The Crossing Community Church
“How To Tame Your Temper”
Pastor Jim Botts
July 14, 2002
Introduction
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring long lines, rude clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, Glenn Vaughan stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for his son. “I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register,” he said. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked. "Cash," He snapped. Then apologizing for his rudeness, he explained, "I’ve spent the entire afternoon at the motor vehicle bureau." The woman sweetly replied, "shall I gift-wrap the bat…or are you going back there?" I can second that emotion!
Have you noticed that people are more and more angry then ever before? Consider the following…
- One anger management firm stated that “one out of every five Americans has an anger management problem.”
- According to FBI statistics, there were 23,305 homicides in 1994 and the most common reason was arguments occurring in the home (28%). Gang related killings accounted for only 7.6%.
- Anger related violence is the reason stated for 22% of divorces of middle-class marriages.
- Studies show that 79% of violent children witnessed some form of violence between their parents.
- From 1995 to 2001 there were 1655 incidents of “air rage,” directing anger toward airline employees - according to FAA records.
- The phrase "road rage" officially entered the English language in 1997 when it was first listed in the New Words edition of the OED (Oxford English Dictionary). Why do we need a new word?
In Atlanta, Georgia a two-year old toddler was shot through the neck by an irate motorist engaged in an argument over a road incident with the toddler’s father (The Atlanta Journal & Constitution, 30 June 2000).
- In Denver, Colorado a 51 year-old man used a .25 caliber semi-automatic pistol to kill a 32 year-old bicyclist who cut him off on the road (The Denver Post, 21 June 2000).
- Near Cincinnati, Ohio a 29 year-old woman cut in front of a 24 year-old pregnant woman and slammed on her brakes in an irate gesture following her anger about the latter’s driving. The mother-to-be lost control of her car in a violent accident in which her unborn child was killed (Newsweek, 02 June 1997).
- In Florida, a 41 year-old man who pulled into an exact change lane at a toll booth was shot and killed as he exited his truck to confront an irate driver behind him who was annoyed at the 41 year-old’s delay in paying the toll (Car and Driver, September 1998).
Sadly, examples like these are easy to find, we’re living in a world gone mad
In fact, as soon as we’re born, we come into the world kicking, crying & screaming, for many people - and not much changes after that.
Everyone gets angry at sometime. The only difference is how we deal with it or the intensity we deal with it. Some people blow up, other people clam up. Some people express it and others repress it, but neither are beneficial.
- Proverbs 25:28 If you cannot control your anger, you are helpless as a city without walls, open to attack (GNB).
The Bible says that It IS possible to control our emotions, be good AND mad Ephesians 4:26-27 gives us four principles we can put to use today to begin to tame our temper. The Apostle Paul is writing this letter from prison to a growing church that needed to learn about all that was available to them in their relationship with Christ. This chapter tells them about growing on to maturity, living out the new life they’ve been given. If you’re in Christ, you don’t have to be held down by past hang ups.
Read the passage: Ephesians 4:26-27 NKJV
The first principle for taming my temper is…
1. Admit your angry
Verse 26 is a command. “Be angry” (can you obey that one?)
Isn’t anger wrong? (orgidzo – in the imperative mood – be angry)
NO: Anger isn’t inherently wrong as God Himself gets angry
In the Old Testament, God displayed His anger toward sin
In the New Testament, Jesus got angry at religious hypocrites
He got angry when religion replaced relationship with God
Anger is a God-given emotion, if you don’t get angry, check your pulse because you’re not in touch with reality..
What is this command?
The command isn’t don’t get angry, its don’t sin in your anger
There is some stinkin thinkin that says anger is always wrong
But God isn’t forbidding anger, He says “Go ahead, get mad”
We’re emotional beings and we’re allowed to feel our feelings.
We love to deny we’re angry because we feel guilty about it or we’re afraid of what we might do if we admitted to being angry
“I am not yelling! I am not angry,” veins popping out all over.
The 1st step in taming your temper is admitting you’re getting angry...
The second principle for taming my temper is…
2. Understand your anger “…and do not sin”
Understand there’ s a difference between sinful and legitimate anger.
Between helpful/hurtful, appropriate and inappropriate anger.
What deterimines if your anger is sinful is why you’re angry and what you do with those feelings…
Aristotle, “Anyone can become angry, but to angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.”
Anger is not a cause, an effect, ask yourself “why am I angry?” to get to the root of the matter. We get angry for three reasons.
1. We are hurt. Emotional or physical can cause feeling of anger (Ask your self, “Am I hurt?”)
“You hammer your thumb…Boy! I am uncomfortable” you know.
