Choose Respect
Seems appropriate on Memorial Weekend!
This is not your traditional series of sermons on marriage. I didn’t preach a traditional sermon to men on Eph 5 last week. You know, (deep commanding voice) “Men, Love your wives.”
I am not going to preach a traditional sermon to wives on Ephesians 5. You know, (deep commanding voice) “Wives, submit to your husband”
Last week I spoke to the issue of choosing love
I pointed out that Paul spoke of five characteristics concerning love which come out of Ephesians 5.
Love Sacrifices. Love Purifies. Love Beautifies. Love creates intimacy. In fact, when a person love someone in these ways we become God-like in our lives – that is to say we think and act like God would and does.
I also spoke to the issue of “choosing” to love. That love is a choice. It is active and decisive. It is not something that happens to you. Love is a decision. Either you choose to harden your heart toward a person or you choose to soften your heart.
Today, I want to speak to the issue of choosing respect.
In many ways it is exactly the same message as last week – just a different perspective.
If it’s the same message, why bother? Let’s sing some more. Let’s leave early! How about brunch!
Why bother if it’s the same message from a different perspective? Because there are three important issues which need to be covered and settled if you to build a really stron marriage and have really great relationships with others.
The issue of Submission
The issue of Headship
The issue of Trust
The issue of Submission
Let’s start with the issue of submission. Look at Ephesians 5:22.
“And you will submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord.”
Eph 5:22 ISV
There have been many sermons preached on this over the years – mostly by men to women. When you speak of submission in church there is an instant response
That response is not simply boredom. Hardly anyone yawns and stretches as they look in the bulletin for something to interesting to read. Hardly anyone uses that time to work on their “todo” list for the coming week.
No the response is almost electrifying. The men snap to attention and then settle in for what they expect to be an enjoyable sermon while the women cross their arms and furrow their brows.
You see we have two extremes at work in our world
On one hand there is a radical movement of feminism which is built on a hatred of men and all things male.
On the other hand there is a radical machismo atmosphere of treating women like things to be owned, toyed with and then tossed away like a Styrofoam cup at the end of the coffee break.
Listen to some of the bullets fired in this war between these extremes:
( Dan Erickson, SermonCentral.com.....
http://www.life.1stbaptist.org/SER062099-21.htm)
Remember Professor Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady, "I’d face a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition than to ever let a woman in my life."
Or maybe you’ve heard of Char Wittman who said, Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought of as half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.
It was W. C. Fields who said, Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I don’t want one of them in my house.
And Lady Nancy Astor once remarked, “I married beneath my level. All women do.”
What does Submit mean?
“And you will submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord.”
What does it mean when we talk about this matter of submission? What does it mean when Paul says “SUBMIT”?
Huppotasso is a military term used to emphasize the idea of being subject to the structure of command:
Sounds simple enough except that this command is given in the passive middle voice of the Greek language. In other words it is not commanding the man to make his wife submissive or to rule over her. No, Paul is appealing to the wife to give her allegiance to her husband
If you look at the Roman Army it will be a little easier to grasp. Warfare in the olden Roman Army days was a lot different than today. The power was not in the weaponry (smart bombs; rifles; air to ground missles; radio controlled airplanes) it was in the military unit.
I found a picture of some men recreating one of the basic units in battle called the “Tortoise” where all the men are gathered into a small area and the shields are used to protect the group from the arrows of the enemy. Not a good tactic for today’s hand grenades and missiles but extremely effective for that time.
In fact the Roman army won so many battles and ruled the world because the were so adept at moving by command as a group. They wheeled and moved as one man.
The individual gave up his individual rights to protect and strengthen the legion. The word hupotasso – submit means to stand and support in the ranks.
Submission is about supporting and standing by your man
Love sacrifices, purifies, beautifies, builds intimacy and makes us Godly in thought and action.
Submission makes us supportive and encouraging. Submission strengthens and emboldens. Submission says, “I give up my rights to make us stronger”
Everyone needs that – especially men!
Principle #1: Submission is supporting and encouraging those in your life as you serve God together
There is nothing in this life more tragic than a man or woman who is living beneath their abilities. Don’t let that happen to the one you love because you are more interested in your rights than their potential and their need for your support.
The issue of Headship
Now let’s look at the second issue of headship. Look at Ephesians 5:23
“For the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. It is he who is the Savior of the body”
Eph 5:23 ISV
When Paul spoke of the headship in Ephesians he didn’t mean “Boss”. There are two possible words that could be translated as “head”. One is “Arche”. It means “Head” or beginning, old or first things. It is also used to denote first in terms of power or precedence like an archangel; the archbishop, or your archenemy.
