From time to time I have said to you that one of the challenges of being a pastor is that when you preach, there is always the possibility that someone in the audience is thinking, "Pastor, you are telling my story. You are talking about me." And then they think that everyone knows that the person or situation being spoken of has to do with them.
This is especially true with this morning’s topic - shame. All of us here have moments of shame in our lives. It is as common, and just as troubling, as the common cold. But, as I share this morning, I speak to all of us.
Lewis Smedes, a seminary professor and author of the book "Shame and Grace," tells in the opening chapter of that book of two different events, close in time that opened him to the reality of shame in his life.
The first event was a conversation with a close friend who, in response to Smedes’ statement about feeling "vaguely guilty," simply said, "I don’t think that you feel guilty at all, Lew; I think that what you feel is shame."
The second event concerned his mother, who lay dying in a hospital. As he visited her one day she said to Smedes, "Oh, Lewis, I’m so glad that the Lord forgives me of all my sins; I’m a great sinner, you know."
Smedes found the statement incredible. As he reviewed her life, with all the demands of raising a family and the constant willingness to help others in very simple ways, praying each night to the Lord to help her do it again for one more day, he thought, "When did she have time and where did she get the energy to do any great sinning?"
At the end of Genesis chapter two we read "Although both Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame." What does it mean?
Most of the time we think that it means Adam and Eve walked around paradise in their birthday suits. Which is probably true. But, there is another kind of nakedness - it is a nakedness of spirit, of soul, which does not contain the tainted ness of deception or dishonesty. It is the kind of nakedness, we would call it transparency or innocence today, in which there was no shame.
But, the choices of chapter 3 change everything. In verse 7 we read, "At that moment, [in other words at the time they ate of the forbidden fruit] their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness."
Shame comes into the picture because the nakedness, the transparency or innocence, of the relationship between God and humanity as well as between man and woman, is shattered. They become naked and afraid and they hide from God. They are ashamed.
Now, there is another reality in this story that we need to acknowledge and understand in relationship to shame. That is guilt.
Adam and Eve experienced both shame and guilt. But what did they experience first? Shame.
Now what’s the difference between shame and guilt? John Bradshaw offers us a very clear picture of the differences.
"Guilt," notes Bradshaw, "says I’ve done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me." "Guilt says I’ve made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what I did was not good; shame says I am no good."
We clearly see both shame and guilt in the Fall of humanity. God points out that Adam and Eve have done something wrong. Adam and Eve, and I don’t think that I am misinterpreting scripture at this point, are consumed with their feelings of shame at this point. Otherwise, why would they run and hide?
One of the elements of shame is embarrassment. Can you recall a time when you did something that embarrassed you?
You felt stupid, dumb, and ashamed didn’t you? You wanted to do what? (Ask the congregation to respond). "Run and hide." Just like Adam and Eve.
Our text for this morning is a troubling text. It is an intimidating passage because it gives us an intimate glimpse into God that is perhaps too intimate at the least, and too troubling at the most, to bear.
In the opening verses of Genesis 6, we read that the human population grew rapidly followed by some very mysterious statements about the "sons of God," God’s complaint about the human race, and then, in verse 5, the beginning verse of our text, we begin to read about God’s second thoughts.
As I read this passage, which is part of the preface of the story of Noah, and began to ponder it, a question, which disturbs me very much, formed in my mind: "Did God experience shame at this point?" "Was He ashamed of what He had done? Was He ashamed that He had created us?"
Notice again verse 6, "So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them. It broke his heart." That verse floors me. God was sorry for creating humanity? His heart was broken? That doesn’t jive with our picture of God these days, does it? God is loving! Jesus cares about us! The Holy Spirit helps us, heal us! God wouldn’t be ashamed of creating us, would He?
I am not sure that God felt shame for creating humanity, but He was heart broken over what He saw taking place in the human race. But, I think that we can identify with God more that perhaps we care to admit, when we step back and look at the life we have made.
Shame is a common condition. All of us deal with shame. All of us have memories of things said and done that cause us to hang our heads in shame.
One key aspect of shame that we need to identify and admit to is this belief that we are a mistake. But that is not true. We have made mistakes but we are not mistakes. God does not create mistakes. We are people who need the forgiveness of God but we are not people beyond help and hope.
Have you ever heard these thoughts, or some thing like them, flowing through your mind or off your lips?
"I sometimes feel as if I am a fake."
"I feel inadequate; I seldom feel as if I am up to what is expected of me."
"I feel as if I just cannot measure up to what I ought to be."
Smedes suggests those are statements of shame and he also suggests this, "Shame-burdened people are the sort whom Jesus had in mind when he invited the "weary and heavy laden" to trade their heaviness for his lightness."
Let’s take a brief look at these three statements:
"I sometimes feel as if I am a fake."
What’s the shame here? The shame of feeling that you are a hypocrite, perhaps? What exactly is a hypocrite?
A hypocrite is an impostor, a fraud, and a phony. They say one thing and they do another.
