1. Things change over the years don’t they?
· If we’re not carefully investing in our marriage, our homes that were once filled with burning love & passion become cold & crusty houses.
A husband’s reactions to his wife’s colds during seven years of marriage:
First year: "Sugar dumpling; I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle and there’s no telling about these things with all the strep going around. I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll be bringing your meals in from the Macaroni Grill.. I’ve already got it all arranged with my boss at work."
Second year: "Listen, darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough and I’ve called Doc Miller to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, just for Poppa."
Third year: "Maybe you better lie down, honey. Nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something. Have we got any canned soup?"
Fourth year: "Now look, dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids and got the dishes done and the floor finished, you better lie down."
Fifth year: "Why don’t you take a couple of aspirin?"
Sixth year: "I wish you’d just gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a seal all evening."
Seventh year: "For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?"
2. Marriage is something that REQUIRES constant love & attention.
· It demands flexibility, forgiveness, and fortitude.
3. Unfortunately as I continue to survey the Body of Jesus Christ…
· I’ve come across way too many men, too many husbands who give up the leadership & headship of their homes.
· Many have checked out and either left or surrendered their leadership to an already overloaded wife.
· And as a result, families are out of whack, spiritual things are not addressed, and Satan’s having a field day among Christian families.
NOTE: One of the biggest tragedies in the Christian home is when the husband fails to take the spiritual lead that God commands.
Now there are a few reasons for this…
#1 – Some wives simply refuse to be led. The wife simply refuses to be led by her husband. Maybe she has been leading the home for so long that now that the husband wants to lead it, she likes the lead so much that she won’t cooperate.
· There’s a lack of trust or respect especially if the husband’s past was one of worldliness and rebellion.
#2 – Some husbands don’t know how to lead spiritually. Perhaps they were never taught to lead or didn’t have the right role models.
#3 – Still, some husbands are afraid to fail.
4. But families don’t have to be in disarray, homes don’t have to be divided, marriages don’t have to be dissolved…
a. Husbands… you can LEAD your family by loving your wife.
b. By LEADING your home…
NOW OUR TIME together this morning isn’t meant to be a condemnation of past mistakes.
Romans 8.1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
· YET God’s Word stands as a guidepost, as a lighthouse for our lives in moving forward and living according to His plan.
· We need to be reminded of things, keys to a successful marriage brought to remembrance.
5. Wives… You’re role is submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
· Your act of willful & loving submission is an act of worship toward Jesus Christ and obedience to His Word.
· We spent last week looking at the beauty & dignity of a loving, sensitive, and submissive wife in the home.
6. BUT HUSBANDS… that submission is a response to your love.
· It’s not an excuse to rule the home with an iron fist!
I. (5.25-29) LOVE YOUR WIVES
1. (25,28,33 ) Did you notice Paul’s repetition?
a. Husbands are commanded 3 times – Love your wife!
b. But back in 22-24, Paul doesn’t tell the wife to love her husband… I find that interesting.
c. Husband loving their wives is a difficult area for them.
NOW: The Greek language had primarily 3 words to describe love.
EROS – speaks of a sexual love, an erotic love. (No problem here)
PHILEO – speaks of a friendly, brotherly type of love.
AGAPAO (AGAPE) – speaks of a sacrificial love of actions.
In v25, Paul doesn’t use EROS, nor does he use PHILEO..
· He says that we are to AGAPAO our wives… sacrificially!
YOU SEE, most husbands don’t have major problems with PHILEO love, hanging out as friends, or even EROS love…
As a matter of fact, some husbands only view their wives in this eros way. They don’t kiss their wives before work, don’t call to see how things are, then come home from work, eat, plant yourself in front of the TV… then all of a sudden around 10PM, oh honey, you’re so beautiful… I LOVE YOU…
But to give themselves sacrificially to their wives… that’s tough.
God demonstrated His love for us by dying… by sacrifice.
· This picture of love is all over the Bible…
Romans 5.8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
· Real love acts… Real love sacrifices… Real love gives willingly.
· Our love is demonstrated by the depth that it is willing to sacrifice and give to our wives.
