15, September 2002
Dakota Community Church
All The Kings Men
Part: 2 – Husbands
Introduction:
Young husbands it seems to me are often very slow to figure out what they are supposed to be doing in this role. Some never get it!
TRUTH:
The role of husband is likely the most important one you will play this side of heaven.
What’s the big deal Pastor Dan?
Ephesians 5:31-32
31"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
The husband/wife relationship is supposed to reflect the Christ/church relationship. Patterns and types are important to God!
Ephesians 5:25
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
Colossians 3:19
19Husbands love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
There’s a points system at work and the ladies are keeping score:
Duties
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows -1
You throw the bed spread over the rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it’s empty 0
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise at night and it’s nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise at night and it’s something +5
You pummel it with a six iron +10
It turns out to be her father -10
A Night Out
You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It’s called Death Cop 3 -3
Which features sexy cyborgs -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15
Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly & resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "I don’t care because you have one too" -800
The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Compared to what?" -35
Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0
When she talks you listen for over 30 minutes +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +15
Adapted from "The Points System," c. 2000 John Boy and Billy Inc., http://thebigshow.com
What do I have to do to be the husband God calls me to be?
1. BECOME HER CLOSEST LIFELONG COMPANION.
Ill.
Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that’s too warm, beside someone who’s sleeping in a room that’s too cold.
Many people who have grown up with parents who simply tolerated each other fail to grasp the lifelong companion concept. If you don’t get it you will wind up like your parents - or divorced.
What does companionship look like?
a. Companionship means a “same team” mentality.
b. Companionship means unlimited time for communion.
c. Companionship means sharing your deepest hopes, dreams and thoughts.
Over the years I have seen many marriages ruined by husbands who will talk about deep things with buddies, co-workers, women at the office or the church and even complete strangers but refuse to talk with their wife.
2 Timothy 4:6-8
6For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. 7I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
(How do you hope to finish your race?)
Ill.
The speaker at our woman’s club was lecturing on marriage and asked the audience how many of us wanted to "mother" our husbands. One member in the back row raised her hand. "You do want to mother your husband?" the speaker asked. "Mother?" the woman echoed. "I thought you said smother."
2. BECOME HER SPIRITUAL COVERING.
Take on the leadership role you were born for.
Ephesians 5:23
23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church
You are to behave in the marriage the way Christ behaves in the church!
You have covenant responsibilities in this union!
- To pray.
- To believe.
- To stay hooked up to the source!
- Make the first move toward reconciliation
- Don’t be a control freak. (Let your wife grow in freedom.)
- Forget wrongs.
- Encourage.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.
First He tells us to love as He loves, then he describes love – any question?
Key: Give self up!
Ill.
In order to uncover the processes that destroy unions, marital researchers study couples over the course of years, and even decades, and retrace the star-crossed steps of those who have split up back to their wedding day. What they are discovering is unsettling. None of the factors one would guess might predict a couple’s durability actually does: not how in love a newlywed couple say they are; how much affection they exchange; how much they fight or what they fight about. In fact, couples who will endure and those who won’t look remarkably similar in the early days. Yet when psychologists Cliff Notarius of Catholic University and Howard Markman of the University of Denver studied newlyweds over the first decade of marriage, they found a very subtle but telling difference at the beginning of the relationships. Among couples who would ultimately stay together, 5 out of every 100 comments made about each other were putdowns. Among couples that would later split, 10 of every 100 comments were insults. That gap magnified over the following decade, until couples heading downhill were flinging five times as many cruel and invalidating comments at each other as happy couples. "Hostile putdowns act as cancerous cells that, if unchecked, erode the relationship over time," says Notarius, who with Markman co-authored the new book We Can Work It Out. "In the end, relentless unremitting negativity takes control and the couple can’t get through a week without major blowups."
3. BECOME HER LOVER.
Proverbs 30:21-23
21 "Under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up: 22 a servant who becomes king, a fool who is full of food, 23 an unloved woman who is married, and a maidservant who displaces her mistress.
Compare:
Proverbs 30:18-19
18There are three things which are too wonderful for me, Yes, four which I do not understand: 19The way of an eagle in the air, The way of a serpent on a rock, The way of a ship in the midst of the sea, And the way of a man with a virgin.
What happens between these two verses?
We lose sight of the plan! We stop pursuing her. – Begin again!
Proverbs 5:18-20
18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
During pre – marriage counseling I hear this question: What if she gets fat?
Answer:Command your emotions don’t serve them!
“Honey your body is like a fine wine it just gets better and better!”
Won’t she see right through that?
Not if it’s true!
Ill.
Soon after our last child left home for college, my wife was resting next to me on the couch with her head in my lap. I carefully removed her glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "without your glasses you look like the same beautiful young woman I married." "Honey," she replied with a grin, "without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"
Conclusion:
In closing I want to leave you with two questions to ponder this week:
- What do you hope to get out of life?
- What part of that desire caused you to get married in the first place?
