How to follow Jesus without embarrassing ourselves: Handling Anger
One preacher once said that we live in a world that has gone mad. I believe this statement. We are now hearing new terms to describe uncontrollable anger.
Yesterday, I heard a new term "rink rage"- phenomena of Hockey dads beating up on coaches cuz of goon tactics. Hockey coaches beating up on umpires. It is not limited to hockey, see Canadian wrath falling on pairs skating judges in the Olympics at Salt Lake City this past week.
Then we hear Road rage, Air Rage, rage here, rage there, rage everywhere...
The US beating up with air strikes on Afghanistan. Osama’s ilk beating up on American security. Richmond RCMP is hopping mad about picking up dead bodies from the street because of street racing. Teachers are angry, people in BC are angry because of Campbell’s cuts in the civil service. Everyday when I drive to work, I can’t help but feel people are mad at me because I drive too slow, not fast enough, or too fast. Kids are angry because their favourite TV shows on CBC are pre-empted for the Olympics. Allan Rock is angry at Paul Martin, and vice-versa as they publicly vie for who will succeed Jean Chretien as the head of the Liberal Party, that is if he ever retires from politics. Whole hosts of people are angry at Enron for losing their money. Slobodan Milosevic is angry that the prosecutors at the international war crimes tribunal is gholding him responsible for the massacres and mass deportations during the wars in Croatia, Bosnia, and Kosovo. If lynch mobs are legal the Pickton brothers, of the infamous Piggy Palace, would be tarred and feathered already. The whole world is mad indeed!
Oh yes, I am convinced that the battle of the ages still rages. And it’s white-hot. No matter how you label it, anger, or rather management of our anger, is a big problem. We must learn how to deal with our anger! And we need help! The Bible tells us to manage our anger. Eph 4:26-27 (NIV) says:
"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
and do not give the devil a foothold.
Good that the Good Book says don’t sin in anger, but tell me how!
Here’s how: First thing, this text must not be isolated, or extracted from the rest of the context in which it was first written… so we must review the context of the text…
Review of our series so far in Ephesians:
A. God’s main occupation: God is madly in love, obsessed with one major building project: you and I. “I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it” (Matt.16:18, NLT)
B. God’s joy: The Apostle Paul was inspired to write about the “grace and peace” that’s ours from God (1:2). He outlined for us the fact that God’s blessing His church “with every spiritual blessing” in Christ out His pleasure and will (1:3) by telling us this was his plan even before he made the world and he enjoyed doing it (1:4-9) and it is now our “inheritance” from Him from his glorious riches (1:11).
C. God’s intimacy: This blessing is guaranteed by His deposit of His Spirit in us to be experienced (1:13-14). See this in this exciting intimate expression of the bride and bridegroom romance: “…Christ LOVED THE CHURCH and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (5:25-27, NIV)
D. God’s praise: All of these blessings ought to evoke a response of worship, of trust, of relationship with the Creator and Lover of all humankind (1:6,12).
E. Our Christian experience: That is why Paul prays that his readers will know, with faith and depth of spiritual insight and from their core of their being, that God loves and promises a glorious future for His bride, the church, whom He is committed to forever based on His covenant love, demonstrated with His blood through the Cross and firmly entrenched in the power of His resurrection from the dead. With that act of sacrificial love of atoning for the sins of the bride and snatching her from the grave by grace, God has demonstrated His power over all other powers or leaders to put life into order (1:15-23).
F. Our failure is God’s opportunity to shine: We were once dead unresponsive to God’s overtures of love (2:1-3). We can live out in impact of God’s love and grace and experience it more powerfully by remembering how frail and unresponsive to God we once were. The consequence of not remembering how far we have come has the result of us becoming arrogant and feeling less need for grace and God’s love to cover us and be dependent upon. “But because of his GREAT LOVE for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is BY GRACE you have been saved.” Eph.2:4-5(NIV). Our failures give opportunity for God to pour out His mercies, His grace, show off His kindness in Christ: “And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” (2:6-7, NIV).
G. God’ incredible gift of grace: Therefore Paul hammers home this message once again: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast.
For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (2:8-10)
H. God’s work has far-reaching implications:
1. Healing of Divisions (2:11-3:12): Age old racial divisions which made bitter enemies of each other are now reconciled as God welcomes all sinners to join in one big family by grace through faith in Christ! That is why Paul prays for this reality to be lived out among us (3:14-21).
2. Serve like Jesus: He calls us to live a life worthy of His calling (4:1).
3. One family (4:4-6): Unite together just as he united Himself to sinners, just as He brought reconciliation between age-old divisions (Jew and Gentile conflict) by God’s power of resurrecting the dead and by doling out grace as He did, in our experience. He took on hatred of God by the power of love, a love that conquers, deeply rooted in God’s covenant of faithfulness, commitment.
4. Our contribution to building up His church: Because of what God has done in giving to us, life, enjoyment of His presence, we now give from our fullness by faith, not because we have it all figured out, but by faith, exercising our gifts sacrificially so that others would benefit, living a life worthy of God’s calling (4:11-16)!
