How to Help People Listen More Effectively – Mark 4:20
Jesus said, “Others, like seed sown on good soil, HEAR the word, accept it, and produce a crop – thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown.”
Jesus said, “You will know them by their fruit.”
“Be doers of the word and not merely hearers who deceive themselves.” (James 1:22)
Jesus said, He who listens to you, listens to me. He who rejects you rejects me, but he who rejects me rejects him who sent me." (Luke 16:10)
We must become effective listeners if we are to remain as His disciples. (John 8:31,32)
People who know how to listen to God’s word are ones who know how to make an effort to hear what is really being said. They remain willing to obey the instructions they are given and show a yieldedness to desires of giver of life. Teachability is one of the chief qualities of a godly listener since they are available to hear what God has to say to them moment by moment as they put away distracting influences such as the worries, riches, pleasures, troubles, persecutions along with the all that is in the world, the flesh and the devil. But let us look at several important guidelines for being a more effective listener to God, to His word and to godly people.
1. Learn how to remove some of the filters we might have to learning from good communication. Many people have social-culturally conditioned screens that inhibit them from hearing all that God wants them to know. Perhaps, they have certain experiences, perspectives, beliefs, values, emotions or habits that unconsciously filter out some of the most important insights into truth. Some of the filters that many people fail to remove include: emotional barriers, psychological barriers, distrust, fear, anger, selfishness, impatience, prejudice, disinterest, judgmental attitudes, and general misunderstandings. Ask the Lord to help you to be willing to put away some of your past conditioned barriers that lessen your ability to hear all of God’s will for your life.
2. Learn how to take time to listen and reflect on what God might have you to understand from every person. Many people choose to hear only what they want to listen to. This is equivalent to those in Paul’s writing that he described as those with itching ears. Paul wrote, “Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.” (2 Tim. 4:3-5) Failure to listen to those who may not be initially appealing will limit our ability to learn new ideas. Trust the Lord to give you the ability to always have an attitude of a true learner.
3. Be willing to listen but also to obey new things that God is teaching you. James 1:22 teaches us, “Be doers of the word (obey the message) and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth.” (Amplified) To many people deceive themselves into thinking that they are doing God’s will but they fail to grow in their mental ability to know truth, understand it, apply it, analyze it, synthesize new solutions to problems with it or evaluate difficult problems using its principles.
4. Learn to be attentive to the facts, emotions and applications of a speaker. The average speaker communicates only 7% of their meaning with the actual words spoken; 35% of their message is conveyed through the tone of their voice, but 58% of their meaning is exchange through non-verbal signals especially their character and conviction that comes through to the discerning listener. Ask the Lord to help you listen to more than the just words spoken by a speaker.
5. Learn to understand both the denotative (the direct, explicit meaning of the words spoken) and the connotative meanings (the suggested meaning that is associated with one’s care, conviction and passion). Great listeners are able to hear both the objective and subjective aspects of a message. Ask the Lord to give you the discernment to gain both aspects of every message you will hear. Jesus once asked Peter, “Who do men say that I am?” Peter answered some say, Elijah, some say John the Baptist. Then Jesus asked the question, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter answered, “YOU are the Christ (the anointed one, the Messiah), the Son of the living God. Then Jesus answered him, “Blessed, happy, fortunate and to be envied are you, Simon Bar Jonah. For flesh and blood (men) have not revealed this to you, but my Father Who is in heaven.” (Matt 16:14-17) We have to rely on the Holy Spirit to reveal the deeper truths of God to us. Jesus said, “When He the Spirit of truth is come He will guide you into all truth.” (John 16:13) Ask the Lord to help you rely more on Him to teach you what He wants you to learn from every message you hear.
6. Learn to pray and ask the Lord to help you become a better listener. David wrote, “Open my eyes so that I may observe wonderful things from your law.” Only the Lord is able to give us the spiritual eyes and ears to hear what the Spirit of God wants us to know.” Do not think you can understand God’s message without His revelation, illumination or inspiration.
7. Learn how to ask good questions (What, why, how, when, where, what if etc) of the text and the speakers theme. Many times people do not learn anything new because they fail to ask the right questions. Jesus asked many questions throughout the gospels because he wanted to be an example of a greater learner and a model teacher. (Lk 6:40) Every pupil when he is trained will be like his teacher.
8. Learn to understand the world view perspective of each speaker. Do some research how the speaker views reality (primary allegiances), how do they view truth, what are their primary beliefs, what are the highest values, what are their normal behaviors, what are some of their most commonly expressed emotions. Ask the Lord to give you insight into the speaker’s assumptions, experiences, and primary relationships. See if you can find out something about the speaker personality or temperament so you can determine their essential frame of reference. Find out all you can about the speaker’s background so you can gain further insight into the experiences that have conditioned their thinking. Nehemiah said to Jesus, “Rabbi, we know you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the miraculous sings you are doing if God were not with him.” (John 3:2) Ask the Lord to help you do your background homework on every speaker so you can gain greater insights into their perspectives.
9. Learn to suspend judgment about your speaker and their view point until you have heard them out. Too many people prematurely turn off people because they do not initially jive with their own perspective. Learn to listen for the facts from every person. It is difficult to hear what a person is saying if one has already condemned them before hearing their side of the story.
10. Learn to listen for what is not being said. Many people tell you more by what they do not explicitly mention in their statements. When the rich young ruler asked Jesus, “What do I have to do to inherit eternal life Jesus said, “Keep the commandments.” The young man said, “I have kept all of the commandments. Jesus said, “Sell all that you have, give it to the poor and come follow me.” The rich young ruler went away sad, rejecting Christ’s truth. He knew that Jesus wanted him to surrender what was his most important security – money to the Lordship of Christ. Some people hear what is not being and so reject truth since they are unwilling to obey the full implications of God’s directives.
