HOW TO HAVE THE B.E.S.T. MARRIAGE
If you have a good marriage - you can have a great marriage.
If your marriage is suffering - there is HOPE.
You say “You don’t know my mate” - God does.
Maybe your mate isn’t interested in improving your marriage -
You can improve your marriage YOURSELF.
4 Biblical principals for improving your marriage :
B) BLESSING
Blessing - Gr. : eulogia - to speak well of.
We bless with our...
i) WORDS
If Jesus came to my house for a day would I talk to Him the same way I talk to my wife ? If your mate is in Jesus what is the difference ?
Nelson’s Bible Dictionary :
Blessing - The act of declaring, or wishing, God’s favor and goodness upon others. The blessing is not only the good effect of words; it also has the power to bring them to pass. In the Bible, important persons blessed those with less power or influence. The patriarchs pronounced benefits upon their children, often near their own deaths. Leaders often blessed people, especially when getting ready to leave them. These included Moses, Joshua, and Jesus. Equals could bless each other by being friendly .
In marriage it means to speak kind words TO and ABOUT your mate.
Prov 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Prov 15:23 ...: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!
Prov 12:25 Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.
Prov 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
Excuses :
1) They will think I am faking it - do it anyway.
2) They won’t appreciate it
3) It doesn’t feel masculine to bless my mate.
4) I feel funny bragging about my mate
I don’t care what others think about me when I bless my mate !!!
If I don’t do it who will ?
We bless with our...
i) ACTIONS
Rom 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
E) EDIFYING
Gr. - Oikodomo - to build up as in building a house.
To strengthen, build up, encourage, confirm, to cheer on.
We should be our mate’s greatest cheerleader.
Eph 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of EDIFYING, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Rom 14:19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may EDIFY another.
God has called your mate to greatness.
God has called you to help them reach it.
You hold the key to unlock the potential in their lives.
Where do they feel inadequate, fearful ?
Tell them YES YOU CAN when everyone else says NO YOU CAN‘T.
You can help them deal with rejection, failure, criticism.
Cheryl does this all the time : “What can I do to help ?”
MEN - women look to you for leadership - lead them to greatness.
WOMEN - Behind every great man....
GUIDELINES FOR EDIFYING :
1) Don‘t be critical, rather encourage.
2) Be sensitive to their unique areas of weakness and build them up.
3) Find out what they do especially well and encourage it.
Recognize their talents, abilities, and giftings.
4) Help them think BIG and strive for excellence.
S) SHARING
Just because you share a bed doesn’t mean you are sharing.
This involves sharing our : time, activities, interests, ideas, concerns, thoughts, spiritual walk, goals, etc....
Dr. Wheat “Sharing demands giving of yourself, listening to your partner and developing a sensitive awareness of moments that offer possibilities for deepening the love between you.”
3 AREAS FOR DEVELOPING SHARING :
1) COMMON GROUND : List how many things you have in common and develop them.
2) SEPARATE GROUND : What interests of your mate’s can you get involved in.
3) NEW GROUND : What interests can you develop together.
HOW TO SHARE EFFECTIVELY :
1) Don’t overlook little things.
2) Be a conversationalist.
3) Turn off the TV.
4) Communicate at a deep level - 5 levels
1 - Superficial “How are you? Fine”
2 - Reporting “What did you do today? I went to the store”
3 - Ideas and Judgments “I think....”
4 - Feelings and emotions “I feel....”
5 - Complete emotional and truthful exchange
This is the “One flesh” experience and it takes a lifetime.
T) TOUCHING
Our culture tells us that there are three types of touching :
1) Superficial - handshake
2) Aggressive - contact sports
3) Sexual
I am talking about non-sexual touching. Give e.g.’s
Some say it is only for newlyweds - WRONG
IT CAN SAY :
1) I am with you and connected to you
3) I care about you
2) I love you
You can communicate without saying a word.
WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT ?
Jesus touched when He healed :
1) Peter’s mother in-law.
2) Two blind men.
3) His disciples when they were afraid (Transfiguration).
4) The leaper
People touched Jesus :
1) The woman with the issue of blood
2) The crowds in Mt 14.
Example of non-sexual touching : Solomon’s lover :
Song 2:6 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.
GUIDELINES FOR NON-SEXUAL TOUCHING :
1) Touch when you communicate - even argue.
2) Touch when you pray together.
3) Touch while you go to sleep together.
CONC :
It may take time to improve your marriage - don’t give up.
You will make mistakes - I do.
Do them :
1) Regardless of their actions to you.
2) First - don’t wait for them to start.
