I Peter 3:1-7 “Family Duties”
Intro—As you can tell from our text today and the title of the message, we are going to be looking at the relationship between husbands and wives, but before I delve into that text I want to talk for a moment about the attitude we need to bring to any study of what the Bible says about marriage and relationships, because the Bible talks about these relationships in ways we are not used to in 21st century America, and too many of us reject what the Bible has to say out of hand, or want to twist it to suit the politically correct culture of our day.
So let me say first of all, we need to approach this text carefully, leaving any sinful selfish attitude behind—The Bible teaches us that the very first sin, the sin Satan committed that caused his fall from grace, was the sin of pride—and pride results in selfishness...the “me, me, me” attitude so prevalent in today’s world... Now you may think you don’t approach the Bible with any taint of selfishness in your relationship with your wife or with your husband...you may be saying to yourself right now, “well, I don’t have any problem with this...our marriage is a 50/50 proposition,” but I would say to you, that if you think marriage is a 50/50 proposition, that’s a selfish attitude, because marriage isn’t about balancing things out, it’s about giving everything you have without reservation. So if we discuss the necessity of men loving their wives as Christ loved the church, or of wives submitting to their husbands, your first thought ought not to be, “Yeah but what do I get out of it?”
The second thing I want to mention is that we need to leave behind the modern attitude that everything we do today is done better than it ever has been before...I never cease to be amazed at the attitude that this society is the peak of social development, so therefore if the Bible doesn’t agree with the prevailing attitudes the Bible is wrong...In 1995, there were 6,400 marriages per day in the US...and 3,200 divorces...from 1970 to 1994 the number of divorced people quadrupled...half of all children live through a divorce, and half of those live through a second divorce...and more than 1 in 4 children live in single-parent households. And lest you think I am just talking to young people, the generation in America with the highest divorce rate is what’s been termed the “builder” generation—those between the ages of about 55 and 75 today. But we still hear that the Bible is outdated and things are much more enlightened today...well I would ask you to approach the text today forgetting that attitude and trying to hear what the Word has to say to you as we look at what Peter has to say about the duties of husband and wife.
I. The duty of a wife to a husband, Peter tells us in verse 1 of Chapter 3, is to be submissive to him. Now unfortunately, this command has taken on a negative context that it really shouldn’t have, so the first aspect of submission I want to touch on is why be submissive?...the Greek word here, “hupotasso,” just means to properly place oneself beneath someone else in the chain of command; it’s almost a military term. Peter is not saying that a wife is the husband’s slave, nor is he saying that the husband can abuse the wife, nor is he saying that the wife is not allowed to have a personality...he’s simply saying that God has created an institution, marriage, that’s described all the way back in Genesis 2:24, where it says a man and woman shall be joined together and the two shall become one flesh...well, how does that work?
Unfortunately (or fortunately), our brains don’t actually fuse together so that we think the same thoughts...so in this melding of two people into one, God has designated the way in which it is to work...and the husband is given certain responsibilities and duties that the wife is not. In I Corinthians 11:3, Paul puts it this way… “I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” You see, Paul is just giving us a chain of command, he’s not saying anything about the equality of any party in the chain with regard to another. Is Christ inferior to God because God is His head? Not at all...in the same way, neither Paul nor Peter is saying that a submissive wife is inferior to the husband...her duties are just different.
Now you may say, “I don’t want to submit, and I don’t care what you or the Bible says about it pastor.” Well, you don’t have to...if it was automatic, Peter wouldn’t feel the need to command and explain it, would he? But God says, in His Word, that this is the way to please Him and to be happy in your marriage...and if you look around at the marriages that don’t follow Peter’s command in the world today, you’ll see how unhappy people are because they refuse to follow God’s blueprint for our lives.
The other aspect of submission I want to touch on this morning is the “how” of it—what is it necessary to do to be submissive? Peter gives two instructions here…”chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” Peter immediately explains what he means by this so we should be clear on exactly what is involved…”chaste” conduct is simply pure or modest conduct, so he explains, in verse 3, that adornment should not be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, putting on nice clothing...now does that mean doing your hair or wearing nice clothing is forbidden? Not at all, but it means devoting yourself to those pursuits rather than letting your inner person shine forth, the person he calls the “hidden person of the heart” in verse 4, is not the pure and modest conduct God desires...God doesn’t want you to cover your inner self, the person that He gave His Son to save, under a lot of frills that are not really you.
Now what does it mean that this conduct is accompanied by fear? Well, the meaning of “fear” here is not that you should be afraid of your husband...rather, it’s the idea that you ought to be not only pure and modest on the outside, but also on the inside--act with reverence, or righteous fear, toward God...that’s why Peter talks about the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. Peter uses Sarah as an example because Sarah was known for her beauty, yet was also the mother of the nation of Israel, God’s chosen people, but was submitted to her husband in a godly way.
II. What is the duty of the husband to the wife? It is not, as some assume, to subjugate the wife or to force her to submit. Just the opposite, Peter says to dwell with her with understanding and to honor your wife as a fellow-heir of the grace of life...what Peter’s really saying is that, although the wife is to submit and recognize the headship of the husband, that is NOT an opportunity for the husband to take advantage but, to the contrary, gives him a greater responsibility for the wife...when Peter says “give honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel” he’s not saying all women are weaker than all men...he’s saying that the man has a responsibility to honor and love his wife as though she were weaker whether she is or not.
I hope today that we have come to this passage leaving behind sinful and modern attitudes toward the roles of men and women in marriage, and that God has opened our eyes to how He has designed the roles in marriage.
