Did you catch any of the themes? I think they were summed up in that last song, the one that has probably become the most famous TV theme of the last twenty years:
“Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came; You want to be where you can see, Our troubles are all the same; You want to be where everybody knows your name.”
And whether it was Seinfeld or Family ties, Cheers or Friends - they were all popular because they made us feel like a part of a family or a community. They gave us a sense of belonging, of being with a group where "Everybody knows your name". And we need that.
And I think that’s one reason those shows were so popular. They spoke to one of the base human needs that we are created with. The need to belong to a group.
Look at our text this morning – READ Ecc. 4:9-12
Now let’s understand that this is a need that we were created with. God looked down on Adam in the Garden of Eden and said it’s not good for man to be alone. From the first person God attempted to help us solve the problem of loneliness and not belonging. That need has remained and it’s not just our need but a need of each and every individual. That’s one of the beautiful things about the church - it gives that fulfillment of belonging.
And if we want to make a difference then we create in this congregation a place of genuine community. A place for people to gather and belong and grow and become what God wants us to be.
And we will make a difference because there is so much need out there for belonging and companionship.
I mean, if there’s one thing I’ve seen in the last 15 years of ministry, it’s that there is a great deal of loneliness out there. And it can hit anyone and everyone. It can even hit those in the church if the church isn’t taking time to be aware of those needs.
One of the most fascinating stories I’ve heard in awhile concerns the minister of a church in Nevada. It is a growing church, a large church, but several years ago, just after they broke ground on a new building the minister’s wife hit him with the news that she was leaving him for another man.
He was devastated and he immediately turned in his resignation. He had done nothing wrong, he had been faithful, but his wife had decided to leave. Because of this the church decided to keep him as their minister.
The church continued to grow over the years. But the minister, who I have heard speak on several occasions, said he was deeply wounded and hurt by the divorce. And he said the Christmas Eve after his divorce was the loneliest night of his life.
He had just finished the Christmas Eve service, 2200 had attended and everyone went off to their families and he went home alone. He got home and he said he was hungry but there was nothing to eat in the house so he decided to go out. It was Christmas Eve, nothing was open. McDonalds. Burger King. All closed.
He ended up at a little diner, just outside of Las Vegas called Sam’s place, which is a western style casino, and they had a restaurant that was open.
He walked into the diner, and sat by himself in a booth for four. He said it was like a bad dream, and these are his words: "I sat there eating a blue plate special thinking; I can’t believe this is me. I just left 2200 people that love me and I’m here alone eating mashed potatoes and gravy.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, someone put a quarter in the jukebox and Elvis started singing "Are you lonesome tonight."
And he said as he walked through the casino to get back to his car he saw hundreds of people who had nothing better to do on Christmas Eve than sit by themselves plugging quarters in a machine. It was a lesson in the loneliness that is prevalent in people’s lives.
Now, I heard that story years ago, but just recently I heard an updated ending for it. This past year over a thousand people gathered on Wed. Night as they usually did for Bible Study. Wed. Night was their believer’s service. The weekend is geared more toward visitors, but the family gathers on Wed. They average about 11 baptisms each Wed. night.
But they gathered for a Wed. Night bible Study last year and a guest speaker got up and said I’ve got two announcements to make. Announcement #1 is that your minister has just gotten engaged. And announcement #2 is that your at the wedding right now.
And the doors opened in the back and immediate family came in and then the Bride and Groom and the wedding was performed. And they said there were tears flowing freely throughout the building.
And I think that’s a beautiful story. Because here’s a minister that many churches would have fired, turned their back on, gotten rid of, but they loved him back to health with a sense of belonging and community and healing. And then got to witness the new start.
That’s what the church is to be about. A refuge, a place of healing, a community of believers sharing and growing together.
Webster’s dictionary defines “FAMILY” as.... “People living in the same house” or “a group of people related by ancestry.” And both of those definitions apply to us here, we gather together and if you are a Christian you are related by your inclusion into the family of God.
The Gospel of John, chapter one, says that to those who believe in Jesus Christ, they receive the right to become children of God. To gain that common ancestry. And we need that, that belonging, that relationship to those of like faith.
illus - A family had gone to the movies, and on the way in the teenager of the family stopped by the refreshment stand to pick up some popcorn. By the time he got into the theater the lights were already dim. He scanned the theater and couldn’t find his family. He paced up and down the aisle searching the crowd in the near-darkness. As the lights began to go down even further he stopped and asked out loud, “Does anyone recognize me?”
