The HOUSE of SECRETS
Somewhat of a Different Subject @ the Home - Yet 1 I’m sure that you will understand it’s relevance in today’s society
NEXT Week - THE HOUSE of HONOR…
Today - The House of Secrets…
Not @ Personal Secrets (Another Subject)
Specifically - HOUSEHOLD SECRETS…
i.e. DYSFUNCTIONS w/in the HOME by an INDIVIDUAL(S)… PARENT(S)… CHILD(REN)…
BEHAVIORS –
ABNORMAL Behaviors… Destructive Behaviors…
-- if GONE - Would ONLY Serve to HEIGHTEN the HOME’S SITUATION…
that are OBVIOUSLY in the HOME - Known BY The HOME -
BUT “THEY” Can’t be Discussed/Acknowledged OUTSIDE those 4 Walls…
As a Matter of FACT - They’re typically camouflaged… hidden… covered up… ==
To Appear as though they DO NOT Exist AT ALL!!
== BRUISE
In the House they are Obviously there -
YET - They’re:
Not ALLOWED to BE DISCUSSED IN THE HOME
Not ALLOWED to BE CALLED A PROBLEM
Typically BLAMED ON THE OTHERS IN THE HOME & NEVER ACCEPTED BY THE INDIVIDUAL AS THEIRS
Today We’ll Look at a MAN Who had Such a House - FULL of SECRETS…
We’ll LOOK @
1. The Secrets
2. The Description of what Living w/ those Secrets is Like
3. The CURE (HOPE)
The House we will look at -
DAVID & BATHSHEBA…
Secrets that are still very real @ 90’s
Homes w/ Secrets are JUST LIKE David -
They CAN’T Be Helped Until they are ADMITTED – DENIAL (TRUTH – FREE)
Truth Hurts Sometimes
Therefore == Continual Dysfunction… Inferior home < God’s Plan…
KNOW THIS - VERY FIXABLE W/ GOD
Say this “By & With God - Any & All Difficulties (secrets) in MY Home Can & Will Be Overcome…”
Don’t Get Ahead of ME
II Sam. 11:1 … it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab & his servants w/ him & all Israel & they destroyed the children of Ammon & besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem & it came to pass in at evening, that David arose from off his bed & walked upon the roof of the king’s house & from the roof he saw a woman washing herself & the woman was very beautiful to look upon.
See that the Home got started UNDER A Secret right from the Start
3 And David sent and inquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite? And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house. And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child.
The 1st Secret -
SEXUAL RELATIONS (More of a Couple thing > family…)
Not so much as a Secret as the Others will be -
As Much as it is Handled Improperly
a. Relations that are Built Entirely on Sex…. == Very shallow… short relationships… usually lacking in Real love to help get through the Tough spots of Marriage…
The REAL Bond Should be INVISIBLE Things… These should Only Augment the relation
b. Sexual relations that have went sour…
== meant to be beautiful… fun… creative times together… NOW non-existent
For whatever reason - HAS DIED (never lived)
Both These are breeding ground for satan to destroy your home…
Leads to very negative feelings… hurts… Open door of temptation into your marriage….
Weakens the UNSEEN Bond that is meant to Exist between a H/W…
Why is it a Secret -
Nobody talks @ it…
If you do - it’s taken personally v. as help for your marriage…
It’s used as bargaining power v. creative times of love…
Few make love - most have sex… wonder WHY it’s not ALL That…
2. DECEPTIONS
6 And David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. And Joab sent Uriah to David. And when Uriah was come unto him, David demanded of him how Joab did, and how the people did, and how the war prospered. And David said to Uriah, Go down to your house, and wash your feet. And Uriah departed out of the king’s house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king. But Uriah slept at the door of the king’s house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house. And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from your journey? why then did you not go down unto your house? And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? as you live, and as your soul live, I will not do this thing.
EXPLAIN the VERSES…
Coming on AS Somebody He Really ISN’T (Friend)
Too many Homes are Facades… Few People are real w/in their own Homes…
So we live a life NEVER BEING KNOWN or GETTING to KNOW…
The People we are in Public (Church) is TOO Often NOT the Person OUR FAMILY LIVES WITH!!
Relations in the HOME tend to be One Sided (Just like w/ David)
All @ WHAT He was Going to GET Out of IT!!
You Can’t Bring IT Up - BUT YOU KNOW - IT AIN’T RIGHT!!
SUBSTANCE ABUSE
3. SUBSTANCE ABUSE
12 And David said to Uriah, Tarry here to day also, and to morrow I will let you depart. So Uriah abode in Jerusalem that day, and the morrow. And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
EXPAIN… (Hot & Bothered…==Still trying to Keep it All a Secret)
The Most Common Substance Abuse:
a. ALCOHOL -
Even Here - There are 2 types of Alcoholic Secrets in the HOME…
The 1st & AS Damaging to the Home Structure as any other Secret -
1. the WORKING Alcoholic…
Makes a living… goes to work (Usually…)… HANDLES Their Drinking ALL TOO WELL…
The Secret Here - HE/SHE is Slowly Killing Themselves…
They KNOW It… Family Knows it - BUT You Aren’t Allowed to Talk @ It…
ROBBING their Family of a TOTALLY Sober H/W… F/M…
BUT You aren’t Allowed to Say a WORD @ IT - Not EVEN to & Especially to THEM!!
