In the news this week, Rev. Rebecca Ann Steen has applied to return to pastoral ministry in the United Methodist Church. She has been on leave of absence since 1999 from the Baltimore-Washington Conference after serving for 17 years as a pastor. But her application for appointment has been blocked by her fellow clergy in the conference who have filed a complaint against her. It seems that the Rev. Rebecca Ann Steen was formerly the Rev. Richard A. Zomastny, who has three grown children and three grandchildren. Rev. Steen underwent “gender reassignment” surgery. And while the United Methodist Church does not permit “self-avowed, practicing homosexuals” to be appointed as pastors, this is the first case of a transgendered person to come before the church, and there is no established policy. This will have many people on both sides scrambling furiously until there is a policy formed, and the media will delight in the fray.
I bring this up because it is an illustration of just how confusing the culture in which we live is. Is Rebecca Steen a male or female, really? If Rebecca has a relationship with another woman now, does that mean she is a lesbian? If Rebecca has a relationship with a man does that make her a homosexual or heterosexual? These are problems our grandparents could not even have imagined. Our entire culture is embroiled in the most basic definitions of what a man is, what a woman is, what a family is, what right and wrong is. Certainly lost in all the confusion is the role of a man, husband and father. So this morning we want to look at these roles, but we do not want to be influenced by the culture, or even the opinions of good people, we want to know what God says about this important question of identity. The Bible says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). You were made in the image of God and it is important to live out that identity.
Weldon Hardenbrook has written a book entitled, Missing from Action: Vanishing Manhood in America. In it he talks about the identity crisis of the American male. With a great deal of humor he talks about different types of male roles he sees being promoted today. First is what he calls the Macho Maniac. This is the image portrayed by the Rambo, Dirty Harry, Diehard, Terminator films, and many of the other action films out there today. This is the model of a man who denies his feelings, keeps everything inside, never apologizes and tries to portray an aura of toughness. Then Hardenbrook talks about the kind of man he calls The Great Pretender. This is the Archie Bunker type who tries to build himself up by looking down on everyone else as incompetents. He is irritable and moody. He is filled with feelings of inadequacy but never seems to be able to come to terms with them. Another role model he sees being generated today is The Gender Blender. You are not sure whether they are male or female. Michael Jackson, Prince, Boy George, Elton John and many of the music industry’s celebrities. Their masculine identity seems to have been lost somewhere.
I am seeing another model being lived out on television: The Bumbling Idiot. These are the clueless losers in the evening sitcoms who hang their heads as they are scolded by their wives and lectured by their children. Everybody loves Raymond because he is so easy to manipulate. If it wasn’t for Raymond’s family you wonder if he would be able to survive. If you watched TV much you would wonder if there was such a thing as a competent, responsible male.
If get your model for manhood from the media you will be very confused. Get your role from the Scriptures and you will be following God’s original design for your life and what it means to be a man. As I read the Scripture, I see several things that are a part of what a man’s role is to be. The first is: He is to be a man of character. Whether you are single, married without children, or married with children, this is the model for a man. The Bible tells us, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2). A man of character does not conform to the world around him, he conforms to the image of God. He models his life after the heart of Jesus Christ. He longs to have the qualities and character of Jesus. He has gone beyond just wanting to avoid sin in his life, he is concentrating on the quality of life Jesus lived before us. He wants to imitate the heart of Christ. He wants to have his heart transformed. He wants what is going on inside to match the image that he projects on the outside. It is an inner transformation. It is genuine and without hypocrisy. He encourages and builds up his wife and children and doesn’t tear them down, for he strives to live up to the Scripture that says, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). Your children should be able to believe in their heavenly Father because they have seen a little of heaven in their earthly father.
But a man’s Christianity is not just following a list of rules or a moral code, it is a dynamic and ongoing relationship with the living Christ. John wrote to the men of his day saying, “I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning” (1 John 2:13). These are the kind of fathers who make a difference in the lives of their children and wives, and in the world, because they know Christ and their character reflects it. They don’t care what everyone else is doing or how they try to act out their manhood, they live with integrity and strength.
I read where one pastor told of a man in his congregation who was the vice president of his company, but he took an unpopular stand for ethical reasons. They wanted him to do things he could not do in good conscience. When he refused to go along, he was fired. But within the year he was back as the president of the company. That is a man of character. But what if he had not been hired back? What if he was out of a job instead of the new president? He would be even more of a man of character, because he had done the right thing even when it cost him something personally. His relationship with God was more important than his success at his job. He was not willing to compromise his character.
