TEXT:
One of the classic episodes of the Dick Van Dyke Show concerns a problem that Ritchie is having with a girl named Priscilla. For a period of time he comes home every afternoon after school battered and bruised by this girl.
Rob and Laura are at a loss to know what to do and so Laura goes and visits Priscilla’s parents and discovers an aggressive mother and passive father. Well Laura and the mother have words and Laura storms out of the house.
In light of no resolution with Priscilla’s parents, Rob and Laura hesitantly make the decision to tell Ritchie it is okay to defend him self against Priscilla. The next day Rob comes home early from work to see what happened. Ritchie has not come home yet and both Rob and Laura anxiously wait his arrival.
Well Ritchie comes in and is ready to play. Rob and Laura stop him and ask how the day went and if it Priscilla hit him. Ritchie said that she did and they ask if he hit her back. No says Ritchie she’s a girl and I don’t hit girls. So, ask his parents, what did you do? I kissed her.
You kissed her, they ask incredulously. Yes, every day she kept telling me kiss me or I’ll beat you up. Shocked and dismayed at this new information they asked why didn’t you tell us this? Because it was too yucky to talk about!
Wouldn’t it be nice if that is all families had to worry about? But, it isn’t, is it?
Last Sunday in our Kendallville newspaper there were two columns in the editorial section that remind us what families, and moms, are up against these days. Bill O’Reilly, the Fox News personality and news analyst wrote one column and Kathleen Parker, a syndicated columnist, wrote the other one.
O’Reilly’s column sent chills up my spine because in it he exposes some current writing, in this county, about adult-child sex. He of course, is very much against it, as I am, and I think all of us here are also. But, it disturbs me very, very much that the views he exposes in this column are putting children at risk.
He closes his column with this statement, “this is not a great time for kids in America. I feel for them. We adults have let them down. On many different levels, children are not being protected from harm in this county. And in the marketplace of ideas, that is one tragic development.”
Parker’s column dealt with the hubbub over the departure of Karen Hughes, one of President Bush’s top advisors and the message it presumably sends to girls that “powerful, high-earning women can’t also rear children successfully.” Parker takes issue with that view. She suggests that the demands and pressure of this very important job has “taken a toll on [Karen Hughes’] family, which apparently she values above status, power, and money.”
What’s my point? Not just moms, but dads, and for that matter, families, are being tossed around like ping-pong balls in a turbulent wind tunnel trying to keep it together. Where does it end? And how do we deal with it as mothers, as parents, as families, as the people of God?
For the next two Sundays we are going to look at what Josh McDowell calls the “six steps to a loving family relationship.” I call them the “Six A’s To A Healthy Family” and this morning we will look at 3 of the 6: affirmation, acceptance, and appreciation.
(Overhead 1)
Josh is an outstanding Christian speaker and gives a Biblical base to everything he does. So we are going to turn to each of these three passages listed on the overhead to see what the Bible, and beyond that the God of the Bible, have to say about these three important aspects of family life.
With regard to affirmation Paul writes in Romans 12:15 “When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow.”
What is God saying in this verse? Something very simple and yet very important to the development and existence of a quality family: Learn to identify and understand the feelings of others. If they are happy, be happy with and for them. If they are sad or grieving, mourn with them. Part of being one of my followers is to respect the feelings of others in an appropriate way.
Notes Mc Dowell, “when we affirm the feelings of our families, we give them a sense of authenticity.” What does authenticity mean? It means genuine, faithful, credible, trustworthy, and dependable. What kind of family is that? Boring? Stupid? Dull? Not with it?
Of course not! Kids, and grandkids, and moms, and dads, and grandparents hunger for that kind of a family! Who doesn’t want their feelings to be validated – to be respected and understood?
Easier said than done, correct? But, if we want to have a family that is solid and healthy, affirmation, validation, is a very, very important component. How do we validate, how do we affirm one another in our families? A couple of suggestions:
(Overhead 2)
Accept others feelings. I am not saying agree with them, but acknowledge, validate their feelings by admitting to their existence. This simple step can open up the lines of communication we so often want to see open by making it possible to share our feelings and thoughts in a non-threatening way.
Understand and own your own feelings. Have you ever seen this chart? (Put up overhead 3) It is a wonderful way of understanding both our own emotions as well as others. A copy for each family is available after the service. I suggest that you look at it everyday both individually and as a family to identify your own feelings. Why? Because I believe that part of Christian maturity is emotional maturity. And part of emotional maturity involves identifying and accepting our own feelings at any given moment of the day. (Back to overhead 2)
Put this verse into practice. At first it might seem hard to do, but as we continue to practice what this verse says, it can become easier and we will become a servant of mercy or joy in very strategic times’ in our families lives.
