The Safest Place on Earth – Part 3
February 24, 2002
Big Idea: To experience authentic biblical community, I must let people reach the deepest places in my heart; places not often or easily reached.
INTRODUCTION
ILLUS – Henri Nouwen, the widely read Christian author, was a professor at Yale University Divinity School and later at Harvard. But in 1986 he resigned from teaching to become pastor for the Daybreak community of people with disabilities in Toronto, Canada.
He was welcomed into one of the homes to live with the men and women with a disability and he was asked to help Adam Arnett, a severely disabled man, with his morning routine. In Henri’s book "Adam, God’s Beloved", written shortly before he died, he describes how Adam became his friend, his teacher, and his guide.
However, just a year after arriving in Daybreak Henri suffered a severe depression.
Nouwen wrote:
“I had been received with open arms, given all the attention and affection I could ever hope for, and offered a safe and loving place to grow spiritually as well as emotionally. Everything seemed ideal. But precisely at that time, I fell apart – as if I needed a safe place to hit bottom.” (Henri Nouwen)
Prior to that time things were too ordered, too pleasant, perhaps even too superficial in his surroundings. But that place was safe. Safe to discover the brokenness that had been there all along.
A safe church is a safe place to bottom out.
As we’ve been learning about God’s vision for the church as the safest place on earth, consider these questions?
Is this church safe enough to share that you’re struggling with homosexual thoughts or activities?
To share that you’ve had an abortion?
To come clean that your grieving process has never ended?
To admit you’ve never really felt loved?
To fess up that your marriage is in shambles?
To share that life has gotten to be too much to handle?
Is this church safe enough for us to bottom out?
Our quest to become a church where no one stands alone now brings us to the point where a choice must be made among three options:
1. Go mad – Keep thinking our present experience with community will completely satisfy us. When almost everyone knows that the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing while expecting different results.
2. Go away – Because the search for deep relationships is risky, dangerous, and yields uncertain rewards, we could just find a comfortably safe distance from people – wrapping ourselves in isolation and individualism. We retreat from meaningful interactions with others.
3. Go forward – Admit that the journey will be difficult, but commit to live in Christ-centered community with others no matter the cost. Because God in His essential nature is a community of Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and we are created in His image to function best in community with others.
If we choose the third option, then we must seriously consider the issue of sharing our struggles with each other.
This morning I’m going to offer a model for relating based on what Larry Crabb writes about in his book, The Safest Place on Earth. But I want to frame it a bit differently.
I want to frame the process in perfect love.
Listen to the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-9…
TRANSITION: You see, when authentic biblical community is valued and passionately pursued, the Holy Spirit creates a new kind of environment within a church. And then the pathway to sharing our struggles emerges, not so much from what we do, but again from what the Holy Spirit is doing in us. And that pathway looks like this: First of all…
I. We Enter each other’s lives.
I want to clarify something right up front.
When referring to sharing our struggles I don’t mean sharing your deepest darkest secrets with every person in the church. I’m talking about finding one or two people for the purpose of confession, transparency, and accountability.
Of course, it is best to find someone of the same gender. However, many married couples, including Kim and I, find it extremely rewarding to grow through deep confession. I’m of the opinion though, that a person’s spouse should not be the only one to whom deep struggles are shared. So a person of the same gender is the best choice for entering our lives by us allowing them to learn about our struggles.
ILLUS – For a long time I had been dealing with the same sins creeping back into my life. I had struggled with the same issues in my heart. I had carried the same weight in my soul. For a long time I wondered why there was no real change. I prayed, I sought out God. I felt real relief – at times. Then the struggles would resurface.
I wondered if I should tell someone else. But Satan reminded me of the risks involved. “You’re a minister. You’re supposed to have matured beyond these struggles. You won’t be able to find anyone who would understand. What would they think of you? They expect more out of you. No keep this quiet.”
And that is what I did. I kept things quiet. For years and years. Until about a year and a half ago when I got up the nerve to come clean about what was going on in my life with another person in the church. And now, I don’t struggle alone.
How do we find the right person with whom to share? The answer is in 1 Corinthians 13, if we look.
Verse 5 says - love keeps no record of wrongs (v. 5)
We will want to share our struggles with people who are BROKEN
When I opened up with my struggles, I was amazed to find that other mature Christians struggle in similar ways. They are broken – so they don’t keep a record of my wrongs. They have no need to.
Because broken people have bottomed out and survived. They realize their lives are miracles of God’s grace. They have no room to judge, or hear about a struggle of ours and say, “Oh, my!” They are not shocked to hear we struggle because they struggle too.
Brokenness has humbled them. They are more aware of their inadequacies than their strengths. They love to worship God. Broken people don’t really care what kind of music gets used in their worship service at church. They just want to be found among others who need God too. For broken people Sunday worship is but a small fraction of the time they have spent communing with God during the week. They hunger for Him.
