Fathering God’s Way, Part Two
Yeah But How?
(Deuteronomy 6:1-9)
Theme: God is the originator of Fatherhood; therefore, He is the source for how to do it properly.
Purpose: After I preach this sermon, I want the fathers in the audience to see that there is an abundance of help available to them to help them be better fathers according to God’s word.
Behavioral
Objective: After I preach this sermon, I want the hearer to determine to read at least one book on how to be a better father according to God’s design for fatherhood.
Introduction. (Get attention, surface need, make a contract to deliver a solution.)
A. We can quote the Facts:
1. Tonight, 40% of all American children will go to sleep in a house in which their fathers do not live.
2. Before the age of eighteen, more than 50% of our children will spend a significant portion of their childhood living apart from their fathers.
3. A generation ago, an American child could reasonably expect to grow up with a dad. Today, an American child can reasonably expect not to.
4. Fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend in this generation. Read quote from Blankenhorn, David Fatherless America: Confronting our most Urgent Social Problem (New York, New York: BasicBooks, 1995) pp.1-2.
B. We can grieve over typical models for fatherhood in America:
1. The busy father.
2. The authoritarian father.
3. The weak father.
4. The indifferent father.
5. The absent father.
C. We can quote God’s plan for the father:
1. Provider.
2. Teacher.
3. Leader.
4. Problem solver.
D. But, we MUST answer the YBH question. Yeah, but how?
I. The Father as Teacher - Deuteronomy 6:1-9.
A. The curriculum, 4-5.
1. The authority of God - He is The Lord.
2. The unity of God:
a. He is one.
b. He is consistent, enduring, trustworthy.
3. The covenant-seeking nature of God.
a. He wants a relationship with your kids.
b. It is fine to bring them to Sunday School and VBS; but, they must see what it means to have a personal relationship with God.
B. The methodology - HOW? 6-9
1. Exemplified - the laws of God must be lived out in your life.
2. Use audio and visual aids.
3. The three rules of learning: repetition, repetition and repetition.
II. The Father as Leader and Problem-Solver.
A. In the family, it is dad’s presence and influence in the family that makes kids feel:
1. Safe.
2. Secure.
3. Provided for.
4. He is the source of their self-esteem!
B. How do I instill a good self-esteem into my children?
1. First, understand the goals of parenting: Luke 2:50-52. (OH #1)[Overhead material is attached below]
2. Then, learn the strategy of parenting: Ephesians 6:1-4. (OH #2)
3. Then, turn to other people who have written some tremendous resources to help us:
a. Learn to speak their love language. (OH #3)
b. Learn the difference between discipline and punishment. (OH #4)
c. Help them become emotionally intelligent. (OH #5)
d. Give them the blessing. (OH #6)
Conclusion. (The purpose of the conclusion is to conclude, not merely to stop.)
OVERHEAD MATERIAL:
Overhead #1 - The Goals of Parenting - Luke 2:50-52
I. The role of childhood: respect for/obedience to authority.
II. Mental development: wisdom.
A. Ages 0-5 children develop attitudes.
B. Ages 5-10 children develop values.
C. Ages 10-15 children need models.
D. Ages 15-20 young people test everything!
III. Physical development: their bodies are growing.
A. They need proper nourishment.
B. They need proper sleep (so do you!)
IV. Spiritual development: favor with God.
A. Sunday School.
B. VBS.
C. Bible Camp.
V. Social development: favor with others.
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Overhead #2 The Strategy of Parenting Ephesians 6:1-4
I. Teach the child to listen, to submit and to obey. u`pakou,w basic meaning listen to; (1) obey, submit to, be subject to (Ephesians 6.1); (2) yield to, obey, surrender to (Acts 6.7); (3) as the duty of a doorkeeper hearken, answer a knock, open (the door) (Acts 12.13).
II. Teach the child to perceive value. tima,w (1) as ascribing worth to someone honor, revere, respect (MT 15.4); (2) as assigning value to something.
III. Remove the obstacles that block growth. parorgi,zw provoke to anger, exasperate.
A. Dad, you are to guide and teach, not discourage.
B. Learn their abilities and their limitations.
IV. Actively teach the total child. Don’t block their growth! But, rather, nourish them, sustain them, bathe them in, saturate them with the discipline, training, instruction of the Lord!
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Overhead #3 Resources for Fathering
The Five Love Languages of Children
Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell, M.D.
(Chicago, Illinois: Northfield Publishing, 1997).
I. Love is the Foundation
II. Love Language #1: Physical Touch
III. Love Language #2: Words of Affirmation
IV. Love Language #3: Quality Time
V. Love Language #4: Gifts
VI. Love Language #5: Acts of Service
VII. How to discover your child’s primary love language
VIII. Discipline and the love languages
IX. Learning the love languages
X. Anger and love
XI. Speaking the love languages in single-parent homes
XII. Speaking the love languages in marriage
The New Dare to Discipline
Dr. James Dobson (Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, 1971/92).
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
John Gottman, Ph.D. with Joan DeClaire
(New York, New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997).
1. Emotion coaching: the key to raising emotionally intelligent kids.
2. Assessing your parenting style.
3. The five key steps for emotion coaching:
A. Step No. 1: Being aware of your child’s emotions.
B. Step No. 2: Recognizing the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.
C. Step No. 3: Listening empathetically and validating the child’s feelings.
D. Step No. 4: Helping the child verbally label emotions.
E. Step No. 5: Setting limits while helping the child problem-solve.
4. Emotion-Coaching strategies.
5. Marriage, divorce and your child’s emotional health.
6. The father’s crucial role.
7. Emotion coaching as your child grows.
The Gift of the Blessing
Gary Smalley & John Trent, Ph.D. (Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1986/93).
Introduction: the birth of the blessing.
1. In search of the blessing.
2. The blessing: yesterday and today.
3. The first element of the blessing: meaningful touch.
4. The second element: spoken words.
5. The third element: expressing high value.
6. The fourth element: picturing a special future.
7. The fifth element: an active commitment.
8. Homes that withhold the blessing: part 1.
9. Homes that withhold the blessing: part 2.
10. Learning to live apart from the blessing.
11. When you know you will never receive a parent’s blessing.
12. Giving the blessing to your spouse and friends.
13. Giving the blessing to your parents.
14. Giving the blessing to your older children.
15. A church that gives the blessing.
16. A final blessing.
Appendix A: Evenings of blessings to apply with loved ones
Appendix B: Sample blessings based on scripture
