INTRODUCTION:
American Domestics: Husband and father largely preoccupied, passive at home. Largely a spectator, rather than a leader. Wife does bulk of the work and works outside of the home. Mother that takes the duties. Children as unprincipled worldlings
Think of the late 20th/early 21st century lexicon of the family:
Workaholic dads
Latchkey kids
Stay at home mom
Career women
Mr. Mom
Dual income family
Broken home
D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Full costody
These all point to a desparately sick society at the core of society, the family.
To get a grasp of the Biblical view, we must understand:
The Covenantal Foundations of the Family
The Contextual Foundations of these Family Commands
The Covenantal Responsibilities of the Family
THE COVENANTAL FOUNDATIONS OF FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES
1. The created order exists because of God’s “natural covenant.” Jer 33:25 “Thus says the LORD, ‘If My covenant for day and night stand not, and the fixed patterns of heaven and earth I have not established, 26 then I would reject the descendants of Jacob and David My servant, not taking from his descendants rulers over the descendants of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. But I will restore their fortunes and will have mercy on them. ‘”
2. The world is not destroyed because of God’s covenant faithfulness. Genesis 6:18 “But I will establish My covenant with you; and you shall enter the ark-- you and your sons and your wife, and your sons’ wives with you.
3. God is a covenant-keeping God. He, therefore, brings about His promises.Neh 9:32 “Now therefore, our God, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who dost keep covenant and lovingkindness, Do not let all the hardship seem insignificant before Thee, Which has come upon us, our kings, our princes, our priests, our prophets, our fathers, and on all Thy people, From the days of the kings of Assyria to this day.
4. God made a covenant with Adam, who represented mankind. Hos 6:7 But like Adam they have transgressed the covenant; There they have dealt treacherously against Me. 1Co 15:22 For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all shall be made alive.
5. The Godhead freely “counseled” together to save a people from fallen mankind. The redemptive plan which unfolds in the biblical revelation is called a covenant. Hebrews 13:20 Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord,
6. Christ came, then, in fulfillment of these covenant promises, specifically the outworking of the covenant of grace. Luke 1:68 “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, For He has visited us and accomplished redemption for His people, 69 And has raised up a horn of salvation for us In the house of David His servant-- 70 As He spoke by the mouth of His holy prophets from of old-- 71 Salvation FROM OUR ENEMIES, And FROM THE HAND OF ALL WHO HATE US; 72 To show mercy toward our fathers, And to remember His holy covenant,
7. The nation of Israel was in covenant with God because of the Abrahamic promises. Exodus 2:24 So God heard their groaning; and God remembered His covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
8. Therefore, as in the past era the people God redeems are placed in a covenantal entity, the church, and are commanded to therefore “keep covenant.” [Keeping covenant is simply a single concept-term for the relationship of faith and works that the Bible presents in both testaments. Faith is the horse and works are the cart. In the Old Testament Abraham was justified by faith and that justification was “justified” (vindicated) by works.9 When Abraham “believed God” (Rom 4:2), he believed God’s covenant promise. When the Israelites in the wilderness “broke the covenant” they did so because they did not “believe” the Lord.]
9. The purpose of God in converting the nations (in missions) is covenantal. Acts 3:25 “It is you who are the sons of the prophets, and of the covenant which God made with your fathers, saying to Abraham, ‘AND IN YOUR SEED ALL THE FAMILIES OF THE EARTH SHALL BE BLESSED.’
10. Service to Christ is ministering a “covenant gospel” which fulfills a covenant promise. 2 Corinthians 3:6 who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
11. Apostasy is therefore, covenant breaking. Hebrews 10:29 How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace?
12. The family is a covenantal entity and must therefore keep covenant by faith (which produces works).
13. The administration of biblical covenants includes a principle of familial, corporate inclusion or “generational succession.”
a. Abraham was chosen by God in order that he carry out the familial covenantal responsibilities of instructing his children in faithfulness to God.
• Genesis 18:19 “For I have chosen him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice; in order that the LORD may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him.”
b. Just as Abraham was instructed to be faithful to God, so we are told that His lovingkindness is on children’s children who “keep His covenant.”
• Psalm 103:17 But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, 18 To those who keep His covenant, And who remember His precepts to do them.
c. Marriage is covenantal, both in its commitment nature and in its relational nature, representing Christ and His people.
• Mal 2:14 “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
• Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
d. Children must be brought up in the discipline, education, and culture of Christ, our Lord.
• Eph 6:4 And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.10
e. Believers’ children are therefore (at least in some sense) covenantally obligated. They are obligated to continue in faith and obedience to the Word of God. They are obligated to obey the covenant law and will be blessed as they, in faith, obey.
• 2Ti 3:14 You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them; 15 and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
• Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.
