HOW TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE EMOTION
How many feel if we are prayed up and walking with the lord and just had our devotions that we wouldn’t get angry? If a person is where they need to be spiritually will they be getting angry? Is it wrong to be angry? Did Jesus ever get angry?
To find the answer turn with me to John chapter two starting with verse 13. Read 13-15 Jesus made a scourge. Most of us don’t know what a scourge is. It was a mean looking whip that was used to beat people. A lot of people like to think Jesus made a whip for the animals, but a staff was used to direct animals. The Greek word here is a whip used to beat men. The changers’ had piles of money and He scattered it onto the floor. Jesus picked up tables, I am sure full of stuff and turned them over. I think to even the most casual reader you can pick up some pretty aggressive stuff here.
Read 16-17 These people were misusing the House of God. From the other three Gospels we get the addition statement that,
…,but ye have made it a den of thieves. Which gives the idea that the traders and sellers were cheating the people. The disciples saw Jesus’ zeal and knew He had some strong emotion.
Now, let us look at another passage. Turn with me to Mark chapter 3 start with verse one. Read 1-2 There was a man with a deformed hand. The they were the Pharisees. They were watching Jesus to see if He would break one of their rules. Jesus never broke any of the Old Testament laws, but He broke the Pharisees rules many times. According their rules a person wasn’t allowed to do a whole list of things on the Sabbath. Read 3-5 With anger there are the exact words of Jesus having anger. Jesus was angry at the hardness of their hearts. Here were the suppose religious leaders of the day and they cared more about their stupid rules they made up than people. Jesus was angry at their lack of caring.
Let us look at one more passage on this subject. Turn to Mark 10:13. And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. The disciples were saying Jesus is for big people he isn’t for children. Over here we have a youth worker for them or something.
14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
The main thing I want to look at here is the meaning of the phrase much displeased. This is a very interesting Greek word. It is a compound word taken from two roots one meaning pain and the other oneself. Put the two together and you have personal pain. This word means strong personal pain. It is actually the strongest word in the Greek language to express anger. It is used seven times in the Greek New Testament. Each time it has the meaning of How dare they.
In my New Scofield Reference Bible, which has notes on different passages, it reads, “Literally, this word means moved with indignation. It goes on to say this is an unusual expression relating to the Lord Jesus.” The writer of the notes can’t figure out why such a strong word for anger is being used to describe Jesus. My question is why is this so unusual? Is Jesus any different from His Father who has the most references to being angry than anyone in both the Old and New Testaments? Jesus was and is perfect and He got angry. God is perfect and He gets angry. If Jesus got angry and never sinned then we to can get angry and not be sinning.
The central passage on anger in the Bible is found in Eph 4:26a
Be ye angry, and sin not: The phrase be ye angry is in the imperative tense in the Greek. This is the command tense. Imagine Scripture is commanding us to be angry. How can the Bible command us to be angry if anger is a sin? The verse follows with and sin not. If anger is a sin then the verse would be saying I command you to sin but don’t sin. That wouldn’t make any sense. We have seen that Jesus got angry and that the Bible commands us to be angry. You may be thinking doesn’t the Bible say anything negative about anger? Yes it does the second half of this verse says, let not the sun go down upon your wrath: We should get angry but we shouldn’t stay angry. Eph 4:31, reads,
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: I used to think malice was ma lice some type of mother lice. Malice is anything bad; the idea of the verse is to put away all these things listed and put away anything else that isn’t good also. This passage along with others gives the idea that anger is not a good thing. So we have anger presented as both positive and negative. What is the answer?
When I did a word study on anger I saw a division between what I call the feeling or emotion of anger and the reaction or behavior of anger. The feeling of anger does not seem to be presented as a evil or a wrong thing, while the reaction of anger many times is portrayed as wrong. I think this is what Eph. 4:26 is communicating Be ye angry, (the emotion) but don’t let the emotion lead you into a sinful reaction or behavior.
We are still left with the question, Why is scripture commanding us to be angry even if it is only the emotion of anger and not the behavior? I believe it is commanding us to be like Jesus. A common sign now a days is WWJD it is on T-shirts and bracelets it stands for What would Jesus do? If we can look at people cheating other people like the moneychangers; if we can witness leaders not caring about other people like the Pharisees; if we can observe Christians keeping people from Christ, harming the cause of Christ like the disciples; and not feel anger We are not like Jesus. Because He got angry when He saw these injustices.
I see the emotion of anger as a great gift from God. It can give us great insight to ourselves in seeing what is important to us. It is a motivator a catalyst. When we get angry our blood starts pumping faster, our eyes open wide, our adrenaline starts flowing, we are prepared to do something. That is the gift of anger it motivates us to do something about the wrong we see in this world.
This brings us to the second question I see in this verse, How do we avoid letting anger lead us into sin? From a number of sources I have developed steps on how to deal with anger and I would like to cover some of these steps today.
Step one is to understand the feeling of anger is not a sin. We don’t have to feel guilty because we have them. One of the main things I deal with is Christians being to hard on themselves and expecting from themselves things that Scripture doesn’t ask for. Christians can expect of themselves never to have negative feelings and this is something Jesus allowed Himself to have. And not what scripture asks of us.
