The Need Greater Than Grief
Mat 26:56, 69-70, John 19:25-27, John 20:18 - 19, John 21:1-22, Mark 16:19 - 20, Acts 1:8
October 15, 2002
I. I think that most of you know that I am a chaplain for a Hospice. People tell me all the time they can’t see how I do that.
A. I do have to admit that it is tough at times, but it is also very rewarding when you can see that you have helped someone through a tough time in their lives, and if you are interested we are constantly looking for volunteers to help families.
B. One of the things that I deal with a lot is helping families deal with grief after one of our patients dies, and there is a lot more to that than I had ever realized before I started doing it.
C. Grief has a way of creating problems in people’s lives that nothing else does, it can make us unable to function. It can keep us from doing the important things in life that we should be doing.
D. I was in a seminar not long ago trying to learn more about how I can help people deal with grief and I learned something about the bible that I did not know.
E. The lecture was not about the bible it was about grief but as I sat there listening to what the speaker said God had my mind wander over to some stories in the bible and I saw something in a way I hadn’t looked at it before.
F. When Jesus died on the Cross the disciples were faced with the same emotions about grief that we all are.
G. They had the same things to deal with that we do.
II. There are four main things that we have to deal with in a healthy grief process, and grieving is work, it is some of the hardest work that we ever do, but it is easier to do work if you know that the tasks are, and that is what the speaker I was listening to was talking about. William Worden says that the tasks of grief are:
A. We have to accept the reality of death.
1. When someone that we love dies it is a shock and even if we know that it is going to happen we find ourselves saying "I just can’t believe they are gone" or something like it.
2. Our minds don’t want to accept the fact that someone we love is really gone.
3. And for some people it is really hard for them to accept that the person that they loved is not here anymore, and one of the reasons for that is that the next step is dealing with the pain that the loss brings.
B. When we lose someone it is painful. We humans are don’t like to lose things. We grieve the loss of a set of car keys to some degree, we go back to all the places that they might be again and again to look for them because we don’t want to admit the they are lost, and when we have to admit that they are gone there is usually some kind emotion associated with it.
1. When we lose somebody the pain is much greater and the reason that it is hard to accept that they gone is because we are trying not to have to deal with the pain, but the pain is something that we have to work through to go on and learn to deal with it and go on with life.
C. Once we have accepted the fact that someone is gone and we have dealt with the pain that it brings, we have to make adjustments in our lives.
1. We have to make the changes that are necessary to go on living, and we have to fill the empty places that are left when a person that was so much a part of our lives is gone.
2. Our life will never be quite the same after we lose someone close to us, but it can be a good life, it is just different.
3. And to be able to go one with life we have to get past the shock, and deal with the reality, we have to deal with the pain that the loss brings and we have to make adjustments in the way we live, to make living possible with out the person that we loved.
D. Once we have made the adjustments to our lives that have to be made, then we have to in a way relocate that person.
1. They take on a different role in our lives, usually through the memories that we have of them.
2. We have to realize that they are in a different place and that they do still play a role in our lives but it is a different one than they had before.
3. For someone who was a Christian this is the best part. Because when someone we love dies we can know that they are in a better place and they are with someone that loves them even more than we do.
4. Someone that loved them enough to die for them.
III. Now you may be wondering by now where I am going with all of this. Well, I am getting there.
A. As I sat in that lecture I was wondering how these things applied to Jesus’ disciples. They were human. They dealt with human emotions, they had to deal with grief just like we do, and I wondered how they dealt with it.
B. And as I thought about that, I realized that these same steps that William Worden was talking about can be seen in what the disciples did after Jesus’ death, but there was something very different about it too.
C. There is no doubt that the disciples faced the fact that Jesus was dead. They saw the Romans soldiers come and take him away. They ran way themselves because they knew what was going to happen. It says in (Mat 26:56 NIV) But this has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled." Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.
D. We know that Peter and probably some of the other disciples snuck back to see what would happen. Because someone asked Peter if he was one of Jesus’s followers and he denied it.(Mat 26:69-70 NIV) Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. "You also were with Jesus of Galilee," she said. But he denied it before them all. "I don’t know what you’re talking about," he said.
