As a child, what was your favorite story? Was it Little Red Riding Hood? Or Snow White? Or Peter Pan?
As I prepared for this morning, I thought about Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Now Goldilocks and the Three Bears was not my favorite childhood story but I thought about all that Goldilocks went through when she encountered the bears’ environment: This porridge was too hot, this porridge was too cold. This bed was too hard, this bed was too soft. Having found the right porridge and right bed, she did not enjoy her stay too long because a situation filled with conflict confronted her in the form of three unhappy and surprised bears and she took off.
I think that it safe to say that sometimes we have the same kind of feelings about the church like Goldilocks had about the bears’ home. On the one hand, we love the church and can’t live without her. On the other hand, we find sermons boring, the music either too old or too new, the people too friendly or too cold and the pastor too old or too young.
On one hand, we turn to the church in times of crisis and need to hear a word of hope. On the other hand, when things are going well church seems to be an interruption and we find her message a bit uncomfortable.
On one hand, we expect the church, to be all things to all people all the time. On the other hand, we sometimes feel inconvenienced when we are asked to help.
We have mixed feelings about the church. Why is that?
Well for one reason, the spiritual nature of the church. The church is not a for profit organization. It is the called of God, the ecclesia. The church deals more than just with a financial statements, business matters, and programming issues. It deals with matters of the heart and soul.
And those matters of the heart and soul are all about attitude, about priorities, about thoughts and behaviors. Matters that go to the very core of our humanity. Matters that cannot be redesigned by engineering departments or discussed with human resources.
Another reason that we have mixed feelings about the church has to do with conflict. It seems that when conflict rears its head, we begin to have second thoughts about the church. Why is that?
Perhaps we expect the church to be conflict free. Maybe we assume that once we are saved, then everything is all right and that there is no more conflict. That’s the ideal but not the real.
Or maybe we feel that conflict is "sinful" and that to admit to conflict is to admit that we are not perfect. Not all conflict is wrong. Some conflict is present because of the reality of good and evil in this world. Which very much involves the church.
This morning we conclude our month long look at conflict resolution with a look at how we can resolve conflict in the church. Something that is very important if we are to be effective ministers of Jesus Christ.
The Bible contains several passages, especially in the New Testament, in which conflict is present. In our text for today, Acts 6:1-7 we read of conflict that occurs not because something has gone wrong but because something has gone right. We read from verse 1 that there were "rumblings of discontent" that takes place during a period of rapid growth in the church. This particular rumbling had the Greek speaking believers believing their widows were being discriminated against while the Hebrew speaking widows were being taken care of during the daily food distribution.
So, a conflict arises. Needs are not being met. How is the conflict handled? We hope, in a very mature and Biblical way.
First of all as we read in verse 2, the conflict was acknowledged and addressed in an acceptable setting. The issue was not swept under the rug. "So the twelve called a meeting of all the believers."
The disciples acknowledged that there was a problem and, this is important, dealt with it in an appropriate setting. I sometimes wonder if part of the challenge of conflict resolution, not just in the church but everywhere, has to do with how and where we deal with the conflict.
Sometimes we seek to solve a conflict at an inappropriate time or place. We get rushed into making a hasty decision or we don’t take time to prepare for a proper way of creating a plan of resolution.
From the text we don’t know how much time passed from the rumblings of verse 1 to the posted meeting notice of verse 2. But, we do know that there was not a knee-jerk reaction to the issue. The conflict was dealt with in an appropriate manner. And it was dealt with in an appropriate manner because a critically important attitude was present. Respect.
The twelve respected those who were upset. They did not label them troublemakers. They did not dismiss their concerns. They respected their need and they understood there was an issue that needed to be addressed. The twelve also respected the entire assembly of believers and valued their input. They had enough wisdom to know this particular issue needed to be brought to a larger group of people for a decision.
