Joe Bedy
April 1 2002
Central Christian Church
St. Petersburg, Fl 33776
Joe Bedy
Central Christian Church
St. Petersburg, Fl 33711
May 5, 2002
Divorce, could it be a part of the plan?
Matt. 19:3-10
I have just completed some fairly extensive research on the theology of Biblical marriage, divorce and remarriage.
I am going to share with you a small part of that today, but if you would like a copy of the entire article let the church office know and I will email one to you or make you a copy of it.
Before we can ever understand divorce, we must understand marriage, because divorce is a tearing apart of that which God has put together.
Mal 2:16 "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel,
Marriage was made by God, for one man and one woman.
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In Matthew 19 isn’t this what Jesus said to the Pharisees who wanted to know if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?
Open your Bibles. (p. 975 in your pew Bible)
Matt 19:3-9
Mat 19:3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
You see the Pharisees were aware of the controversy between the two Rabbi’s Shammai and Hillel and they wanted to trap Jesus and embroil him in that controversy. Shammai was teaching that a husband could put his wife away only for indecency, while Hillel was saying indecency is if you ask your wife for your eggs sunny side up and she gives them to you scrambled. They wanted to test Jesus to see if He would go against the predominant thinking, teaching, morals, values and behaviors His day.
Jesus did what we should all do, He referred to the scriptures and he took the religious leaders of His day right back to Gen 2:24: Jesus wasn’t going to quote Hillel or Shammai He was going to quote God.
Mat 19:4 "Haven’t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ’made them male and female,’
Mat 19:5 and said, ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
Mat 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
Marriage is NOT of human origin it was established by God as he established perfect order; in a perfect world it was God who established in that perfection the marital bond between one man and one woman. This was done long before He established the family, the church or the government to regulate people or marriage.
Therefore all men must know that marriage belongs to God.
It was for this purpose that a man and a woman would leave their parents and cleave to one another forsaking all others who might put in jeopardy that which God has put together.
That is why Jesus is speaking to the religious leaders of the day in our verses to make the explicit truth about marriage as God designed it clear to them.
Next Saturday we will be joining and witnessing as Brian and Sarah enter into the covenant relationship of marriage.
Up to this point they have lived their single lives according to God’s will. Both are virgins and undefiled. God will bless them for their obedience.
God’s best will require that their covenant be one of agape love. That is that they will love one another unconditionally until they are separated by death.
They will agree to keep that marital bond and not break it through unfaithfulness, infidelity, physical abuse or desertion. Because those things are as much a part of God’s covenant as marital fidelity.
Abuse breaks the covenant of marriage.
Desertion or abandonment breaks the covenant of marriage.
Withholding sex breaks the marital covenant.
And of course adultery breaks the covenant of marriage.
Brian and Sarah will have one chance to live their married lives the way God has established during the perfection of creation and all of us will be hoping and praying that they do, because one marriage between one man and one woman forever, until death is God’s perfect ideal. It honors and glorifies Him, God created marriage and God loves what He created.
However, into God’s perfect order and through one man sin entered the world. Satan knows that a house divided cannot stand.
Satan knows that to undermine the work of Jesus at the cross, he needs to destroy the marriage, the family and the church.
Because Satan knows that strong marriages make strong families and strong families make churches that reach people for Jesus. Strong churches build a strong nation and Satan will do all he can to lie, steal and destroy THE FAMILY. Because if He destroys the family the witness of the church is destroyed.
Research suggests that kids in divorced families are confused, they turn to alcohol, drugs promiscuous sexual behavior, and they rebel against authority.
The church must do all she can to save marriages and not turn a blind eye when Christians choose to divorce. God established the marriage bond. Husbands and wives with hard hearts break the marriage covenant.
God Never breaks vows, but when we break them he can divorce us. The adulteration and divorce in the marriage can occur way before the court system records the divorce decree. According to Edwards adultery occurs in God’s eyes and this is Jesus point when anyone in a marriage is unfaithful to their vows.
We look at divorce as the time when the final decree is signed by the judge into the public records.
Jesus and God look at divorce as occurring when either spouse because of a hard heart send s the other one away through adultery, abuse, abandonment or withholding sex in the marriage.
In the OT if a man or woman committed adultery, the penalty was not divorce, it was stoning and stoning to death. Nobody had to divorce the spouse that committed adultery, they had to bury them.
God gave Israel divorce not because of indecency or fornication, but because they had hard hearts that adulterated the marriage covenant.
LOOK AT:
Mat 19:7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
Mat 19:8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
Mat 19:9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
I want to share with you why Jesus says what he says to the Pharisees in our passage today. Jesus threatened the Religious leaders of His day and they were taken back that He would spend time with prostitutes and tax collectors. Because to them religion was how good you looked on the outside.