We need a place, we need a group of people who will “recognize” us.....who will call out to them and say in essence, “We are your family...You are loved here. You are valued here. You are an integral part of this church family” People are looking for that. People need that. Loneliness demands it.
Chuck Swindoll said loneliness is the most desolate word In the English language. We are a society of lonely people. 70% more people live alone today then they did twenty years ago. And loneliness is a common experience to a multitude of people.
It reaches into all occupations, all walks of life. It can be someone in the military, a divorcee in a new apartment, a new couple in town, a student at school, a widow returning from the cemetery, a couple with two jobs and no home life, a grandmother in the nursing home or a missionary on the field. It can hit any of us.
The fact is Loneliness can affect anyone. It doesn’t necessarily mean we are single, we can be married and still be lonely.
The truth is that there are millions of lonely, married people. They may share a table, a sofa, and even a bed but they still feel lonely.
The words of that old 70’s song by the group THREE DOG NIGHT go something like this, “ONE ISTHE LONELIEST NUMBER....”.and then it goes on to say, “TWO CAN BE AS BAD AS ONE, IT’S THE LONLIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER ONE!” And they’re right. You can be married and be just as lonely as you were when you were single.
A woman wrote to Ann Landers. she said: Dear Ann: My husband doesn’t talk to me. He just sits there night after night, reading the newspaper or looking at T.V. When I ask him a question, he grunts "huh, or Uh’huh." Sometimes he doesn’t even grunt uh’huh. All he really needs is a housekeeper and somebody to sleep with him when he feels like it. He can buy both. There are times when I wonder why he got married."
It’s called Loneliness, and it is prevalent in our community. And it comes when you feel, whether right or wrong, that nobody really cares about what your feeling, what you’re doing, or who you are.
Someone once put an add in the paper that said simply,"I will listen to you talk for five minutes, with no comment, for five dollars." It wasn’t long until they were receiving over twenty calls a day. And loneliness can hurt so badly that 30 minutes of listening for five dollars seems like a bargain.
Toward the end of his life, Paul the Apostle had to deal with loneliness. He had been separated from his community of believers. He was in prison in Rome and he wrote a letter to his friend Timothy and he urged him in 2 Tim. 4 (if you could turn there), to come and see him because he was lonely.
Now There’s a lot we can learn from Paul about the nature and cure for loneliness.
2 Tim. 4:9-11, 16, 21 READ
First of all, let me say that there is a temptation to criticize someone for being lonely. And if so we would have to criticize Paul. We could say, oh if you were only a better Christian you would understand that Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.
If you were a better Christian you would know that the Holy Spirit is there to comfort you. You shouldn’t be lonely.
But the reality is that Paul was a better Christian than anybody I’ve ever met, and Paul got lonely. And if the Apostle Paul was lonely, I can be lonely, and you can be lonely. And it may have nothing to do with our spiritual maturity.
And because of that, we need a place that will accept us and love us when were strong, when were weak, but all the time. And you won’t get that out in the world. And the church should be the one place that’s different, the one place that is a little slice of what heaven is going to be like.
Do you realize that God is calling us to be a community with a unique purpose, the purpose of previewing to a lost world what heaven is going to be like.
(SLIDE of Epcot)
Anybody recognize the place on the screen behind me? That’s Epcot center at Disneyworld in Orlando, FL. Anybody been there? Anybody know why it’s called Epcot?
Epcot stands for "Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow." It’s supposed to show you what tomorrow’s community is going to look like.
But you know what, as I thought about it, Disneyworld is not the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. You know what is? The church. The church is the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow! God started it with the purpose of showing the world his redemptive love and what he had in mind before the fall of humankind.
It is in this community that we help mature each other in our broken places. We hold each other accountable for our blind spots. We encourage each other to be all God created us to be.
This is the place where we empower strong marriages. I mean, marriage is the greatest thing but the hardest thing I know. I need to have other models around me to demonstrate what it means to be in a healthy, God-loving kind of marriage.
Remember the story of the boy who was trying to find the right girl to marry. And so he found one and brought her home and his mom just didn’t like her…found another...mom didn’t like her, etc... finally went out and found one exactly like his mom in every way and brought her home....dad didn’t like her.
Well, a lot of marriages need help, including yours and mine, and this should be the place we find that help.
This should be the place where we learn Christian parenting. This is the place where we nurture healthy identities. That’s what we’re here to do, to model the community of tomorrow, the prototype, heaven. We are to model that and reach as many people as we can to be a part of it.
