INTRODUCTION
Sermonic Theme: Today we take time to acknowledge and to thank those men in our lives that have served us as fathers. They may have been fathers, our grandfathers, our uncles, our older brothers, our coaches, our teachers, our counselors, our pastors, or that neighbor down the street. We thank those men who have taken the time to invest some of themselves into us, which has made us a better person today.
Explanation: Being a father or serving as a “father-figure” to someone is one of the greatest things in the world. More than any other thing, children need fathers or “father-figures” who are physically present in their lives and who provide leadership to their children or protégés. According to Dr. Wade Horn who conducted the National Fatherhood Initiative, boys require an affirmation that they are man enough, while girls require an affirmation that they are worthy enough. A father, who is absent, does not have an impact on the socialization of his children that is really necessary for their positive development. And when fathers are spiritually absent, they have no spiritual impact in the lives of their children, and they convey an unclear image of exactly who God is and what role He should have in our lives.
Transition: Absentee fathers have created a kind of “wound” in our families and society. It will take real men who are willing to step up as family leaders to heal this wound. Today, we shall address…
Title: Healing the “Father Absence” Wound
Disclaimer: Let me say that I understand that for reasons of illness, death, desertion or divorce there cannot be a father in some homes. These situations are beyond the control of the mother. I do not want to discourage single mothers, but I do want to help men see their importance, not only in the home, but also in the culture at large today.
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Opening Statement: When one mentions the word ‘father’ there is often a wide range of reactions – from tears of joy to pain and anger or disgust. Why is this the case? I share with you FOUR QUOTATIONS written by children about their fathers:
“My dad is a spiritual leader. He’s been there when I’ve taken a fall. He’s a great father. To me, he’s the father any kid would want. He’s a God given gift to me. He’s my dad.”
“My dad still lives with us but it seems as though he doesn’t. He doesn’t come to any of my games and shows little love to my mom. I think his job is more important than me.”
“I just want to thank my dad. Every time I’ve fallen, he’s caught me. I love him very much. He taught me how to work hard and, most importantly, how to love Jesus. He raised me up to be a godly son. I know that sometimes we fail and sometimes we both don’t do what’s right, but I’ve always known he loves me, no matter what.”
“Dad who? I have seen my dad three times my whole life. He left my mom when she was pregnant with me. He has never been around and I don’t think I even care to see him anymore.”
These different quotes from kids show us that a father can bring great joy or intense pain. Even on this Father’s Day, many of you identify with one of the four statements that I just read with a mix of emotions. We all have our own thoughts, feelings and experiences when we think of our father. Studies indicate that there are a couple of key questions that dads must not fail to answer in order to avoid this “father wound”. Children, adult children want to know, “Are you proud of me Dad? Do you love who I am? Are you happy to have me in the family? Am I important to you?”
Transition: This message today assumes that you want to answer those questions and that you’re going to be a father who is present in the home. It also assumes that you want to be a good leader of your family.
Text: 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12
Background: So let’s look at 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12. Paul is dealing with the church in Thessalonica. He fathered these new believers and now he writes to them. But notice how he uses images of the family to warmly express his love and affection for them. Note that in vs. 7 he says, “We became children.” Again, “We were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.” Then down in vs. 11 he says, “For you know we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children.” What Paul is saying is that his ministry with the church in Thessalonica was very much like being a mother and a father to them. Think about that. We are brothers and sisters together in the church. And our relationship within the family of God is very similar to the relationship within the home.
Recitation: 1 Thessalonians 2:7 … Although we could have imposed our weight as apostles of Christ. But we became little children among you. Like a nursing mother caring for her own children, 2:8 with such affection for you, we were happy to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. 2:9 For you recall, brothers and sisters, our toil and drudgery: By working night and day so as not to impose a burden on any of you, we preached to you the gospel of God. 2:10 You are witnesses, and so is God, as to how holy and righteous and blameless our conduct was toward you who believe. 2:11 As you know, we treated each one of you as a father treats his own children, 2:12 exhorting and encouraging you and insisting that you live in a way worthy of God who calls you to his own kingdom and his glory.
Question/Transition: How should a father treat his own children? The way Paul treated his spiritual children gives to us some insight as to how we should treat our own children or those young people in our lives that we are mentoring.
Proposition / Key Word: I want us to see FIVE CHARACTERISTICS that should be evident in Fathers if they are to become healers of the father wound that I spoke of earlier.
OUTLINE
I. Fathers are to love.
Explanation: First of all, in vs. 8, Paul says that Fathers are to love. He says, "We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the Gospel of God but our lives as well." A father cannot be afraid to be tender and loving.
Illustration: Zig Ziggler commented on some observations that his children shared with him after they were raised. They said they would always appreciate two things that their father did for them while they were growing up. One, he allowed them to order off of the adult menu when they went to a restaurant. Second, in the morning time when it was time to get up for school, he would go in and sit on the side of their bed and gently touch their cheeks, while he stirred them awake. They never forgot that.
