Finding Faith Filled Friends
#3 of the Core values of Christian community
Eric A. Snyder, Minister, Farwell Church of Christ
October 20, 2002
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself.
Shirley says, "Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely."
Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely."
"Of course I’m lonely, he says, "I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison."
"You’re kidding! What for?"
"For killing my third wife. I strangled her."
"What happened to your second wife?"
"I shot her."
"And, if I may ask, your first wife?"
"We had a fight and she fell off a bridge."
"Oh my," says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells,
"you’re never going to believe this, Shirley. He’s single."
Have you ever been so hungry for a friend that you made a poor decision? Believe it or not, like it or not our need for friends is one of our most urgent needs. Sometimes the need overwhelms us so much that we are willing to do anything to feel loved. From going home with a stranger to striking up conversations with telemarketers. We live in an increasingly isolating society and we are willing to do almost anything to not feel lonely.
Some people get pets, some people try to drown the deafening silence with business and significance or working more hours.
But all we really wanted was the friend that knows us. Sometimes we’re so lonely that we call complete strangers who just act like they know us and make money from acting like a friend.
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him:
"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great!
"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
Sometimes it appears that we will do anything to feel accepted. As Americans we are among the loneliest people in the world. As a culture we are radically much different than we were a generation ago or even a decade ago. Atm machines allow us to do our banking without talking to anyone. In fact most banks have the option of convenience with online Internet banking. Incredibly convenient but there is a loss of personal touch.
Walk into almost any large store and they provide you with the option of self check out system. Or gas up at the station by paying at the pump.
Over the past few decades we have become more isolationist as a society. Sure things have gotten more convenient but many Americans say that it has also gotten lonelier. We have microwaves and satellite dishes. We can nuke a meal and order a movie off the dish. In fact this disease of isolationism is so rampant in our society that when someone even speaks to you it sometimes feels odd.
I was really looking forward to labor day because I had had a very busy week and I was going to sit back and relax. I was not even going to get out of my pajamas well, most of you parents know that’s the day your kid gets sick. So Morgan was sick and the only place that was open was the urgent care in Clare. So Tammie and I took Morgan over to see a doctor. We walked in and sat down. The typical stuff everybody was hiding behind a magazine. But then one lady started talking to us. And it really caught me off guard. Because nobody talks anymore. You just don’t do it, that’s why they have those little books to read.
This sickness of isolation has invaded our culture to the extent that it is now weird to have a conversation with a stranger. When did we get that way? When did we get more comfortable in chat rooms than out on the sidewalk? When did we get so impressed with the television that we forgot to take time with others.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am a tech nut. I love technology. But sometimes we forget that we live in a world full of people. And every one of those people matter to God.
We need to remember that there are real breathing people out there. There is a growing disconnect between technology and people. While e-mail allows us to say things we might never say in person it’s because we sometimes get detached emotionally. We claim that community takes place in chat rooms but fellowship my friends happens in the flesh. It happens when we actually make human contact.
How do you react when someone breaks out of the mold society has placed on them? We take trips to amusement parks like Disney stand in long lines walk around with strangers and still the place is set up to make us feel like we are part of a community. The main street is modeled after a great thriving community that was known for their ability to relate to each other. The parade attempts to offer a personal touch to a mass experience.
Because we want to feel like we have close friends. But what do you get at the end of the day? Just a bunch of characters who don’t even know your name. We are isolated as a society. And for a lot of people out there, any attempt by someone to actually build authentic community is seen as odd or out of place.
You might even say that as people we are probably more responsible but less relational. At least that’s what you would have to say about Adele Gaboury’s neighbors The Boston Globe ran this story some time back
It can never be said that Adele Gaboury’s neighbors were less than responsible. When her front lawn grew hip-high, they had a local boy mow it down. When her pipes froze and burst, they had the water turned off. When the mail spilled out the front door, they called the police. The only thing they didn’t do was check to see if she was alive.
She wasn’t.
On Monday, police climbed her crumbling brick stoop, broke in the side door of her little blue house, and found what they believe to be the seventy-three-year-old woman’s skeletal remains sunk in a five-foot-high pile of trash where they had apparently lain, perhaps for as long as four years.
Eileen Dugan, seventy, once a close friend of Gaboury’s, whose house sits less than twenty feet from the dead woman’s home: It’s not really a very friendly neighborhood, I’m as much to blame as anyone. She was alone and needed someone to talk to, but I was working two jobs and I was sick of her coming over at all hours. Eventually I stopped answering the door.
Nobody was out there for Adele Gaboury. Our disconnect from others is a fractal pattern in our world and in our organizations.
Randy Frazee writes “isolation is the second major obstacle to connecting in true community.” He says this flows out of the first main obstacle which is “a culture of individualism” this breed the sickness of loneliness.
That’s who we are today. More family members work more hours and we live further away from activities so there is not a lot of time to build meaningful friendships.
There are some who think that you can link this phenomena to the 50’s when we began to commute and move to the suburbs.
