WEDLOCK OR DREADLOCK?
Genesis 2:18-25
S: Marriage
Th: My Life as God’s Light
Pr: HEALTHY MARRIAGES COMMUNICATE THE GOSPEL.
?: How?
KW: Correlations
TS: We will find in our study of Scripture three correlations that demonstrate how healthy marriages communicate the gospel.
The ____ correlation that demonstrates how healthy marriages communicate the gospel is…
I. COMMITMENT
II. GRACE
III. PASSION
RMBC 09 November 01 AM
INTRODUCTION:
ILL Notebook: Marriage (Father forgive them)
The pastor was visiting the fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson. He asked the class, "What does God say about marriage?" Immediately one boy replied, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
Did you know what you were doing when you got married?
So many of us went into it blindly, rather clueless.
But we don’t have to be clueless.
I think we all agree that instructions are important.
We use them all the time.
We use recipes to make our meals, manuals to install our software, and prescriptions to take our medicine.
Without instructions, we would have a tough time in life.
Doesn’t it make sense that instructions would be important when it comes to something as serious as marriage?
So, let me ask you this…
Are you cooperating with God’s plan for marriage or fighting it?
ILL Sign
A few years ago, billboards were springing up in the South as a campaign to get people to reexamine their relationship with the Lord. One billboard said this:
Loved the Wedding—Invite Me to the Marriage
-God
The truth is, there are a lot of church weddings—weddings that ask for God’s blessing.
But there are also a lot of marriages that fail to ask for God’s blessings.
Simply, wedlock is not meant to be dreadlock.
It is not meant to be a struggle.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.
TRANSITION:
I think that we would probably agree that…
1. The concept of marriage has gone through tremendous change.
In the 1960s and 1970s, most cohabitating couples in America could be described fairly as “anti-marriage.”
That is, they were deliberately seeking an alternative to traditional marriage, an institution they viewed as “repressive” or “irrelevant.”
As a result, the concept of living together gained prominence.
And now, it is as if it is expected.
You should see the shock on couple’s faces when I tell them I won’t marry them one year from now when they are already living together.
They don’t understand.
They have grown up in a culture that says it is okay.
The statistics bear this out…
The number of unmarried couples living together has increased from 523,000 in 1970 to 4,236,000 in 1998.
Because of that, we know little about commitment today.
But not only that, there have been some unexpected results.
For example, several studies done in the 1990s have found that couples who live together have an 80 percent greater chance of divorce than those who don’t, and that women who live with a man before marriage are twice as likely to experience domestic violence.
A National Center for Mental Health study revealed that women who live with men they are not married to experience depression four times more than married women, and two times greater than single women.
There is also far more infidelity by both partners.
In another survey of over 100 couples who lived together, 71 percent of the women said they would not live-in again.
The Scriptures have always said what secular sociologists are only recently concluding through these studies, that living together without the commitment of marriage is not conducive to a fulfilling relationship—even if the couple eventually marries.
2. The results of the change demonstrate that marriage is not the culprit.
The evidence is that cohabitation, and then divorce, are increasingly being seen as the real culprits, in spite of what we see on television.
What is interesting is that Generation X, that is, young adults under the age of 35, is significantly more anti-divorce than folks in the Baby Boom generation.
ILL Article “Down the Aisle” Newsweek, 20 July 98
From a 1998 Newsweek article called “Down the Aisle”:
“More Gen-Xers are the product of di-vorced parents than any previous genera-tion, leaving many of them emotionally conflicted about marriage—and at greater statistical risk of divorce themselves. Since many children of divorce have never seen a successful marriage up close, they’re bereft of role models. And some measures that Gen-Xers are counting on to protect themselves from divorce—marrying later and living together before marriage, for instance—are of dubious value.”
“They know marriage is risky, but there’s a stronger sense of commit-ment—more than…in their parents and grandparents. The bad news is, they don’t have a clue how to make their relationships work.”
Even the children have been picking up on this.
During the late 1990s, a student-led movement called “True Love Waits” developed with the help of Josh McDowell.
These young people became convinced that free love wasn’t exactly free and safe sex wasn’t entirely safe.
Therefore, they are committed to virginity until they are married.
You know, I believe that…
3. The church is responsible to get marriage right.
We must get it right!
We are supposed to get it right.
We have the instruction manual.
We can get it right.
But, unfortunately, I watch marriages disintegrate all the time, right in the church.
And it breaks my heart, because it hurts the couple (and their children if there are any) and the testimony of the church.
It is this latter reason that has recently captured my attention, for…
4. HEALTHY MARRIAGES COMMUNICATE THE GOSPEL.
The idea for this message came last June when a speaker I was listening to said that good marriages, by nature, are evangelistic.
Since being light is our theme this year, I began pursuing that idea, and today’s message is a result of that.
Marriage is a good thing.
It is a gift from God.
In Scripture, we find that it is introduced early.