In all four of the passages that Jesus says, to these religious leaders "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery. (Matt 5:31, 19:9, Lk 16:18 & Mark 10:11-12)
Jesus is trying to emphasize a point. The point was that he came for the sick that all men might be brought to salvation. The prostitutes, the tax collectors, the fornicators, the homosexual, the divorced people Jesus knew they were the ones He would die for. He would die once and for all. The difference between them and the religious leaders that were testing Jesus was knew they were unrighteous sinners, they admitted it and they knew overwhelmingly that they needed Jesus and they wanted what He had to offer.
Not so for the Pharisees they believed they were righteous and they could send a wife away for anything they could claim was indecency-all they had to do was write her a letter.
Jesus point was you divorce your wife this way for any act of indecency you can contrive not because of sexual immorality, but because your hearts are hard. When you do this so you can marry another, you commit adultery; you cause your wife who has been faithful to you to commit adultery and the one who marries her commits adultery.
Bottom line –Pharisee you are not any better than the adulterer or prostitute I hang out with. You are the same and I came to earth for all sinners and you need me just like they do. The problem is your pride an self-righteousness stops you from admitting it. Bring the fruit of repentance and be baptized, because I long to take you too, under my wing like a mother hen.
They refused Jesus. Will you?
GOD LOVES MARRIAGE-GOD HATES DIVORCE, GOD LOVES ALL PEOPLE, MARRIED, DIVORCED SINGLE OR REMARRIED AND WANTS ALL PEOPLE TO COME TO SALVATION THROUGH REPENTANCE.
God in his infinite wisdom gave us his Word to regulate marriage and divorce.
Many churches have taught that people who divorce should not remarry because they are committing adultery, well they teach actually living in adultery. I do not believe this was what Jesus was teaching nor do many scholars.
As a matter of fact in my research I read a book by John L Edwards who is a preacher in the Church of Christ.
He was taught and believed for “way too long,” he said that divorced people who had remarried were living in adultery.
He wrote: “I believe the traditions of men have been destroying people’s lives and driving them out of the kingdom of God for far too long a time within our fellowship of the Church of Christ.”
Then he tells a couple of stories that will break your heart.
The first one is about a family of 14, the wife had 5 children from her first marriage, the husband had 4 children from his first marriage, and they had 3 together. As a young man John began to bring their teenage daughters to church, soon they heard the gospel and were baptized. But the preacher’s wife, would say, “Oh, those poor children they have parents who are living in adultery.” Before long the entire family was turned off to Christ and all 14 faded away from the church.”
He tells a similar story of a divorced, remarried couple in his early ministry who had a family of seven, they began coming to his church and were planning to be baptized into Christ. The leaders asked him what he was going to do about their adultery and when confronted all 7 went away never receiving Christ.
I ASK YOU TODAY CAN CENTRAL CHRISTIAN CHURCH BE A CHURCH WHO MINISTERS TO HURTING PEOPLE?
CAN CENTRAL CHRISTIAN CHURCH BE A HOME TO DIVORCED AND RE-MARRIED PEOPLE TO ALLOW THEM TO HAVE A KINGDOM RICH LIFE OF SERVICE?
I TELL YOU TODAY CENTRAL CHRISTIAN CHURCH Offers THE LOVE OF CHRIST TO ALL PEOPLE! AMEN
God does not hate people, He hates divorce.
Do you remember the woman at the well? She had 5 husbands and she was living with a man who was not her husband. Yet Jesus had living water for her.
Yes the church must be tough on Divorce and do its very best to preserve the marriage bond. The church must love what God loves and hate what he hates.
The church must deal with sin. The church has sat idly by for way to long when a couple has marital problems and is contemplating divorce.
I said earlier God knows our hard hearts, and so the Bible regulates divorce, but what should the church do with married Christians, when one of them wants to divorce:
Go back to Matt 18:15
Using the scriptures the church can develop a course of action that the modern church should take regarding divorce. Remember, divorce in Jesus day was because the marriage covenant had been adulterated by abandonment, sexual immorality, or physical abuse. The injured spouse should go to the other using the guidelines of Matt. 18. Simply, stating “ you have sinned against God and me and broken our marriage covenant that God has joined together (Matt. 18:15).” If he or she agrees than one has saved their marriage. However, if the spouse desiring to divorce or the one with the hard heart who has broken the marriage covenant refuses to repent, the injured spouse initiates step two Matt. 18:16 and brings two-three witnesses with her so that every fact may be confirmed. If the rebellious spouse refuses to repent and continues in the sin then the injured spouse and broke the marriage covenant the injured spouse shall take it to the (church) the elders "And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer (Matt. 18:17).
