Choose Love
This is not going to be your traditional message on Husbands and wives. You know the messages you have heard before: “Men, Love Your Wives Sermon” and “Women, Respect Your Husbands Sermon”
Why? Well, Not everyone is married for one thing. All of us do have relationships with others. Friends, parents, and children.
Some will apply to marriages of course and we will speak of marriage relationships freely. But, I’m going to focus on the key building block of building a good marriage.
The building block is Love. The mortar is Respect.
The blueprints for what you build is all about submission. It’s not about ruling the other person. It’s about supporting and standing by them. And the foundation to any relationship you build must be Jesus Christ.
Let’s start by debunking a few myths.
Three Myth’s of Marriage and Relationships
Myth #1: Pressure Destroys
It is not pressure. All pressure does is accentuate the character of the relationship. If it’s good, pressure makes it stronger. If it’s bad, pressure elevates the temperature and it’s really bad!
Myth #2: Betrayal Destroys
Betrayal destroys trust and faith – not love. A marriage, a friendship, and a family can survive betrayal. I know many an example where there has been adultery or rejection and betrayal and the relationship not only survived - eventually as the trust is rebuilt - it got even better.
Myth #3: Lack of Compatibility Destroys
Listen to me. I have never met a couple who were compatable. No one is compatible with another person. No one! The ones I have met that were very much like each other weren’t compatable - they were just irritating.
Here is the reality. The opposite of Love is not hate…
Love is a consumning force for good in another person. Hatred is a consuming force for evil against another person. Apathy is a decision to not care.
The opposite of Love is apathy. The decision to not care. Moses called it the hardened heart. In a marriage there is a break and a divorce when someone decided to not love anymore.
In Friendship – someone decided to not love anymore.
In Family Relations – someone decided to not love anymore. The hard heart.
Let’s examine the five ways the Paul spoke of the consuming force for good for another person. Let’s talk about choosing love.
Choose Sacrificial Love
"And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her" Ephesians 5:25 (NLT)
Guys, Let me give you an example of selfless and sacrificial love in today’s terms. Are you ready? Give your wife the remote control…
Now ladies: Do not undervalue that action… It is a significant sacrifice for a guy! Several years ago my wife and vacationed in a time-share condo in Florida with my folks and hers. Susan was with us then. She adopted one room with the television it it. There were two other TV’s in the condo.
Now do the math... Two TV’s and three men. It was not a pretty site. There always seemed to be one man kind of wandering around not knowing what to do...
Now, that’s humorous – but it’s meant be a bit more.
The problem is that most of us fellows are into control. We want to be in charge. We want control. Love is not about being in control. Love is about giving up contorl. Guys, give your wife the remote control of your life…
Are you living for them? Being sacrificial means being ready to give it all for the one you love. Jesus willingly went to the cross for our sins. Paul says that husbands are to be like that.
Love Principle #1: Give up the controls to the one you choose to love
Choose a Purifying Love
"...to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God’s word." Ephesians 5:26 (NLT)
The love that Jesus has for the church is purifying.
It gives confidence in the presence of God and others
There is no guilt; there is no feeling of brokenness or uselessness.
When they are in your presence they are strengthened not weakened. Now who do you want to be around? People who tear you down or people who build you up?
Dumb question, huh!
When you hear a sermon from the Word of God, and you respond properly, you walk away feeling better, cleansed, whole. It is to be that way, gentlemen, in the way you love your wife.
Let me give you the principle about purifying love…
Any time you tear-down your wife with cutting remarks you are hating her and not loving her. Lifting is the result and hallmark of purifying love.
Father of the Bride film clip where the father sees wife on stairs and says she that’s not fair for the mother to be more beautiful than the bride.
Love Principle #2: Use words that build up the one you choose to love
Choose a Beautifying Love
"He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault."
Ephesians 5:27 (NLT)
Jesus’ first act of caring for the church was to die for us. But He has been working on our care ever since, seated at the right hand of the Father, interceding for the saints.
There are many levels of caring love. There are Physical levels. You are a caring lover when you provide for the physical needs of your wife and family – food, shelter, clothing, and an education, Hair and nail appointments. You know the necessities of life…
There are Emotional. You are a caring lover when you listen – without trying to solve every problem – just pay attention.