People need that connection. It’s why God created Christian friends, and family. It’s why we have community. And it’s why we cannot ignore a world of hurting and lonely people just waiting for someone, for some Christian to reach out with a voice of concern and acceptance. We all need that community.
And Paul was a great Christian, but he needed friends, he needed companionship, he needed to know that somebody cared about what he thought, what he did and who he was.
Now let’s not be mistaken into thinking Paul was alone. Paul was surrounded by people. There were prisoners, there were guards. But he was missing those who really loved him and shared with him. And there’s a lesson there.
You can be surrounded by hundreds of people at a job, school, a hospital, the grocery store, even church, and still feel lonely. Because there’s a difference between a crowd and community. A group and a family.
So how do we go from being a crowd to a Biblical community. how do we make this place a Godly refuge. How do we let people know that they are cared for.
Well, the first thing Paul says to Timothy in vs. 13 is bring my cloak. And in taking care of his physical needs, Timothy was being more than just an associate, he was being a friend.
I have tried to live out my preaching days by a rule that was laid down by a man whose name was John Cabot. He said this, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
How often have we heard that old saying. But it’s true. And I have seen more people reached out of kindness then out of an explanation of theology. By far. People want to know that you care. And when they see it, what a difference it makes in their life.
And then Paul says, when you come bring Mark along with you. I need a friend. There’s lots of people here but I need a friend.
Remember the story in John 5. I think it’s one of the most pitiful stories in the Bible.
Jesus visits the people at the pool of Siloam, they were all sick and they believed
that when the waters were stirred if you were the first one into the water you would be healed.
And Jesus says to a man who has been there for 38 years, Do you want to get well. And the man says yes, but I have no one to help me in the water.
Thirty-eight years, hundreds of people around him day after day, but he didn’t have one friend that would take the time to help him out. That’s called loneliness.
And it doesn’t matter how many people you come into contact with, what matters is This: do we take the time to develop meaningful relationships with one another.
And I have to be honest with you, this sanctuary that your sitting in, is not the place those relationships are created in.
They can be helped along here, but so much of the bonding, the building up, the care, takes place as we eat together and play together and fellowship in small groups. That’s why just attending on Sunday morning will never bring us to the point of really satisfying that need for community. It takes more than a crowd, it takes a friendship.
How are you doing in this area. Are you plugging in? Are you finding a refuge, a place of belonging here at OCC. Let me ask you a couple questions to help evaluate yourself on your connect-ability here. Just five questions.
#1) Are you a member of the family of God – have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior – have you been baptized for the forgiveness of your sins and the gift of the Holy Spirit.
#2) Do you have a number of friendships in the church.
Research has revealed that those surveyed who feel they have a healthy sense of community in their church have on average 7 (what they call) vital relationships in their congregation.
God never designed us to get together once a week and that’s the extent of our relationship. We are a Koinania, a fellowship, a family.
#3) Do you have a meaningful task or ministry in the church? God has given each of us Spiritual Gifts to be used as part of the body of Christ. Do I have a ministry?
I won’t find full connect ability until I am serving alongside my brothers and sisters.
#4) Do you regularly attend another service in the church besides Sunday Morning worship.
This can include, Sunday School, Home care groups, Bible studies, youth group, etc. At least one other regular activity besides Sunday morning.
#5) have you formally identified yourself with the church.
There is a formal connection called church membership. I feel strongly about being a member. A member is anyone that is a baptized born again believer, who wishes to join. It’s that simple.
But membership brings connection, it brings a sense of belonging. A sense of responsibility, a sense of ownership. A sense of community. Are you a member.
Well, I don’t know how you did on that. But I do know that it’s easy to
drift into and out of service and never really connect with anyone. And that lies on you and on us. Each of us must make this a place of community, but then it takes personal decisions to get involved as well.
It should be a goal of ours at Olathe Christian Church to make sure that we do our part to help everyone we can overcome loneliness with a sense of community and family here at the church.
In the New Testament Paul the Apostle, has listed over 100 friends, yet how many came to see him in his time of need. Perhaps they all thought one of the other friends
would do it.
Prov. 18:24 KJV - A man that has friends, must show himself friendly. That means you take the initiative. You go to the hospital, the nursing home, to the new couple down the street. To the new kid at school or the new person on the job.
You make the phone call, you give the invitation. Do you know someone this morning that’s lonely. Do you want to make a difference in their life. Do you know something you could do to help them. Then you go do it today.
Do you have some other need. A place to get connected? A Savior to bring healing. Whatever your need, whatever your decision, we invite you to come forward this morning as we stand and sing