Or something triggers the memory of past emotional hurt, anger.
I’ve discovered that an easily angered person has unresolved hurt
Sometimes our anger is vented on people we love even though they are not the reason (Man-wife-kid-dog-cat-bird-worm).
If you are the object of anger, realize there is something deeper.
2. We are frustrated. Sometimes nothing goes as planned. Traffic delays us, people fail us, things break on us, we get ticked. Long lines at grocery store, trainees at the counter, kids crying. It is easy to get frustrated. But ask yourself two Questions.
**Would getting angry change the situation? If you can’t change the situation, why get angry about it. Either fix it or forget it
When you lose your temper, you ALWAYS lose.
Will Rogers “Whenever you fly into a rage, you seldom make a safe landing.”
**Is it really worth being upset over? Our culture has lost its sense of what is really a crisis. Getting cut off in traffic, kids not cleaning off their plate, missing your favorite TV program are not reasons for a nuclear explosion.
What I learned in Denver at 5280’: Water boils at 100 at sea level, but the higher your altitude the longer it takes to boil. “A small pot boils fastest and a small brain gets mad the quickest.”
3. We are threatened. I learned a lesson from my cat Oscar. When you back an animal into a corner, they come out fighting. People can be the same way. Gentle teasing, personal insecurities, motives questioned. We feel threatened and get mad.
Anger is a choice, we get angry because we choose to. .You say, “You don’t understand, when I get angry, I can’t control it. I just explode and then it’s all over with.” The same is true of a shot gun blast and consider the damage left behind. You can control it!!! How about when the phone rings during an argument?
The third principle for taming my temper is…
3. Resolve your anger quickly
Admit it, Understand it, Deal with it!
“do not let the sun go down on your wrath”
That doesn’t mean people in Nome Alaska can be mad for six months straight every year with out dealing with the issues. Don’t finish the day with anger unresolved, it turns to resentment and that is always sinful (never justified). Do not prolong or put off settling the issue, do it quickly. Resolve each day’s anger by the end of the day, this is a great rule that every marriage should agree to practice.
**Principle: Never go to bed angry. Don’t cultivate a grudge!
Like the guy who said, “Do you wake up grouchy in the morning?” and the other guy said, “No, I usually let her sleep.”
Unresolved anger is bad for your health:
Scientists have proven angry people experience:
Increased adrenal gland activity, increase in body temperature, increase in blood sugar, increase in heart rate. All of this leads to loss of sleep, high blood pressure, depression and various other damaging illnesses. All of this can get pent up inside of you, don’t go to bed with a toxic waste dump in your body, resolve your issues quickly. Anger is only one letter short of danger!
4. Control your anger
“do not give place to the devil” (our hand is on the control knob). Uncontrolled anger gives the devil a place to work from and will control you instead of you having control over it.
Here are a few practical steps on how to control anger.
Like you were taught to cross a street, remember these three words next time you start getting angry.
1. STOP and think before you speak. When we get mad we say things we cannot take back. Unringing a bell? A closed mouth knows no foot. A sharp tongue is the quickest way to cut your own throat
- Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger (NLT).
2. LOOK at the situation from God’s point of view. Anger is temporary insanity, we need to see things God’s way. More often than not, we need to overlook the issue to prevent problems. The NT word is to forbear.
- Proverbs 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult (NIV).
3. LISTEN to those you’re getting angry with. Most of the time, the people we’re dealing with are hurting and don’t know how to express it. An angry person is a hurting person. Hear each other out.
- James 1:19-20 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (NIV).
The last verse sums everything up: Man’s anger fails to fix anything.
In a 1994 article, "Wars’ Lethal Leftovers Threaten Europeans," Associated Press reporter Christopher Burns writes: "The bombs of World War II are still killing in Europe. They turn up--and sometimes blow up--at construction sites, in fishing nets, or on beaches fifty years after the guns fell silent. "Hundreds of tons of explosives are recovered every year in France alone. Thirteen old bombs exploded in France in 1993, killing twelve people and wounding eleven the Interior Ministry said. "Unexploded bombs become more dangerous with time. ’With the corrosion inside, the weapon becomes more unstable, as the detonator can be exposed.’" What is true of lingering bombs is also true of an untamed temper - it will explode when we least expect it. An there will be casualties.
How can I tame my temper? Admit my anger, understand how it works, resolve issues quickly and exercise control. Jesus can heal your hurts and give you His power over your weaknesses.
PRAYER:
Lord, we don’t want our lives to be like a helpless city, with broken down walls, open to attack. We confess our sinful anger to You and ask that Your Holy Spirit bear His fruit in our lives as we walk in close relationship with you. Amen!