One writer writes “Before suburbs, developers would build on city streets already laid out for them. In a typical pre WWII urban neighborhood, homes were built upward to promote density and placed close to the street. They had spacious covered porches close to the side walk, making it easy to talk with neighbors walking back from the local market. Today’s subdivisions feature wide winding streets which promotes speedy driving. New homes with tiny front porches sit imposingly behind large private lawns. And there is no corner store or public space for community gatherings. “ Paul Geisel
We have become a society were kids need rides to the friends house. When they used to walk or ride their bikes. Now I don’t want you to get me wrong. We are who we are as a culture. Our goal is to move beyond excuses and find out how to get back to real community. In order to get back to that goal we have to accurately assess our lives.
I know we see these new neighborhoods spring up but that does not always make it a community. Community means connecting with people. But the larger problem may be the decay of fellowship in the church.
Randy Frazee writes “A group of people can be committed to the bible from its opening page to its concluding page and not be a community. By the same token a group can experience community and not be biblical in community” The key however is to find community that is biblical.
The church must find a way to be relevant in today’s society. We have to be the place where the community gathers. We have to be the ones who point out the sickness of isolationism. We have to be the ones who show people the love of God. And this is the place where people should learn to connect with others in meaningful and lasting relationships.
It all starts with the relationships you build around you. I realize that there are a lot of people here who are doing their best to become a friend to others. But there is always room to expand.
There are 5 main building blocks to restoring biblical community.
Spontaneity
If you’re like me you say, Be spontaneous?, I don’t know if I can fit that into my schedule.
Spontaneity is defined as “acting or taking place without any outside force or cause” to just do something nice for someone “just because”
It is a powerful force in creating friendships. Though there are more obstacles today than ever before. Many people require a phone call or an appointment. Which means we are simply going to have to work hard at spontaneity and we are going to have to find other ways to allow this plan to work.
The show Sienfeld is a show that was always about spontaneity It was filled with characters unexpectedly popping in. The central meeting place always seemed to be Jerry’s apartment. I think the reason that show was so popular is because there was this spontaneous air to the show. You never knew what was going to happen next and that is exciting.
If people are going to find a place to belong they need to become a part of a group that feels comfortable being in each other’s homes. Acts 2 says that the first church met in each others homes.
The problem is everybody is not home all the time. So we need to learn when we can catch people at home. Which leads us to the next block
Availability: we have the choice today to be available or not. With caller id and voicemail we can decide to tape it or talk. We are busier as people than ever before but we need to find a way to make ourselves available to those who want to get to know us.
Whether we are available or not the message we are sending is not one that flatters us. When we complain about how full our schedule is, others are hearing, “I don’t have dine for you” Jesus’ followers didn’t live by rigid schedules and it was clear that Yes Jesus needed to withdraw from time to time. But the message was clear. I am available to you.
Our message should be like the rock song out of the seventies “why can’t we be friends. Be know there are differences between you and me, we know that our schedules are full but the simple words are “why can’t we be friends?”
We need to expand our area and make ourselves available to those who might really need to know you but ultimately more important is those who really need to connect with Jesus. There is not a magic lamp or a machine that can really offer the comfort like a human hand.
In order to build lasting friendships we must have Frequency
We are talking about building meaningful friendships that will last from here to eternity. Like anything else meaningful friendships take work.
How many of you husbands could get away with talking to your wife once a month?
Restoring Christian community requires frequency. How many of you have ever lost a friend for no other reason than you just stopped talking. Maybe they moved or you moved and now you have no idea what’s happening in their life.
Or maybe the schedule got full and you didn’t see them for a week, then 2 weeks then you went a month without even a phone call. Community means connecting on a frequent consistent basis. My best friend in College was a guy who spent a lot of time with me. We would see each other every day, That’s how relationship[s are formed by spending time together.
There are a lot of parents and spouses who use the phrase “Quality time” Let me assure you any amount of time building a relationship is quality time. But our kids, pour spouse, our friends need more time than we usually end up offering. They need frequency
Common meals are the 4th block and this is such an easy way to spend time together. People have to eat. Incidentally we are starting something in a few weeks, many of you have already signed up for it it’s called dinners for 8. This is designed to help get people in the homes of others in the church for a meal. I hope that if you have not signed up to participate you will consider this again.
The final block to building biblical community is Geography
I used to be a fan of sesame street. One of my favorite songs goes like this
Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood,
In your neighborhood, in your neighborhood.
Say who are the people in your neighborhood--
The people that you meet each day?
Oh, the postman always brings the mail
Through rain or snow or sleet or hail.
I’ll work, and work the whole day through
To get your letters safe to you.
Cause a postman is a person in your neighborhood,
In your neighborhood, he’s in your neighborhood.
A postman is a person in your neighborhood--
A person that you meet each day.
Oh, a fireman is brave it’s said.
His engine is a shiny red.
If there’s a fire anywhere about.
Well, I’ll be sure to put it out!
Cause a fireman is a person in your neighborhood,
In your neighborhood, he’s in your neighborhood.
And a postman is a person in your neighborhood--
Well they’re the people that you meet
When you’re walking down the street
They’re the people that you meet each day!
We have to find a way to reach out in the places where we live.
That’s what Jesus did and Acts 2:43 says they met together
Today you may have been inspired to become a part of a community that loves each other and is committed to the love of God If you have been we invite you to come today as we stand and sing
