The Problem of Real Christian Love
Love is more than a four letter word, so how can I live it out?
1 John 3:11-24
“We should love one another.” Seems obvious. That is the right Christian thing to do. But we live in the real world, where resentments, anger, grudges, violence, dominates. Look around, daily we hear stories of people not being loved - killed, raped, divorced, bullied, sued, terrorized, abused, road rage and it happens to everyone, whether u are at home, office, school, Christian or not. Things are not all rosy within churches either, if you read the pages of the Bible, you’ll find what happens in the real world also happens in the lives of Christian. People are not getting along with each other. People are living with hatred, which the Bible equates as murder in their hearts. It seems like our world is overrun with the Cain syndrome. In short, real Christian love is rare. That’s a real problem. We have so few models of real Christian love. WE hardly know what real Christian love is all about.
Best thing we can do is look at an out of this world example.
First look at Jesus Christ – he showed us and taught what real Christian love is –
“16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”
10 yr old boy was failing math - parents did everything - hired tutors - finally last option send him to Catholic school. Right on the first day of school he began to spend every nite pouring over his books. When the 1st report card came back, he had an A for math. So the parents were curious "what made the diff." they asked. "The nuns, textbooks?" "Well, i never took math seriously but the 1st day I walked in
to math class I saw this guy nailed to a plus sign. I knew then they meant business."
This is just it Jesus meant business when he showed us what love is. He was nailed to cross cuz he was serious about sin, and how it can kill off any hope of relationship with people.
We broke all the rules and Jesus could have spent eternity counting all our infractions, mistakes, every sin – but what did he do instead to communicate love to His family, whom the Father calls His children… Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. He chose to forgive, to love with action, coming and die in our place. So the Bible teaches us in 1 John 2:2 “He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.”
Parents u love your kids don’t u? Lay down your life for them don’t u? I have 4 kids. Sometimes they drive me up the wall, but I love them. As babies I love them somewhat like this: bathe them, feed them, play with them, sing to them, acquire another skill BSL – baby as second language “ga ga”, rock them to sleep, when they cry for help u are there to pick them up, watch ‘em like a hawk if they waddle to close to danger, in other words u have no life – u lay down your life, right? Laying down your life does not mean u smother them… it means giving them room to fail too. Picture this, as they learn to walk, u don’t say to them, oh u fell down, poor little bump hurts. U fell again and again and again. That’s too bad. This means you are walking impaired. OK because you can’t do this walking thing right, strap u down to a wheelchair for life. No one does that, right?
Love here means allowing for growth through failure, looking towards future potential. Love means not expecting that other people will get it, the first time. Or second time or third time. Love means forgiving the baby steps people take in their journey. Yes - love means knowing in the heart people are worth it, and they are coming along for the ride but not many are good drivers, they maybe good at backseat driving. Many are just hanging out the “N” or “L” sign. People are on a journey they have not arrived yet! So hard to think that way when Christian people let u down. It is even harder when u think they are mature enuff to not let u down in such a big way, but people do, and will continue to do so… because they are not gods. Look at Jesus now, he looked towards future potential, towards joy as he endured suffering of people’s sins (Heb.12).
But for so many people in and out of the church, their expectation is that real Christian people should get it right the first time. No room for failure. No room to learn to grow. This is how we get into trouble. If this is really so, the church becomes graceless, restricting, and rules of how to behave dominate. Every failure and infraction becomes ammunition to nail others to the door. Oh u let me down this way, cos the rules say u need to come through for me, make my day.
People are shown the door rather than welcomed. Instead of the church seeking the sinner, the lost, it would be saying sinners get lost. Instead of gathering sinners and becoming a family. The church becomes a govt bureaucracy, that if u don’t fill out the right forms, the right way, u are out of luck, u don’t get any benefits.
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am." The woman below replied, "You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault."
How does it help anyone, if we start blaming people, getting technical, for every disappointment we feel? Can we be less historical, citing every infraction, feeling every slight as an offence punishable by death? They did not do this for me, but they did that for George and Sally on their birthdays. How can they forget me? I thought they were supposed to be Christians and love me. Oh how we can become as exacting and calculating as the Pharisees, noting every infraction of the law, to the minutest detail. Carrying a grudge until kingdom come! Like Cain in Bible story who carried a grudge against his brother Abel, it lead to first recorded homicide in the world. In fact the Bible is clear when the hating begins, murder is the outcome. NO wonder ever since Cain, the world has hardly seen much peace. Always there are wars and rumors of wars. Therefore the experience of love and acceptance and forgiveness is almost non-existent. As a result, their version of Christianity becomes joyless, like Cain his life became joyless, speaking of rules rather than love “Am I brother’s keeper?”
14We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 15Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.
Do u really know God delights in u. Read 3:1. Once we really get this, appropriate it, personally received it in our heads, hearts, in our programming, what real love is, the laying down your life Christ-like love, it is only then an only then will we have the power
Memorize it. Revel in it.