I. That’s how you handle anger! Huh??
4:17 we need to change from the ungodly patterns of behavior of selfish, me-first type to and other-centred type just as Jesus was towards us. See how he love, see how he thought about others first, 4:21-24 (NLT) says:
21Since you have heard all about him and have learned the truth that is in Jesus, (this means foundation for your management of anger is the truth you heard about Jesus, if this truth is not learnt, you can’t control angry in God’s way, you have role model, no one to teach you how to love, forgive, reconcile, serve) 22throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. 23Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. 24You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God’s likeness--righteous, holy, and true.
Spiritual renewal comes from knowing Jesus’ love in your life through and through! Knowing His commitment, knowing how secure you are, how secure you feel, how through faith in Him, none of your sins are counted against you before a perfect and holy God!
Real-life story from Los Angeles Times:
A father and mother from Dearborn, Michigan, whose 20-year-old
daughter had been brutally murdered, traveled to the prison
where their daughter’s convicted killer was being held.
"We love this special person from the bottom of our hearts,"
the mother said.
"We harbour no hatred, no revenge."
Is this woman simply crazy? NO! Listen to what she said…
"We had the normal human reaction of grief and anguish,"
she declared.
"Didn’t I have the right to be filled with red-hot hate?
But where would it have gotten me?
It wouldn’t have gotten me my daughter back....
God led us on this journey.
You don’t have to commit a horrible crime to be lost.
You just have to ignore Jesus Christ."
Ignore Jesus Christ! Ignore what’s He done for you, ignore the fact that He has the right to snuff us out, what right He has to be angry at us, for our numerous sins, our numerous mistakes, fumbles, for every murderous thought we had, every curse we uttered, every angry word, action, for every maddening thing that has happened that is contrary to the good God wants. Ignore the fact that we justly deserve the wrath of God, yet He chose to show mercy, by sending Jesus Christ to be the substitute for us, to stand in for us, as justice is meted out at him, as He became the scapegoat, the One to be blamed, the one who took the punishment for us so that we can go free, acquitted for our crimes, declared not guilty. Ignore that then we have no model for management of anger. But if we choose to follow Jesus without embarrassing ourselves, we need to follow God’s example in everything we do, and that is live a life that is filled with love for others, following Jesus’ lead of love and of giving Himself as a sacrifice to take away our sins, so now live a life to take away the offence others caused you (5:1-2)!
Be like Jesus by
1. Admitting you hurt! You are hurt, and it’s painful to be sinned against. Live in a world that is hurting… we carry scars of this world’s hate and sin, just as Jesus carries the scars on his hands from a world that pierced Him. Even God admits that in Genesis 6:5-6 in the story of Noah’s ark:
“The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.
The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain.” Admit the feelings, the confusion, don’t suppress it, worst thing u can do is suppress feelings. Admit the struggle Phil Slate, a professor of preaching and missions once said that the number one struggle of Christian people on a day-in, day-out basis is anger. I think he may be right!
God did not hide the fact that He hurts… Jesus got good and angry more than a few times at the Pharisees at the bonehead displays of His disciples, at the temple as He drove out the moneychangers
2. Admitting to anger is not sin! That’s the teaching we get here in Eph. 4 “in your anger do not sin”.
So we can do one of three things:
1. REPRESS ANGER.
a. Rather than express anger, keep it inside.
1) Not a healthy thing to do--either spiritually or psychologically, or even physiologically!
2) Illust. Dr. Walter Cannon, a pioneer researcher in psychosomatic medicine at Harvard Univ., describes what happens to the human body when it becomes angry: "Respiration deepens; the heart beats more rapidly; the arterial pressure rises; the blood is shifted from the stomach and intestines to the heart, central nervous system, and the muscles; the processes of the alimentary canal cease; sugar is freed from the reserves in the liver; the spleen contracts and discharges its contents of concentrated corpuscles, and adrenalin is secreted." You don’t want to hold all of that in! It will make you sick!
b. Repressed anger will eventually come out!
1) Anger is a subtle emotion--it’s often veiled behind other emotions because we’re afraid to acknowledge it.
2) The number one cause of depression is repressed anger.
3) The Bible says: "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Heb. 12:14-15).
2. EXPRESS ANGER.
a. Don’t keep it inside--let it out--vent it!
b. Advice given in not-too-distant-past by many counselors.
1) Beat pillow, pound board with a hammer.
2) Found that this feeds anger; trains body.
c. Giving full vent to our anger is not the teaching of Scripture:
1) Prov. 29:11--"Fool gives full vent to his anger; wise man keeps himself controlled."
2) Ps. 37:8--"Refrain from anger & turn from wrath; do not fret--it only leads to evil"
3. PROCESS ANGER.
a. Someone has said: "If you don’t talk it out, you’ll take it out." Anger turned OUT leads to aggression; anger turned IN leads to depression.
b. The key to anger is doing something constructive about it quickly, process it (Eph. 4:26-27). Don’t let the sun go down on it!