Step two is to admit we are angry to ourselves. Don’t deny. Who me? No, I’m not angry. Maybe a little disappointed that’s all. Don’t pretend. It’s not that big a deal. Don’t minimize it. It could be worse. Admit you are hurt or angry so you can deal with it. If you don’t admit it you have nothing to work on.
Step three is to suppress taking any immediate action. Our first thought or reaction is usually wrong. James 1:19 says, …,let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: This is the main emphasis I see in Scripture on how to handle our angry reactions. Prov 14:29
explains, He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.
Step four is to Pray. This is for guidance and strength and wisdom. James 1:5, reveals, If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. This step can be repeated as often as necessary.
Step five is don’t stuff your negative emotions or overreact and blow up. Many Believers practice what I call Spiritual stuffing. Well praise the Lord or count it all joy. I remember when I was in Bible College I heard an illustration from a speaker about Dawson Trotman, the founder of the Navigators. He drowned while saving two other people from drowning. The story went that they approached his wife crying and told her that her husband was dead. And her response which he presented in a very spiritual way was “Praise the Lord.” And I promise my first thought was that she must not have liked him very much. Or she had a big insurance policy coming. That is not spiritual that is stuffing and denial. This can also lead to what one author calls the stair case effect. You start out at this level, you need to get to this level before you blow up. Things happen that upset you, you don’t deal with them so you take a step up closer to the ceiling. Eventually you reach the edge and some poor person will come along and do some little thing and you will pull out your guns and blow them away. This is a over reaction from stuffing our feelings.
Most people when then get upset either stuff or blow up. Stuffing isn’t good for us because it can cause the stair case effect and held in negative emotion can cause many physical problems. Ask any Medical doctor if holding negative emotions can harm you. He will probably list high blood pressure, stomach problems, heart disease, and others. It can also cause anxiety and depression.
Blowing up is no better you may think well I am not holding it inside, but it will cause strained relationships. If you don’t think it will cause strained relationships try blowing up at someone and ask them how close they feel to you afterwards. I think we will also carry guilt about how we treat people. Prov 22:24-25 teaches us, Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
Many secular books talk about if someone has a problem stuffing their negative feelings they need to blow up more. And if they have a problem blowing up they need to stuff more. Neither is a good answer so trying to find a balance between the two isn’t much better. I have also heard of things like the primal scream. Were you yell at the top of your lungs when you are upset about something. I hope you do this somewhere where other people aren’t watching. They also recommend hitting the person you are angry at with a foam bat. I tried that in my office but it didn’t work because people kept taking the foam off the bat. I make fun of these things but they can help some people. I just believe God has given up a better way.
Step six is what I called Godly Ventilation. David in the OT gives us an example of this turn with me to Ps. 10: 15a There were some people that had done things to hurt David and he asks God to Read verse 15a. Like God is some type of bouncer or some- thing. You desire a break today a arm of leg will be OK. In Ps 12: it describes people that had spoken badly about David. Read Ps. 12:2 They said one thing to David’s face and another when he walked off. They said David you are so wonderful then as soon as he walks off I never liked him. I know being Christians that none of you have experienced anything like that but it happened to David. Read verse 3 David said let’s cut off their lips and tongues and see how well they talk about me. What do you think about this? I remember when I first read it I thought, Boy David you have a problem maybe you should see a counselor. These type of verses are all throughout the palms. My favorite is Ps. 58:6 Here are some people who had done evil to David again and he told God: Read Ps. 58:6a Have you ever wanted to punch someone in the mouth? Well David did.
If these aren’t bad enough David says these type of things to God about God. See Ps. 10:1 and read it I don’t know if anyone has said anything to you like that but if they did you probably would not take it as a compliment. So and So is a great guy every time trouble comes he runs and hides. But that is what David was saying to God about God. In Ps. 13 we read in verse 1-2. This is David being exasperated at God and also sarcastic. The English doesn’t bring it out as well as the Hebrew. I couldn’t believe it David being sarcastic with God. I always thought if you said something He didn’t like He would just (hit pulpit). Need someone to watch the sheep David is gone.
One other passage is Ps. 22:1-2 Read them David is saying God you don’t care. I am crying out and you aren’t even listening. He can’t even rest at night because he is tossing and turning over these things that are disturbing him. You know I have felt this way many times in my life. I have been going to church for many years and I have never heard anyone come up to a pulpit and say, You know sometimes I feel God doesn’t care. He just doesn’t seem to give a rip. But I have never talked to someone one on one that hadn’t felt that way sometime in their life. When I found out that my youngest little boy had Autism I felt that way.
