¡§Happily Ever After¡K¡¨ ¡V Part One ¡V 2002 Family Sermon Series
¡§BEAUTY AND THE BEAST¡¨ OUR SEARCH FOR THE PERFECT MATE
Ephesians 4:17-32
Introduction:
Brief background of Fairytale ¡§Beauty and the Beast¡¨ followed by ¡§what they both discovered about themselves was the potential to have both beauty and beast in the same person and the key was found in how to control the Beast so that the Prince could emerge.
I read some time ago that a panel of women debated on who they thought was the perfect man. You¡¦d have thought it might be famous actor or wealthy business leader. But the final conclusion of this panel was that the Perfect Man was actually....MR. POTATO HEAD.
Their reasoning: He¡¦s tan. He¡¦s cute. He knows the importance of accessorizing. And if he looks at another woman, you can rearrange his face.
This week, we begin our family series talking about something even more important than FINDING the right mate. What could be more important than finding the right person? BEING the right person. In fact, as far as God is concerned, it¡¦s more important that YOU be the ¡§perfect mate¡¨ than for you to find the perfect mate.
In the book of Proverbs, we find Solomon counseling his son on life. He talks to his son about the importance of trusting God, listening to his parents, & respecting others. Solomon advises his son on finances, honesty, hard work and moral purity. Mostly it¡¦s a book of do¡¦s and don¡¦ts. In other words, if you want to be wise: Do these good things and don¡¦t do those bad things.
BUT right in the middle of this listing of what his son should do to be wise; we find these curious comments, comments that lead us to believe the possibility of the beast theory:
Proverbs 21:19: ¡§Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.¡¨
Proverbs 25:24: ¡§Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.¡¨
Proverbs 15:17: ¡§Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.¡¨
Proverbs 17:1: ¡§Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.¡¨
Now, why would Solomon tell his son these things? Was it like some ancient joke, between men, about crabby wives?
Joke: ¡§Living outdoors ever since!¡¨
Like the man who had just celebrated his golden wedding anniversary. A reporter who was present asked him this question: ¡§To what do you attribute your longevity and apparent good health?¡¨ ¡§Well,¡¨ said the old man, ¡§when my wife and I were first married, we made a pact. We decided that if we ever became involved in an argument, I would leave the house and go for a walk to give us both an opportunity to cool off.¡¨
The man sighed and then said, ¡§And I guess it worked cause I¡¦ve been living an outdoors ever since.¡¨
I don¡¦t think Solomon was attempting humor with his son. Everything else Solomon said in Proverbs dealt with how his son could become wise. He¡¦s not about to stop in the middle of Proverbs and tell his son how to be really dumb. My guess is that Solomon is telling his son that if he¡¦s not a good husband, if he doesn¡¦t live in obedience to God¡¦s word regarding his family and his life, if he mistreats his wife, he¡¦s going to end up creating a home that is not going to pleasant for anyone.
How do we know that to be true? Because, in the same book of Proverbs Solomon tells his son: ¡§When a man¡¦s ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.¡¨ Proverbs 16:7
Translation for husbands and wives: If your ways are pleasing to God, even if you are married to a Beast, your spouse can be made to be at peace with you. Isn¡¦t that what it says? If God can create peace between our enemies He can surely create peace between husband and wife.
The world teaches us that ¡§the key to a good marriage is FINDING the right person!¡¨ God¡¥s Word teaches us ¡§the key to a good marriage is BEING the right person!¡¨ And the key to being the ¡§right person¡¨ is making certain that your ways ¡§please the LORD.¡¨
That¡¦s why this passage from Ephesians 4:17-32 is such a great instruction manual for Christian couples. If you follow Paul¡¦s teaching in Ephesians and in obedience apply the biblical truth you will make your ways pleasing to the Lord.
Let¡¦s examine the text together and discover how you can Create the Beast in your marriage, how to Control the Beast in your marriage and how to Conquer the Beast in your marriage.
I. HOW TO CREATE A BEAST IN MARRIAGE (EPH. 4:17-19)
¡§So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. [18] They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. [19] Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.¡¨
Translation: Don¡¦t live like the pagan world lives. For example: Eph. 5:3: ¡§But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.¡¨
We all know the damage extra-marital affairs can have on marriage. But Ephesians 5:3 instructs Christians - not only should we avoid an immoral relationship that would lead to an affair, but we shouldn¡¦t ¡§harmlessly¡¨ flirt with people other than our spouse.