When people look at your life, what is the defining characteristic they see? Do they see someone who loves football and sports? Nothing wrong with sports, but is it the thing that defines you? Do they see someone who is aggressive and willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead? Nothing wrong with ambition, but is it what defines you? Do they see you as someone who likes to have a good time and take life easy? Nothing wrong with having a good time, but is it what defines you? Do they see someone who talks a lot about religion, but whose ethics are sometimes questionable, and whose disposition is often arrogant and unpleasant? Or are you a person of character who exhibits the genuine spirit and heart of Christ? Do you love other people and serve them, even when it inconveniences you? Be a man who puts character before conformity. Be a man of integrity and faithfulness. This is what pleases God and makes your life pleasant as well.
The second part of what it means to be a man is: He is to be a person of consistency. This is not someone who tells other people how wrong they are and then has huge gaps in his moral and ethical behavior. He talks the talk, and he also walks the walk.
Timothy was a man of consistency. Paul said about him: “I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, that I also may be cheered when I receive news about you. I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel” (Philippians 2:19-22). When Paul says that Timothy has proved himself, the word, in the original language which the Bible was written, means something that has been proven by testing. Its genuineness has been proven by trying it over and over again. It is consistent. Timothy had proven himself because he was consistent in his life through the various trials he faced with Paul. He did not run when others did. He did not deny his faith in order to avoid suffering like some of the other companions of Paul. He stayed the course through good times and bad.
The third part of what it means to be a man is: He is to be a man of authenticity. In other words, he is true to himself and his nature. He hasn’t let the world squeeze him into its mold. He doesn’t try to be someone he is not. He lives out his God-given masculinity. He understands that God has made him a male for a reason. He is not just a human body with a few different features than a female. Every cell in his body is different from a woman. God has made every cell in his body a male cell. He is not a little bit different, he is a lot different. God has made him that way. The way he thinks and feels is different than the way a woman thinks and feels.
Do you remember the film My Fair Lady? The professor and his assistant sing a silly song entitled “A Hymn to Him.” In it they ask the question: “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” Some of the lyrics go like this: “Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers? If I were hours late for dinner, would you bellow? . . .If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss? Why can’t a woman be like us?” Well, of course, a woman is not like a man, and neither should she be. And it is just as ridiculous to expect a man to act and react like a woman. There may be times when you wish your husband was more like a woman so you could at least understand him. But it should be the difference of his masculinity which makes him interesting and attractive to your feminine nature. Our culture’s attempt at making us unisex is against God’s design and devalues the worth of a man. A woman should celebrate her husband’s masculine nature. Compliment him and enjoy him as a man without trying to change him into something else. His value is in being a man. That doesn’t mean he goes about dragging his knuckles and drooling. It means that he lives out his glorified masculinity the way God intended him to be.
To live out your masculine nature means that you provide for your family. You take on responsibility. You protect and nurture your family. You do the work that needs to be done. You provide a sense of strength and security. It is disconcerting that psychologists are finding that one of the major problems in our culture is the absence of a male within the home. Time magazine had a feature story on the disappearing dad. In the article it says, “Studies of young criminals have found that more than 70% of all juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes.” Children from broken families are nearly twice as likely as those in two-parent families to drop out of high school. More and more homes have absentee fathers. In 1960 17% of children were living apart from their biological fathers; by 1990 the number had more than doubled to 36%. During that same period juvenile crime went from rose dramatically. These missing men are not men in the biblical sense, they are boys, barbarians and predators. They wander about selfishly avoiding responsibility.
The psychological problems caused by absent male figures in the formative years of a child’s life are enormous. I say this to let you men know how valuable you are. No one can take your place. You are not only important for the physical welfare of your children, you are important for their psychological welfare. Spend time with your children. You may give them many things, but if you are not giving them your time it won’t mean much. Your children are your greatest life’s work. Your children deserve the investment of your time. They deserve to live in a home where the man of the house is a living example of the life and love of Jesus Christ.
After he and his baby brother was baptized in church, little three-year-old Joey sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong, but he wouldn’t answer. When his father insisted in knowing what the problem was the boy finally replied, “That preacher asked if you would agree to have us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.” Hopefully, your children will be able to do both — be brought up in a Christian home and live with you guys.
Rodney J. Buchanan
June 16, 2002
Mulberry St. UMC
Mt. Vernon, OH
www.MulberryUMC.org
Rod.Buchanan@MulberryUMC.org