E. John and some of the women that followed Jesus were there at the Cross when he was crucified. (John 19:25 - 27 NIV) Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
F. We know this was John because in the Gospel that he wrote he never calls himself by name. He refers to himself as the disciple whom Jesus loved.
G. The point is that they were there, and they saw, and they knew that Jesus was dead. They had to face the reality in a very harsh way.
H. From things said in the bible we know that they were dealing with the pain of losing someone close to them.
I. It says that they went back to the Upper room where they had celebrated the Lord’s Supper. They did what a lot of us do they were dealing with pain and trying to hang on to the things that reminded them of the one they lost.
J. It is not hard to imagine the pain that they must have been going through that day. The person that they had followed for at least four years was gone. The person that they had given up their lives, and the jobs for was gone.
K. The person that they had put all their hopes for the future in was gone.
IV. They were dealing with a lot of pain, but they got an edge in dealing with the pain that we don’t get. HE CAME BACK!
(John 20:18 - 19 NIV) Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: "I have seen the Lord!" And she told them that he had said these things to her. On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!"
A. They had to face death the way we do, and they had to deal with their pain, but the whole thing was accelerated in a way that we don’t get.
B. Jesus came back to help them deal with the pain. He was able to put an end to the pain because he came back to tell them that it was all right.
C. That is a benefit that we don’t get, and being as human as I am it made me wonder, why did they get that privilege and we don’t? But, I am going to come back to that.
V. So the Disciples have accepted the reality of Jesus death like we do, and they have dealt with the pain although they got help that we don’t get!
A. And then something happened that shows that they went through the same steps in grief that we do, but it is still hard for me to understand.
B. The disciples went fishing! Apparently there is a time gap between John chapter 20 and John chapter 21, because what we just read is in John chapter 20, and we hear nothing else of what happened so we have to assume that Jesus appeared to them and told them that everything was alright and then left.
C. I think that maybe Jesus gave them some time to deal with adjusting to life with out him.
D. And apparently they did, because what they did was go back to their old profession. They got a sped up version of dealing with the pain of losing someone and they went back to work and started getting their lives back to normal.
E. They went fishing. And it says that Jesus appeared to them again and helped them catch some fish.
(John 21:1- 22 NIV) Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas (called Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. "I’m going out to fish," Simon Peter told them, and they said, "We’ll go with you." So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, "Friends, haven’t you any fish?" "No," they answered. He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, "It is the Lord," he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish you have just caught." Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast." None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead. When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs. Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!" Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?" When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?" Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."
F. Now this is an interesting story. First these followers of Jesus after he had appeared to them had apparently dealt with their grief because they were able to get back to their lives.
G. It says nothing about them doing anything else, or about any other happenings, Jesus came back, they saw him, their pain was gone in the joy that they felt, and they went back to the lives that they had, had before.
H. They were sitting around and Peter said I think I will go fishing, and some of the others said sounds good to me, and they went. But they didn’t catch anything. And suddenly Jesus appeared and, but they didn’t know who he was and he said throw your net on the other side of the boat, they did and they got so many fish that they couldn’t haul the net in.
I. It was about this time that John, and if you will notice he doesn’t use his name but says that "the disciple that Jesus loved". And by the way here is proof that John is the one referred to as the disciple Jesus loved. It says in verse twenty that the disciple Jesus loved was following them and it refers to him as the one that leaned against Jesus at the supper and we know from the other gospels that this was John.
J. Anyway John says hey Peter that’s Jesus, and Peter bails out of the boat and forgot the fishing and went to where Jesus was, and I love they way it says this, it shows that God has a sense of humor.
K. When the got to the shore Jesus is sitting there with a fire going and some fish cooked and he says how bout some breakfast?
L. This is where we begin to find out why the disciples got the advanced speed grief process. They had made adjustments to their lives, but they did not go the way the Lord needed them to so he came to make a point.
M. The first point was, this life of fishing is not the one that I intended for you. I can provide for your needs, and fishing is not bad, and it is ok to have a job, but there is something more important that I need you to do.