Now, not every issue though can be brought and should be brought to a large group. Some issues are best dealt with in a smaller setting. Not every need or issue is going to be completely resolved to the satisfaction of all involved. But the respect held by the leaders toward the people made the resolution of the situation much easier.
This respect benefited the leaders as well. For as we read in the rest of verse 2 and on through verse 4, the Twelve laid out a suggested plan of resolution that, as indicated in the response of the people in verse 5, "this idea pleased the whole group," made it possible to come up with a suitable solution to the problem.
What was behind this pleasing response? Trust. I am reminded of the story about the sign at the desk of a country inn in England: "Please introduce yourself to your fellow guests since we are one big happy family. Do not leave valuables in your room."
Trust. Sometimes we wonder if we have the trust of others but when we lose it, we know that we have lost it. Trust is a very fragile thing. Someone has written, "What is more lonely than distrust?"
I would suggest this morning that trust and respect are two sides of the same coin. Respect can lead to trust and trust can deepen respect. But, when one is damaged, the other is affected.
The people trusted the Twelve. There had been a bond of respect, through the Holy Spirit’s work I would add, that developed as the Twelve and the believers worked together for a common purpose and mission. They believed in one another because of their belief and faith in God through Christ and they continuously made the choice to stick together.
The conflict that arose from the issue in this passage could have been serious if it had not been resolved in the way that it was. It could have created serious division in the church and the work of the church would have greatly suffered. The Holy Spirit and the trust and respect of those involved created the environment in which a potentially damaging conflict was properly and Biblically resolved.
Now, how was it resolved?
1. The twelve acknowledged the problem. They did not live in denial. They admitted that there was a problem.
2. They suggested a course of action that was well received by those present and by those affected by the situation.
3. The group followed through on the plan of action. They cooperated with the Twelve.
4. The Twelve affirmed their decision and commissioned the seven men selected.
5. The church moved forward and more persons came to Christ.
Now, I want to stop here for a moment and make a couple of observations:
A. First, cooperation took place. The Twelve cooperated with the believers by acknowledging the problem and calling a meeting to deal with it. The believers cooperated with the Twelve in agreeing to the suggested course of action. Cooperation is a necessary step in conflict resolution. Without it there is no real resolution.
B. Second, communication took place. Communication is critical to conflict resolution. And good communication involves both understanding and being understood. It also means directly communicating with those with whom one is in conflict when possible before the conflict deepens and a face-to-face meeting is not possible.
Indirect communication is one of the worst forms of communication. Some call it triangulation. (Overhead 1) What is it? It is when person B and C have a conflict between themselves and instead of trying to work out the problem between themselves, one or both of them attempt to draw person A into the situation by trying to get A to agree with them. The problem with triangulation is that it does not solve the issue.
Now the text makes it clear that the Greek-speaking believers were discontented and they communicated that discontentment to whom they needed to and the Twelve heard them. The disciples communicated their concerns, regarding their priorities, to whom they need to tell and the Christian community heard them. Then it was possible for the entire group of believers to successfully resolve the conflict because open, respectful, and clear communication was used.
Why then isn’t more conflict resolved this way? Let’s turn to James 4 for some very important reasons.
James chapter 4 opens with a very matter of fact statements about the source of quarrels and fights or conflict among believers. What is said is true in any such situation. But James is writing to professed followers of Jesus Christ, the church.
What does James say? In a nutshell, he tells the believers that the reasons they have conflict is that when they don’t get their way, they get angry and then do things to get their way. Furthermore, they fail to ask God for what they are after but they still don’t get it because they ask for it for all the wrong reasons.
So why do some conflicts never get resolved in the right way? Because, we don’t want them to. We’re mad and we’re angry and we want it our way or no way. Now, I am not speaking of situations in which we need to stand up for what is morally right. I am speaking of situations in which we want our way but don’t get it.
Another reason we do not successfully resolve conflicts is that we don’t know how. I am still learning how to resolve conflicts. Conflict resolution is a learned ability.
