22, September 2002
Dakota Community Church
All The Kings Men
Part: 3 – Fathers
Introduction:
TRUTH:
If the role of husband is the most important one you will play this side of heaven then the role of “dad” is definitely #2
What if you don’t like this series and you want to be free from God’s requirements?
Psalm 2:2-4
2 The kings of the earth take their stand and the rulers gather together against the LORD and against his Anointed One. 3 "Let us break their chains," they say, "and throw off their fetters." 4 The One enthroned in heaven laughs; the Lord scoffs at them.
You do not break Gods word – you break yourself on it!
Quote:
A positive and continuous relationship to one’s father has been found to be associated with a good self-concept, higher self- esteem, higher self-confidence in personal and social interaction, higher moral maturity, reduced rates of unwed teen pregnancy, greater internal control and higher career aspirations. Fathers who are affectionate, nurturing and actively involved in child rearing are more likely to have well- adjusted children. Dr. George Rekers
What do I have to do to be the father God calls me to be?
Provide!
1Timothy 5:8
8If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1. PROVIDE SPIRITUAL COVERING.
Enter into covenant with your children. Let them know that no matter what you will always love them and be there for them. -Prodigal Son
Titus 1:6-9
6An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7Since an overseer is entrusted with God’s work, he must be blameless--not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
a. Make covenant with them.
b. Enforce Christ’s victory over Satan.
c. Supply resources for growth. – (Reading outside school)
d. Encourage growth! Teach them don’t shelter them.
Ill.
An Open Letter to Family Men: She was blond and beautiful, with azure eyes and a tumble of tawny curls. At three years of age, she would climb into her daddy’s lap, snuggle up with a wide, satisfied smile, and purr, "This is my safe place!" And so it was. Dads, YOU are the "safe place." You are our protector and provider. And when you gather us for a time with God, we need a safe place. A safe place, not a lecture. A safe place, not a sermon. A very human dad who simply cares about God and us. We don’t need or even want a "spiritual giant." We just want you. And we need a gathering time where it’s safe to say to each other, "How are you and the Lord getting along?" "How can we pray today?" We need a safe place to cry laugh, sing, rejoice, challenge, share, and sometimes not to share and have it be okay. We need a time with you that’s relaxed--unstiff, when we can pray honestly, in simple sentences, from our hearts. Unfixed. Unrigid. Unroutine. Unshackled. We need a place where irregular opinions are respected, and where God has the last word. We need a gentleman leader, not a general. Gracious. Relaxed. Human. A family shepherd who exhibits not infallible authority, but a thirst for God. Every day? Not necessarily. Often? Yes. Long? No. Where? Anywhere. How? Sense where we’re at, and zero in. We may need heavy-duty confessing to each other and to God...silent prayer...exuberant praise ...Bible study. But not every time. Thanks for listening, Dad. Remember, we need you. Your family.
2. PROVIDE GUIDANCE BY EXAMPLE.
Colossians 2:20
21Fathers do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
- Set correct priorities.
- Model the behavior you desire. (You will get whatever behavior you model.)
- Pray first for every situation. (Sickness, school trouble, attitude etc.)
Stat.
One startling bit of research conducted by the Christian Business Men’s Committee found the following: When the father is an active believer, there is about a seventy-five percent likelihood that the children will also become active believers. But if only the mother is a believer, this likelihood is dramatically reduced to fifteen percent.
Quote.
"Men have to be persuaded that bringing up children is a very important part of their life. Motherhood has been praised to the skies, but the greatest praise men can give to that role is for them to share in doing it." Ruth Ginsburg, U.S. Supreme Court Justice.
3. PROVIDE GUIDANCE BY COUNSELING.
Ephesians 6:4
4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
a. Establish that no topic is out of bounds.
b. Respect the power of your words.
The most important years of influence in the father/child relationship are 3-5 and 11-15. During these times your influence is HUGE!