N. You see they had fished all night and caught nothing, and Jesus told them throw the net on the other side and they caught a boat load, and then when they got to shore he already had fish cooked. He could provide, and he was proving it.
O. Then he goes into a conversation with Peter, that reveals to them what he wants them to do.
P. When they were finished eating Jesus says to Peter, do you love me, Peter says yes!
Q. Then Jesus said feed my lambs. Then Jesus asked again do you love me. Peter says YOU KNOW I DO! Jesus says take care of my sheep. Then he asked again do you love me Peter says You know I love you! And it says that Peter was hurt, because Jesus asked a third time.
R. But Jesus was trying to make a point, and the point was that Peter was to be the leader of those who accepted Jesus, as a matter of fact he was to be the one that led a lot people to Jesus.
S. Jesus was even telling Peter that at some point when he was older that he was going to die the same way Jesus did, and Peter being human said well what about John? But that’s another story!
VI. So far we have seen the disciples deal with three of the things that we have to deal with in the grieving process, facing the reality, dealing with the pain, and making adjustments in our lives, and they also had some accelerated help with the last one, relocating the loved one that they lost.
(Mark 16:19 - 20 NIV) After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.
A. They got to see him ascend into heaven and sit at the right hand of God, now I don’t know if they actually saw him sit by God or not, but I know that they knew where he was, and it made the fact that he was gone ok.
B. But as this was all dawning on me being human I had to ask myself a question. Why did they get so much special help dealing with all this that we don’t?
C. Why did they get an accelerated process that we don’t get? Why is our dealing with death longer and different.
D. You see I ask myself weird questions like that and sometimes the answers are surprising.
E. I think that there are two things that answer that question. And they are found in the book of Acts.
F. The first part of the answer is in Acts chapter two and I am not going to read it but just tell you about what happened. One thing that made them need extra help was the Holy Spirit had not come yet and they did not have the comfort of God living inside them that we do.
G. They did not have the presence of God alive inside them like all who have accepted Jesus do now. So we have help that they didn’t have, and I think that one point of all this that when we come to times that we lose someone we have to listen to and trust the God that lives inside us, and know that he is going to do what is best even when we can’t understand it.
H. We need to lean on God, and the knowledge that he loves us more than we can imagine, even when it hurts and we don’t even know why and that will make the whole process easier and less painful.
I. But I think there is an even greater reason that the disciples got the accelerated grief plan, and that is that there was something important that they were to do.
J. Something more important than their former careers, more important their own desires, and it was something that God needed them to be ready to do quickly because it was the most important thing they would ever do.
K. And that is what Jesus was trying to tell Peter as he helped him understand what life without Him needed to consist of, and that is that they were to be witnesses of what Jesus death meant.
L. The time between Jesus; death and Pentecost was not long and Jesus needed his disciples prepared to do the work that he had laid out for them to do.
M. They could not be grieving his death and proclaiming the joy of his resurrection at the same time, and the most important thing that they could do in life was, to tell people the difference that his death could make in their life.
1. Jesus needs people here on earth to go and tell about the difference that He can make in their life.
2. He needed people to tell about the love that God had for them. A love that was so strong that he would even sacrifice His son for them.
3. It was the most important thing that they could ever do. It was something that was even more important than them grieving.
4. It was the priority in life that none other even got close to. Getting the message of the life changing truth of the gospel out to the people that needed it was more important than even their grief, and that has not changed today.
N. We are his witnesses and we have a job that we are to do and that is to go into the world and make a difference. Not just to accept His salvation and sit on it, but to share it with other people.
O. To take that message of truth, and love out to people who need the Spirit of God in their lives so that they can deal with the things that come up in life not alone but with the help of God living inside them.
P. The last words that he spoke to his disciples, the final instructions, the purpose of it all are found in (Acts 1:8 NIV) But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Q. Above and beyond all that we are to do here being a witness is the most important, it is something that God altered the normal human grief process to make sure his disciples were ready to do in the time that he needed it done.
R. It is the most important thing. We are his witnesses, and the eternity of people that we meet every day could ride on how we do our job of telling people about the difference that God has made in our lives.
S. I hope we do our job well!
