How Do You ’I Do’?
Text: 1 Peter 3:1-7
Introduction
A man named Steve Beck relates the following story: "Driving down a country road, I came to a very narrow bridge. In front of the bridge, a sign was posted: "YIELD." Seeing no oncoming cars, I continued across the bridge and to my destination. On my way back, I came to the same one-lane bridge, now from the other direction. To my surprise, I saw another YIELD sign posted. Curious, I thought, "I’m sure there was one posted on the other side." When I reached the other side of the bridge I looked back. Sure enough, yield signs had been placed at both ends of the bridge. Drivers from both directions were requested to give right of way. It was a reasonable and gracious way of preventing a head-on collision.
Beck concludes: "When the Bible commands Christians to "be subject to one another" (Ephesians 5:21) it is simply a reasonable and gracious command to let the other have the right of way and avoid interpersonal head-on collisions."
Proposition: In order for marriage to work the way God intended it both spouses must be yielded to the Lord and to one another.
Interrogative: What actions and attitudes should Christian couples display?
Transition: Our text today gives us some insight into that, while everything you need to know about marriage might not be here, some important foundations are here, some things that husbands and wives need to pay attention to, there are two instructions for husbands and two for wives. The instructions for wives come first...
Wives should display proper…
1. Submission
vv. 1-2 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Notice first with me the phrase "in the same way" meaning in the same way that all Christians are told to be submissive, in the same way that Christ was submissive to the point of giving his life as a ransom for us.
And what is this biblical concept of submission anyway? The verb used means to arrange yourself under. What is implied is a choice on the part of the one submitting. It is not up to the husband to make the wife his subject but her willing choice to be submissive, and as we’ll see later it is also implied that the husband should be submissive to the wife as well, in a different way yes according to the roles that God has established for the family order but submissive to her and her needs as well. The concept of Biblical submission is not a chauvanistic patriarchy designed to elevate men over their wives but a mutual understanding of god-given roles designed to elevate both.
Also we should note that there is not a general elevation of males over and against females or that women in general are to be submissive to men in general. Peter under the Spirit’s inspiration is careful as was Paul when he wrote about this topic to say that wives are to be submissive to their own husbands.
And what is the particular goal of this submission? Well first of all because it is what God designed, but another goal expressed here is for believing wives whose husbands have rejected the Gospel. It says "if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives"
How many of you have heard the phrase "actions speak louder than words?" What Peter is saying is if Words haven’t persuaded your husband to believe show him how Your relationship with Jesus makes his life better--show him what a Godly wife looks like.
I think there’s an application here also for all of us, when you’re dealing with people who have heard the Gospel and rejected it (because that’s clearly the group of unbelieving husbands he’s talking about--he calls them not just unbelieving but "disobedient to the word"--they know the truth but have rejected it), when your dealing with that kind of unbeliever the way to get through to them with the Gospel is to show them the Gospel with your life, to show a pure and reverent life that will make the Gospel attractive.
The passage doesn’t say that as a wife you should be in fear of your husband--in fact in verse 6 fear is expressly prohibited in a godly wife. It also doesn’t ask you to stop thinking for yourself--if that were the case you wouldn’t have a choice to serve the Lord if your husband wasn’t serving the Lord. In that way it’s the same as believers submitting to any authority...you only submit to the extent you can do so and still be true to the Savior. But show him a life of purity and reverence and let the Holy Spirit in your life work on Him. Show proper submission.
The second thing that Wives should display is proper...
2. Decoration
vv. 3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
Is he saying here that Christian women should never try to look nice? No he’s saying your way of thinking about beuaty should be transformed. It is not external things that make you beautiful in God’s sight--nor will those external adornments win an unbelieving husband to the Lord. Your beauty is measured by your inner self, a beauty that doesn’t fade.
Ultimately, that inner beuaty is far more appealing. Now while I don’t believe that making one’s self look good is prohibilted here, I think it’s clear that excesses are. And how do you measure excesses? Well, one way is that you find yourself measuring your beauty by those external adornments. Another way is that you begin to allow the world and it’s standards to influence your judgement about beauty. I think clearly that’s a part of Peter’s concern about external adornments the things he describes were those things popular in the pagan world at that time. Peter is saying--don’t judge beauty by the worlds standards but by God’s standards. And this applies equally to men--both in how men judge their own looks and in how Christian men judge beauty in women--your standards should not be the world’s but God’s.
Look at women worshipping--see the beauty in that.
the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
Now does that mean that women should be seen and not heard? That would be pretty difficult, wouldn’t it?
ILLUSTRATION: Did you hear about the Man who read to his wife from the paper that researchers had found that women use twice as many words per day as women? The wife replied that that was because they had to repeat everything twice to men. To which the husband responded "I’m sorry, what was that?"
So must women remain silent? No, I think that a gentle and quiet spirit is one which is not rancorous, not argumentative, not backbiting, not nagging. A gentle quiet spirit is is a mark of Godly decoration.
So that’s it for the Ladies--at least from this passage--Wives should display proper submission and decorations. Now for the gentlemen.
Husbands should display proper…
Both of the instructions for men are wrapped up in verse 7 the first thing men should display is proper...
1. Consideration
v. 7a Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives…
What is that "in the same way" refering to--obviously to what was just discussed, which was the submission of the Godly wives of old to their husbands. The implication is that Husbands are submitting also to their wives as they live with consideration of their wives and their needs and hopes and dreams and desires.
It’s easy to just skim right through this and miss the significance of that word, considerate. What does that mean? It means to consider them in all you do, In every decision you make that effects your family you should consider them, their needs whats best for them--to put their interest ahead of yours. The Apostle Paul in a similar passage counsels husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, to place the needs of their wives ahead of themselves, to be willing to lay down their lives.
ILLUSTRATION: Imagine a mother with her last slice of bread giving it to her child, not knowing where the next meal will come from. Who makes that decision? But who is submitting to who?
So the picture here is one of mutual submission, becuase the husband is called to submit, or arrange himself under, by showing proper consideration of his wife.
Finally husbands must show proper
2. Recognition
v. 7b and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
What are husbands supposed to recognize? Two things-- first that the wife is the "weaker partner" most interpreters agree that the reference is to her comparative physical weakness.
The second thing he is supposed to recognize about her is perhaps more significant and that is that while she may be more physically frail, she is not his inferior--and most certainly not in a spiritual sense for she is a joint heir of salvation or "the gift of life." An alternative translation is "treat them with respect for while she may be physically weaker, she is an heir with you..." That almost makes more sense because while being weaker might not merit special respect, being a co-heir certainly does.
Sometimes it’s useful for us as we read scripture to try to shed some of our 20th century baggage and try to look at it as the first readers would have. We live in a society affected by 2000 years of Christ transforming culture. Women have in western cultures risen significantly in status. But 2000 years ago when this was written the pagan society the readers of this letter lived in was male dominated, women were little more than property.
Using those lenses consider what we read today. Is it striking that Peter might have written that women should be submissive to their husbands? Not really. Is it striking that he would tell men to respect their wives as spiritual equals? Yes, very much so.
There is a historical point here that is often missed--where Christ has transformed culture, the status of women has risen dramatically through the centuries--and rightly so. Where cultures have been unaffected by Christianity, women are still treated poorly--as property.
Men you should treat your wives not as inferiors, protect them, yes, as you should, but respect them, with the recognition that they are co heirs with you--your spiritual partners
CONCLUSION
Wives should display proper…
Submission
Decoration
Husbands should display proper…
Consideration
Recognition