· This is really difficult because we are selfish & self-centered.
In MANY HOMES It’s as if he’s married to a maid & a housekeeper & a concubine all rolled up into one… it shouldn’t be so husbands.
Dear Ann Landers: My husband doesn’t talk to me. He just sits there night after night, reading the newspaper or looking at T.V. When I ask him a question, he grunts "huh, or Uh’huh." Sometimes he doesn’t even grunt uh’huh. All he really needs is a housekeeper and somebody to sleep with him when he feels like it. He can buy both. There are times when I wonder why he got married.
MEN… the ESSENCE of love is SACRIFICE: Yielding your priorities & goals to the service & sacrifice toward your wife.
Matt. 20.28 "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."
Sacrificially…
2. (26-27) Love her in a SPIRITUALLY
a. Husbands, give yourself to your wife, sacrifice for her…
b. AND Wash her with the water of the Word.
NOTE: That’s the pattern of Jesus.
· He loves us, He gives, and is now he washes us up in the Spirit…
· He’s ironing out the wrinkles, taking out the blemishes.
GUYS: How many of you are reading the Bible with your wives?
· “You mean Sunday’s not enough?” No, Sunday is not enough.
· The effectiveness of a marriage is based upon the foundation of the Word of God… and how it fills the home.
John 15.3 "You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.
NOTICE… we will one day present our wives to the Lord.
· Even as Jesus is ready to present us, His church… a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing…
· Q: How does this happen? By the washing of the Word of God.
THIS IS A POPULAR TIME that men say ED, you don’t know my wife!
· She has this fault, and this problem. I mean, I don’t like this about her or that about her… Consider this:
1 Cor. 11.7 “…but woman is the glory of man.”
NOTE: The wife is the reflection of the husband in the home.
· If our wives have faults & failures and are spiritually lacking, the first place to look is my spiritual leadership in the home.
NOW: What I’m not saying is that somehow we are responsible for our wife’s sins… She stands or falls before the Lord.
· But before the fingers of blame come out, before the words of accusation begin to fly… How’s our spiritual life together?
Here’s the tragedy… those feelings of anger and disgust often lead a man to neglect his wife, or even divorce her!
· “Oh, this one didn’t work out, I’ll find someone better!”
· That won’t work men… you’ll just mess her up too.
Spiritual Love is the cement that keeps the home together…
· It’s what makes leadership & submission to leadership possible.
· In sacrificial love the husband washes his wife with the Word of God, speaking to her His words for life and godliness.
Men… your wife is YOUR ministry. Their spiritual growth is evidence of your priesthood in the home.
· She’s the main testimony of God’s work in your life & home.
· For those of you that have a calling in church ministry…
· 1 Timothy 3:4 says that you ‘must rule own house well…’
HOW DO WE DO THAT? Let’s turn to 1 Peter 3:7ff…
Peter shares with us some practical insights on loving our wives…
#1 – DWELL with them. That simply means to spend time with her, hang out with her, spend time at home.
· Your house isn’t a pit stop between all the activities you have…
· Golf, Meetings, Softball, hockey, basketball, pool, work, etc…
· Your home isn’t a motel… it’s God’s sanctuary.
#2 – UNDERSTAND her. Dwell with understanding.
· Your wife is so special and unique. Talk with her!
· Very few men talk with their wives.
A husband came home from work and his wife said, Honey are you ready for some SUPER SEX? He thought about it for a few seconds and asked, “What kind of soup did you make?”
· It’s amazing… when you were dating you couldn’t stop talking.
· NOW… Grunts, uh-huh. Yeh. Sure. Go Ahead…
· OH she is waiting for some meaningful conversation, some adult interaction.
APP: Guys, you’re wife has to know that she is your #1 interest and that she is more interesting and fascinating to you than anyone or anything else besides Jesus Christ and His Word.
Dwell with her, Understand her…
#3 – GIVE HONOR TO HER. Respect Her. There’s to be no name calling, no button pushing, no meanness toward her.
· No checking out other women’s bodies or looks! In front of her or behind her back.