In Genesis 2, it says…
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Now, the interesting thing to this statement about marriage is that throughout Scripture, an interesting parallel of God’s relationship to his people is talked about in terms of a marriage relationship.
Commitment, love, and passion not only describe our relationship with our spouse, but also our relationship with God.
In other words, our marriages mirror our relationship with God.
Today, we want to discover how this happens.
So…
5. We will find in our study of Scripture three correlations that demonstrate how healthy marriages communicate the gospel.
OUR STUDY:
I. The first correlation that demonstrates how healthy marriages communicate the gospel is COMMITMENT.
1. At our wedding, we make nothing less than radical vows.
Most of us say something like this…
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
Till death do us part.
That is a serious, radical promise.
It is radical because we have no idea what is going to happen after the wedding.
But we promise that we are going to be there for the other one no matter what happens.
We make this commitment because love is more action than feeling.
In our culture, we allow emotions to rule us.
We talk about “falling” in love or out of love, as though it were something beyond our control.
But the truth is, real love is impossible without commitment.
Please note this…we are not committed to someone because we love them; we love them because we are committed to them.
ILL Notebook: Marriage (Churchill)
Someone once asked Winston Churchill what he would like to be if he could not be who he was. He smiled and said, "I would like to be my wife’s second husband." He cherished his wife. He valued her as his companion and partner in life.
What a wonderful demonstration of commitment intertwined with love.
In the same way…
2. Jesus vows to stay with us (Ephesians 5:25).
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…
Husbands are called to be exclusive lovers.
We are called to be lovers that protect, provide, nourish and cherish.
We are called on to commit to our spouse just as Jesus has committed to us.
Jesus is committed to our well-being, so much so, He sacrificed Himself on our behalf.
He loves the church.
All those that have accepted responsibility for our sin and thus the need of a Lord and Savior, have become a member of that church.
So, just as we are to be committed to our spouses in marriage, it is this same kind of serious and radical promise that Jesus has made toward us.
He is for us and with us.
Nothing shall separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:35).
II. The second correlation that demonstrates how healthy marriages communicate the gospel is GRACE.
Have you ever noticed that opposites attract?
I know…some of you are saying…now you tell me.
But…
1. Issues of incompatibility hinder the marriage relationship.
Perhaps, a more accurate statement might be…issues of incompatibility can hinder the marriage relationship.
For Opposites do attract.
Extroverts marry introverts.
Messies marry cleaners.
Ones that like to go out marry ones that like to stay home.
Readers of books marry watchers of movies.
Indoor people marry outdoor people.
Morning people marry night people.
People who have no sense of direction marry people that do.
An idea person marries the person who has to do it.
We all have characteristics, quirks and personality traits that annoy each other.
But it is this oppositeness that gives our relationships richness.
You know, Dondra doesn’t always agree with me and I don’t always agree with her.
I believe that’s exactly what God wants for me.
Her opinions rubbing against mine causes both of us to reexamine our ideas.
And just once in a while, I am right, though it doesn’t happen very often.
Oh…maybe that’s not the way that was supposed to end.
Which just goes to show us that…
2. Areas of annoyance are opportunities to extend grace.
ILL Marriage (you can’t win them all)
George never could remember the wedding anniversary on March 7. One year, when he and his wife Margaret were enroute to Australia, at five minutes before midnight on March 6, George proudly looked at Margaret and said, "This year I remembered. Just five minutes."
At that moment the captain’s voice announced, "We have crossed the International Date Line. It’s now March 8."
Well, sometimes you can’t win.
But when the annoying things do come up in our marriages, they are the perfect opportunities to extend grace and forgiveness.
I really believe that incompatibility is a myth.
It is used as a rationale for doing what is wrong and being lazy in our relationships.
I like how William James out it:
“The essence of genius is to know what to overlook.”
We need to give the good gifts of grace and forgiveness in our relationships.
For marriage is not so much about finding the right person, but being the right person—a giving person.
For…
3. Jesus sets us an example of giving (Romans 5:8; Ephesians 1:7-8).
The apostle Paul writes:
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
This is the best explanation of grace that exists.
While we were still opposed to Him, Jesus died for us.
While we were still His enemies, He gave Himself for us.
And now…
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
The verse here in Ephesians really is identifying this principle, that is, He keeps on giving and giving.
He has blessed us with grace for grace, grace upon grace, heaps of grace and grace in plentiful manner.
He has super-flooded us with over and above, more than enough, super-abounding over-sized grace.
And our lover gives and keeps on giving.
He never runs out.
And we should be the same way.
III. The third correlation that demonstrates how healthy marriages communicate the gospel is PASSION.
ILL Notebook: Marriage (the word is celebrate)
A monk his entire adult life, Brother Andrew was responsible for training new scribes in the art of copying by hand – word for word – the holy writs. One day an eager new scribe, Brother Jonathan, asked if anyone had ever made a mistake.
