Intro:
Eph 4:29-32
29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.
(NKJ)
We may know it by different terms — such as griping, grumbling, complaining, or belly-aching. In the King James version of the Bible, the common term used was “murmuring.” But regardless of the word we use to describe it, whining always has the same syptoms. The dictionary defines it as “an expression of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, or discontent.” Whining is the outward expression of discontent from within. Not accepting and/or enjoying your present reality.
ILL: One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.
His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by
the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?”
“Yes” was his incredulous reply.
She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”
What is whining?
An unhealthy way of confronting or complaining about a situation or person in order to help them improve.
Can you avoid whiners? Yes, if you’re dead.
“To escape criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” (Elbert Hubbard)
“Any fool can criticize and many do.”
Why do people whine?
1. Negativeness - A bad attitude and a negative view of life. They are use to looking at the bad end of life. They believe that if they don’t point out all the negatives again and again everyone will miss them.
2. Insecurity - Whining and criticism is often a subconscious means to “elevate one’s own self image.” By putting others down, they are inwardly trying to feel more important or that “they know more.” Jealousy toward the spiritual victories of others is often the cause of criticism and belittling comments. Popular ministers of the Gospel are often the target of such tactics.
3. Immaturity - Believers must always keep their focus upon Christ and His Word, not man, who will often fail (Heb. 12:2). The young or immature believer who has not progressed very far in their own faith, remain overly dependent upon the faith of those within the body of Christ. Unfortunately, when they begin to notice the flaws in their brethren, subconsciously, this becomes a threat to their own sense of security. Whining becomes a reaction of disappointment, because their expectations in others have been crushed.
4. An Unrenewed Mind - Put-downs, making-fun-of, whining, criticism, sarcasm are the world’s ways of reacting to the faults of people. However, as Christians we don’t behave this way. Our thinking and attitude should be renewed by the Word of God, which teaches us to bear the infirmities of the weak, to love, and show compassion and encouragement (Rom. 12:2).
5. The Devil - As we may realize, the Devil specializes in influencing obsessive behavior. He may use any or all of the above channels, or other techniques, to influence a complaining or critical attitude to stir up turmoil and strife within the body of Christ (Eph. 6:12). We must be on guard that none of us would be used as a tool of the Devil to bring harassment or discouragement upon our brothers or sisters through continual criticism, as the Bible warns us not to “give place” to the Devil (Eph. 4:27).
The Bible says that the reason that we are to come together as a church is, not to whine and criticize, but to “exhort” (encourage) one another (Hebrews 10:25). Love and encouragement is a “motivational force.”
If we ever hope to bring improvement in others, we need to become people of encouragement. This is the only attitude that will change people, and our actions and words must be devoted to encouraging the spiritual progress of our brethren.
How do you stop a whiner?
We do not see the true reality of the situation.
ILL: According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon faced a unique problem.
A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. After they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors.
He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it into the toilet, and scrubbed the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirrors.
Try thinking of this story when you’re tempted to whine. If you could only see the real filth you’d be kissing, you wouldn’t be so quick to get close to it.
I use to think people whined because they had a lot of problems. But I have come to realize that they have problems because they whine. Whining & complaining doesn’t change anything or make situations better. It amplifies frustration, spreads discontent and discord.
How important it is that believers guard the words of their mouth and the ideas of their mind!
ILL: A number of years ago, Dr. David H. Fink, a psychiatrist for the veterans administration, wrote an article for Coronet Magazine. In his article, he outlined his research into the causes of mental and emotional disturbances.
From over 10,000 case studies, he discovered that there was a common trait with all his patients who suffered from severe tension. They were habitual fault-finders, constant critics of people and things around them, whiners.
Those who were free from tension, were the least critical. His conclusions were that the habit of fault-finding is a prelude or mark of the nervous, or the mentally unbalanced. Those who wish to retain good emotional and mental health, should learn to free themselves from a negative and critical attitude.
“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless” (James 1:26).
When whining doesn’t rule the day...
When actions of encouragement touch others...
Lives change!
ILL. Three important lessons of life:
First Important Lesson
During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz.
I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one:
"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before the class ended, one student asked it the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely,: said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve you attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say, "Hello".
I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
Second Important Lesson
One night, at 11:30PM, an older African America woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her in a taxi cab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home for free. A special note was attached. It read, "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband’s bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole
Third Important Lesson
Always remember those who serve you...
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50c", replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" He inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35c", she abruptly replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I’ll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.
You see, he couldn’t have the sundae because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
HOW TO GIVE CRITICISM:
It should not give us pleasure but pain, to criticize someone. However, our criticism can be the way a another person grows in performance and character.
Check your motives.
Do you want to build up or break down the person?
Would I say this if not a personal thing?
“The difference between coaching and criticism is your attitude.”
“It isn’t necessary to blow out another’s candle in order to make your own light shine.”
Check the significance.
Ask yourself: in five years, will it make any difference?
“Continual, petty criticism is the mark of a small mind; you have to be little to belittle.”
Check the content.
Be specific: “This is an area that...” Not “You are an idiot...”
Use the “sandwich” method:
Praise
Criticism
Encouragement
Criticism should leave the person with the impression he or she is being helped.
Check the result.
It’s easy to criticize; it’s hard to creatively give solutions. Give thought to that.
“There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It doesn’t take much to see something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again.” Will Rogers
ILL: (A true Story) A sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was "too crowded".
"I can’t go to Sunday School, she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by. Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in a Sunday School class. The child was so touched that she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus.
Some two years later, this same child lay dead in one of the poor welfare buildings and the parents called for the kind-hearted pastor, who had befriended their daughter, to handle the final arrangements. As her poor little baby was being moved, a worn and crumpled purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump.
Inside was found 57 cents and a note scribbled in childish handwriting which read, "This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday school.:
For two years she had saved for this offering of love. When the pastor tearfully read the not, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red purse to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion. He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for a larger building so more could come to Sunday School. But the story does not end there!
A newspaper learned of the story and published it. It was read by a relator who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands of dollars. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it for 57 cents.
The church was overwhelmed. Its members also began to give large amounts. Cheques came form far and wide. Within five years the little girl’s gift had increased to $250,000 a huge sum for the early 1900s. Her unselfish love paid large dividends.
When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church, with a present seating capacity of 3,300, and a Temple University, where hundreds of the students are trained. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of Sunday School workers and classes so that no child will ever need to be left outside during Sunday School hour.
In one of the rooms of this building you will see a picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such a remarkable history. Alongside it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russel H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds".
Conclusion: Let’s stop our whining and live for God!