David is saying these harsh things to God and what is amazing to me is there is no rebuke no punishment. In fact in Acts 13:22 it exclaims that David is, a man after mine own heart,. God is saying if you want to know what it is to be close to me look at David. So I thought OK God you must like people who insult you. No I don’t really think that is it. I think God appreciated David’s honesty and openness. These psalms where David’s prayer songs to God and when he felt good about God David told him. See the next Psalm. How many people know Ps. 22? The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. That means that David felt that the Lord was so sufficient there was nothing else he could need. When David felt close to God he told him when David felt far away from God he told him. Have you ever had a friend that you knew was mad at you and you go to them to ask them what is wrong and they look at you and try to put a smile on their face and say nothing. Everything is OK. And you look at them and you know they are lying. How do you feel? Do you feel great I am glad that is settled? If you do something is wrong with you. You wish, you want them to trust you and be honest with you. You ask them again no tell me what is wrong? They try to smile again and you say don’t do that you will hurt yourself. They look at you and say everything is fine. You walk away feeling rejected and defeated. I think that is how God feels with us. Does He know how we feel, even if we don’t tell Him? Of course He does. I think He says Why can’t you trust Me, Why can’t you be honest? I think that is what God appreciated about David, there was no pretense.
I have told you that there are examples of people who expressed anger or disappointment with God and lived to tell about it. We have already looked at David, let us look at another one. Turn with me to a part of the life of Elijah. In I Kings 18 we find out that Israel has been following another god Baal. And Ahab the King of Israel was part of it. Elijah challenges Ahab and the prophets of Baal to a contest. Elijah suggested they both build an altar and put a sacrifice on it but not to put fire to it. Let the real, true God send fire to burn up the sacrifice. The prophets of Baal went first and nothing happened. When it was Elijah’s turn he asked that water be poured on the altar and a ditch be dug around it and it filled with water also. He asked God to send down fire and fire came down and burnt the sacrifice and evaporated all the water in the ditch. This was a great miracle and Israel returned back to God.
The only problem was the queen named Jezebel who was not a very nice person, and she worshipped Baal. She told Elijah she was going to kill him. What do you think Elijah did? He ran and hid. Let’s look at verse 4 Read v.4 This same man that just did a great miracle turned and ran from a woman. And he asked God to kill him. Can you imagine that? If he really wanted to die he just had to look up Jezebel she would have done it for him. It is a good thing I am not God because if I was I would have said it could be arranged. I would want to just slap him around awhile. That is not what God did. Read v. 5-6 This is the first reference we have to angel cake in the Bible. God’s answer was rest, food, water. And in verse ten when Elijah shared that he was all alone. God answered in verse 18: Read verse 18 and 19a He explained to Elijah that he wasn’t alone and gave him a helper by the name of Elisha. That is the type of God we have. Not one that will punish us when we tell Him stupid things.
One last example is the person you may have heard of Jesus Christ. Turn with me to Matt. 26: 36 Read 36-37 Jesus was sorrowful, he was sad. Jesus becoming very heavy does not mean he gained weight which has happened to a lot of us over the years. According to the Strong’s Greek dictionary this word is the strongest of three Greek words in the New Testament for depression. Imagine Jesus Christ God in the flesh depressed. How many of us have thought to be depressed is sin. We don’t have enough faith. If it is then Jesus sinned, but scripture teaches He is perfect. Read verse 38 My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death, is hard to understand but I agree with Albert Barnes in his commentary when he translates this as “My sorrows are so great, that under their burden I am ready to die.” Jesus wished he was dead. Jesus feeling suicidal, it seems hard to believe.
Read verse 39 What Jesus is saying here is if there is a plan B lets go for it. But not my will but yours. Jesus wasn’t crazy, He knew what a horrible death waited for him. I think the worst part was having to take on sin for us. The one thing He hated more than anything He would have to accept on himself. He was also going to have to be separated from the Father. The one thing He had never experience before. As it says in Heb. 12:2 He endured the cross, despising the shame.
One question I have is why did Jesus ask if there was a plan B? Did he not know that He had to die on the cross to pay for our sins? Of course He did. Only a few chapters earlier (Matt 16) He had explained to his disciples how He would have to go to Jerusalem and be killed and in three days be raised again. When Peter disagreed He told him to get behind him Satan. That thinking was from Satan. So Jesus knew there was no plan B. Why did He ask? I think He was doing Godly Ventilation. He was telling God how He felt.
I would like to look at one last passage that defines what I am talking about. Turn to Heb. 4: 15-16. Read v. 15 In Jesus we have someone who can relate. He has experienced all the negative feeling we have including betrayal, abandonment, depression, suicidal thinking, etc. Read v. 16 Because of that we can come boldly to obtain mercy and grace to help us. If we can learn to do this. Go to God with all our hurts, angers, disappointments with raw emotion and pour it out on him. He will become more real to us. And we will receive His grace and mercy to help us when we are hurting. This is something that really helped me in my life with my problems with anger. And I challenge you to try it.
I have five more steps but you will have to invite me back again to hear the rest, because that is all the time we have for today. And some of you like me are wondering how the Spurs are doing against the Toronto Raptors which are playing right now.
But before I let you go I need to explain that you can not practice Godly Ventilation if you do not know Christ as your savior. And just like God is not put off by any stupid thing we can say He is not put off by any stupid thing we can do. Except to reject Him as our Savior. Believe when Jesus died on the cross He died for you and you will receive Christ’s free offer of salvation. Let’s pray.