“Oh, no,” said Brother Andrew. “These words have always been correctly copied from generation to generation.” Skeptical, Brother Jonathan asked Brother Andrew how he knew. “My son,” said Brother Andrew as he shuffled off toward the monastery’s library, “let me get you the first volume ever written, and you will see that it is just as correct today as it was then.”
Many hours passed. Finally Brother Jonathan decided he had better check on the elderly monk. At the library, he spotted Brother Andrew sitting alone in a candle-lit corner, tears running down his wrinkled cheeks. “What’s the matter?” Brother Jonathan asked.
“I can’t believe it,” Brother Andrew responded, his voice quivering with emotion. “The word is celebrate. Celebrate!”
Well…
1. There is a right context for sexuality (Song of Solomon 6:3).
In Song of Solomon, the beloved claims…
I am my lover’s and my lover is mine…
This poem tells us, I believe, that the church is very much for sex, but in the right context—the context of marriage.
It has been said, “Sex is like fire. In the fireplace, it’s warm and delightful. Outside of the fireplace, it’s destructive.”
In no way is the Bible ashamed of this becoming one flesh.
It is a beautiful mystery.
And God desires our sexual relationships to be healthy and fulfilled.
For sexuality is the practice of intimacy.
It is the sharing of thoughts, ideas, visions, dreams, goals, and purpose.
It is a oneness.
It is not a loss of individuality.
Someone once said, "I know the two become one, but which one do they become?"
No.
This is not one being swallowed up by the other.
It is two people so interpenetrating one another’s lives that they become one functioning unit.
ILL Hardware store
We might be tempted to think oneness is like mixing paint at a paint store. The mixer will blend two colors together to make one. But the two colors lose their distinctiveness. They lose their identity. That is not the biblical concept of oneness.
It is more like taking two colors of thread and weaving them together to make one garment. The threads are still distinguishable. They have their individual characteristics. Yet, they are joined together to form one beautiful garment.
The garment is a better description.
For the woman who was taken from the rib of man, in marriage returns to her special place within him, nearest to his heart and to be a part of his personality.
And, as a result, we have a passion for one another.
In the same, but more profound way…
2. God passionately pursues us.
In the Old Testament, God demonstrates his loving faithfulness and commitment to his people by having the prophet Hosea marry a prostitute who is continually unfaithful to him.
Though she was married to him, her children were not his children.
Time after time, Hosea brought his wife home—finally buying her back out of the sexual slave trade, after her last lover tired of her and sold her.
No doubt, this was agonizing for Hosea.
Yet, through this, God was showing through Hosea that His commitment to His people was marked by an unremitting and unending commitment and love.
God said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Joshua 1:5).
And He applies that to us.
God has that kind of passion for us.
And we are able to have passion for Him as well.
For…
3. We are able to live intimately with Jesus (John 15:4; Philippians 3:10).
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
We are to be in intimate union.
We are to be together—joined together—like a vine.
You know, if your relationship with God is dull, you do not have a relationship with the right God.
He is exciting and full of life.
He is worth knowing, as the apostle Paul testifies…
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…
Do you really want to know Him?
Our divine husband invites us to a personal, conscious, intimate union with Him that begins in this life and continues deeper and fuller knowledge of Him throughout eternity.
APPLICATION:
1. Are you holding up marriage as a sacred relationship?
You see, we need to live this concept, not matter what state we are in.
It does not matter whether we are single, widowed or divorced, we are to live the concept.
I am going to speak to being single more next week, but let me say at this junction that Paul makes the point in I Corinthians that not being married, being single, can very much be a good thing.
We do live in a culture, however, that tends to associate the single lifestyle not with celibacy, but with sexual promiscuity.
So, if you are in a state of being single, it is essential that you are committed to chastity and thus, the sacred relationship of marriage.
Our postmodern world will continue to encourage us to be selfish, whether we are in a marriage or not.
They want us to look out first and foremost for ourselves.
They want us to please ourselves.
But when that happens in a marriage, it is disaster.
But when we are watching out for our partner, when our marriages are characterized by commitment, grace and passion, we have the opportunity to speak about the same relationship we have with God.
So be light, for…
2. You can use your understanding of marriage as an explanation of the gospel.
This is why the church must practice marriage correctly, not matter what state we are in.
When we do, we testify that God loves us.
We demonstrate that God passionately pursues us.
We show that God is committed to us.
And we live in the grace God extends to us.
BENEDICTION: [Counselors are ]
Be committed…be committed to each other as the Lord is committed to you; remember that love is not so much emotion as it is will.
Be a giver of grace…be a giver of grace to each other as the Lord gives grace to us; and when you are tempted to believe that someone one does not deserve grace and there are consequences that must be paid, remember that each of us have received grace upon grace, much more than any of us deserve.
Be passionate…be passionate about each other as the Lord is passionate about us; rejoice in the Lord that hunts us down, pursues us until we belong to Him.
Now…May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. Amen.