A broken person is someone who has bottomed out and survived. The Bible would call this one whom God has brought from death to life. Resurrection has occurred in their souls.
Know anybody like that?
Does that sound like you?
We will also allow people to enter our lives who are HOPEFUL
Verse 7 says – love always hopes (v. 7)
When we share our struggles with them, they will not simply feel sorry for us. Instead they will hope with us.
They know the power of the Holy Spirit to bring change, minister to our hearts and heal us. Because of that, they don’t see us as projects to be fixed. When they hear of any struggle, they know it is not beyond the limits of what the Holy Spirit can do.
ILLUS - A couple of weeks ago, during a prayer time with the Elders, I opened up and shared a struggle that I was having in my heart. One of the Elders prayed for me minutes later. His prayer was a hopeful prayer of confidence. A prayer that as I listened, helped me to realize again that we serve a God who can do anything.
Do you know a genuinely hopeful person whose hope is in the Lord?
Are you a hopeful person?
Additionally, we will allow people to enter our lives who are CURIOUS.
Verse 5 says – love is not self-seeking (v. 5)
A curious person wants to know about us because we are important to them. Not because they want the latest news on struggles so they can gossip about it to someone else.
Safe people are respectfully curious because they will eagerly walk through whatever doors we open to them in our lives. Because they are not self-seeking, they don’t miss what we’ve just said, nor do they formulate their next sentence before we are done sharing what is in our hearts. Since their focus is on Jesus rather than themselves, they don’t push us or pressure us as they continue to ask questions. They genuinely want to know because they genuinely love and genuinely want our best.
ILLUS – My wife, Kim, has modeled this trait for me as well as anyone I know. She curiously wants to learn more about me, and about her closest friends, because her focus is off of herself. I feel safe opening up to her, because I know she wants me to be a deeper and more meaningful part of her life.
Do you know anyone who is curious in the right way?
Are you curious in the right way?
TRANSITION: The pathway to sharing our struggles openly begins as the Holy Spirit enables us to enter each other’s lives. As the Spirit works, a second thing occurs in authentic biblical community:
II. We See our identities in Jesus Christ.
Seldom if ever would we want to open up the deepest places in our hearts to a person who only chose to focus on the worst in us. A safe person sees us as Jesus sees us. A safe person realizes we are being made into something beautiful by God. They see not just who we are, but who we are becoming.
Verse 4 of 1 Corinthians 13 says…
Love is patient (v. 4)
A safe person is willing to hear and understand our current struggles while still seeing what God is doing in our lives. They don’t expect the struggle to disappear immediately. They patiently walk beside us as we allow God to do His healing, changing and perfecting work in our lives.
They believe…
2 Corinthians 3:18 - (We) are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
They believe…
1 John 3:2 - Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.
They believe what C.S. Lewis said in The Weight of Glory…
“…the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship…There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.”
Safe people see who we are becoming in Christ. They know we are not mere mortals – but beings whom Christ has redeemed and promised eternity.
Why is this an important characteristic? For one, only the Holy Spirit can fill our hearts with such a love. Also, it keeps us from despising each other.
When someone allows us to enter their life by sharing a deep struggle, in our natural selves, we might look down on the person. Begin to think we are better than they are. After all they are the one struggling. They said so. Such an attitude would not make us very a very safe person.
However, in authentic community, the believer who struggles is seen as a beautiful person of worth. A person becoming who Christ wants them to be – our love would patiently allow Christ to do the forming as we listened and loved.
Do you know someone who sees your identity in Christ?
Do you see other believers as Jesus sees them?
TRANSITION: There is an additional thing the Holy Spirit does when we seek oneness. He creates a pathway for sharing struggles openly where…
III. We Give the touch of Jesus Christ.
Love rejoices with the truth (v. 6)
Have you ever received Christ’s touch through another person?
ILLUS – When I was a freshman at Lincoln Christian College, I had an experience that made me seriously question my calling into the ministry. My professor for a class on the Life of Christ had approached me about leading the group in a Scripture reading and prayer to begin our class time. I agreed. But the next morning when I stood in front of 75-80 of my peers and opened the Bible to read, I was overcome with nervousness. I stuttered, I stammered, I cleared my throat 10 or 15 times. I cut my Scripture reading short from what I had planned, and said a short prayer. Then slunk back to my seat.
I remember being bothered by the incident for several days. How could I expect to become a preacher if I couldn’t even read the Bible to my class? One night that week, I went to the chapel to pray about this. And at the chapel building I crossed paths with Mark Miller – a graduate student that my parents’ church had just hired to be their minister. He asked me how things were going as a freshman ministry student. He seemed like he really wanted to know. So I told him my struggle. “I don’t know if I’m cut out for this.” And I explained to him what had happened earlier in the week. He listened patiently, then told me the same thing happened to him his freshmen year. I don’t remember anything else he said, but I do remember that I experienced God speaking through Him. I felt God touch my heart, renew my strength, and reassure me He would always be with me. I don’t believe it was a coincidence that I happened to see Mark in the chapel that night. God wanted to use him give me the touch of Christ.