Second…Look deep within ourselves
what’s at stake here? We are told “to love in actions and in truth” do we love in the truth of 3:1? Why are we carrying the grudge, how am I laying down my life for my brother or sister? Could it be that we have not really tasted richly of God’s love? A heart that has not tasted truth of Christ’s passion and the thrill of the prospect of what will be, prospect of transformation (3:2), will have little to give to transform what was hatred into love.
Look at jesus again, in the moment of pain, laying down his life, he did not say "no pain", it hurt tremendously but he looked ahead to joy, propsect of perfection, prospect of what will be when we see Him face to face, of personal relationship.
That is why I invite u to invest your life into Christ’s passion for u, if u haven’t yet. Until there is thrill of God working in you, u cannot offer hope to another.
I think we could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box. When others do weird things, it may not be pretty to u, they may look dull to u, u may call them weird names, remember we are in same box - the common experience and life we have in the love of Jesus Christ. The minute we carry a grudge we are in danger of saying “forget that we are in the same box” or you have forgotten how great the Father’s love is for you.
Third, look at others through Christ’s love.
Love is always building up another person. Maturity is living with the tension of what people can be and what they are now. “Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” Ephesians 4:2 (NLT). Love is not merely feeling mushy – but love has the goal of looking after another’s welfare - by doing something obvious, tangible. It is not just words, nor does it exist in brainwaves. And when others in your perception are not doing their part, then according to principle of “laying down your life” do u then strategize “an eye for an eye” life – u poked my eye eh, well, I will poke your eyes out or because u don’t come through for me the way I want, I won’t have anything to do with u? Some one said: “A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.” Others may put u on a detour but enjoy the scenery. Humming and hawing, complaining bitterly, does not help anyone.
Stop evealuating others by what the world thinks but see each other as new creations (2 Cor.5:16-17).
Fourth look at the benefits.
i. When we learn to love in actions and in truth, we will have great confidence before God.
Sometimes, our conscience can play tricks on us, but it will be rested if the evidence of actions and truth is obvious, you are shifting the focus to others, not to yourself. Whenever you feel condemned u can go back and point to the concrete things you did, the sacrifice you’ve shown, that will put to rest whether u love another or not.
19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
21Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God
God knows your conscience better than u, he knows everything.
ii. Prayer life will be more effective, we can truly say we’ll have a faith to die for…
22and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 23And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
iii. you’ll gain a closer intimacy with God
24Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.
Conclusion:
Foundation for us to move ahead, is to see how much God loves, know the love of the Father (3:1). Get the security we long for by faith from that. It takes faith to believe that when we feel hurt by another brother in the faith that this is all part of growing up, that others are on a journey, that others are in growing figuring out their walk with God, taking baby steps to Christ… takes faith to believe I am worth dying for by Jesus when someone does not seem to want to lay down their lives for me, or even take the time to send me an e-mail message… takes incredible faith to move towards someone courageously and say “I forgive you” when it hurts like crazy inwardly. Takes enormous faith to believe that God sees what u did for the welfare of others serving food when you suspect they are cursing u upside down while u work on the fact that God has met your needs for security, you are worthwhile. Take what u feel, what u perceive, what u go through and put it in the larger picture of “Jesus loves me this I know” and that’s enuff for me.
Steps to conflict resolution
15"If another believer[3] sins against you, GO PRIVATELY and point out the fault. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.
Problems solved here most of the time. Best not to drag others in. There are no perfect Christians, sooner we accept that, the better adjusted we’ll be to the real church. Strive to be courageous and be the first to apologize and forgive. Look at Christ how he layed down his life for imperfect folks like u and me. So in the same spirit of love, lay down your pride, grudges, and cool it, do not resort to name calling, sarcasm does not help - it raises the heat without casting light and do ignore the sidetracks by not changing subjects, if not...
16But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.
And if not... get church leaders to help out
17If that person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. If the church decides you are right, but the other person won’t accept it, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.
As u can see, goal here is always reconciliation and restoration (see entire Matt.18 chapter which speaks of forgiving and not stumbling another)
Rick Warren noted: “Believers are going to disappoint you and let you down but that’s no excuse to stop fellowshipping with them. They’re family, even when they don’t act like it, and you don’t just walk out on them.” Anyone who does not love, who walks out, could be in danger of “remaining in death”, warns the Bible.
Warren further wrote: “People become disillusioned with the church for many understandable reasons. The list could be quite long: conflict, hurt, hypocrisy, neglect, pettiness, legalism, and other sins. Rather than being shocked and surprised, we must remember that the church is made up of real sinners, including ourselves. Because we’re sinners, we hurt each other, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. But instead of leaving the church, we need to stay and work it out if at all possible. Reconciliation, not running away, is the road to stronger character and deeper fellowship.”
Trust that today you have the tools to conquer the problem of real Christian love. all is not lost. Because the Bible tells me God has placed extraordinary resources within us that has power to heal and give us what we are looking for depth of joy that only connecting with God and with one another can bring. Where there is true uninhibited celebration of God, His power to connect in us, with us, because of love, there will be hope.
And today the Bible showed us through Christ what real Christian love means “laying down your life” – it is packed with meaning.
