“Coping In A Sex-Crazed Society”
Mike Harris
April 11, 1999
Intro: We starting a new series today—and over the next 3 weeks-- we’re going to be looking at 3 very important areas of our lives.
Sex…. Money…. and Relationships….
Now—there’s not a day that goes by -- that you and I don’t think about these areas of our lives…
When any one of these 3 areas --- out of kilter… usually impacts every other area of our lives
AND THE TRUTH IS…
--most of us – if not all of us-- struggle in these areas…
we struggle to find the answers…
we struggle to find good role models…
we struggle to get control of these areas…
And any one of these areas has the potential -- if mis-managed…. If mis-handled…. If mis-guided….. any one of these areas has the potential of destroying our lives…. Or at least really messing things up…
Good news--- God has a lot to say about all 3 of these areas….
(did you know that?) A lot to say about … sex…. Money… relationships…
--because He understands how important these areas are…
So—over the course of the next 3 weeks-- going to look at each of these areas…
Specifically – we’re going to look at some strategies that God provides….values – principles--- that we can apply to each of these areas---
SO THAT---- we can experience wellness – not just in these areas—but in the entirety of our lives--- that’s what God wants for us…
--he wants us to be happy--- he wants us to be fulfilled …. He wants us to experience life to the max…. and he also shows us how…. (that’s key!)
So—let’s just dive right into this first area….. area of SEX…
Now—I think first of all – we need to begin with a Foundation…
Begin with Some basic understanding – about what God teaches us concerning this area…. And I think some of this might pleasantly surprise some you…
(look at the top of your message card…)
You’ll see some statements…. These are key things God wants us to understand about sex…
[Forming a Foundation:]
(1) God created us as sexual beings.
He understands everything we go through in regard to this area…
--because he has created us this way…. He’s wired us up this way…
God has created SEX… What a great God…. J
He’s created us to be sexual beings…. So he understands…
(2nd thing we need to understand foundationally….)
(2) Everything God created is good!
In the book of Genesis—God looked at everything he created—and he said—“It is good!”
And SEX… regardless of what you’ve been taught… or regardless of what you’ve experienced…. Is GOOD!…. It’s good by God’s design….
Let me just say this…. Everything God has created – is meant to be good for us…. (including sex)…. BUT-- everything God has created also has the potential--- to be bad for us…
(this leads me to the 3rd foundational statement…)
(3) God has designed safe & healthy boundaries.
For everything God has created—he had also given us boundaries…
---and when we stay within those boundaries---- it is always good!
Now this is where God gets the bad wrap… “big mean ol’ dad…” – “always wanting to squash all our fun…” “what we can do—what we can’t do”
Truth is-- we all need boundaries…
Ex. If you’re a parent-- you place certain boundaries around your children..
Why? --Not to take away their fun and happiness--- but to ensure that they remain safe and happy…
Illust: I don’t even remember this—but when I was very young-- mom & Dad said—“don’t touch the stove”-- but having the adventurous spirit that I have—and realizing that they were just trying to take away all my fun and happiness…. I reached up and placed my hand squarely on a red hot burner...
Now—I disregarded the boundary that my mom & dad placed around me—and what happened…. I GOT BURNED.
And that’s what happens when we step outside of the boundaries that God places around us as well…
Now-- what are the boundaries that God has placed around us in regard to SEX?
Here it is: Sex is to be enjoyed within the context of a monogomous male & female marriage relationship. (repeat)
That’s the biblical boundary… that’s God’s standard…
Now—here’s the problem…. We don’t like someone else setting the boundaries… We want to be the boss—we want to be the one who sets the boundaries around our lives—we don’t want any one else (incl. God) telling us what the boundaries ought to be in our lives… Because ultimately we think we know what’s best for us…
Take for example Niki (17)
“I don’t think teenagers should be taught that sex is wrong before marriage. I think it should be based on individual morals. The most important thing for teens to be taught is how to protect themselves and to be warned of the consequences. But in the end, it’s our decision.”
Consider what Fiona (18) says:
“Sex is something that is shared with someone you love and you shouldn’t have to wait for a piece of paper showing that you are now allowed to do it. Times have changed and society has to deal with the fact that sex before marriage is OK and couples that do it shouldn’t be looked down on.”
So—what Niki and Fiona-- and really society in general – what they’re saying is-- each individual ought to be able to set the standard (or boundary) for themselves….
The problem with that line of reasoning is-- when you don’t have A STANDARD you really only have chaos…
And God knows this-- that’s why He says—here’s the standard (boundary)-- if you choose to live outside of this-- -- you will only experience chaos…
Let me just demonstrate this… (5 volunteers—each one believes they set the boundary--standard)
n all 5 – sexually active-- outside of the boundaries God has set…
NOW-- here’s the results…. Here are the statistics… (I was blown away…)
According to Center For Disease Control & Prevention (CDC)
“Of the 10 most frequently reported infections – 5 are STD…
….most Americans are unaware of the extent of the STD epidemic…”
Kaiser Family Foundation: there are 20 million new cases of STD’s each year….