Oh the first look is OK. I’m window shopping. God made pretty women! --- YES AND YOU MARRIED ONE!
· She needs to feel like she’s valuable because she is.
· She needs to know your heart beats for her!
· She needs to know that there is nobody out there anywhere that can steal your heart from her!
Oh Pastor Ed… you’re way overboard now… I’m not that syrupy emotional, romantic type… I’m a man!
· Well… all I can say is that REAL MEN love their wives…
· They dwell with, understand, and honor their wives
· They do so Sacrificially… Spiritually…
· If I’m going to love my wife then I must be filled with the Spirit of God!
NOTE: That’s why I love women’s retreats. (Coming in October)
· To see the men come to church… if they can make it.
· Gals you should see your kids…!!!
· They’re dressed in all sorts of weird ways.
· Mismatched socks, their hair is all over the place…
· By the way, some husbands look like that too!
NOT ONLY are they great times for you women to be encouraged and strengthened and uplifted…
· Also gives your husbands time to appreciate & love you more.
Sacrificially, Spiritually
3. (28-30) Love them Strongly.
a. Notice Paul uses the love for our own bodies as an example.
b. That’s often a problem in our marriages: we love ourselves more than anyone and anything else.
BUT I SEE in this example a natural outflow of love to our wives.
· A NOURISHING LOVE… to nurture and care for.
· A CHERISHING LOVE… to keep warm, care with tender care.
· The same type of nourishing and cherishing Jesus has for us.
APP: If you love your wife as Jesus loved you and do to her what Jesus does with you.
· You wash her with the word, you pray with her, you take her to spiritual heights.
· Forget Las Vegas… Go together somewhere where you can really enjoy the Lord and be together in the Spirit.
· Get rid of the worldly stuff. Feed your marriage spiritually.
· You’ll find something interesting, in loving your wife in that way, you’re loving yourself.
I understand this passage in terms of the love I have for you, his church… a pastor to his flock kind of love.
· It’s so important for me to nurture you toward maturity…
· To help apply the Word of God in your lives.
· To keep you warm in the midst of the cold realities of life.
· Men as pastor and shepherd of your home… love your wives strongly!
WHY? Wives desire a gentle, caring loving interest from their husbands. They don’t want to be pushed around or bullied.
· Come back to a simplicity in love that’s found in Jesus Christ.
· V30,31b – We are members of His body… of His flesh & bones.
· Marriage is a picture of relationship… between Jesus and us.
· It’s a great mystery how marriage works… but what a joy it is.
Sacrificially, Spiritually, Strongly…
4. (31-33) Love her Wholeheartedly.
a. Love her deeply and be fully committed to her!
b. Marriage is a NEW relationship & requires that the husband no longer cling to his MOM… or DAD.
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two."
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
c. Don’t compare the cooking, the cleaning, the child rearing of mom to my wife… IT CAN DEMORALIZE HER SO MUCH!
d. You are now connected and committed to your wife. 1 flesh
e. CUT THE APRON STRINGS…
CLOSE: I can’t think of any Christian believer that I’ve married as a pastor or that I’ve known who entered their wedding day with the attitude:
· “Well if this one doesn’t work out, I have my options!
· NO… on the contrary. They (we) entered in saying…
· I’m committed for life to her because she is a gift of God to me.
· I am here today to publicly commit to this woman by oath and vow that I will love her until death do us part!
Song 8.7 Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised.
Friends, Christians, Brothers/Sisters in Jesus…
· God’s responsibilities in the marriage are so profoundly simple…
· Husbands: love your wives… Wives: submit to your husbands.
· It’s not complicated, not difficult to figure out…
· May His Spirit supernaturally support our marriages and reignite a flame of passion and love among us…
· For years to come or until Jesus returns for his church…
· Who knows, you might find yourself like this couple one day…
A husband and wife were talking together one night and the wife began to think back on all the romance and love her and her husband once shared… in their younger days.
Wife: When we were younger you used to nibble on my ear.
(The husband starts leaving the room.)
Wife: Where are you going?
Husband: To get my teeth!"