11. Learn to listen with all of your senses, not just a few. Utilize your hearing, seeing, smelling, touch and taste sensory inputs. Some messages are not really understood until one really moves and has experiences with another person. This usually involves engaging in formal and informal activities with a person. When you can observe a speaker in many contexts then you can really learn to apply all of your senses to learn from them. Mark 3:14 says about Jesus and his disciples, “And He appointed twelve to continue to be with Him and that He might send them out to preach as apostles and special messengers.” Spend time with people outside of just formal settings so they can get a chance to learn from your in informal, non-formal as well as formal settings.
12. Learn to listen how the speaker is able to close the gap between Biblical ideals and the realities of life. Good communicators have the ability to teach people how to merge good theory with practice. Jesus was a Master as taking an ideal and showing people how to apply it to real life. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be satisfied.” (Matt 5:8)
13. Learn how to develop the discipline and skill of someone who can concentrate, take notes and distill the most essential principles from what is being said. It was said of Jesus, “He knew what was in man.” He had the ability to see beyond the surface of every person. Ask the Lord to give you increasing discernment as you obey the truth. Heb. 5:14 says, “But solid food is for the mature who because of practice they have their senses trained to discern good and evil.” The more we obey, the more God reveals. People who are unwilling to obey the truth they already possess will not be given more clarity from God until they apply the things they already know to do. Greater discernment is progressively given to those who speak the truth in love and seek to grow up in all aspects into Christ.” (Eph. 4:15)
14. Learn to see listening as service. “For even the son of man do not come to be served but to serve.” (Mark 10:45) Many people just long to have someone listen to their problems. You may not be able to provide a solution to every quandary presented to you, but listening is an expression of patient love that endears people to you. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” The Lord of the universe was even willing to listen to the problems of little children as an expression of His intimate care for everyone no matter how big or small in the community.
15. Learn how to listen for surface as well as root causes of peoples’ problems. Few people learn how to hear beyond superficial statements of others. Know that behind each surface problem is a surface cause and behind it are root problems and root causes lie as the deepest level of most peoples’ difficulties. Listen for self-destructive tendencies that some people might need to deal with before they can progress in their maturity in Christ. Many people struggle because of their own anger, fear or misbeliefs about the truth. Learn to listen for partial truths that may distort the greater macroscopic truths of the Bible. Ask the Lord to help you to gain a deeper insight into all statements so you can treat root causes rather than superficial symptoms in your counseling ministries.
16. Learn to listen so you can pray more effectively for other people. Many people listen so they can find a glitch in another person’s argument. Instead, listen so you can more effectively pray for the well being of every person. James wrote, “Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you – who are you to judge your neighbor?” (James 4:11,12) Ask the Lord to help you to take more of a prayer and helpful attitude as a listener.
17. Learn to listen for some speakers’ faulty perceptions about the truth. Some people distort the truth and reality because they are failing to take the full counsel of God into account. Everyone has blind spots. Ask the Lord to help you be more discerning about placing boundaries to speakers who are speaking out of their own selfish, angry or fearful subjective feelings rather than objectively from the truth. It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry,.. the former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.” (Phil. 1:16,17) Paul also wrote to the Philippians, “I pray that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.” (Phil. 1:9-11) Ask the Lord to help you to know when to appropriate the phrase, “As far as it is possible, be at peace with all men.” (Rom. 12:18)
18. Learn how to determine the difference between felt, real, perceived and spiritual needs of people. Some people are speaking out of their felt need to ventilate their emotions which may be for a certain time. Others perceive that they need to say certain things in order to gain respect with their audience out of a sense of what is proper. Some individuals have a real need to communicate what is most pressing fro their convictions as they are led by the Spirit. Finally, some speakers communicate out of spiritual requirement to obey the Lord by speaking the truth in love to help people grow up in all aspects into Christ. Spiritual needs are those essential needs that are given by God and through His word, His Spirit and His people. Learn how to listen according to what is God’s highest kingdom and righteousness priorities. (Matt 6:33) Jesus knew that people tend to worry about a whole range of problems, but they are really only a few things in life that are essential. Learn to listen to how the speaker is able to steer people in the direction of getting their spiritual needs met first and then the other concerns of life will be taken care of in due time.
19. Learn how to place yourself in the other person’s shoes to gain greater empathy with them. Paul wrote, “Do not merely look on your own interests but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 2:3-5) An empathetic listener learns to closely identify with the speaker by becoming all things to all people in order to save as many as possible from a life of self-destructive behavior. Learn how to mentally share the viewpoints of others so you can really hear what they are saying.
Illustration (Conclusion) - No Higher Duty
Henri Nouwen, the great spiritual writer was going to a monastery for a
retreat. The monks observed vows of silence and the retreat was to be
meditative and prayerful. Nouwen was delayed and was late getting to the
monastery on that miserable, rainy night. He rang the bell, well after
bedtime, and was met at the door by one of the brothers. The brother warmly
greeted him, took his wet coat, brought him to the kitchen and made him a
cup of tea. They chatted in the late night hours and Nouwen began to relax
and feel ready for the retreat. But he knew this monk was supposed to
observe silence, so he finally asked him, "Why are you willing to sit and
talk with me?" The monk replied "Of all the duties of the Christian faith
and the rules of my order, none is higher than hospitality."
Rev. J. Burton Williams, The Reward of a Disciple