Fear of further conflict also keeps us from resolving conflict in the church. We are afraid that we are going to be misunderstood. We are afraid of being yelled at or called something awful or worse. But, if God directs us to resolve a situation with someone else and we know it beyond a shadow of a doubt, then God will give us the strength and aid to move toward resolving the situation. After all He is not pleased by conflict in the church, either.
So how then is conflict resolved in the church? It is resolved through respect, trust, and cooperation. But it also resolved indirectly in a very important way and James 4:7-10 tells what that is. (Read the passage)
Remember what I said about the spiritual nature of the church a moment ago? Conflict resolution is a spiritual matter because it deals with our motives, attitudes, and priorities and how we deal with them in relation to other’s motives, attitudes, and priorities. In this segment of scripture, James tells us that there are some other things that we must do in relation to God to really root out the root causes of conflict:
1. Humble ourselves before God. Pride fuels the fire of conflict.
2. Resist the Devil. Evil is back of conflict. Evil desires. Evil priorities. Evil goals. The greatest battle in the world is in the conflict, political and otherwise, between good and evil in the hearts and souls of humanity. And to resist the Devil is to work toward conflict resolution.
3. Draw close to God. God wants us to help us resolve conflict in the body of Christ. As we ask for the guidance, strength, and help in conflict, God, through His Holy Spirit, will grant it to us.
4. Wash your hands and purify your hearts. The washing of hands was a ceremonial ritual in the Old Testament that symbolized the importance of holiness. Conflict is more fully resolved as we let go of, internally as well as externally, the issues relating to conflict in hearts because as we seek to be more holy, more like Christ, conflict cannot exist is this environment.
5. Truly repent. I heard the story earlier this summer of a colleague who had a conversation with a parishioner several years ago about the group of people in the church who had forced the previous pastor. There was still conflict in her heart, in the form of resentment, toward these people. At the time of the conversation, 10 years had passed since that departure.
The residue of conflict stays around. How do we get rid of it? By expressing true and sorrowful repentance over our role and reactions in the matter. As we do so, God is able to really clean our hearts out.
I love the church. I wrote an e-mail this week to the man who was my pastor during my teenage years. I recalled all the moments of God’s movement in my life during his ministry. He wrote back and thanked me saying that he sometimes wondered in the 32 years he was at that church, if he made a difference for God’s kingdom.
Last Friday night, I was putting something away in the bedroom closet when I looked up at my father’s color slide collection and thought what is in that slide carousel? I then realized that the boys had never seen a slide show before so I took the tray and the projector down and set it up. Some of the slides from that tray had pictures of various events from that congregation.
I have no doubt that there were moments of conflict during that Pastor’s tenure there. I also have no doubt that some of it has probably never been resolved.
But, I still love that church even though some of those faces are with Lord now. And I still love that pastor even though he was not well liked by everyone. Both were very strategic influences at that point in my life.
As we begin a new year of ministry together, I am going to ask you to do something. (Overhead 2)
In some leadership training materials, I found this communication assessment. Notice what it is called, 10 Rules For Respect.
It is adopted, as it says, from a church, who uses it as covenant signed by all leaders.
Let me read what it says: (Overhead 2 is from the Building Church Leader’s Materials segment 12- Creating Community © 2000 Christianity Today. Go to www.BuildingChurchLeaders.com for more information)
I make a pledge to you this morning, before God, (I signed the overhead copy) to follow this in my dealings with you and others. Will you make a pledge to do the same?
We are the imperfect people of God. We still are learning how to live for God. We are still maturing and growing as followers of God. So we will continue to deal with conflict. The question is: How and will we will deal with it?
Let us humble ourselves before God this day. Let us love one another. Let us repent of the residue of current and past conflict. Let us resolve to respect one another in word and deed. Let us be God’s imperfect people in an imperfect world. Amen.
(some overheads are available from this sermon. Please send a request to pastorjim46755@yahoo.com and ask for 082502 svgs.)