We should avoid letting our eyes move from a glance to a stare and thereby creating the environment for there to be a lure of temptation that leads to sin. This means not only being careful about where we go but what we read and watch and while I¡¦m here I am going to again sound a warning. Perhaps the greatest danger facing our homes today and turning more men into Beasts instead of men of God is the illicit use of the internet. It is private and anonymous and you can rationalize that it is not hurting anyone, but that is a lie. When you spend hours in front of a computer screen reading or focusing on pornography then you are transferring emotions that rightfully belong to your wife. That is creating unfaithfulness in your heart and if you don¡¦t listen to the conviction of God¡¦s Spirit the BEAST in you will destroy your home.
I know this a place where many men struggle. Men throughout Scripture struggled with the same issues. But God¡¦s people should never accept nor rationalize that such temptations are normal and are not harmful to your marriage. A Christian man that accepts that pagan type of rationalization will damage his relationship with his wife and undermine her confidence in him. NEVER FORGET THAT THE WORD OF GOD IS TRUE and GOD¡¦S WORD SAYS, ¡¥As a man thinks in his heart so he is.¡¦ Whatever you continue to put into your heart will be what comes out of your life in your marriage.
Not only shouldn¡¦t we live like the world, we shouldn¡¦t think like the world. Examine Ephesians 4:18: ¡§They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.¡¨
Men, you don¡¦t become a ¡§BEAST¡¨ in your home all at once. You gradually regress from being a man of God to morphing into a pagan beast by putting yourself in a position where you are placing more and more darkness into your heart and crowding out the light of God. There comes a place where the transformation is complete and you can sin and no longer feel the conviction. That is the description of the hardening of the heart.
The Psalmist reminded God¡¦s people: ¡§Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.¡¨ Psalms 1:1.
It is not Rocket Science folks. You become like those you associate with in your life or give place to in your mind and heart. You learn to think like they do. Remember what Paul said to the Corinthians: 1 Corinthians 15:33: ¡§Do not be misled: ¡¥Bad company corrupts good character.¡¨
BIBLICAL APPLICATION:
Paul explains in Ephesians the evidences of the Beastly character.
1. Your heart becomes hard, calloused. (4:18)
2. You lose your ¡§sensitivity¡¨ to what God has given you in your marriage (4:19)
3. You get caught up in the beastly character that continues to crave for more and more and more of that which separates you from God. (4:19)
In short, worldly thinking creates beastly attitudes which then place a barrier to the intimacy you absolutely need for your marriage to survive.
So, if you want to build a strong marriage, a marriage that will ¡§live happily ever after¡¨ then don¡¦t act like the world, don¡¦t think like world and don¡¦t talk like world! If you act like a beast, talk like a beast, think like a beast and smell like a beast then there are better than even odds you¡¦re a BEAST. Do you remember what changed the BEAST into a Prince in the Fairytale? Death! So it is in our lives. The Beast must die before we can be raised in Christ to a new life.
II. HOW TO CONTROL A BEAST IN MARRIAGE (EPH. 4:26-31)
¡§In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, [27] and do not give the devil a foothold. [28] He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. [29] Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. [30] And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. [31] Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.¡¨
What we all need to remember is that Paul warned us that we will always have to deal with the dual nature so long as we are on this earth. Every one of us has Beast tendencies because we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God.
„X THERE WILL BE TIMES OF CONFLICT!
We see the beastly attitudes most often in times of conflict because that is the best description of what is taking place in the life of the believer. You have two forces, the spirit of the Beast and the spirit of the Beloved, the Prince of Peace. Those two are always at war and Paul makes it clear that the one we feed is the one that will prevail.
Conflict is a reality in every marriage. Just because we shouldn¡¦t behave like a Beast today doesn¡¦t mean we won¡¦t tomorrow. We pick up the tendency to argue and fight from the people we work with, the shows we watch, the books we read, the songs we listen to. I refuse to let Cynthia watch CNN when I¡¦m home because they always have two guests on there that are constantly debating the issues. When I begin to notice her saying ¡§let¡¦s set the record straight¡¨ or ¡§So you want to be on Hardball tonight¡¨ I knew she had watched too much.
Or we carry over conflict from what we saw in our parents, or grandparents. Because of these influences we have learned traits and responses that create conflict in our homes.
One of the shocking realities of being married is that people who have loved each other so deeply can become so angry and filled with hatred for each other. So, how should a Christian respond in those uncomfortable situations of conflict?
Realize you have the right to get angry in your marriage if you can display your anger without sin. The King James Version for Ephesians 4:26: "Be angry." You have a right to sometimes be angry. Your husband or wife can do some pretty foolish things, and there will be times when you have every right to be upset. BUT, while you may have a right to be angry, you have NO RIGHT to sin. "Be angry" says Ephesians 4:25, "and sin not."
In what ways might my anger be displayed in sinful ways?