Psalm 144:3-4
3 Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. 4 Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil, to take part in wicked deeds
Psalm 19:14
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
For a child, “love” is spelled: T-I-M-E. According to family psychologist Dr. James Dobson (Focus on the Family), the average father spends less than a minute of face-to-face communication with his children per day!
Children need time. We devote time and energy to the people and things we value the most. Children conclude that, “If you don’t have time for me, then you must not care about me.”
Story.
Jamie Buckingham tells a story in his book, Power for Living. It was a story first told by Fred Craddock while lecturing at Yale University. He told of going back one summer to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, to take a short vacation with his wife. One night they found a quiet little restaurant where they looked forward to a private meal—just the two of them.
While they were waiting for their meal they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting guests. Craddock whispered to his wife, “I hope he doesn’t come over here.” He didn’t want the man to intrude on their privacy. But the man did come by his table.
“Where you folks from?” he asked amicably.
“Oklahoma.”
“Splendid state, I hear, although I’ve never been there. What do you do for a living?
“I teach homiletics at the graduate seminary of Phillips University.”
“Oh, so you teach preachers, do you? Well, I’ve got a story I want to tell you.” And with that he pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with Craddock and his wife.
Dr. Craddock said he groaned inwardly: Oh no, here comes another preacher story. It seems everyone has one.
The man stuck out his hand. “I’m Ben Hooper. I was born not far from here across the mountains. My mother wasn’t married when I was born so I had a hard time. When I started to school my classmates had a name for me, and it wasn’t a very nice name. I used to go off by myself at recess and during lunch-time because the taunts of my playmates cut so deeply.
“What was worse was going downtown on Saturday afternoon and feeling every eye burning a hole through you. They were all wondering just who my real father was.
“When I was about 12 years old a new preacher came to our church. I would always go in late and slip out early. But one day the preacher said the benediction so fast I got caught and had to walk out with the crowd. I could feel every eye in church on me. Just about the time I got to the door I felt a big hand on my shoulder. I looked up and the preacher was looking right at me.
“Who are you, son? Whose boy are you?’
I felt the old weight come on me. It was like a big black cloud. Even the preacher was putting me down.
But as he looked down at me, studying my face, he began to smile a big smile of recognition. “Wait a minute,” he said, “I know who you are. I see the family resemblance. You are a son of God.”
With that he slapped me across the rump and said, “Boy you’ve got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.”
The old man looked across the table at Fred Craddock and said, “That was the most important single sentence ever said to me.” With that he smiled, shook the hands of Craddock and his wife, and moved on to another table to greet old friends.
Suddenly, Fred Craddock remembered. On two occasions the people of Tennessee had elected an illegitimate to be their governor. One of them was Ben Hooper.
Ill.
Josh McDowell has been trying to find out what dads are doing in Christian families, and the news isn’t good. In his book The Dad Difference, McDowell reveals that there seems to be a parenting gap. These statistics are from McDowell’s book: The average teen in our churches spends only 2 minutes a day in meaningful dialogue with his dad. 25% of these teens say they have never had a meaningful conversation with their father--a talk centered on the teens’ interests.
4. STOP GENERATIONAL CYCLES.
- By prayer
- By personal victory
Acts 7:51
51"You stiff-necked people, with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spirit!
Jeremiah 9:13
13 The LORD said, "It is because they have forsaken my law, which I set before them; they have not obeyed me or followed my law. 14 Instead, they have followed the stubbornness of their hearts; they have followed the Baals, as their fathers taught them." 15 Therefore, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "See, I will make this people eat bitter food and drink poisoned water.
Ezekiel 18-19:23
19 "Yet you ask, ’Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?’ Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. 20 The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.
21 "But if a wicked man turns away from all the sins he has committed and keeps all my decrees and does what is just and right, he will surely live; he will not die. 22 None of the offenses he has committed will be remembered against him. Because of the righteous things he has done, he will live. 23 Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? Declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?
Ill.
Two first graders were overheard as they left Sunday school class, "Do you really believe all that stuff about the devil?" "No, I think it’s like Santa Claus. It’s really your dad."