II. Fathers are to be transparent.
Explanation: Also in vs. 8, Paul says, "We...shared with you not only the Gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." Fathers, it is important for us to open up our hearts and lives to our children. And you become somewhat transparent whether you want to or not. But we must do more than that. I get the feeling from our text that Paul let them into his heart. They saw him at his strongest moments and they also saw him at his weakest. Our children need to see us in this way. They need to see not only that dad has weaknesses (which they’re going to see anyway), but that there’s a way to deal with weakness and dad models that for me. Transparency means that our children can see not only the good things about us, but also some of the negative things as well. It is important for them to see that, because all of these are learning experiences.
Application: Fathers, allow your children to see you laugh when you’re happy and cry when you’re sad. They should see us deal with stress and anxiety in life because our world is filled with that. They should see us agonize over decisions that we must make because they will have to make those same decisions some day. They’ll learn how to handle failure, and how to handle finances. They will learn how to handle all of the things of life simply through the transparency of their parents. Fathers, you be a transparent father.
III. Fathers are to be hard working.
Explanation: Listen to what Paul says in verse 9, "Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone..."
Illustration: My most vivid memory of my father is of a man who didn’t have a lazy bone in his body. He was never afraid of hard work. He assumed full responsibility for the family.
IV. Fathers are to be authentic.
Explanation: Listen to what Paul says in vs. 10, "You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed." Paul was saying, "When we were with you, we were careful to lead a holy life. Not that they were perfect, but they lived in such a way that the Thessalonians couldn’t point at anything they intentionally did wrong to hurt someone else or themselves. They were holy and righteous and blameless in conduct.
Observation: You can be one person when you go to work, and another person when you come to church, and another person out in society. But when you go home and take off your overalls or your necktie and kick off your shoes, you become whomever you really are inside.
Application: Fathers you have the responsibility of being an authentic spiritual leader; to be consistent in your lifestyle and in your home. Now, sad to say, many of us have not fulfilled that responsibility. We have turned that responsibility over to our wives. Therefore, it has become a feminine responsibility instead of a masculine one. And the spiritual life gets “skewed” from an early age because our fathers don’t authentically model it. The Bible teaches that as men we are to be the spiritual leaders of our homes and teach our children about God. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers… raise [your children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
V. Fathers are to have a positive influence in the home.
Explanation: Listen to what Paul says here. He talks about treating children as a father deals with them and then in vs. 12 he says, "...encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory."
Observation: Those are all positive words. Did you hear them? He says, "We are going to encourage you. We’re going to comfort you, and we’re going to urge you." Those are plus words, positive words. Is it possible, dads, that we could accomplish a lot more by being a positive influence in the home rather than always being negative about things?
Illustration: Charlie Shedd in his book "A Letter to Peter" tells about the time that he wrote to his son, and made this promise, "Peter, I will never say `no’ to you if I can possibly say `yes.’" Now there are times when we must say "no." But if it is possible at all, it is much better to say "yes," to be positive rather than negative.
Application: Dads, make sure the sum total of your relationship with your children is encouragement. The world is tough enough on them as it is. Give them the gift of a nurturing, loving, supportive father.
CONCLUSION
Recapitulation: So I think Paul is saying to us as men, God’s men, we need to be a positive influence in the home. A godly father is one who participates in the lives of the people in his home. He is active in the rearing of his children. He does not avoid responsibility; he seeks it. He sees his commitment to become responsible as a God-given calling. He provides the financial resources needed for his family. He is the one who makes sure the family is at church where their spiritual needs are ministered to. He is the primary one in the home who talks about God, right and wrong, and leading an honorable life. He leads by example by living out the values he espouses.
Quotation: What are Fathers Made Of?
A father is a thing that is forced to endure childbirth without an anesthetic. A father is a thing that growls when it feels good--and laughs very loud when it’s scared half to death. A father never feels entirely worthy of the worship in a child’s eyes. He’s never quite the hero his daughter thinks, never quite the man his son believes him to be--and this worries him, sometimes. So he works too hard to try and smooth the rough places in the road for those of his own who will follow him. A father is a thing that gets very angry when the first school grades aren’t as good as he thinks they should be. He scolds his son though he knows it’s the teacher’s fault. Fathers are what give daughters away to other men who aren’t nearly good enough so they can have grandchildren who are smarter than anybody’s. Fathers make bets with insurance companies about who’ll live the longest. Though they know the odds, they keep right on betting.
And one day they lose. I don’t know where fathers go when they die. But I’ve an idea that after a good rest, wherever it is, he won’t be happy unless there’s work to do. He won’t just sit on a cloud and wait for the girl he’s loved and the children she bore. He’ll be busy there, too, repairing the stairs, oiling the gates, improving the streets, smoothing the way. Paul Harvey.
Invitation: This morning we extend to you God’s invitation. Our Father in heaven loves all of us so much. He has created us in His own image, and this morning He wants to be your Father and Jesus to be your Savior. If that’s not yet true for you, then we give you the opportunity in this moment to accept Jesus as your Savior, to repent of your sins, and to be raised to walk in the new life in Jesus. We give you that opportunity as we extend the Lord’s invitation.