THE CONTEXTUAL FOUNDATION FOR THESE COVENANTAL FAMILY DUTIES
The theme throughout the Book of Colossians is that Jesus Christ is
our "All-Sufficient And Pre-Eminent Savior" - cf. Co 1:16-18; 2:3,
9-10
As a demonstration of Jesus as our "all-sufficient" Savior, we now
find His apostle Paul giving guidelines by which we can successfully
conduct our family and business matters! - Co 3:18-4:1
1. The flow of the argument of Colossians (one of the four prison epistles: (Eph Phil Philemon)
a. Paul writes to address a relapse into pagan thinking and accepting heretical teachings (1:23, 2:1-23), particularly a kind of Jewish Gnosticizing problem (from A Roman house arrest in late A.D. 61).
b. Thanks to God for the gospel fruit: faith, hope and love. Pray for increasing in maturity.
c. Because Christ is Savior, Creator, Lord and God the Son.
d. You were reconciled by Him; forgiven/redeemed.
e. This ministry of the mystery of reconciliation is my ministry: proclaiming Him, counseling, teaching to maturity.
f. Don’t let anyone deceive you.
g. Since you’ve received Him, develop your life in Him.
h. All truth is in Christ because in Him all the fulness of God dwells in bodily form.
i. He has canceled the debt.
j. So then no judgment because of the things of the shadows.
k. Remember, you have been united with Christ and the most real part of your life is not presently disclosed, but hidden with Him.
l. So then live as though your true identity is in Christ.
m. Put off sin and put on holiness.
n. Let this holiness be seen in key relationships: wives, husbands, children, workers, bosses, etc.
o. And devote yourselves to the invisible activity, prayer.
p. Pray for me and the other workers in the kingdom of God.
2. Immediate context
a. Man was formed by God Gen. 1; in His image
b. Man was deformed by sin Gen. 3
c. Man is transformed by through our union with Jesus
d. Seek Spiritual Values 3:1-4
e. Put off the sins of the old life 5-11
f. Put on the virtues of the new life 12-17
g. The APPAREL BEFITTING THE elect: compassion, Kindness, Humility, Meekness (not weakness), Long-temper, Forbearance: to hold up, Forgiveness, love , Peace
Matthew Henry:
The epistles most taken up in displaying the glory of the Divine grace, and magnifying the Lord Jesus, are the most particular in pressing the duties of the Christian life. We must never separate the privileges and duties of the gospel.
COVENANTAL DUTIES OF FAMILY MEMBERS
Colossians 3:18-21
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Wives
Be subject from the heart - not standing up on the inside. How? Faith in a sovereign Lord.
Other Uses of HUPATTASO - submit
NIV Luke 10:17 The seventy-two returned with joy and said, "Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name."
NAS Romans 8:20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope
NAS Ephesians 1:22 And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church,
ASV Ephesians 5:21 subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ.
NKJ Ephesians 5:24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
NKJ Titus 2:5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
NKJ Titus 2:9 Exhort bondservants to be obedient to their own masters, to be well pleasing in all things, not answering back,
Not an issue of equality.
Not a matter of force. It is voluntary
Not to men in general.
Biblical Benefit: 1 Peter 3:1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,
There is even a possibility that it may have a strong bearing
on the sexual orientation of the children!
a. A study by Dr. Irving Bieber was made of the family
background of 106 male homosexuals (cf. "What Everyone
Should Know About Homosexuality", LaHaye, p. 71-72)
b. Dr. Bieber found that:
1) 81 mothers were dominating
2) 62 of the mothers were overprotective
3) 66 mothers made the homosexual their favorite child
4) 82 of the fathers spent very little time with their sons
5) 79 fathers maintained a detached attitude toward them
Biblical Example: Mary
Luke 1:34 Then Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I do not know a man?" 35 And the angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God. 36 "Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren. 37 "For with God nothing will be impossible." 38 Then Mary said, "Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.
HUSBANDS
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
NIV Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Husbands - loving wife with sacrificial love and not harshly treating them.
“Without barbwire tongues”
a. The Greek word for "bitter" is pikraino {pik-rah’-ee-no}:
1) to produce a bitter taste in the stomach
2) to embitter; exasperate
3) render angry, indignant
4) to be embittered, irritated
5) to visit with bitterness, to grieve (deal bitterly with)
2. Peter gives us some insight as to why it is important not to be
"bitter toward them" - cf. 1 Pe 3:7
a. They are the more delicate partner in the relationship ("a
weaker vessel")
1) Capable of providing the motherly tenderness and
sensitivity crucial in the early development of children
2) Bitterness will make the wife (mother) coarse and
resentful, contributing to the environment of a
"dysfunctional" family
b. They are "heirs together of the grace of life"
1) In Christ, they are not just wives, they are "sisters in
Christ"
2) Therefore, worthy of love and honor, not bitterness!
c. How we treat them determines the efficacy of our prayers
("that your prayers may not be hindered")!