1. In Violent Behavior
2. Spiteful/Abusive Language: Eph. 4:29: ¡§Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.¡¨ Remember when you were first dating. You couldn¡¦t say enough about the person. You wrote their names in your school books, on your lockers, in your diary. You even gave them special names that were reserved for just the two of you.
(List those names that people have given me)
Whenever anyone asked you about them you always focused on their best qualities: They were tall, beautiful, stylish, handsome, powerful, or kind. They were just short of perfect. So what happened? We quit building up according to their needs¡KWhy don¡¦t you try something right now. Write down on your sermon notes one characteristic about your mate that you can affirm and share to build them up in your love.
3. Hateful Thoughts
4. Ungodly Attitudes
Beastly behavior like this grieves the Holy Spirit. Eph 4:30-31: ¡§And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.¡¨ (How can I avoid grieving God¡¦s Spirit?) ¡§Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.¡¨
It doesn¡¦t matter if you¡¦re right. Reacting wrongly can hurt not only your marriage, but your relationship with God.
Biblical Directives to Control the Beast in Conflict
1. Don¡¦t allow yourself to go to bed angry (vs. 26)
2. Don¡¦t allow yourself to ¡§slander¡¨ your spouse (vs. 31)
3. Don¡¦t ever retain the right to hold onto the sin that both you and Christ have forgiven. It will only allow the spirit of the Beast to build into your life bitterness that will make it very difficult for the marriage to grow and flourish.
III. HOW TO CONQUER THE BEAST IN MARRIAGE (EPH. 4:32)
¡§Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.¡¨
Tell me, how much did God forgive you? Did He forgive only part of your sin? Most of your sin? You better hope not, because if God forgave all of your sin EXCEPT one or two things¡K you¡¦re condemned to eternal life separated from the presence of God.
Praise God that He has promised that ¡§as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.¡¨ (Ps 103:12)
He has instructed us in (1 John 1:9): ¡§If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.¡¨
Conclusion:
Last week I read in the advice column in the paper about a couple who was celebrating 50 years of marriage. The husband wrote that someone commented, ¡§Ken, 50 years is a long time.¡¨ He immediately responded: ¡§Not nearly as long as it would have been without her.¡¨ I couldn¡¦t get the man¡¦s answer out of my mind. All day long I kept thinking, ¡§not nearly as long as it would have been without her.¡¨ Finally, I found myself starting to write about my life with Cynthia and the conclusion that all I really want from her is: Just one more day!¡¨ (Read Poem: ¡§Just One More Day!¡¨)
Just One More Day¡K Written by Dr. Larry L. Thompson in honor of his wife Cynthia
Lord, You honored me the moment she came into my life
I had no idea You were preparing her to be my wife.
She was so young and innocent, and beautiful in every way
We spent our days together, I prayed; ¡§just one more day.¡¨
I was so blessed that August day she became my bride
So gracefully she approached the altar to be at my side
I held her tight and whispered, ¡§Listen to what I say¡K
Loving you forever¡¦s not enough; I need just one more day.¡¨
In our youth we grew in our understanding of love
Through the laughter, the tears, and blessings from above
Our days full of light, the darkness seemed so far away
Yet I wouldn¡¦t sleep without praying, ¡§O¡¦ God, Just one more day.¡¨
Lord, just when I thought we couldn¡¦t possibly love more
You gave us Taylor and Jennifer to cherish and adore.
They filled our lives with such love in every way¡K
Then our girls became women, I cried, ¡§just one more day.¡¨
¡§They grow up so fast¡¨ was the advice we were told
I dismissed their counsel-we were young and they were old
Now I stare at your pictures knowing you¡¦re miles away
You have no idea what I would give for just one more day.
At first glance it seems so cruel, this cycle of life
I struggle with the aging process, seeing pain and strife
I¡¦m a stranger to my own dad as I hold him and pray,
¡¥Dear God, if we could just sit and visit, just one more day.¡¦
It would be so easy to become bitter and cold
When you watch those you love growing feeble and old
Yet as believers we mustn¡¦t let our broken hearts stray
But resolve to walk in His Spirit and His word day by day.
It¡¦s His Word that gives us strength for the days ahead
Walking in obedience to His truth we are led.
I shall gladly confess, ¡¥this is the day He has made¡¦
For in my Savior¡¦s unfailing love I will not be afraid.
So I will take the hand of this godly woman I adore
With assurance we know, in Christ there¡¦s much more!
Cynthia, my lover, my friend; this final thought I say
In Christ our love is eternal and there¡¦s always one more day!
Having a good marriage isn¡¦t so much about ¡§finding the right mate¡¨ as it is about being the right mate. And the best place to start in becoming the right mate is in becoming a child of God and learning to be pleasing to Him in all that you do¡K You may not have just one more day for the word says ¡§Today is the day of salvation; this is your appointed hour.¡¨
