Today, as you know, is Mother’s Day, a day on which we honor mothers and celebrate motherhood. Mother’s Day is not a Christian holiday; it can’t be found on the lectionary calendar, nor does it commemorate any aspect of the Christian faith. In fact, according to Christian tradition, today is not Mother’s Day at all, but Ascension Day! It’s the Sunday on which we remember Christ’s ascension into heaven after he rose from the dead. Nevertheless, I’m confident that all over America this weekend, you will hear sermons, not on the ascension, but on motherhood; and not only in churches, but also in temples and mosques. Mother’s Day is a 20th century civic holiday, established by the Congress and President of the United States of America. It has nothing to do with Jesus Christ, nothing to do with God, and for that reason, it’s observed by people of every religion and no religion. A cynical person might say that it’s observed most enthusiastically by florists, and greeting card publishers, and candy manufacturers, and restaurant owners. It’s a little-known fact of history that Anna Jarvis, the woman whose lobbying efforts resulted in Woodrow Wilson proclaiming Mother’s Day as a U.S. holiday in 1914, spent the last years of her life attacking it, because of how commercial it had become. Years later, she confessed that she regretted having anything to do with Mother’s Day.
If that’s true, then why even acknowledge it here, today, in a Christian worship service? Why not preach on the ascension instead? Well, first of all, because I’d be tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail if I tried. But the real reason is this: God commands us to honor our mothers, and this is as good a day to do it as any other. Although we are not obligated by the Scriptures to consider motherhood on this day, neither are we prohibited from doing so. It’s a matter about which we have complete freedom. As Paul wrote,
"One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord." – Romans 14:5-6
The same principle applies to Christmas, or Easter, or Memorial Day, or Lent. There are no Biblical commands which require us to celebrate these days. But if we want to celebrate them, we’re free to do so, as long as we’re doing it "to the Lord;" in other words, as long as the focus is on Jesus Christ, and our intent is to honor and glorify Him. So with that as our goal, let’s give some thought to what the Scriptures say about honoring mothers.
First, the Bible does instructs us to "honor" our mothers. This command is important enough to be included in the original Ten Commandments given to Moses, and it’s repeated in the New Testament.
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"–which is the first commandment with a promise--– "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." – Ephesians 6:1
What does it mean to "honor" your mother? If you’re a child, one who has not reached the age of majority, then it means to obey, to submit to her authority. And not just to do what she says, but to yield graciously, and willingly, and cheerfully. A mere outward compliance, if it’s accompanied by a belligerent, resentful attitude, is not obedience. Parents, listen: forcing your children to do what you want is not teaching them obedience. True obedience flows from a heart attitude that freely accepts the mother’s rightful authority. Why is that important? Because the authority of the parents is given to them by God, and so the attitude the child develops toward the parent’s authority will be the attitude they have toward God’s authority. Parents, if you allow your children to ignore and despise your authority over them, then they will learn to ignore and despise God’s authority over them as well. If they have contempt for your rules as a parent, then they will have contempt for God’s laws also. And so I urge the mothers here today: you must teach your children to honor you by respecting your authority, not only in behavior, but also in attitude. And fathers, you must insist that your children honor and respect their mother. Otherwise, it will be very difficult for them to honor and respect God. Disciplining your children helps prepare them to submit to God.
What about adults? Is "obedience" even a valid category for us? Yes and no. An adult son or daughter is no longer under the authority of the parent, and he or she is not obligated to comply with their wishes. However, as we all know, that doesn’t necessarily prevent the parents from making their opinions known, sometimes quite forcefully. At times parents violate the appropriate boundaries between themselves and a grown son or daughter. They may try to control their children, or make unreasonable demands of them, even though the "children" are well into adulthood. And if demands don’t work, they may employ threats, or emotional blackmail, or guilt manipulation. How should the grown son or daughter respond when the parent oversteps their bounds? What do you do as an adult, if a parent goes beyond just giving advice or making requests, and tries to exert an illegitimate degree of influence over your life?