Have you heard the one about Pepper Rogers the great football coach at UCLA? It seems that he was in the midst of a terrible season. And it got so bad that it affected his home life. He is quoted as saying, “My dog was my only friend. I told my wife that a man needs at least two friends, so she bought me another dog.”
Oh how we seek acceptance. It is one of our deepest needs and longings is another key aspect to family life. The lack of acceptance drives people to do all sorts of things – humorous, tragic, and just plain stupid. Once again I am not talking about kids I also speak of parents as well. And unfortunately, we don’t get to hear and read of the stories of positive acceptance very often. But, if we want to have a quality family then acceptance is part of the formula.
Now, some questions come to mind with regard to acceptance, “What do we accept? What is acceptable? Do we accept everything that happens? Aren’t we supposed to have boundaries and standards? We just can’t accept everything our family does, can we?”
Would you agree or disagree with this statement? “Acceptance is embracing people for who they are rather than for what they do.” Take a moment and look back over your life. Can you recall a person who accepted you during a period in which your actions created problems?
In Romans 15:7 Paul wrote, “So accept each other just as Christ accepted you; then God will be honored.” How has Christ accepted us? With open arms! With a great love and desire for our forgiveness and redemption! Think of the Prodigal Son’s father that Jesus tells of in the gospels.
He ran to the returning, messed-up, dirty son! He threw his arms around him! He “partied hardy” on his return! That story describes God’s feelings about us! The Father is God! We are the prodigal children: messed up and dirty. What great love for us! While we were still sinners, writes Paul, while we were still messed up, Christ died for us!
What if God had decided to wait for us to clean up our act before He sent Jesus to earth? He would still be waiting. What does that say to us about acceptance of one another in our families and in the family of God? (Overhead 4)
Some suggestions on acceptance:
1. Remember how and why Christ accepted us.
2. Remember this: (Josh McDowell’s thought) “When we accept our family members for who they are, we give them a sense of security.”
3. Learn to love the person while disliking the behavior.
4. Put into practice the intent and spirit of Romans 15:7
Did you hear the one about the two siblings talking to one another upstairs? Brother: “I think that we have company downstairs.” Sister: “How do you know that?” Brother: “I just heard Mom laugh at one of Dad’s jokes!”
One of the greatest human tragedies is the lack of appreciation. We see and experience its effects in the classroom, the workplace, and the neighborhood. Like the lack of respect, failure to be appreciated, to be valued, takes it toll on family life. If we never hear words of or experience expressions of appreciation, is it any wonder that families become nothing more than a collection of people living under one roof?
In Matthew 3:17 we read these words, “And a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, and I am fully pleased with him.” This verse is part of passage in which Matthew tells of Jesus’ baptism. God speaks and says, “That’s my boy! Isn’t he great!” “I love him!”
“When we express appreciation,” notes Mc Dowell, “to family members we give them a sense of significance.” He goes on to also say “while acceptance of family members tells them that their being matters, expressing our appreciation to them says that their doing matters.”
In other words when we learn to express acceptance for who are family members are and appreciation for what they do, a family bond is strengthened. How do we appreciate one another in our families and in this congregation? Here are some suggestions: (Overhead 5)
1. Remember that all of us are not perfect but by God’s grace we are redeemable.
2. Make the time to tell members of your family what it is you appreciate about them and why.
3. Affirm your each member of your family for who they are on a regular basis.
CONCLUSION:
I am grateful for both my mother and the mother of my children. Their influence is profound and deep. Like all mothers, they have gone and continue to go the extra mile in so many ways and today I again say “thank you and “I love you!”
I want to conclude by saying two things to you moms this day.
First, thank you. Your work is very, very, very important. It is very strategic and profound because you have the awesome privilege and responsibility of helping to shape the next generation. Your work as moms is not second-class work. It is first-class work. It is top of the line stuff. It is not; pardon the illustration bow-tie fans, Chevy line stuff. It is Cadillac all the way.
I am also very much aware that for some mother’s day is a hard day because there are so many memories that return to conscious thought concerning moms and families and the past. Some are wonderful, and we need to relish those and some are not and we cringe and ache and wish the memories would go away. God has not forgotten you. He has not turned His back on you. He is with you in all of the emotions and memories that you deal with at this time of year.
In Isaiah 61:1-3 we read these words that Jesus spoke in Luke 4; “God has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted, to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come and that he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory.”
Moms God has planted you to be a strong and graceful oak for those “Priscilla moments” in the lives of your family. Allow the Holy Spirit to plant you deep and strong for God’s glory and for the strength and power of your family. And again, “thank you.” Amen.