Be quick at mending fences!
Here’s a plan:
1. WORSHIP:
Start with praise/worship of all God’s done for you!
Often, this brings me much release, sing make music in praise to God as you hear and or rehearse God’s act of salvation, love, mercy, it can and does soothe the savage beast. Be intentional about putting on Christ
Eph. 4:20-24 (NIV)
You, however, did not come to know Christ that way.
Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;
to be made new in the attitude of your minds;
and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
2. OWN UP:
Ask self “What is my part in the problem?” (Does my behavior make others hostile--and then I become angry in return?) Usually we are not at all innocent. When u are good and mad, can’t hardly see our own complicity.
When Adam was confronted with his sin, he got angry. Pointed his finger at God, and at the woman but no, not himself! This is the where we will not yield to Satan “do not give the devil a foothold.” (v.27)
3. Confess your hurts to Another Person (4:2) .
Feel hurt, rises to angry, process the feelings… say “ I feel…” Feel it deeply, repress it you’ll get angrier. Let the hurt feelings drive You to your knees, realizing no one can touch at the innermost parts of your being, go to God who can heal, succumbing at last in a heap to God who will shepherd you, care for your hurts gently, who will offer you living water as you thirst in your shattered world. Enter into the pain of the hurt caused by another sin’s knowing God can take it own, “bring it on” “come to me all who are weary and burdened” Jesus invites! This is where God meets my needs!
1. This is a good way to keep from expressing/repressing anger.
2. It helps simply to say, "I’m hurt and here’s why ..."
3. It also helps to talk to another mature brother or sister in Christ. Maybe you can’t say confess to the person who makes you angry, say it to someone else who can help you analyze the situation.
Therefore, be vulnerable, accountable - speak the truth in love, sharing the hurt, we are not isolated, no need to feel alone as you process your feelings but the church Jesus is building "members of one body" (4:25).
4. Determine to forgo vengeance.
Illust. Blind man was guided thru busy traffic by his seeing-eye dog. Dog took man across street at wrong time, nearly killing him. Man took dog home and gave him a fat, juicy steak. Friends couldn’t believe he’d be so nice. "I’m not, he said. As soon as I find out which end he eats with I’m going to kick his teeth out!"
Revenge is so "in" these days. Repay! Give them their just desserts! But as you can see clearly if our Canadian pairs had ranted and raved and just called out for blood they would not have come out of their ordeal smelling like roses, like heroes, like a classy couple. They handled their disappointment well and the world took notice. But they had to forgo vengeance and let the appropriate authorities deal with the corruption of the judges in their event. Our authority is Jesus our Lord and Master, let Him deal with our issues, our grievances, our hurts, our thoughts for vengeance, for He alone can deal justly and fairly.
The Bible says: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Rom. 12:17-18). Learn from the Master who did not retaliate when rage of the mob hit him, learn from the Master who entrusted His soul to God the Father in moment of vulnerability.
You cannot cure anger as long as you hold thoughts of retaliation. So lay your hurts at Jesus’ feet. He will repay if there is any need for that! Let the God of justice deal with that! Let go by imitating Christ’s forgiveness of sins for you for others (v.32). Be intentional of getting rid of it by choosing to forgo any form of malice (v.31)
5. Plan a Constructive Reconciliation (4:3).
It takes effort!
1. If you are partly responsible, begin with sincere apology. (Humility 4:2)
2. If the other person responds, tell that person honestly but tactfully about the problem with service/ministry to build up or else better to zip up, “speaking the truth in love” (4:29-32).
3. Use the only resource given in this time to bind up the hurts, i.e. the forgiveness of Christ (v.32)
6. Ask God to Keep Changing Your Heart.
1. God is in the heart-changing business! If you have received Christ’s love which is totally outta of this world, ask Him to get u His heart for the world that crucified Him. His Spirit grieves when we hardened our hearts (4:30).
2. He can change a hard, bitter, angry heart if we ask him to. But we need to process our feelings first, not letting the sun go down on it.
3. Remember the foundation for us in dealing/managing anger is the good news of Jesus who gives us a new heart after Him!
4. Scars remain, but they heal - see Jesus’ scars, as the sin of the world is laid on Him, take up the cross like Him, follow Him, let God.
Conclusion:
God is building His church, He is madly in love with her but in the church - there are people like you and I who are fallible, mistake-prone, at times ill-tempered... we need help to grow... We grow by
choosing to remember God’s love for the lost world
choose to remember how He loves us, how He pleasures in us, that He forgives, learn of that truth that is in Jesus, of how he saved us, brought us back alive, filled with His love and power in His Spirit.
Then use that as the resource to follow Jesus without embarrasing ourselves and bring others back alive as we handle our problem of anger and process those feelings with the power of His love. "Over every thought, over every word, may my life reflect the beauty of my Lord... Lord, reign in me"