First, realize that you have a choice. You can choose to do what they want, or you can choose not to. But either way, it’s your choice. You have no obligation comply with their demands, but you are free to do so if you wish. It’s up to you. For example, watch how Jesus responded when his family, including his mother, tried to do this:
"Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind." . . . Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, "Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you."
"Who are my mother and my brothers?" he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother." – Mark 3:19-20, 31-35
In this passage, Jesus’ mother, Mary, and his brothers have had enough of this "Messiah" nonsense. Healing people, driving out evil spirits, running around the countryside followed by huge crowds, like some religious zealot. Clearly, he had come unhinged and needed to be taken home. But when they tried to do that, how did Jesus respond? He simply declined to do what they demanded. He didn’t insult them, or speak harshly to them, or call then names. But neither did he allow them to disrupt his work. He just continued on doing what he was doing.
So how do you decide? The same way you decide whether to do something anyone else wants you to do – a brother, or sister, or cousin, or neighbor, or friend. You evaluate what it is they want you to do, in light of your other commitments, and responsibilities, and plans, and you say either, "Sure, I’ll be happy to do that," or you say, "I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to do that." Now, it’s not really that simple, and I know that. There’s personal history, and unresolved emotions, and old conflicts involved. But on the other hand, it really is that simple. You have a choice, to comply with their wishes or not. Make the choice; explain it as graciously and respectfully as you can, then move on. And realize that whether they accept it or not is their choice to make. Give them that freedom.
But also realize that the freedom to refuse their requests and reject their opinions is not the freedom to behave disrespectfully, or to reject them as people. The command to "honor" them involves listening to them patiently and respectfully, even if you feel they’re behaving badly toward you. It involves treating them with courtesy and kindness, rather than contempt or harshness. It means assuring them of your love, even when their definition of love is different than yours. It means spending time with them, even when it’s unpleasant, and you’d rather be doing something else. How much time is a judgment call. But cutting off all contact, except in extreme cases, is not an option.
"Honoring" your mother also includes how you speak – to her, and about her. And this applies both to young people and to adults. Pay attention sometime to your tone of voice when you’re talking with your mother. Is it kind, gentle, gracious? Or is it impatient? Contemptuous? Angry? Bitter? Do you speak to her as if she’s stupid, or do you respond as if her opinions are worthy of consideration? And parents, what tone of voice do permit your children to use in addressing you? Is it one of respect and deference? Or is it haughty, arrogant, dismissive? Well, that’s just the way kids act, you say. No, not quite. It’s the way that ungodly, sinful kids act. And your job is to train them to act otherwise. Why is it even important? Because tone of voice reflects heart attitude. And your children’s attitude toward you, as their mother or father, will determine their heart attitude toward other forms of authority, and ultimately, toward God Himself. It is imperative that you teach your children to speak to you with respect. Sadly, however, children often develop their attitude toward their parents by observing how their parents treat their grandparents. They watch how their parents speak to their grandparents, and they listen to how their parents talk to other people about their grandparents. Moms and dads, ask yourself, how do I speak about my parents in front of my children? How do I speak of them to other people? Am I honoring them with my speech? Or am I showing contempt for them?
Does that mean you can never say anything negative about your mother or father, never discuss any of their human failings? Do you have to pretend that they were perfect parents? No. But it does mean you need to guard your heart. And if your attitude toward them is one of bitterness and resentment, then you probably shouldn’t air your feelings about them in public. I’m not saying that you should lie. But your goal should be to build them up in the eyes of others, not tear them down. If you have unresolved issues, then work those out with them, or if that’s not possible, work them out between you and God. Ask God to help you forgive them and to give them an appreciation for them. But just to go around indiscriminately trashing your parents, and blaming them for all of your personal problems, is not honoring to them. Paul’s instructions to us on the topic of speech apply just as much to our parents as to anyone else. He writes:
"And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." – Ephesians 4:30-32
If you find yourself speaking of your parents, not with affection and love, but with malice and bitterness, then you need to repent of your sin and ask God to give you the grace to forgive them.