This it NOT the word used in Eph 5:23.
The second word that was used is “Kephale”. It means “one who leads – not as a dictator but as the first one into battle”.
It is best understood in this way. “Arche” refers to the General of the Army who gives the orders from the rear of the battlefront. “Kephale” refers to the point man who leads the patrol through the jungles.
Those are two totally different kind of “heads”.
You see the issue of headship is an issue of leadership
It is about taking the lead in matters of importance.
May I suggest a couple of key areas, guys? I’ll be gentle but I gotta say this stuff. You need to take the lead – the first step in your relational time with your spouse. It’s not about being in charge! It’s about taking the lead.
You need to take the first step with making sure your family life is a priority in your life. It’s not about telling the kids that you’re the boss. It’s about taking the lead and setting the standards by your example.
You need to take the first step in your spiritual life and make sure that you have time with God. It’s not about sending your wife and kids to church or letting them have the devotions. You need to take the lead.
You need to take the first step in your community life and invest some of your self in the people in your town. Take the lead!
We’re talking about a basic and fundamental theory of life. It is the Trickle Up theory vs the Trickle Down theory.
Trickle down says, “If government help the people at the top of the economy that eventually the jobs and financial help will trickle down the economy to the lower levels.”
Trickle Up says, “If one man is the head of his family and really loves and leads them it will make an impact on his friends. When one group of friends changes and they begin to love and lead their families it will change a community. When a community changes it will change a township. When a township changes it will change a county… County – State. State – Region. Region – Country. Country – continent. Continent – world.
That is how we are going to change the world. Not trickle down! Trickle Up
Principle #2: Headship is leading out as a man of God
The issue of Trust
Finally, there is a critical issue. The issue of trust. Ephesians 5:33 says, let me read it in the “Youngs literal Translation:
“but ye also, every one in particular--let each his own wife so love as himself, and the wife--that she may reverence the husband.”
Eph 5:33 YLT
The word REVERANCE is common translated as respect.
Again, it is in the passive middle voice. This doesn’t command the men to make their wives respect them. Can’t really do that any way. No we see an appeal from Paul, Ladies, reverence your men. It is the same word used of the awesome fear – not the “afraid” kind of fear – but the awesome fear of God.
What! You want me to be in awesome reverence of HIM! That JERK. No not the jerk he was, is or may some day be – but of the man God sees in him…
Look at the context of this word! Here is a passage talking about the perfect and wonderful love of a man for his wife – like that of the love of Jesus for the church. It is sacrificial! It is purifying! It is beautifying! It is incredibly intimate! In fact, that love has made that man into the image of God in all his ways.
Now if you were married to a guy like that – He would be awesome! He would deserve some reverence and respect!
Well, sure – but did you forget? That’s not my man! My man is JERK. No I haven’t forgotten. In fact, I must confess I am painfully aware of this fact. You see, my wife has been married for 31 years to JERK #1.
It is HARD to have respect for person that treats us badly
We don’t talk about this one much but it is important that we do. It’s hard to submit yourself to another person under the best of circumstances. Give up my rights to support him? And How do you follow after or stand with a person who leads you into pits of muck or leaves you alone and hurt?
Do you remember the “Maverick” in TOP GUN”? His big problem was that he was a rugged individual. He did things his way and he left his wingman. Later, in the movie he’s in a tight turn with his wingman and being shot at by an enemy plane when he says through gritted teeth, “I won’t leave my wingman!”
Look sometimes, you have to grant respect where there is no visible reason. There is no trust. There is no reverence. How do you do that? You focus on the duty of the individual to the whole you are a part of and you focus on the one you can trust – God.
Principle #3: Where there is no trust give respect through trust in God
The value of a man – or a woman – is not in what they do. It’s not in what they’ve done. It’s not in what they have or don’t have. The value of a man – or a woman – is in what they are. A child of God – created in his image – with wonderful and great potential. Start there. Start with what is hidden and buried inside.
Choose Respect
This week has been a rough one… for a lot of people.
The enemy wants you to believe that you are worthless. Because of what you have done. Because of what you haven’t done.
God wants you to know that you are priceless.
A friend of mine quoted Max Lucado the other day. He said, “Jesus thought that dying for us is more important than living without us.”
I’m so glad that Jesus died for me – not because of what I am but because of what I am worth
Paul appeals to us to love others – because of their worth.
He also pleads with us to respect others – because of their great value.
Decision time: Are you ready? Choose! Choose to love or choose to harden your heart. Choose to respect and reverence the potential or choose to demand your personal rights.