In John 15:12, Jesus said… My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
“As I have loved you.” Jesus wants his followers to experience His touch through the love of others. When we love as He loves, we touch them with His touch. How did Jesus love?
Unconditionally
Sacrificially
Truthfully – Love rejoices with the TRUTH!
Safe people are faithful messengers of God and lovers of our souls.
When they listen to us they may offer a rebuke, a loving word of encouragement, a hug, a hand on the shoulder, or the just be there as tears are shed.
But whatever it is, this person allows us to sense Jesus working through them to minister to our struggling hearts. They are safe because God uses them to touch us with His love.
Do you know a person who gives the touch of Christ?
Do you give the touch of Christ?
TRANSITION: So that is the process the Holy Spirit creates when we live in community.
WRAP-UP
He creates a community filled with people who entered into each others lives with brokenness, hopefulness and curiosity.
He forms a community filled with people who chose to see each other’s identities in Christ and give the touch of Christ. If we were such a church would there be a safer place anywhere else in the world?
Could that just possibly be the kind of church that Jesus told Peter even the gates of Hell could not prevail against?
I believe so.
At CCCH we are on the journey to becoming a church safe enough to share our struggles openly. A church where no one has to stand alone.
But we see indications that we still have a ways to go. Just last Sunday we took an intense look at Jesus’ words on conflict resolution. We learned that in a safe church, people begin by having face to face private conversations with those that have offended them.
Monday morning I grabbed the prayer cards to begin our staff prayer time and found in the pile of cards that someone had left the staff an anonymous note of critique. Of all the Sundays. And I thought, “Did Jesus clear instruction in Matthew 18 mean nothing to you?” To say I was disappointed is putting it mildly. I wasn’t really upset at what was on the card. As a staff we certainly have room for improvement. I was disappointed because of the harsh reminder that no matter how much we want community, we will still act in ways that destroy it, all the while perhaps justifying our actions to ourselves. So, I guess we need this reminder: Safe people don’t offer their critiques anonymously. Maybe someone looked over your shoulder when you wrote that card and thought to themselves, “Well, that’s somebody I won’t ever be sharing my struggles with. They can’t even go face to face with their pastors. How could I ever expect them to go face to face with me?”
I certainly don’t mean to scold or chastise. But I do intend for each of us to examine what we do as part of this church family with God’s purposes for us in mind. Ladies and gentlemen, God calls us to be ONE. That doesn’t mean we’ll blindly agree with each other on everything. But, in John 17, Jesus said our oneness would be the very thing that proved to the world that God sent him. In John 13 he said All people will know you are my disciples if you love one another. Our witness is as stake in this issue of community. So let’s boldly pursue a depth of love and harmony that draws people to Jesus, causing them to say, “There is truly nothing like this anywhere else in the world.”
God is allowing us to see glimpses of this. Last Sunday 8 people committed themselves to be members of this church family. One of them is a young man named Douglas Garver. Douglas recently moved here from Michigan by himself because he wanted to remove himself from some negative influences. Above all he hoped he could get closer to God. He looked at the churches near his apartment, and thought he would give this one a try. From his first visit, Douglas said he found people here who would accept him and love him. Last Sunday Douglas was baptized into Christ and placed his membership in this church where believes he will never have to stand alone.
Also last Sunday the Daelo family shared their decision to be members here. All 6 of them had been baptized into Christ in the Philippines. After being in America just a few months, and searching for a Filipino congregation where Noel could serve as a minister, they believe God has led them to this church because they love the possibilities for serving God here, and they have been made to feel welcome. Last Sunday, Liria had tears of joy in her eyes as she came forward to unite with this church family.
Again last Sunday, Pat Sampan became a member of CCCH. Liria Daelo knows her, and after church Liria said, “Did you notice that Mrs. Sampan was crying too as she came forward? She is just so happy that she has found a church where there is so much love, and where she feels so welcome.
The Holy Spirit is creating community among us. People are experiencing something here that only God can bring into existence. And as we go further into what God is doing here, the pathway to sharing our struggles will be a beautiful path on which to walk.
To experience authentic biblical community, we must let people reach the deepest places in our hearts; places not often or easily reached.
Are you ready to be a part of a church body where people can share their deepest struggles openly and honestly with 2-3 loving people?
Let’s spend a moment in silence on our knees. Ask these questions as you pray:
What would it mean for you to be a broken, hopeful, curious person?
What would it mean for you to envision other believers as Christ sees them?
What would it mean for you to touch the lives of others with the touch of Christ?
(User note: Part one of this series is called, "Embracing Brokenness Wholeheartedly")