There are Spiritual. Cherishing is the word our King James Bible uses. It means loving in the agape’ sense – doing what is best for the other person. If there is any role a husband must not shirk in the home it is spiritual leadership.
Jack Benny
HOLWICK’S ILLUSTRATION COLLECTION Number: 22151
SOURCE: Sermon Central
TITLE: One Red Rose
DATE: 5/15/02
ILLUSTRATION:
Jack Benny was rather shy when he was young. One day at work he saw a young lady that greatly attracted his attention. But he was too shy to speak to her. So he went to the florist & ordered one red rose to be sent to her without any card enclosed. And every day he repeated that order.
Well, after 4 days of receiving one red rose each day, the young lady went to the florist & asked who was sending them. The florist told her that it was some guy who worked where she did by the name of Jack Benny. “Yeah,” she said, “I think I know who he is.”
So she searched Jack out & asked him why he was sending her those roses. He told her that he wanted to ask her out, & she accepted his invitation. And other dates followed that first one. But still, every day, she continued to receive one red rose.
Then Jack & Mary got engaged, & Mary figured that the red roses would stop. But still they came. Finally, they were married, & even on the honeymoon she continued to receive one red rose each day. But once the honeymoon was over, she figured that the roses would stop.
But month after month, then year after year, all their married life, every day without fail she received a red rose. Finally, Jack Benny died. But the very next day, here came another red rose. Thinking that maybe the florist somehow hadn’t heard, she called to tell him of Jack’s death & that he could now stop sending the roses.
He answered, “But you don’t understand. Before he died, Jack made all the arrangements. You’ll receive one red rose every day for the rest of your life.”
Love Principle #3: Cherish the one you choose to love
Choose an Intimate Love
"In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives
as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church." Ephesians 5:28-29 (NLT)
Psychologists at the Minirth-Meier Clinic have identified 5 stages married couples pass though as they build strong, and deeply satisfying marriages.
Five levels of married love
Young Love: Years 1-2
the first 2 years of marriage.-- Where couples overcome idealistic notions of marriage and begin to become one family.
Realistic Love: Years 3-9
The next stage encompasses the 3rd thru 10th years of marriage; it is called Realistic love. This stage is often the most dangerous stage in the marriage.
Additionally, it has been discovered that the median duration of marriage before divorce is 6.5 years.
Comfortable Love: Years 11-25
The 11th thru 25th years is the stage of Comfortable love. As one woman told me who is in this stage, it’s like oatmeal -- not exactly exciting, but comfortable, warm, and satisfying.
Renewing Love: Years 26-35
The fourth stage is Renewing love --in the 26th thru 35th years. It is a time of accepting some inevitable losses, and having an empty nest, but it is also a time of recommitment and rediscovering each other.
Intimate Love: Years 36 on
Lastly is Transcendent love -- the 36 year and thereafter. According to those you have made it this long, it is the best part of marriage. It is a time of achieving the oneness that Jesus talks about -- that “the two shall become one.”
Protection and caring for the other person is part of this.
I heard a story recenly about a little boy and mom. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
I can’t, Dear, she said, I have to sleep with your Daddy.
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice, The big sissy.
Your spouse comes first - protect and care for her like you take care of yourself. That’s the foundation and source of intimacy. Not using someone - protecting and caring for someone.
Christ cares for the church, His own body. In that way, gentlemen, your wife is part of you. To break that woman’s heart with your own infidelity is to squeeze the lifeblood out of your own heart. Think about that!
Love Principle #4: Protect and take care of the one you choose to love
Choose a Godly Love
"And we are his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one." Ephesians 5:30-32 (NLT)
This is the mysterious part of a marriage. The most profound truth in all of life: 1+1=1. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.
For this to become a reality there must be a leaving and a cleaving. The word cleave is a King James word that is about being bonded to a person. It involves choosing to love a person. It is a decision.
Love Principle #5: Commit yourself to the one you choose to love – till death do you part
Marriage is the illustration – the reality is Jesus. He chose to love us. Now I invite you to choose to love him.