At this point the church has come in line with how God expects the church to deal with sin. The spiritual responsibility lies where it belongs on the spouse who has broken the marriage covenant and advocates divorce for whatever reason.
Listen now:
AND EVEN IN THOSE CASES of adultery, physical or mental abuse, abandonment and desertion. IF THE SINNER GENUINELY CONFESSES & REPENTS, WHEN FORGIVENESS OCCURS AND THE MARRIAGE PRESERVED, HEARTS ARE BROKEN AND SOFTENED-GOD GETS THE GLORY. And this should be the goal of the church to preserve what God has put together.
However:
IF the sinner, the one who HAS BROKEN THE MARRIAGE COVENANT DOES NOT repent and glorify God THEY SHOULD BE asked to leave the church and ARE treated as a Gentile and tax collector.
In other words the unrepentant spouse is asked to leave the church. Fellowship in the New Testament church should be so sweet that this unrepentant spouse when outside of the church would long to come back and when he does come home with a repentant heart he is fully restored to the body and to right loving relationships with God’s people so he can be rightly related to God. If he fails to repent and abandons his spouse he may be categorized as an unbeliever and the remaining spouse is free to let him go. However as Paul (1 Cor. 7: 10-11) points out the remaining spouse should not divorce, first she must allow time for her husband to repent and be reconciled to the marriage, his God and his church.
The point is simple, God wants the couple to exhaust every possibility toward reconciliation. But if they have been loosed from the marriage (1 Cor. 7:27-28) they do NOT SIN, if they have exhausted every possibility to reconcile their marriage, but the one with the hard heart has broken the marriage covenant.
Today,
If your marriage is in trouble, come and talk to us to get help.
If you have broken your marriage covenant because of any of the reasons I have given confess it, repent of it and exhaust all possibilities before you file the final divorce decree. Do all you can to reconcile your marriage.
If you are already divorced or already remarried, God does not hate you, if you sinned through divorcing someone because of your own hard heart and you confessed that sinned and repented, the blood of Christ cleanses you from all unrighteousness.
If you have been divorced and are remarried, you are not committing adultery stay in the marriage you are in according to God’s covenant, until death separates you.
Can God use people at Central Christian Church who have been divorced- I stand before you today as one who have been a deacon, an elder and a minister by the grace of God.
Divorce is not the unpardonable sin, if you don’t believe me go back to the woman at the well in John 4 and read her story, Jesus came to do the will of His Father and that was to bring living water, new life and new meaning to sinful people- who knew they needed the bread of life.
The church must always minister to hurting people first and yet not sacrifice the truth.
We must remember God Hates divorce, He did not create it, He allowed it. He loved that woman at the well, He went into Samaria to meet her and tell her that He loved her, he loves all people in their 2nd ,3rd or even 5th marriage like her.
If this divorce is a dark spot in your life, if you are struggling in your present situation we want to invite you to the cross today.
If you need a church home, if you want to receive Christ, just now as we sing this song of invitation, won’t you come, come to the healer and worship him, He will never turn you away.
Works Cited
Adams, Jay E. Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible. Grand Rapids: Zondervan 1980.
Baird, James O. And I say Unto You: A Study of Eight Positions on Divorce and Remarriage in
View of Matthew 19: 3-12. Oklahoma City: b&b bookhouse 1981.
Barna, George. “ Christians Are More Likely To Experience Divorce Than Are
Non_Christians.” Barna research Online. 1999
Holy Bible. New American Standard Bible. Grand Rapids: Word, 1960.
MacArthur, John Jr. Guidelines For Singleness and Marriage. Panorama City: Word of
Grace Communications, 1986.
McManus, Michael J. Marriage Savers: Helping Your Friends and Family Avoid
Divorce. Rev. ed. Grand Rapids: Zondervan 1995.
Neven, Tom “I Still Do … and Always Will.” Focus on the Family. Org.online. Online
AOL.< http://www.family.org/fofmag/features/a0009973.html > (2 Feb. 2001).Online.
Powers, Ward B. Marriage and Divorce:The New Testament Teaching. Petersham,
Australia: Jordan Books ltd. 1987.
Stanton, Glenn T. “Divorce: Bible Belt Style.” Focus on the Family. Org.online. Online
AOL.< http://www.family.org/fofmag/features/a0009973.html > (2 Feb. 2001).Online.
Thompson, David A. Counseling and Divorce. Dallas: Word, 1989.
Warren, Rick. The Purpose Driven Church. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995.