Another thing we can do to honor our mothers is to praise them, to verbally acknowledge their virtues and accomplishments, to give thanks for all the things they do for us. Listen to Paul, as he closes his letter to the Romans with a series of greetings. He knew the value of personal praise:
"I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a servant of the church in Cenchrea. I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been a great help to many people, including me. Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus. They risked their lives for me. Not only I but all the churches of the Gentiles are grateful to them. . .
Greet Mary, who worked very hard for you . . . Greet Tryphena and Tryphosa, those women who work hard in the Lord. Greet my dear friend Persis, another woman who has worked very hard in the Lord. Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother, who has been a mother to me, too." – Romans 16:1-13
Those here this morning who are mothers know how much a compliment or a word of appreciation can mean. They are all the more valuable and precious because of their unfortunate rarity. Men, this is especially true of you – perhaps some of you have never once in your lives told your mother how much you love her; never once thanked her for all the things she did for you growing up – packing your lunch, driving you to ball practice, sitting up with you all night when you had the flu, listening when you came home from school discouraged because somebody made fun of you, helping you with your science projects, letting you drive when you got your learner’s permit, making fried chicken and chocolate cake on your birthday, etc., etc., etc. Why not do that today? Not in generalities, but specifics. Pick at least one specific thing, and thank her for that. I guarantee it will make her day. Probably her week and month. But be careful: if she has a weak heart, lead up to it gradually.
And then do the same for your wife. Why? Because your children will learn how to treat their mother by watching how you treat her. They take their cues from you. And if you are regularly praising and thanking her, then they will too. On the other hand, if you’re constantly criticizing and belittling her, then they will too. Husbands, take a good look at how your children treat their mother. Their attitudes toward her will tend to be a reflection of yours.
So how do you fulfill the command to honor your mother? You willingly submit to her authority. If you’re no longer under her authority, and don’t have to obey, then you show respect by at least considering her wishes, and you teach your children to obey their mother. You speak respectfully to your mother and about her, and you teach your children to speak to their mother in the same way. And you praise and thank her, and teach your children to do the same.
Now, having said all that, I want us to remember that when we honor one another – when we honor mothers, or fathers, or pastors, or members of the armed forces, or any other person – we should keep in mind that what we’re honoring, ultimately, is Christ in them. He is the one who is truly worthy of all honor and praise, and it’s His gifts and graces that we honor in one another. That’s true even if the person is not a Christian, because their virtues are nothing but the image of God, a reflection of his glory in human flesh. Anything good in any of us comes from Him. So is it wrong to honor our mothers, or other persons? No, but in honoring one another, we must not stop with the person, but remember that God is the one who is truly worthy of our praise. In our hearts, we must join with the elders standing before the throne of God, singing,
"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."
– Revelation 4:11
And finally, remember that no matter how much we respect, and honor, and love our mothers, or any other person, our final allegiance and loyalty must be to Christ. Your mother may be a wonderful woman, but she didn’t die to pay the penalty for your sin, Christ did. She wasn’t raised from the dead to overcome the power of death, Christ was. And it’s not your mother who will be your judge on the day of judgement, Christ will. His Word is final; his claim on our lives is absolute; and all that we are or will be belongs to him. In fact, as much as we love our mother, or father, or the rest of our family, our love for Christ must be even greater. As Christ taught us:
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." – Matthew 10:37-39
Yes, we need to love and honor our mothers, and our fathers. But even more than that, we need to love and honor Christ. Are you doing that? And parents, mothers and fathers, are you pointing your children to the savior, are you encouraging them to love Christ even more than they love you? Or are you holding them back, holding on to their love? Let them go. Direct them to Christ. And when you do, you’ll find that in reality, you’ve given up nothing, because as their love for the Savior grows, their love for you will grow as well.
(For an .rtf file of this and other sermons, see www.journeychurchonline.org/messages.htm)