Illustration of Headship
Numbers 20:3 " Or if a woman makes a vow to the LORD, and binds herself by some agreement while in her father’s house in her youth, 4 "and her father hears her vow and the agreement by which she has bound herself, and her father holds his peace, then all her vows shall stand, and every agreement with which she has bound herself shall stand. 5 "But if her father overrules her on the day that he hears, then none of her vows nor her agreements by which she has bound herself shall stand; and the LORD will release her, because her father overruled her. 6 " If indeed she takes a husband, while bound by her vows or by a rash utterance from her lips by which she bound herself, 7 "and her husband hears it, and makes no response to her on the day that he hears, then her vows shall stand, and her agreements by which she bound herself shall stand. 8 "But if her husband overrules her on the day that he hears it, he shall make void her vow which she took and what she uttered with her lips, by which she bound herself, and the LORD will release her. 9 " Also any vow of a widow or a divorced woman, by which she has bound herself, shall stand against her. 10 " If she vowed in her husband’s house, or bound herself by an agreement with an oath, 11 "and her husband heard it, and made no response to her and did not overrule her, then all her vows shall stand, and every agreement by which she bound herself shall stand. 12 "But if her husband truly made them void on the day he heard them, then whatever proceeded from her lips concerning her vows or concerning the agreement binding her, it shall not stand; her husband has made them void, and the LORD will release her. 13 "Every vow and every binding oath to afflict her soul, her husband may confirm it, or her husband may make it void. 14 "Now if her husband makes no response whatever to her from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or all the agreements that bind her; he confirms them, because he made no response to her on the day that he heard them. 15 "But if he does make them void after he has heard them, then he shall bear her guilt."
Biblical Example - Hosea shows a picture of severe love.
CHILDREN
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
In Ephesians 6:4, The term paidea which is used in this verse is the Greek word equivalent to our “culture.” An interesting Apocrapha (Greek usage) reference which would have like been familiar to Paul is found in 4 Maccabees 13:22: “. .. they grow stronger from this common nurture and daily companionship, and from both general education and our discipline in the law of God.”
Children obey (the voice) hupakouw your parents
Biblical Example: Gen 22:9 Then they came to the place of which God had told him. And Abraham built an altar there and placed the wood in order; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. 10 And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.
FATHERS
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
If both Dad and Mom attend church regularly, 72% of their children remain faithful. If only Dad, 55% remain faithful. If only Mom, 15%. If neither attend regularly, only 6% remain faithful.
A. FATHERS HAVE AN AWESOME RESPONSIBILITY...
1. They are to be understanding and compassionate, yet firm
a. Joshua was strong in his resolve for his family to serve the
Lord - Josh 24:14-15
b. Eli, however, was condemned because of his failure to
restrain his sons - 1 Sam 3:11-14
2. They thus have the responsibility to provide spiritual training
for their children - Ep 6:4
b. They do it by THEIR INSTRUCTION (whether it be formal or
informal, cf. Deu 6:6-7)
B. HOW CAN FATHERS BE GUILTY OF PROVOKING THEIR CHILDREN?
1. By being unfair in their discipline
a. Punishing without fair warning
b. Showing favoritism in the exercise of discipline
2. By being hypocritical in our teaching and example
a. "Do as I say, not as I do" has no place in the vocabulary of
Christian fathers
b. Not only does hypocrisy provoke children to wrath, it often
is the underlying reason why children leave the faith!
“A CHRISTIAN HOME”
O GIVE US HOMES BUILT FIRM UPON THE SAVIOR,
WHERE CHRIST IS HEAD AND COUNSELLOR AND GUIDE;
WHERE EVERY CHILD IS TAUGHT HIS LOVE AND FAVOR
AND GIVES HIS HEART TO CHRIST, THE CRUCIFIED:
HOW SWEET TO KNOW THAT THOUGH HIS FOOTSTEPS WAVER
HIS FAITHFUL LORD IS WALKING BY HIS SIDE!
O GIVE US HOMES WITH GODLY FATHERS, MOTHERS,
WHO ALWAYS PLACE THEIR HOPE AND TRUST IN HIM;
WHOSE TENDER PATIENCE TURMOIL NEVER BOTHERS,
WHOSE CALM AND COURAGE TROUBLE CANNOT DIM;
A HOME WHERE EACH FINDS JOY IN SERVING OTHERS,
AND LOVE STILL SHINES, THO DAYS BE DARK AND GRIM
O LORD, OUR GOD, OUR HOMES ARE THINE FOREVER!
WE TRUST TO THEE THEIR PROBLEMS, TOIL, AND CARE;
THEIR BANDS OF LOVE NO ENEMY CAN SEVER
IF THOU ART ALWAYS LORD AND MASTER THERE:
BE THOU THE CENTER OF OUR LEAST ENDEAVOR,
BE THOU OUR GUEST, OUR HEARTS AND HOMES TO SHARE.
(Barbara B. Hart)