== Anger… Denial… Justifies… Blames…
2. the DYSFUNCTIONAL Alcoholic…
Tends to LOSE It… Misses Stuff Because of Alcohol – BUT Someone IN THE FAMILY COVERS for THEM (Enables them)
b. DRUGS
1. ILLEGAL
2. Rx
Taken & Absolutely Required for a NORMAL DAY/WEEK -
Yet AGAIN - YOU Are not Allowed to TALK @ IT…
The PROBLEM Here -
Your family Doesn’t KNOW THE REAL YOU… Personality… Humor… Wit…
You Don’t REALLY Know THEM W/out a MIND Altering Drug/Drink… ==
REALITY is SEEN Through the Lens of Something ELSE!!
4. ABUSE
14 And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah. And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten, and die. And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he knew that valiant men were. And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also.
EXPAIN…
Define Abuse -
Death - the ULTIMATE form of ABUSE (the Severest Degree of Abuse)
a. VERBAL – Used against BOTH Children (A shame) & Adults Words are used to WOUND… Belittle… Put Down… As a WEAPON/Tool… Very Destructive/Hurtful… Name Calling… Labeling…
A Very Learned Habit & MUST be Acknowledged & Dealt w/ Honestly…
b. EMOTIONAL – A very Subtle - YET Extremely damaging Abuse… TOO Both CHILDREN & SPOUSES Deals w/ innuendo’s meant to Put 1 person above the other - BY causing that person to “FEEL” bad @ themselves… Comparing Them to Another… causing 1 to look negatively @ themselves… Dealing w/ physical abilities… looks… Mental capacity…
c. PHYSICAL – No RELATION Should Have Physical ABUSE in it! Look Like – Obviously Hitting/slapping… Restraining By Force… Angry Outbursts… Uncontrolled/Unplanned Aggression… Unprovoked Aggression… WITH Children - It looks like - beating them when You are Out of Control… NOT USING DISCIPLINE AS A CORRECTIVE Tool…
d. SEXUAL – forced/unnatural relations that tend to only serve 1 & HARM the other
26 And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband. And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD.
The House of David & Bathsheba Was Founded ON these SECRETS…
FEEL LIKE??
For David (& Bathsheba) LIVED w/ these Secrets for @ 1 year…
No one Knew…
In Ps. 51 - We FIND David Letting Us in Exactly What it Would Feel like to Live w/ These SECRETS in YOUR Life & Home
Ps. 51:1 … A Psalm of David… after he had gone in to Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to your lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of your tender mercies blot out my transgressions. ==
The 1st Thing Felt is YOUR NOT SQUARE w/ GOD - You Know It Ain’t Right - You may have tried changing 1000 times - You Still know IT AIN’T Right
2 Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.==
You Feel Dirty
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.==
You Can’t Ignore IT Regardless of What You do to forget it
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned, and done this evil in your sight: that you might be justified when you speak, and be clear when you judge.
5 Behold, I was shaped in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.==
You feel like your home is a mistake - totally wrong…
6 Behold, you desire truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part you shall make me to know wisdom… Purge me w/ hyssop & I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which you have broken may rejoice.==
Joy & Gladness begin to get lost in the wake of secrets… the secrets grow bigger than the joys…
9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.==
SHAME
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence; and take not your holy spirit from me. ==
Not wanted… rejected… == w/draw from other families - they might notice if you don’t
12 Restore unto me the joy of your salvation; and uphold me with your free spirit.
13 Then will I teach transgressors your ways; and sinners shall be converted unto you.
14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, you God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open you my lips; and my mouth shall show forth your praise.
16 For you desire not sacrifice; else would I give it: you delight not in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, you wilt not despise.
18 Do good in your good pleasure unto Zion: build you the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then shall you be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon your altar.
MY POINT - God’s Point -
A House of Secrets Steals Everything Your Family is Meant to represent…
Your Home Should be the Most Beloved… Enjoyable Place on Earth…
your relation with your Spouse Should be Open… honest… Able to deal with the TRUTH…
You should be man/woman enough to LISTEN…
Love Enough to ADJUST!!
ALTAR -
So WHAT DO WE DO??
How Do we FIX It? Address it?
1. Acknowledge Your Failures
2. Make it Right with God
3. Make it Right w/ Your Family
4. Become Accountable for them to Each Other
5. Give Permission to be Checked
6. LIVE
Have mercy upon me, O God… blot out my transgressions… Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity… cleanse me from my sin…
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions… Against you, you only, have I sinned, and done this evil… Purge me w/ hyssop & I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which you have broken may rejoice… Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities… Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence; and take not your holy spirit from me… Restore unto me the joy of your salvation; and uphold me with your free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors your ways; and sinners shall be converted unto you.