Jesus had no patience for hypocrites. In Matthew 15, he takes the Pharisees to task in response to a question from them about the reasons that the disciples do not follow their "age-old traditions" such as hand washing.
"And why do you, by your traditions, violate the direct commandments of God?" Jesus asks and then goes on to point out that while the commandment says to "Honor Your Father and Mother" they do the exact opposite. "But you say, "You don’t need to honor your parents by caring for their needs if you give the money to God instead. And so, by your own tradition, you nullify the direct commandment of God. You hypocrites! Isaiah was prophesying about you when he said: These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away."
Hypocrisy is an intentional thing. Honest confession about one’s shortcomings and flaws is not hypocrisy. All of us feel like a fake from time to time.
This past spring, there was a gathering of Church of God pastors from around the Midwest at Potawonmi Inn at Pokagon State Park up in Angola.
One of the speakers at that event is a well-known female speaker at least here in the Midwest. As she stood before us, her appearance gave the impression of confidence. But the story about her son, told us that she was also hurting and very human.
For before us stood a women whose son, a graduate of one of our nation’s military academies, was facing either life imprisonment or death because in an act of rage her murdered someone who was or had been molesting his step-daughter. My heart grieved for her. And I thought, "How can you stand before us? I couldn’t!"
I wonder if she has not stood in the mirror since those tragic events and said, "Where did I go wrong as a mother? What did I do or say? What could have I done differently?" Shame.
Not only did Carol perhaps feel like a fake but she could have also said, "I feel inadequate; I seldom feel as if I am up to what is expected of me." We feel this way from to time, don’t we?
We often feel inadequate to the task of daily life. Such good honesty creates an opening for the Holy Spirit to do a good work in and through us.
But what this statement means is a more chronic belief that brings us down. It clouds our faith. We have troubling believing and accepting that God can do anything with us. How can I serve? I can’t do this. I can’t do that. I’m not like so and so.
We often respond to these statements with a claim that a low-self image is at work here. But why is there a low self-image present? We are ashamed of ourselves and therefore we feel incapabable, inadequate of doing anything significant. That is not true.
In Luke 18 there is a story of two men, one who was cocky and the other who was really humble and honest. One prayed, "I thank you God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else, especially like that tax collector over there!" The other prayed, "Oh God, be merciful to me for I am sinner."
Which prayer was honored? The second one. The first pray-er was one who was filled with self-importance. The second pray-er was one who was honest about his condition.
Some may suggest that he was ashamed of himself and sought the mercy of God. But, I suggest that he was not so ashamed that he could not pray such an honest prayer.
There is a purpose in shame. Good shame, if we can call it that, (I prefer to call "good shame" guilt) can move us toward repentance and reconciliation with God and others in the right way. That’s what happened to this despised tax collector.
Feeling fake, feeling inadequate can also lead us to feel that we cannot measure up to what I ought to be. Which is what?
In one of the Internet documents that I found during my preparation this week was this statement, "We live in a winner take all society. Only one winner, lots of losers."
No wonder we have a drug and alcohol problem in this country. The pressure and pain of such an attitude creates such tremendous emotional and relational pain, that we seek to numb ourselves to the shame as well as the pain of such a losing battle.
We are told that we have to be perfect. The perfect student, the perfect spouse, the perfect child, the perfect parent, the perfect employee, the perfect employer, the perfect Christian. There is no room for error. If we are not perfect, then we will lose out.
Shame thrives in that kind of environment. It becomes a weapon used on us and by us to gain control, to get ahead, to be acceptable. And when we fail, shame comes calling.
The Christian faith is not about winning and losing. It is about finding and gaining - forgiveness, freedom, joy, peace, and a whole host of other things that are the opposite of shame and despair.
It is about a quality of life that God, while he contemplated what to do about the human race, found in Noah. Noah lived a life free from shame. His relationship with God and his obedience to God kept him from slipping into the pool of shame that so many find themselves in when the fail to personally connect with God.
Shame comes from the pit of Hell. It is demonic. It is designed to bring us down and cause us to give up.
But, this morning from the gates of heaven, I offer you hope. I offer you joy. I offer you freedom from despair and guilt - through Christ.
The hymn that we will sing in a moment reminds us that "Calvary Covers It All." The cross has not only liberated us from the guilt of what we have done, it has also liberated us from the shame that we experience in this fallen world. God wants to heal our shame. But we need to name the "shame that binds us."
I encourage you this morning to take time to "name the shame that binds you." What is it that has kept you down in shame? We need to name it. Why?
Because as we name the shame that binds us, it begins to loose its power over us. And as it begins to loose its power, we can ask God to help us let go of that shame and turn it over to him.
One of the ways that we name it is by writing it down. Another way we name it is by telling it to someone who we trust, or to a counselor, or to a pastor. If you would like to talk to me my door is open and I will be happy to help you, as I am able.
Noah was righteous man because he obeyed God and did not let shame rule his life. And what God saw in Noah, He wants to see in us. And through the Holy Spirit, He can as we trust and obey Him. Amen.