--- of these 20 million new cases… 68% occurring between ages 15-24.
--- more than 50 % of all teens 15-19 have had sex… AND nearly ½ of the sexually active teens will be infected with a STD.
Glamour mag. -- “1 in 3 Americans will be infected with a STD in their lifetime…” (include all Americans…)
So—( over to volunteers)-- just among the sexually active , multiple partners… (people setting their own standard…)
---almost ½ will be infected with a STD….. (mark on their cards)
HIV--- 20,000 new cases every year…. Stats-- 1 in 5 sexually active.. (mark)
Also-- in this group of 5 people-- (this stat has actually gone down, but)
1 in 5 ---- unwanted pregnancy… (mark)
What about all the marriages --- end in divorce-- families broken up…
DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE LIVE OUTSIDE OF GOD’S BOUNDARIES????
Now-- one more foundational statement…. Very important – esp. if you’ve chosen to live outside of these boundaries—and you’ve gotten burned…
(4) God offers forgiveness and second chances.
Now—yes—we may still have to live with the consequences of our choices (i.e. some STD’s – no cure… 1 in 5 Americans over age 12 )
BUT-- at least you do not have to live with the guilt…
“Come, let’s talk this over, says the Lord; no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow….” Isaiah 1:18 (LB)
God says—when it comes to having a relationship with Me-- no matter what you’ve done—you can be forgiven…. And begin to live a life inside of his boundaries…..
Ok--- very quickly-- How can we make sure to stay inside the lines…
God offers a Strategy:
1. Agree that God’s plan is best.
“The way of the godly leads to life; their path does not lead to death.
Proverbs 12:28 (NLT)
Write in -- “God’s ways”…
“…Our bodies were not made for sexual immorality….” 1 Corinthians 6:13 (NLT)
God designed sex to be good—but He designed it to be good—inside of His boundaries…. Outside of those boundaries -- it can be destructive…
So—we just need to agree that God knows what’s best for us….
2. Establish the limits.
What are the lines that will never be crossed…. Set the limits…
Ex. If you single—dating…. Set up some limits—not be crossed…
I like what a graduate student at Stanford University, CA says:
“As a teenager, I made a decision to wait until marriage to have sex—no matter how long it takes…” (he’s 28—and still waiting)
--in regard to setting the limits…. He says, “I never plan to be alone in the house with a date when my parents are gone…”
-- as far as physical contact…
“I draw the line at the neck… no touching below the neck… kissing, hugging, hand holding are OK—Everything else is off limits-- I’m afraid if I start—I might not be able to stop.” (smart guy…no wonder he’s at Stanford…)
“You may say, ‘I am allowed to do anything.’ But I reply, ‘Not everything is good for you.’…I must not become a slave to anything.” 1 Corinthians 6:12 (NLT)
When you get past the point of no return-- something else is controlling you-- hormones….. you are becoming a slave….
I like this advice from ….
“Run away from sexual sin!” 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
Joseph…. Literally did this….
Now--- not only is this good advice for single people-- but those of us who are married need to set limits also….just because you get married—it doesn’t mean that your immune…
n needs to be some limits that just won’t be crossed…
Illust: Billy Graham has had a big influence on my life in this area…. I have adopted many of his limits…. One example: I don’t ride alone with other women in cars—not alone with other women in their homes…
Now—I’ll tell ya-- one area that I’ve thought through a lot more recently as our staff has grown and as I’m now working with a female Admin. Assist.….
--is the area of office relationships…
Friends—those of you who work in offices… know that even though it may be against company policy—office romances still exist…
We just have to be smart here-- when men & women work side by side – day after day—connecting on all sorts of levels intellectually-- limits need to be set so that relationships don’t go to the emotional level….
Got to think through this… Ok-- so – need to establish limits…
3. Access accountability.
We talk a lot about this around here….
--- being accountable with others is a very good thing…
The Bible says …
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. (but) A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV)
This is a very good principle…. To have 2 or 3 people who are in your life,
and share your same values—and regularly ask you what I call “the tough questions” -- this is going to be an important part of your strategy…
(and the 4th step—and ultimately the most important…)
4. Tap into the power source.
Where’s our power source??? The Bible gives us the answer in…
“For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.
Philippians 4:13 (NLT)
Friend—if you really want to manage this area of your life…. The only way you are really going to experience any kind of success-- is through a relationship with Jesus Christ…
--through Him—we can find the strength we need…
Closing---
I’ve gone over a lot of information in a short amount of time…
And I understand that this is a much larger subject than can be grasped in just one hour….
And so—some choices need to be made right now-- where are you going to go with this information? What’s the next step for you?
I’m going to invite and encourage our small group leaders—to spend some time maybe in the next couple of meetings—talk about this…
I’m going to encourage Kevin and Dave (youth leaders)—to spend some time talking these things out with the teens…
The church needs to talk about this---
Families need to talk about this—
Single people need to talk about this—
God knows what’s best for us--- he has created us and wired us up sexually… and it’s a good thing…… and when we follow God’s design for this good thing…. We’re all much happier in the end…
Prayer
